The topic of intercultural relationships seems to be a popular one at the moment, particularly relationships between Indians and foreigners. Therefore, I thought I’d talk a bit more about my relationship, and how I find being married to an Indian guy.
We’ve been married for almost year now, so his family have gotten used to and accepted me. I get along great with his friends, and they in turn treat me really well. They appreciate me for appreciating their culture, and trying to fit in. They even find me and my bad Hindi amusing at times.
The biggest problem I have is with strangers’ reactions to our relationship.
The fact that I am married to an Indian is greeted with shock by many Indians. I can read the expressions on their faces. Usually, it’s something along the lines of “why would she choose to marry him?”, as if my husband isn’t good enough for me.
The situation isn’t helped by the fact that I’m taller than my husband. I’m quite tall by Western standards (175 centimetres/5 feet 9 inches), but I’m very tall by Indian standards. I’m way taller than a lot of Indian men. Normally, I would prefer to be with someone taller than myself, but love is blind!
The point that I’m getting to though, is that I unfortunately and frustratingly tend to get treated with more respect than my husband.
The way a person is treated in India is very much based on their position in society. In fact, upon meeting someone, the first thing that an Indian will usually do is determine that position, then act accordingly. That is one of the reasons why Indians ask so many intrusive questions, such as “what do your parents do?”, “have you been to college?”, “how much do you earn?” (yes, they really ask that!), “are you married?”, and “do you have children?”.
There is a general rule though, and it’s based on skin colour and gender. White men have top position in the pecking order, followed by white women, then Indian men, and lastly Indian women. In my experience, if I go out somewhere with a gora (white man), he will be the one that gets the attention from waiters, shop assistants, and Indians in general. If I go out with my husband, Indians will usually defer to me.
There have been so many times that I’ve had success complaining about something where my husband hasn’t. There have also been many times where a place has willingly opened its doors to me and my white skin, but has resisted letting him in. I’ve even managed to make an unreasonable traffic policeman behave properly by reprimanding him.
Although I try not let it bother me, it does upset me occasionally. I see my husband as my equal, and I wish that other people would as well. It’s not fair that he should be treated as second class in his own country.
For me, this is probably the hardest thing about being married to an Indian and living in India. Unlike adapting to my new surroundings, it’s not something that’s likely to get easier either. My husband says that it might improve once we have children and look like more of a family. Hopefully, it will. Let’s wait and see!
© 2009 – 2010, Diary of a White Indian Housewife. All rights reserved. Do not copy and reproduce text or images without permission.
Related Posts:
- The Difficulty of Dating an Indian Part 2
- Why Do Indian Women Like White Men?
- The Difficulty of Renting an Apartment in India
- Do Indian Men Generally Like White Women?
- Indians and Racism
- On the Other Side of the Fence
- Goa is Not a Good Place for Indian-Foreigner Couples
- UthinkIdo: I Married an Indian
Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.
{ 1066 comments… read them below or add one }
← Previous Comments
Hi Folks,
I am from Delhi-India. I am in relationship with a polish girl from the past 1 and half year. We never met in person (never been in Poland or she in India). Now we are planning for marriage. My parents are ready and with this marriage and her parents are too. Now the issue is, we have no enough and proper information for making this marriage possible. I can travel there and also she can travel to India. No Issues at all. But as I have heard that I will have complications if i will do marriage with her there.
I would request you folks that please advise me the perfect/legal and strong way for making this marriage possible.
Please write your suggestion on both given points below-
1- If go there on invitation visa then how can we marry there?
2- If she is coming here on tourist visa then how can we marry here?
How many days, how many and what kind of documents and all things please include in your suggestions.
Thank you so much folks.
I will appreciate your help.
Hi Anshu,
Congratulations on your pending marriage! What an exciting time for you and your family.
May I suggest you sign up for the Forums and post this question there? It may make it easier for people to respond and for you to follow those responses.
However, in the meantime, Sharell has written an article at About.com giving some information about this and I am providing a site which may be of further help as well.
Sharell’s Article: Legal Requirements for Getting Married in India
MHA Foreigners Division Website: http://mha.nic.in/foreigDiv/contactus.html
However, the rules are always a bit different depending on what official you are talking to!
My suggestion is this, you will need to register your marriage with the Marriage Registrar’s Office in your residing area – you must have lived there for at least 30 days and have proof, so the best would be to get in touch with the marriage registrar’s office and they shall give you a list of all the requirements.
You will have to wait 60 days from submitting your documents to the Registrar’s office before you and your girlfriend can go to the office to have it solemnized. For us here in Pune, we hired an agent to file our documents for us and neither one of us had to physically appear to file these documents. That might be the same in your case, which would mean that you can file everything before she arrives.
All the best!!!
Shiriki
Blog Moderator
hello mam.
my name is mayank. i am 23 years old. i live in new delhi. i am a student and i want to be a teacher of professional courses.
In love matter i have always failed. i fell in love 2 times and everytime girl was in love with someone else. Now i am single but i never touched a girl and i never think anything bad about any girl. This is because i feel that if i will think bad about any girl then someone else can think bad about my sister. and other girls are also sister of someone.
Mam my dream is to marry a foreigner girl because i have heard that white girls are very honest and they respect the feelings of their beloved, they are very kind hearted. Mam is it true ??
I want true love in my life. I sometimes cry. When i see in my surrounding that a boy is cheating her girlfriend or wife and vice versa i feel so low and i actually feel like cry that god gifts love to those person who are actually cheating their beloved but god is not gifting me my true love with whom i would marry and i would never cheat her.
Mam i want to marry a foreign girl because i think they are very honest and have a very good nature. Mam do i have a correct thinking about foreign girls ??
one more question – someone told me that foreigner girls don’t live with their husbands for longer time and marry some other person even when their previous husband is honest, caring and truely loves her. Mam please suggest me.
Hi Mayank, thanks for your comment. My best advice to you is to not to focus your mind on wanting to marry a person of any particular race, focus your mind on marrying an individual (from what ever race) that has the qualities you desire. It is up to the individual whether they are honest and faithful, not any particular race, nationality or culture. Honest and dishonest people exist everywhere, and in every culture. The person who is destined to give you true love will come to you at the right time. Who knows what race they will belong to. Just keep it in your mind that you want to marry and honest and faithful woman, and I’m sure she will come to you.
Awesome advice for anyone Sharell! I certainly never thought I would marry and Indian man but I had an open mind and heart and found my wonderful husband. Mayank, it doesn’t matter what the nationality of a woman is like Sharell said, there are honest and loving people everywhere, just as there are dishonest and selfish people everywhere too. If you really want a loving girl then be sure to have an open heart and not dismiss women because of the common reasons people do in India: ethnicity, caste, complexion, looks, money, status, etc. I just heard about another case of an Indian man who abandoned the woman he loved because she wasn’t approved of by his parents as she was not Indian. He had an arranged marriage to a woman of his parents choice and surprise, surprise, he is not happy. Not only is he a coward but also unfair to his current wife with his closed heart.
