My husband has gone to Calcutta and Bhutan for three weeks, for work. He has a couple of DJ gigs in Bhutan, and is going to get together with some friends in Calcutta to make music.
I thought about going home to Australia in his absence but decided against it. Instead I’m going to stay here in Mumbai, and try and make the most of the quiet time that I have. I’m going to challenge myself to be independent, and force myself out of my comfort zone yet again. I want to prove that I can look after myself in this heaving, chaotic city.
Now that the year is coming to a close, I think I’ve realised just how big a year it’s been for me, and also how much I’ve fought against accepting my life here in India. I’ve done everything from trying to shut it all out by hiding in the apartment, to ranting and raging in frustration, and wanting my husband to fix everything that doesn’t work properly.
The problem is, I’ve kept my energy so closed off from my surroundings, I’ve tried to live in a bubble a lot of the time. I haven’t wanted to go and do anything by myself for the fear of being stared at, or misunderstood. I’ve felt like I have to dress like an Indian, talk like an Indian, and completely change my identity to try and fit in.
Now, I’ve realised it doesn’t matter if I’m not perfect. I can get by just fine, and even get respect, the way I am. I should remember that I do have some advantage as a foreigner here. And I should also remember that the uncomfortable feelings I have when I go out, are just a reflection of the self-consciousness that I feel inside about myself.
I felt so much more carefree when I was living in Calcutta. It was because I didn’t care as much. I felt like a foreigner, and the focus was on having fun. I think I’ve been taking myself too seriously this year. But it has been a very serious year for me.
Now that my husband isn’t here, I’ve had to do two things that I normally would successfully avoid — the post office and the bank. Somehow, I managed to get the rickshaw driver to understand my Hindi and take me there. I successfully did the needful. Sure, there were a few difficulties, but nothing I couldn’t handle. I got the job done.
So, I am capable. I just have to realise that no matter what I do, I’m always going to attract attention. The really positive thing in all this is that the feeling of wanting to escape India seems to have gone for now. I’ve had the perfect opportunity and excuse since my husband is not here. Instead, I feel happy to stay in Mumbai and make the most of the opportunity I have.
Related Posts:
- I’m Still Scared of My Inlaws
- Reflecting on 2009
- Fear Over Moving to Mumbai
- My Stay With My Inlaws
- My Bad Indian Habits
- A Not So Merry Christmas in Mumbai
- The Hardest Thing About Living in Mumbai
- Mumbai Meri Jaan, I’m Back!
Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.
(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
Loading ...
