Welcome 2009! For me, the new year is off to a great start. I feel like I’ve finally found some peace in my head. I feel like the end of 2008 also signifies the end of the numerous battles raging in my mind.
2008 was a year of huge change for me, and I didn’t always deal with it well. At last, I feel like I can put it all behind me now.
My husband and I were having a chat in the early hours of new year’s day. He said that he’s only just starting to accept me as his wife, for real. It sounds bizarre, but it made me realise that I’ve been feeling exactly the same about him as my husband.
In my mind, I’ve fought against all the dramatic changes in my life. Even though I’m the one who’s wanted my life to be like this, and have made the decisions to create the reality, I haven’t always found it easy to accept.
My husband admitted that his biggest problem has been feeling that I’m not happy with India, or him being Indian, and that I’ll leave and go back home. Obviously, it’s made him unsettled about being married to me. Who can blame him, with that threat hanging over his head.
I’ve realised that I’ve taken a lot of my anger and frustration out on my husband. All the times I’ve missed the comforts and familiarity of home, I’ve taken it out on him. When I’ve been feeling my worst, I’ve said that I’m sick of India and want to go home. It really hasn’t been fair at all.
So this year, in 2009, my resolutions are all to do with changing these undesirable things about my behaviour. I’m going to fully commit to living in India, and make the most of it. When I go home to Australia next, I’ll sell off my excess belongings and store the remainder at my parent’s house. I know it will cause me pain to do so. I’ll feel like I’m really closing the door on my old life. However, how can I expect my life in India to go ahead and fall into place otherwise. I need to create new memories, not hold on to old ones.
Related Posts:
- Should I Move To India?
- Reflecting on 2009
- Should I Stay or Should I Go?
- How India Helped Me Find My Purpose in Life
- Finally Finding My Feet in Mumbai?
- I’m Still Scared of My Inlaws
- Returning to Australia
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I just wanted to expand on what Sharell’s Celebrity...
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I understand that feeling of having so many frustrations and the only person that you can really take them out on and vent to is the one you love. It makes it really hard then for the one you love to believe that you do want to stay and that you are happy. It a vicious cycle! It seems that you have managed to find harmony in it all now and its wonderful.
Awww you poor dear. I sure hope you’ve had a closure now with your paranoia.
I guess you must have already heard about the novel ’shantaram’ by an australian (gregory roberts if i am right) living in bombay… I read it sometime back and it was really cool… since you are living in mumbai and the author also has been in mumbai i think you should read it……If you cant find it i will send you a copy…
Hi Shashi, thanks for the tip, it’s a fantastic book! I do have a copy and thoroughly enjoyed it.
Well,hope now u r content wid wot ur lyf is in India.U’ve got a beautiful house,u’ve got better wid ur Hindi,ur relations wid ur in-laws must have grown stronger,u & ur hubby must understand each odr better,u r able 2 whip up sumptious Indian dishes,etc,etc.Aur kya chahiye?I’v heard a saying:Nice things happen to nice ppl!(Achche logon ke sath achcha hi hota hai!)U r a really,really nice person!I cud tell dat ryt on da first day wen I read ur blog.God is great Sharell!Da cumin yr will surely see u much happier dan u wer in 2009.”Samay ke saath sab theek ho jata hai”,datz exactly wot my mum had told me wen I came home 4 da first tym after marriage.I was seeing my parents aftr a really long tym & da moment I saw dem from da train window,I started crying.I spent da entire day tellin my mom abt my lyf,wot was good,wot was boring,wot ws difficult bout livin in da village.I was so glad 2 get out of da saree & wear my fav. jeans!Lyf seemed 2 get more difficult by da day,but thankfully,God was wid me & da next tym I came home,I was much better!Now,my lyf is close 2 picture perfect,2 beautiful,obedient & sweet children,1 caring,lovin & understanding husband,caring,luvin & sweet in-laws,a nice house,good friends,nice neighbours!Everything wot a person wud desire!God will make everything picture perfect in ur lyf 2!Jst wait n watch!Nd count ur blessings!
Thank you so much, Suhani. Abhi bas, kuch nahi chahiye mujhe. Oh, except for a baby perhaps!
You’re right, time really does make a difference. If we have strength and patience, and a good heart, then things are sure to turn out positively. I’m constantly amazed by what God has made possible for me. I’m unbelievably grateful. 
I hope we get a good news soon,LOL.
Let me sound lyk a TYPICAL INDIAN WOMAN(whos older 2 u)& bless u: Khush raho!
Dudho nahao,pooton phalo!
Ishwar kare tumhari godh jald hi hari-bhari ho jaay! LOL
I cant bless u widout taking ‘balaiyyan’ of urs!
God!Hw I used 2 hate it wen I was a new bride!Da elder women just cant stop taking ballaiyyaan…every now & den sum1 wud do dat,’nazar na lage’ stuff!
Suhani, I don’t think Sharell would know what “balaiyyan” means. Why don’t you explain it to her because I can’t really put it down in words with doing ROFL all over the place!
Agreed Ramit,it is a really tough task 2 put into words balaiyyan n also the blessings i hav given her!God!I cant translate dat widout lollin!
Goodness! You’re right Ramit, I have no idea what it means.
well…..balaiyyan means da gesture which aunties,MIL,SILs,moms & odr older ladies of the family do 2 to protect u from evil eye(buri nazar).Sumtyms dey’ll take a pinch of salt,or burnt red chillies or some money in der hands, rotate it around u n giv money 2 poor,put salt/red chillies out of da house.Wot is common during mooh-dikhai(a ceremony wen in-laws see da bride 1st tym post da marriage) is dat dey’ll just touch ur chin n say u r very sweet or beautiful or bless u,den kiss ur forehead n den wid one or both hands dey’ll take ur balaiyyan.PHEW!!!!!
Ok now wot I had written earlier,wid da translation:
Khush raho!(Be happy!)
Dudho nahao(meaning hav a luxurious lyf,da kind wer u can afford 2 hav a bath in milk,daily),Pooton phalo(give birth 2 sons!)
Ishwar kare tumhari godh jald hi hari-bhari ho jaay!
(May God make ur womb fertile soon!)
That it too funny! At least it’s not 100 sons.
I would hate to bath in milk though! And may God make your womb fertile…hehehehhe. 
It’s all too much.