Don’t worry dude.. you will find a nice woman like Rebecca here.
Thanks a lot mam for replying to me. I am feeling so much light now. earlier i was so tensed but now i am very much happy. You are right and i will do what you told me to do. Now i will just keep in my mind that i want to marry an honest and caring girl, because relation works till it is faithful. This way i am sure my dream girl will come to me soon.
Thankyou thankyou thankyou mam
And if i did not get my dream girl then i will ask you to find a sweet girl for me for marriage
Hi rebecca, thanks for your advice. Yes i have a open heart and mind. and i don’t see religion caste in love. I am lucky because my parents allowed me to marry angy girl of my choice. my parents told me that they will accept the girl i would love. so i think i am lucky in this case.
So rebecca mam and Sharell mam both of you have to find a good girl for me if i did not get my dream girl
Your parents sound like they are wonderful, open minded people. I aim to be like them when I have children. Don’t worry, your dream girl will come along, and probably unexpectedly. I’m sure you won’t need us to find her for you.
hi manny.. thanks for reply but what do you mean ?? haha
you mean to say that i can find my dream girl in this blog ??
I believe dear Manny is being facetious — he’s best ignored.
Mayank -You are certainly lucky to be in the minority of Indians who have parents that will accept any person he loves. It is good you will be open to anyone and also please keep in mind qualities that you want in a woman to be your partner for life. I think a lot of people only consider superficial aspects like looks, which fade with time. More important is shared values, goals, compatible interests and personalities, and enjoying the companionship of your spouse.
1. “my dream is to marry a foreigner girl because i have heard that white girls are very honest and they respect the feelings of their beloved, they are very kind heart”
2. “i want to marry a foreign girl because i think they are very honest and have a very good nature. ”
Thinking about above statements I feel that the concerned person is not serious for marriage. Who in a serious bent of mind would want to marry a girl just because her apparent foreign-ness and because of a mis-informed perception that her type are most generous and honest.
Some questions come in to my mind.
1. Are you done testing generosity and honest of all Indian girls and couldn’t not find a one who was honest and ready to love you.
2. Do you think honesty and generosity of white women would fetch you the love you want from. Can it not be a possibility that they also with all honesty, that they have, reject you.
3. Have you learned or are ready to deal with their honesty in expression of their feeling. I mean the day they feel they are not happy with you would ask you straightforwardly for separation and wouldn’t try hard to adjust like Indian ladies. Are you OK with it?
4. Because they respect their beloved, they would also expect the same from you. I mean they would like you to share everything with you starting from your money to house chores. Are you ready to do dusting, washing and cooking ?
And even if you do everything what they want, there is still a possibility that out of cultural difference or difference between her and your mother, she leave you. That’s definitely a very very risky proposition for an emotional guy like you.
I know you are heart broken, but don’t try to live in dreams. Because they are completely different from reality. While my response may not look very kind to you but its a hard truth.
So if you are looking for love, don’t be desperate. Know you worth and remember one thing that-
Love yourself and people will start loving you.
Good Luck
Since somewhere we touched on gender roles…
The New Macho
He cleans up after himself.
He cleans up the planet.
He is a role… model for young men.
He is rigorously honest and fiercely optimistic.
He holds himself accountable.
He knows what he feels.
He knows how to cry and he lets it go.
He knows how to rage without hurting others.
He knows how to fear and how to keep moving.
He seeks self-mastery.
He has let go of childish shame.
He feels guilty when he’s done something wrong.
He is kind to men, kind to women, kind to children.
He teaches others how to be kind.
He says he’s sorry.
He stopped blaming women or his parents or men for his pain years ago.
He stopped letting his defenses ruin his relationships.
He stopped letting his penis run his life.
He has enough self-respect to tell the truth.
He creates intimacy and trust with his actions.
He has men that he trusts and that he turns to for support.
He knows how to roll with it.
He knows how to make it happen.
He is disciplined when he needs to be.
He is flexible when he needs to be.
He knows how to listen from the core of his being.
He’s not afraid to get dirty.
He’s ready to confront his own limitations.
He has high expectations for himself and for those he connects with.
He looks for ways to serve others.
He knows he is an individual.
He knows that we are all one.
He knows he is an animal and a part of nature.
He knows his spirit and his connection to something greater.
He knows that the future generations are watching his actions.
He builds communities where people are respected and valued.
He takes responsibility for himself and is also willing to be his brother’s keeper.
He knows his higher purpose.
He loves with fierceness.
He laughs with abandon, because he gets the joke.
This is the Mature Masculine – the New Warrior – a re-definition of masculinity for the 21st century.
By no means is this list complete. You are welcome to come and add your gifts to this community. –Boysen Hodgson
http://www.mkp.org
hello chanakya
thanks for you reply. i want to answer your views.
first of all i am very serious for marriage. I am among those prople who actually believe that marriage is a relation
of seven births. I respect every promise made to the wife in marriage and i dare to fulfill them.
And about indian ladies— Now the young generation is changing. Today indian girls are actually becoming western and foreigners girls are accepting indian culture.
But its my choice to marry a sweet foreign girl. I have seen so many foreign girls coming to india and living here forever and also respecting indian culture.
And i am a person who helps my mom while washing dishes. I also help my mom while making chapatis (cooking bread only because i don’t know how to cook vegetables, but i will learn that also).
When she is tired i wash dishes, but ya i don’t know how to wash clothes. So if i can help my mother, i can also help my future wife.
I respect womenhood, but i hate those men who thinks that women are at their feet.
I also agree that my negative trait is my anger. But i will control that also. And i know that my dream girl will not leave me because i will love her so much that she will not be able to live without me.
@wikitheeks – And then the dude writing the article woke out of a deep sleep and realized he has to stop dreaming and has to go do actual real work, with other real people with real imperfections, live life with a real girlfriend/wife and not live in wonderland!
@ chanakya, “Because they respect their beloved, they would also expect the same from you. I mean they would like you to share everything with you starting from your money to house chores. Are you ready to do dusting, washing and cooking ?
nakya,”
If he’s a grown adult he should already be doing that. Its part of growing up and caring for oneself instead of depending on others.
This is what I call, a ‘Blind Marriage’. Anyways, Good Luck to ya!
Hey Anshu,
Similar to yours, even I’ve gotten into a relationship with a Spanish girl . We are both in our final few months of our degree.We are into a relationship for the past 2 months. We have never met in person (Ive not been to Spain or she has come to India). But she wants to come visit me soon in the next 3-4 months, and maybe search for a a job opportunity here. The main problem that has been bothering me is the inter-culture problem. Many of my friends sounded shocked when i told them about us. The very question they asked were, will your parents agree. I asked my gf the same question. She is very cool about it, and she says her parents won’t have a problem. But i don’t know about mine. My parents are open to any friend of mine, but this matter is of a totally different level. I don’t know how they will react. I don’t want to hurt her feelings if at the end, the relationship doesn’t go anywhere.
