Mum, grandson, sister, me, sister.
I’ve now met all of my future in-laws, except for one brother who’s still away in the army. It was a terrifying experience for me, not least of all because my sweetheart’s parents don’t speak English, but particularly because there are no western customs and manners to fall back on in such a situation — such things just don’t apply here.
I had absolutely no idea what I was supposed to say or do.
Fortunately, my Hindi was adequate enough that I could say a few things to the parents, and also understand some things they said to me. That was about it though.
I dressed in a salwaar kameez (loose pants, long top, and scarf) for the occasion. When we arrived at their house, my future mother in law asked me to sit. She then proceeded to show me the photos of the latest family wedding, which pleased me a lot. I love looking at photos. They were incredible and captured the occasion perfectly — so colourful, with everyone smiling.
Then we ate a delicious dinner with our fingers, while sitting on the floor. Fortunately, after my time working in Calcutta, I’m fine with eating with my fingers (and was actually thinking how much I enjoy doing it) and sitting on the floor. It felt so strange to be sitting on a marble floor though. The apartment was beautifully renovated. But, I hardly noticed because I was so freaked out by the situation I was in.
It was a completely alien world for me. Although, of course, they were probably just as unsure of me — this tall, white foreigner — as I was of them.
My sweetheart said he was so pleased with how I handled everything, and that the meeting went really well because even his dad (who apparently never smiles) was smiling and asked me if I wanted more dessert. However, I couldn’t help feeling, probably irrationally, like I was intruding on their Indian lives and disturbing them.
My sweetheart is nothing like his family. I still see him as more western in mannerisms than Indian. Even my mum was surprised, when she spoke to him briefly on the phone the other day, over the absence of the heavy Indian accent that most English speakers have.
Hopefully things will get easier from here, but I still feel very out of place at the moment.
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Related Posts:
- The Unitedness of Indian Families
- Our Indian Wedding Reception
- Celebrating Dussehra with the Family
- On the Cover of Tea Time Magazine
- My Parents’ Reaction to My Relationship and India
- The Difficulty of Dating an Indian Part 2
- My Stay With My Inlaws
- The Difficulty of Dating an Indian Part 3
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I remember da first tym I met my in-laws was wen I & my family had gone 2 Haridwar for darshan & my in-laws wer der for pinddaan(a prayer ceremony)I,my mum,my MIL,all my SILs,der kids & my hubby wer in one room while all da other men wer in another room of a lodge.My hubby(whom I required as a translator) was feeling quite awkward being da odd one out in a grp of ladies.Da kids wer mostly playing in da balcony,while my SILs wer very upbeat bout meeting me.As my hubby had instructed,I was wearing a sari & had covered my face & as soon as dey entered,I touched der feet.My MIL hugged my mum & both of dem helped me sit on da durrie.Den my MIL lifted my veil,kissed me on my forehead & handed me a red sari & 101 rs shagun.She later gave a dari 2 mum & also a box of laddoos.Derafter,all my sils kept commenting how nice I was lukin,tuk ballaiyan(I dont know how many tyms) & kept complimenting my hubby for his choice.Den came da tym for some conversation.I & Mum mostly didnt follow what dey wer asking or saying & my hubby was clearly tired of translating!But dat day & da two days dat followed only made me realize how close knit der family is & how lucky I was 2 be a part of it.I believed my hubby wen he assured me dat da language wud not be a problem for a long tym & 2day wen I talk 2 sum1 in Bhojpuri in front of my dad,he says I talk lyk a pakki Biharin!
Sharell, this meeting of in-laws for the first time is indeed a terrifying experience for a woman. More so for the bride to be married in an Indian family setting. But if the in-laws are understanding, then I believe every obstacle can be overcome.