Any kind of advice would be highly appreciated.
Why do Indian men like Rahul get involved with non-Indian women at all? This is the question. If you are not of independent mind then don’t get involved AT ALL!!!!
Good luck with the visa! LOL
Hi, your marriage doesnt sound bad, but mine. can you gimme a simple opinion on “asian BF and northern indian GF who has similar pigmentation”. hope you have a nice day
Hi Mike, well because you’re similar colour you won’t have the huge contrast. A lot of people from north east India also look Asian.
Sharell…u are right… i am from place called Sikkim (Himalayas) and our face differs to those living on the plains of India.
This is so true! My boyfriend and I live in Singapore. We have an Indian-Chinese friend here and when we go out, they always defer attention to us white folk. So this is clearly something Asian societies do, they just show more attention to skin colour because the very society is itself relatively insecure about their own identity (imo).
Hi Sharell,
Have just stumbled across your blog and hence the very much delayed response to a post published in April 2009.
In chronological order:
1. Welcome to India and since you are in Maharashtra …Jai Maharashtra
2. Have been procastinating the establishment of my own blog, but you’ve definitely inspired me!!!
3. Still have to catch up with your latest blogs so if I have not kept myself updated with your latest going-ons, please excuse me.
4. There are over a billion of us across the plant. By ‘us’ I mean Indians, so please do not sterreotype any Indian. For instance, there are still a vast majority of us who do not care much about how much a person earns, the colour of his / her skin, the number of children he / she has, etc.
Time to catch up with your other post.
Do drop in a line.
Hi Atticus, welcome to the blog. Keep commenting, and I hope you’ll enjoy your time here.
i am a bit confused, why would someone from a first world country marry and come to live in a third world country. i mean it’s not just about the poverty – it’s about the narrow mindedness in everything and we claim to have a great culture. FYI I am an Indian.
Hi Zodiac, everyone’s different but for me, I just happened to find my passion writing about India travel here. When you do something you love every day, the difficult things have less importance. Things do frustrate me here (particularly people’s mentalities) and get me down sometimes, but I remind myself of the alternative of being stuck in a souless job that didn’t inspire me back home.
“it’s about the narrow mindedness in everything and we claim to have a great culture. ”
The only nasty culture in India is the Socialist culture brought to India from abroad.
The Dharmic culture of India is really good which I can totally relate to is attractive to some foreigners.
In a way people like you form the part of that narrow-mindedness as your point of view is so narrow that you can’t see anything other than narrow-mindedness in India.
Zodiac, to a large extent I agree with you. I think desi narrowmindedness will be gone within 2 generations though. Young people are changing fast, thanks to the internet and globalization. Many backwards customs and backwards ways of thinking will have gone the way of the dodo bird by 2050.
Anshu.. Congrats. I wish you well with yor pending marriage
Not sure about exactly how the public will re-act or paperwork needed..I read there was a bit required
..I hope all goes well, looks as though your families have approved..that seems to be a big hurdle that you have already conquered (so I have read)
..as far as the people in the public, I am still on the fence about that. Despite my being from outside India, I have tried to make friends just ONLINE with various Indian males and females and was outright told by one it would never happen due to my religion? Weird, but true. So, I think maybe the descrimination issues are primarily within the culture it’s self not carried over by foreigners from abroad’ (just stating an opinion about a previous post above)
Anyway, good luck and I wish you guys the best;)
Jenn, I am really sorry to hear your saying that ‘discrimination issues are primarily within the culture itself and not carried over by foreigners from abroad’. I suppose that I have some right to comment on your ‘generalization’ as I am an Indian myself. Don’t get me wrong about this. I live in England and as an expatriate here I face lots of problems myself. I have been abused racially by whites (though I have lots of white friends. In fact I have friends from every racial group). Would it be fair if I say that ‘racial abusing with a pre-emptive notion will always linger in the minds of whites’? Hell no, it is not. Similarly it is not discrimination but rather a part of the culture. Marriages still happen in India on the basis of particular ‘uni-castes’ although inter-caste marriages are not uncommon. It doesn’t mean that every individual is the same and it also depends upon the person’s upbringing, social circle, educational level, family, friends, et cetera. This is not an exhaustive list though. With a country as big as Europe (without Russia combined) and a population of 1.2 billion people, you can expect every possible permutations and combinations. Anyways I wish to tell you that if you sincerely aspire to infuse yourself into the complexities of Indian culture, I would wish you luck and tell you to go ahead. Just don’t let this one sentence deter you – It will never happen. We live in the 21st century with sophisticated technologies and we are for sure globalized and I am pretty sure you would believe in this: No matter who we are and which part of the world we come from we all have the same blood coursing through our veins. Diffuse your thoughts and let it integrate with the global thoughts.
P.S. Don’t get me wrong personally for telling you this. It is just my opinion. It is entirely up to you to take it or leave it. I also sincerely apologize if I had offended you in any way.
Praveen.. No, offense:) I should have clarified. In MY exoerience it usually lies within the country itself (be it India or America) I was just stating my experience as far as trying to make friends from India:) Nothing personal on India itself, I meant in general:) Sorry.
“I have tried to make friends just ONLINE with various Indian males and females and was outright told by one it would never happen due to my religion?”
Very odd comment by that person, Jenn, which I’d totally ignore if I were you! I know lots of Indian people online and religion has never been a barrier to our friendship.
Joanne.. I am not sure if your addressing me or talking about my post..I did clarify that I meant racial issue’s usually are based in the country it’s self, not brought over IMO.. I mean that as far as ANY country, not just India. I spoke directly about my personal experience as far as trying to get to know people from India. I didn’t think religion would have anything to do with a friendship, but I spoke over and over trying to make friends with this person specifically, showed the upmost respect and I was told right out that it would never happen because of my beliefs, it was a conversation right out in the open with others to witness too just so you know;) It was just an example of course.
I have since met some really nice people who have been most kind and welcoming as far as trying to provide information and educate about the Indian culture:) It has not swayed my interest or I wold not be here:)
sorry, I meant descrimination issue’s..not racial:)
I’ve never had the slightest problem making friends with Indians. I know plenty of them, and religion has never been an issue. Neither have ‘racial issues’. I have no idea what you mean with ‘brought over’, sorry.
The most difficult part of marrying an Indian for me is food, I found them (not my husband tho’) very fussy about it, and not to mention their curiousity. When I was in India and went to the middle of Indian community the first time after my marriage (my wedding wasnt in India), they literally stared at me to check what jewelry I was wearing and it really annoyed me. It still is like that until now and I dunno why
Hi Sharell,
I just stumbled across this article and like so many others could not resist myself from doing my bit of posting comment.
I would like to say only one thing. Appreciate the differences . Try and understand that every country ( country of the size of India it would be regions / states ) has got some unique customs, traditions, way of thinking etc. If only we try to see the other persons point from his side we will be more understanding.
by the way touching feet is a symbolic gesture for respect & love. just like kissing hands of women or giving a peck on cheek to show respect / love. Why do we have to mock the traditions and customs of any country / religion ? Its in the minds of people who associate negative things about the symbolic customs / traditions.
Just Imagine how boring life would be if we have similar looking people with similar way of behaving across the Globe.
Enjoy the differences. Celeberate life for all its shortcomings !!!
Cheers !!!
hi, Sharel,
I am happy to find this blog, full of information about Indian
so far I get a proposal to be married with an Indian Man, but still not sure …
Thanks
Hi Honey, what in particular aren’t you sure about? What’s bothering you?
hi Sharell,
Can you tell me about caste, he belongs to the highest caste… and i just knew all sign against us …
oh Sharell…. i respect his tradition..but i realise being married with him thats mean he will against all his tradition ,,,,,
so speachless…
Hi Honey, you mean he’s a Brahmin? How strict in following tradition is he? I don’t really have much experience with Brahmins but these days, some are more strict in following ritual and tradition than others.
Sharell Yup correct…Brahmin….now me searching about “caste”….
honey, if your Bramhin dude consumes alcoholic drinks and eats/tastes non-veg or eats in a non-veg plate (a plate, in which non-veg was served. LOL), they are signs that he isn’t traditional. LOL And hey, that doesn’t necessarily mean that he is a bad character, although moral policing folks in India think so. So, if you don’t see any of the above signs, you can raise red flags! LOL
Prashanth, he is traditional, he not drink alcohol and he is vegetarian
….
@honey
Don’t take my above comment, seriously! Bramhins or whichever caste he belongs to, shouldn’t matter. If you love him for what he is and feel like committing into the relationship, you both should sit down and decide what you/he wants.
Hi,
I read ur articles and i really like them.
I wanna marry a Filipino girl.
But i dont how to invite her to India bcos i want to get marry her here in India. Every one is agree abt the marriage but i donno the process.
Can i invite her as tourist and then marry her ? Please advice
Hi Pardeep, yes, that’s the correct procedure. She can come on a tourist visa, get married, then get her tourist visa converted to an X visa (residential visa) at the Ministry of Home Affairs in Delhi. You’ll need to have a civil (registry) wedding under the Special Marriages Act.
Here is more information.
http://www.whiteindianhousewife.com/2008/05/how-to-legally-marry-an-indian-in-india/
http://goindia.about.com/od/gettingmarried/a/india-legal-requirements-for-marriage.htm
http://goindia.about.com/od/gettingmarried/a/Convert-Tourist-Visa-To-X-Visa-Marriage.htm
that’s an interesting observation. i’d submit that it’s not true across the entire country though. i’m a white sikh woman, married to a punjabi sikh. i’ve never had anyone “defer” to me when i’m with him. we’re treated as equals by sikhs, and he’s usually the one who gets the deference by others. maybe it’s a punjabi cultural difference.
Hello, It’s so nice to find your blog.
I am an Eastern European woman married to my Indian husband, for 4 years now. We have also met on the internet, and known eachother for many years.
We are now living in London, uk, for the past 1 and a half years. Before that we used to live in Delhi, and I miss living in India more than anything else. Being a foreigner in India is not a difficult thing when you are married there. You automatically belong there and your life is quite easy. In India, I am ‘bhabhi’. And I love it! It also helps me that I am quite indian by nature, and for me living there means very few adjustments (i love wearing saree) and almost no culture shock, especially when it comes to dealing with people. I feel that the way Indian people are is the right way to be. I find them to be fun and intelligent, creative and open minded. Also, remarkably professional. I just love how India is growing and I enjoy seeing the hope, dreams and excitement around me. It’s a nice feeling because you feel you are in the middle of something great. I have realised, well rather both my husband and I have realised that we are actually happier in India than we are here. We have everything there, and for both of us, it is home now. I personally can’t wait to return as soon as we finish our job here.
Hi sharell,
I was searching out for the procedures regarding marrying a foreigner in india..I came through your blog and i really loved it…i am an indian and have a mauritian girlfirend..infact she’s a hindu. yeah,religion does plays a role in india but its more or less a free nation unlike the conservative gulf nations..the problem here is that people with different social backgrounds possess different mentalities and attitude..the rich class aren’t concerned about the creed,caste or religion..it begins with the middle class people and goes down the pyramid..obviously you would have faced cultural shock and many issues that you might haven’t watched in the western world…the problem of inequality(rich and poor) exists everywhere..myself belonging to an upper middle class indian family does not have much issues just because of the society my parents got adopted with and infact its getting very common these days except the village or backward areas….I would suggest you to mix up good with the people out here..for sure they would be quite indifferent but you would find some good people who would be compatible with your thoughts and feelings…
greetings for you..
have a good time ..:D
I completely agree with you, that the middle class are the worst, probably because they’re so focused on their status and improving it. The lower class are pretty bindass about my relationship and just laugh.
I don’t know, but I sense what you’re experiencing is not merely a racial issue, but rather a caste issue. I really doubt they would give preference to a white woman over a Brahim, for example.
And how would they find out who’s a Brahmin, apart by the surname? These days, whether or not a person is a Brahmin is not readily apparent.
Hi guys!! Wow, so glad to hear there are other people facing the same issues as me here in Delhi..!!!
But you know what, I get distrust towards myself as well. Me n Manish are going to get married, n at the beginning of the relationship his friends n colleagues were very happy for him being with me n all, but now when talks go to marriage many of them go “noo, man, she’s a Westerner. if she doesnt like smth she’ll just leave u, thats what they do”.. n he doesnt believe them, cuz he loves me a lot, but gets that comment bugging him everywhere…
it doesnt help that we r uncertain bout how all of this is gonna work out. i’m in India on a 1year visa, n we dunno what should we do to help me stay here longer. Anyone got suggestions??
His parents keep asking, “what if u get married, she leaves in August, then is not allowed to come back to India?” this is super frustrating…
Thanks in advance. Hope to hear some good advice..
I was in the same position, had to leave after I got married, but if you have all the correct paperwork before you leave – then when you apply for the next visa, show your marriage certificate etc and you will be allowed back in without problems, and probably with a longer visa.
I also had the same problems regarding my husbands friends, they liked me at first and then as soon as we got married and still today, I dont like them and they dont like me – however it doesn’t really bother me, its very rare to find, but my husband would rather spend time with me!
Especially now, we started our own business – just the two of us and no staff, and we are trying to start a family so we are pretty much together all day everyday – and are completely dependent on each other.
His family is not very close to us so I am also very lucky not to have problems from in laws as so many mixed marriages have.
Not to worry, if you love each other, all will work out.
Hi All,
WOW! after ready the above i have found new hope!
My Indian man and i have been together since October 2010.. We only see each other when i fly in from Australia… Four times in the last 12 months.. Bali was a nice change and visa on arrival for both of us, very easy!
We plan to marry this year, but even obtaining a Tourist Visa for him to enter into Australia has been difficult!
With work commitments here in Australia it is difficult to stay in India longer then 3 weeks at a time!!
My questions is……. How and Where can we get married legally???
regards
Moo
Hi Moomoo, how about Fiji? Friends of mine (Australian) had their wedding there. It was easily arranged and legal.
There’s heaps of information on the internet about it. Have a look at: http://www.travelwizard.com/fiji/fiji-weddings/
Hi Sharell,
Sorry for late reply! Fiji sounds wonderful!
Thank you so much for the link! I am getting on to it!
Take care
Moo
Hello friends
Good to find all you people here , i have read all of your comments and problems as well
Please suggest me for the same kind of problem what i have .
I love an Indonesian Muslim Girl as she is there in Jakarta while i am hindu Indian guy.
Both of us are in relationship for last one year and really love each other and wants to get married legally asap.
Her paraents are agree only in case of a muslim guy.
What visa i should take to go there to indonesia, and how our marriage can be called legal. Whre should we get married. I mean there in indo or here in india,
And what about our citizenship because i want to be an indian but i wana settle abroad after marriage.
Help me out!!
Hi Chandan,
Recently my Indian BF and i went to Bali, Indonesia.. You can get a tourist visa on arrival, which was very easy.
Unfortunately with the research i did,i dont think you can marry legally in Indonesia. Sorry.
Maybe Fiji also?
good luck
Moo
Hi Moo,
Have you thought about getting married in Australia?
You can do this two ways – on a Prospective Marriage Visa or on a tourist Visa (of at least 32 days).
The prospective marriage takes a while to put together – but it the fastest way to a permanent visa for him.
You can also get married on a tourist visa. You need to register you Noitice of Intention to Marry form and get married after 30 days of lodging form. From there it’s a bridging visa for permanent stay for him.
I’m in a very similar boat and doing to prospective marriage route.
Current waiting period – 7 months!
CC
Hi CC,
Thank you for your reply.
We have tried Tourist visa, and it was rejected!
But yes, the Intention to marry visa is the way we think we will go! If not Fiji.
Good Luck with everything and best wishes to you both.
Moo
Hi Sharell,
Nice to find ur blog n read your life story & we can share.
the story of your life, almost the same as mine, which distinguishes, I married with south Indian man and now settled in a small town Thrissur-Kerala, with a tradition that is much more tight. not easy, but I have to work hard for it. sometimes i feel bored, that’s why it’s possible I will need more activities over there.
Rgrds,
Tutut
Hi Tutut, I’ve spent quite a bit of time in Kerala, so I can just imagine what it’s like for you. Yes, the tradition is very closed and tight there, and there’s not much to do in the rural areas. I feel like I’ve got it easy now, in comparison to you!
Hi Sharell – I am so glad I stumbled upon your web page. Absolutely loving some of your articles. You have a gift of observation. To be honest, I haven’t managed to read all of the comments posted here but thought I’d share a little autobiography of myself seeing how someone commented on an Indian being a Brahmin and that he may find it difficult to give up his values and traditions.
Before I get my message across, I have to tell you that I was treated like a foreigner when I visited Delhi two years ago because my hindi is broken and I have a slight accent (I call it neutral) while speaking hindi. They tried charging me extra at every tourist spot I went to and they refused to believe I am Indian. They even asked me to prove it to them by showing them my passport. Different story I fought my way in and paid what I was meant to pay. Also my fairer complexion made them think I was lying to them. Odd, when they have a lot of fairer complexioned people in the north. So there goes for being treated as first class? in my own country!
Oooh Indians! Please make up your mind!
Well, guess what?! I am a Brahmin or rather I’d like to say to people I come from a Brahmin family in South India! (if they ever ask me what caste I belong to which only Indians have asked me so far). The thing with most Indians hailing from particularly a Hindu family whatever caste it may be is that you are born Hindu Brahmin, Hindu Kshatria etc. or through conscious choice. You can’t become a Hindu.
I was born in India and moved to the Middle East when I was three weeks old. While growing up the only food I had was vegetarian food because I had no choice in the house. Mum would never cook meat because she believed it was disgusting and only “Shudras” and “Foreigners” eat meat. My Brahmin dad on the other hand would eat meat when mum wasn’t around. If mum ever caught him eating meat outside she wouldn’t talk to him for days. I never understood all of this back then and took my mum’s side. I laugh at myself when I think about it now though also because of the fact that I have been living in East Asia for a very long time. Yes, like the saying goes in China, people eat everything which has four legs except a table. I am one of them (of course I do not eat everything!). It’s true that I was raised by a pretty orthodox brahmin mum and an open minded brahmin dad in the middle east but in the end “what you are is what you make of yourself!” I am not going to try and change the way my mum thinks that is just going to be a waste of time and energy rather I want to think right for the future.
I’ve dated a couple of Non-Indian guys who stereotyped me by saying things like “oh, if you married a Non-Indian, wouldn’t you be breaking the rules?” or “it must be difficult to voice your opinion coming from an Indian family” or “your folks can be too much into their custom, I wouldn’t want to marry into a family like that”. Like for God’s sake generations change, more and more Indian people are becoming internationally open and most important of them all they are not going to spend the rest of their lives with the folks rather with the Indian person they met! Of course I am not “generalizing” at all if anyone thinks I am. I am currently dating a westerner who likes me for what I am. We get along very well primarily because we are both internationally open and very appreciative of culture whether its religion, art or music. I may not be religious but I definitely value my culture and will continue to gain good knowledge through literature.
My advice to every Indian is if you are different or open minded, you should be proud of it and be open about it. BE YOURSELF if you happen to fall in love with a Non-Indian. Speak with your family and explain to them how things have changed in a proper fashion. Don’t upset them. I admit it is a little difficult from where we come but it is not impossible. But please don’t dismiss your roots instead be proud! As Deepak aptly said how boring if everyone in this world were the same! We would like for more people to change their mindset in India and treat every race or colour as equals. It is all in the hands of the new educated generation or you are just being like some of em sick politicians we have!
Hi IamDesi, it was very interesting and revealing to read your comment. Thanks so much for sharing it with us here. I love your outlook and wish there were more people like you!
I like your mother in your story and admire her!
Sharell – I am glad you appreciate my comment. I just had to contribute my thoughts. We do seem to have similar perceptions on the ways of life in general. I just wished some of my desi gfs felt the same way too then they wouldn’t be calling their arranged marriages a “monotonous job” with no perks! Look forward to reading more of your posts.
@Vikas – Yes, I admire my mum to bits! I am really fortunate to have such great parents who have put up with so much of my tantrums and still always agree to hear me out because they believe changing for the better is good! They are really proud of me today. Can’t ask for more!
Stop Bragging about your whiteness!! If I marry to a white girl, People won’t ask, Why did she marry to me? They would say Why did I marry to her!
We have every colour in India.
What’s to brag about? To white people, being white is no big deal. It’s Indians who turn it into a big deal!! Marry a white girl and see what all reactions you get.
Sharell my cousin got married to a very white girl – like yourself – about 6 months ago. Everyone did ask why he married her instead of an Indian girl. I don’t know if its different in India when an Indian man marries a white girl. It may be since there are much fewer white women in India.
Anyways he says he loves her. She is a very “suitable bride” though! She is pretty, has a PHD and loves taking care of her family and animals.
Hi,
You’re story is very inspiring. I am a Gujarati girl who is born in America and fallen in love with a American boy. My parents don’t know about our relationship even though its been going on for more than 3 years. A part of me is completely happy with our relationship and is ready to marry him, but the other part is scared to lose my family. I know for a fact my family will disown me for following my heart. I don’t what to do. Should I follow my heart or my parents?
Thank you
Hi Amita, thanks for commenting. That’s such a hard situation to be in. It would be so difficult I think, being born in another country but yet having to abide by Indian culture. There’s a lot to consider with your situation — and there’s no a clear answer unfortunately. Here’s how it is. Let’s look at the simplest side of the equation first: if you follow your parents, the certain outcome will be the end of your relationship and probably marriage to a guy that you don’t love. It’s likely you’ll resent your parents and will be unhappy in your relationship, and always wondering about the future you could’ve had with your boyfriend if you did marry him. The other side of the equation is less predictable: your parents. Yes, they may very will disown you at first, or at least threaten it. BUT, these things are often never permanent. They may change their mind after a while. Indian parents commonly go down the disowning route at first, but come around after a while, especially after the first child is born.
I don’t want to sway your decision against your family in any way, but if you have a read of this article, the number one regret of the dying is: “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me”.
http://www.inspirationandchai.com/Regrets-of-the-Dying.html
Of course, it’s easier said than done though!
You may very well follow your heart,but what about breaking your parent’s hearts who have given you a lot ?Would it be selfishness to prefer a man whom you have been around for 3years over disregarding your parent’s wishes who have brought you up in the world for 20years?
But that comes down to expectations — and unrealistic ones at that. The thing that children need most in the world is to be loved and supported just for being themselves. They should not have unrealistic demands and expectations placed on them — that’s only setting the situation up for pain and sorrow. It’s not feasible for her parents to expect her to marry an Indian or man of their choice, when they have made the decision to move to the western world and raise her there. Anyone who makes the decision to move to a country with a different culture also needs to adjust in accordance with it. If they wanted to keep doing things the traditional way, they should’ve stayed in India!
Perhaps the parents are being more caring about their daughter and hence it is natural for them to be affected .As far as I understand,when the parents have moved to the west it is expected of them to integrate ,but I don’t think it is expected of them to drop their cultures.The daughter in this situation doesn’t realize that a whole lot of alternate reality with details will do down the drain in the future if her decision is to stay with the gora.This includes the extended family dynamics if at all the girl has imbibed any Indian values.Maybe the parents forsee a happy future for their daughter along the traditional way which has given them a lot in their own lives.This finally brings back the question, the Indian traditions which sees superior human values of sacrifice for a bigger perspective or the individualistic West?
@Vikas — yes, Indian culture does bring sacrifice and stability, but these two things don’t necessarily bring happiness. There are a lot of desperately unhappy and unfulfilled Indian housewives out there, who have sacrificed everything for expectations and their family, and “lost” themselves in the process.
I think it all depends on how traditional Amita is, as to how far she should retain her Indian values. At the end of the day, she was born in America and will continue to live there after her parents have passed away. She may very well be aligned more to western culture. I don’t know. But if that’s the case, what’s the point in forcing her to retain Indian culture? At the end of the day, what does it really matter? We all pass away, and get reincarnated into someone else. What if my parents insisted that I didn’t marry an Indian in order to retain our white blood line and culture. Some would call that racist.
Honestly, there are a lot of desperately unhappy and unfulfilled American housewives. I mean there is even a show called “Desperate Housewives” over here.
Really there are unhappy people everywhere in the world. I think the modern western culture, with its focus on material wealth and success and less on social connections, makes one even more unhappier. Thats why you see people in South American, Middle Eastern and South Asian countries getting higher rankings on the happiness surveys out there despite lacking in wealth. When you face difficult times in life having family there as a support net can make all the difference.
As for your last comment, I think most Indians are racist. But I do not see it with negative connotations as I do with white or black racism. Indians do not have the power in the world to be negatively racist. I.E. oppress races of people, kill them in large numbers, or denigrate their culture, looks or language. I think people sometimes just throw racist out there without thinking about it fully. Some (you know who) here would say south Indians are denigrated in India. But if you look at modern India, south India is very successful and wealthy.
As for Amita, I only know of two Indian female-white male relationships and in both of those the family has no Indian identity whatsoever. More often than not, here in the United States, when an Indian woman marries a white man especially, she harbors some dislike and hatred for Indian culture and will try to get as far away from it as possible. A simple reading of the post about the subject here will reveal this.
Of course there unhappy people every where, it’s very true. It’s obvious that the west has issues with its elusive happiness chasing and focus on material pleasures. My point was that the opposite end of the spectrum — sacrifice — doesn’t necessarily result in happiness either. The only way to be happy is to be content from the inside, not from external factors.
“There are a lot of desperately unhappy and unfulfilled Indian housewives out there”
And unfulfilled Indian husbands as well. The stories I could tell…..
@Vikas
Leave her alone. Her parents are enough to pull that emotional blackmail on her (once they come to know).
@Amita
You cannot make YOUR life’s decisions based on opinions sourced from the Internets. But what you absolutely cannot do is depend on either your parents or your beau for your life’s fulfillment. First become independent. Then this question probably will never arise.
Can’t agree with you more Seeya
Become independent and with potential to live on your own, in case your decision goes bad for any reasons. You will always have people on both sides, but its you who have to make a choice and stand by your decision. And independent streak would let you choose other alternatives and windows of opportunities in future.
If I were you, I would be worried about day to day life experience than once a way life crisis situations where you need family support.
@Seeya
Dependency on someone in the familial settings is not necessarily a bad thing.It creates genuine human connections.Unfortunately it is mostly viewed in a bad light !
@Vikas
I am not against family at all. What usually happens with women is, they trust one of the two parties (either parents or their bf) and when even the slightest thing goes wrong – its blame game time. Guys also do this. People use family as crutches when we can as well walk upright. This does not mean we move away completely from the family. As Vinod said, blaming someone else for your choices is not good anywhere. And it will happen (with high probability) unless she makes the decision with an independent mind.
“Would it be selfishness to prefer a man whom you have been around for 3years over disregarding your parent’s wishes who have brought you up in the world for 20years?”
No, its not “selfish”. This is what people do. They grow up, they fall in love, they get married. Why do so many Indian parents have a problem with this I cannot understand. Be happy for your child that they found someone whom they love and want to commit to! Celebrate! It’s a happy occasion! Both sets of parents are getting a new family member!
Welcome them with love.
As far as parents “disowning” you. They don’t own you in the first place. You are a human being, not a car or a house or a commercial product that someone can own.
@Super Lingam
”This is what people do…….”
This does not hold for everyone.There are still people back home in India,who would wait until marriage to fall in love and the union lasts for a long time.
The ”Love people” who are in the other category have a habit of falling in love and looking for excitement.After some time in a union when things have gone dry and boring,they have a high probability of looking elsewhere for love again instead of staying faithful to the partner for a long time
“You may very well follow your heart,but what about breaking your parent’s hearts who have given you a lot ?Would it be selfishness to prefer a man whom you have been around for 3years over disregarding your parent’s wishes who have brought you up in the world for 20years?”
Still not getting why parents would be “heartbroken” if their adult daughter fell in and got married to a man of her choice. What’s “heartbreaking” about that?
Marriage is a very high involvement decision and is not something that one should take when extremely emotional. Don’t take decisions when bound by the emotions that your parent or love grip you.
This decision would decide your rest of life. Parent would not be there to handle your day to day struggle. you also need a balanced relationship and support system to fall back, in case of any future life crisis.
Take others advice but don’t let them take decision for you. Its your life and the matter of fact is that you would be accountable for it. Don’t take the easy route of someone else taking decision for you and blaming them for rest of your life, if the marriage does not go your way.
Its your life and you know better.
If your parents can leave their motherland for greener pastures then why are you scared to leave them without any guilt. Its not so easy but is not difficult either. At the end of the day, they are going to accept it. The only difficulty I see is that your own confidence and surity in the relationship. I think you are not scared to leave your parents but you are more concerned about what if your white man leaves you after marriage?
Am I right?
i don’t get it! Do you mean to say that everyone one whose parents have left India and settled abroad should leave thier parents without any guilt?
Getting married is not “leaving” your parents. Amita said her parents are the ones who are threatening to leave her, not the other way around.
I don’t understand why Indian parents are not happy to see their grown children in love. Why would they want to leave their own flesh and blood for doing something as wonderful as falling in love.
Are they jealous? What’s the reasoning behind it?
Your family will “disown” you? Do they think of you as a commodity like a house or car where they buy you with money and then sign their name on the dotted like indicating ownership?
Amita, you are doing what billions of grown people all around the world do – falling in love and getting married. This is normal. What’s not normal is for parents to expect to dictate to their children whom they will marry and live with for the rest of their lives and treat them as if they are still small kids and not grown adults with minds of their own.
Most Desi parents threaten to divorce their adult children and carry on like dramatic crazy children, and it may be that they won’t speak to you for a few weeks or few months, but believe me, eventually they will come around. They all do.
I dont see it as being that clear cut. “Falling in love”, however romantic that sounds, has a way of coming back to bite you in the ass later on. If people try to live their life like a movie, you can be sure there is a hard landing waiting to happen. Young people want the whole shebang – romance, financial stability, independence, career success and lasting legacy. Whats more surprising is how many people believe they can actually get all of this. It is only when you hit 30 that the vision clears somewhat, and you understand what lies ahead in life. So, safest advice would be to enjoy dating, and become independent.
Arranged marriage also bites people in the ass. So what? The divorce rate in India is low only because there is so much stigma attached to divorce. It doesn’t mean all the marriages are healthy and happy.
Whether or not this relationship comes back to bite Amita in the ass or not is beside the point. The point is she’s an adult and has chosen the man she wants to marry and her parents (who are also supposed to be adults but are behaving like spoiled children) are threatening to “leave” her, i.e. cut her off. Its a typical Desi parent offensive move and it doesn’t mean anything. At most they will not talk to her for some time.
Let’s address how a parent who truly loves their child could ever threaten such a thing. That is IF they truly love them. And could possibly be the ugly motive behind it.
“Young people want the whole shebang – romance, financial stability, independence, career success and lasting legacy. Whats more surprising is how many people believe they can actually get all of this.”
Desi parents want the whole shabang. To live life as glutton consumers in the West, financial stability, upward mobility, career success, lasting legacy AND to dictate the lives of their adult children to the point of even choosing their spouses or threatening them with divorce if they choose their own.
What’s more surprising is how many Desi aunties and uncles think they can actually get all this.
…i just notice..that there are two kind of married in India, LOVE Marriage n ARRANGE Marriage…..beside caste n have to be the same horoscope …..
Can’t Understand why Indian specially the man will follow arrange marriage?? marriage must based on love right?? how can be two people marry without any love….
…. I like Indian Man, but somehow they cant choose their loveone …..
“Can’t Understand why Indian specially the man will follow arrange marriage?”
Many of them are rockets who fail to launch, as we say. Its a failure to individuate upon adulthood othewise called “enmeshment” in psychology.
I think they can be a perfect husband if they brave enough to seek their own loveone
Just went back to Amita’s post and Sharell, I find your advice to her rather premature, unless you have more information than the published post. This, I say, given the fact that she hasn’t even told her parents yet. It is her assumption that she will lose her parents if she decides to marry her American BF. I’d wish she and kids like her give their parents a chance before judging them. Also, not sure how old she is – is this a teenager ranting about her fantasy ? Can’t tell. While being a teenager isn’t a disqualification of any sort, surely, it isn’t the best age to make life-changing decisions. Does she think her parents would disagree with her relationship to ‘this’ American guy or any westerner in general. Phew! too many loose ends to her post, but am astonished how eager people are, to dole out ‘one-size-fits-all’ advice.
That being said, in general, I find your blog says positive stuff about India and its commercial offerings (places, crafts,etc) but is eager to portray Indians in poor light. Whether it is about their lopsided deference to white skin, their spitting or the rudeness of asking if and how much money one makes to judging Indians parents who ‘come around’ after the first grandchild, to mention a few. I’m not denying they exist. They most unfortunately, certainly do. But there are many others who aren’t like that. The numbers can’t be grouped into statistical data, but it is debatable which would be the minority. Why is it that I don’t read about an act of kindness, words of wisdom, an act of tolerance by an Indian person that touched you in some way. It would be a refreshing difference.
MomWithaDot recently posted..Ready or Not…..Here I come !
Hi Momwithadot, it’s not that I’m eager to portray Indians in a bad light at all. Amita specifically stated that her parents will disown her. She made a clear statement about that.
You said:
Obviously, she does!
I write about everything on my blog, good and bad. If you go back and read over my posts, you’ll see that. The reason why I often write about the “undesirable” things is because of the amount of questions I receive about them. Lots! Yeah, it wears me down too and makes me feel quite glum at times. Unfortunately though, people want to discuss real life issues. I know I don’t have all the answers and don’t pretend to (if you take a look at my contact form, you’ll see I direct people to the forum to ask their questions). However, if someone asks me a question, I’ll try and answer it to the best of my experience and knowledge.
If I do come across an act of kindness, words of wisdom, or act of tolerance I’ll be sure to write about it. It would also be refreshing for me as well.
I think we all made a mistake replying to a personal question with our own stereotypical answers. Political, economic, cultural issues are open for replies. But personal issues just have too many variables, and even in this case, we do not know anything more than the few lines Amita thought good to type. So I will restrain myself from personal questions in the future.
“If I do come across an act of kindness, words of wisdom, or act of tolerance I’ll be sure to write about it. It would also be refreshing for me as well.”
A country of a billion people and you haven’t come across one positive trait worth writing about! Tch! Tch! Speaks volumes now, doesn’t it.
MomWithaDot recently posted..Ready or Not…..Here I come !
Mumwithadot, are you determined to have a go at me, or what? What you are writing speaks volumes. I didn’t say that I haven’t come across any positive traits worth writing about (if you look back through my archives, you’ll find that I’ve written about inspiring people)!! I said that if I do come across some, I will write about them — future tense.
Momwithadot, just a few for your reference:
http://www.whiteindianhousewife.com/2011/04/finally-a-public-stance-against-corruption-in-india/
http://www.whiteindianhousewife.com/2011/02/ridding-mumbai-of-its-horrible-hoardings/
http://www.whiteindianhousewife.com/2010/12/what-it-takes-to-keep-india-clean-from-the-ugly-indian/
http://www.whiteindianhousewife.com/2010/11/how-to-help-low-income-entrepreneurs-in-india/
http://www.whiteindianhousewife.com/2009/10/finding-life-purpose-in-helping-the-underprivileged/
http://www.whiteindianhousewife.com/2009/09/india-needs-more-upstanding-citizens-like-this-man/
http://www.whiteindianhousewife.com/2009/04/the-autorickshaw-driver-who-became-wealthy/
http://www.whiteindianhousewife.com/2010/10/a-day-in-the-life-of-a-doodhwala/
I just read those titles again Sharell, and cant you see the bias in at least half of them?
“what it takes to keep india clean from the ugly indian?” for one.
I am not going for your throat, so dont grab mine. I think you may just be uncomfortable living among Indians and taking it out through the blog. I dont fault you for that, but I am from here after all. We are not all that great I know, but I like it here.
As for Amita, you were wrong in the way you replied. So it should not be that difficult to accept that it was a mistake. Basically you never take a step back, even when there is a chance you may need to relook.
I do comment on things which I find offensive, and I also comment on things I find right. But you really seem to get your panties in a bunch when it comes to the irritating traits of the Indian. Yes they are there, but there is also humanity. You seem to leave that part unaddressed.
@Seeya, — before jumping to conclusions, read the post please. “The Ugly Indian” is NOT my reference. It’s the name of the initiative. I did not name it that!! The Indians who created it did. If you read the post, you will realise that I’m not saying “what it takes to keep India clean from the ugly Indian”. The title reads “What it Takes to Keep India Clean: The Ugly Indian. The “from” is coming from The Ugly Indian initiative. They are demonstrating what it takes to keep India clean by cleaning up areas of Bangalore. (And if you wish to question why I even mentioned The Ugly Indian in the post title at all — it’s for SEO purposes. If people search for information about the initiative, my post will come up in the results. I wanted to spread the word about something that people are doing to help improve India).
Honestly, one of the issues I have with some Indians is that they readily jump to conclusions. Yes, I get my panties in a bunch over something like this because it IS irritating!!!! Read the posts in CONTEXT and then draw a valid conclusion.
As for my reply to Amita, I was not wrong in what I replied. It was my opinion. Not fact. When you ask for someone’s opinion, how can there be a right or a wrong answer? And how can you possibly draw a valid conclusion about that when you only have the information that Amita has provided. None of us know her or her full situation!!! So there can be no right or wrong advice.
My bad about the title. But about it being an opinion, that does not cut ice. Its an excuse, and a bad one at that.
Yeah, Seeya, really bad. But not surprising at all. You rarely have anything nice to say around here. And I don’t need to make excuses about my advice. You don’t have to like it or agree with it. But I stand by it.
Seeya – I love Sharell’s blog and so do many of her readers. If you don’t like what she writes then I suggest you not read her blog and take your complaints somewhere else.
TO ALL,
The comments have now gone off topic.
I will not allow any further comments on this subject unless they are on topic and to the point.
Thanks,
Shiriki
@privathaj, I don’t believe you have to dislike your own culture because you venture out and fall in love with a person outside your culture, love is colourless and blid and unpredicitable. If anyone is lucky enough to find it, you should try to hold on. You might choose not to and go for what suits your community and family and as long as that is ok with you, ok, that might just be the better option for you.
As for the materialism, i’ve never been to a place more materialisic then Mumbai, the money and success is king here, (for obvious reasons, its expensive and overpriced) it’s quite appaling at times, sometimes the lack of humility is just unberable. just today as we were driving along the car in front of us was throing out his whole KFC liter package out on the street in front of us, never, seen anything like it.
Laanisa – read the posts by Indian women here, who come on a site that is not about the type of relationship they are in and bash Indian culture while being in a relationship with a white. I am shocked that no one finds this odd, I find it funny.
Mumbai – I agree with you 100% about Mumbai being a very materialistic city and the people being very rude and uncouth, but I would say that Mumbai is not even all that Indian. It was small village colonized by the British a few hundred years ago and has a strong Portuguese influence. Cities like Delhi, Jaipur, Ujjain, Kolkata, Srinagar have been around for several millenia and reflect Indian culture far more.
@Privathaj, I’ve said it before , I don’t think anyone has to love India whether you are indian or not. You find it funny that some women bash Indian culture, why is that? There are millions of reasons why a person might not like her or his heritage, one common reason seems to be those having been brought up in the west and still are forced to conform to another countries rules because of their family, i’d guess that would be hard for many.
The funny/sad part is that people like you lash on to them, i really don’t see why you care at all? What’s it got to do with you who anyone marries or what they think of Indian culture?
It seems to me the Indians on this site who has issues with this ALL live abroad and in fact not in India. Those actually living in India tend to have a more balanced view and not a romanticized, patriotic and confused one. its a country like all countries with its faults and its blessings.
Hello
I am really hoping someone can help me with this.
I am an Indian and my fiance is Austrian. We’d like to get married in Austria next month but I’ve run into a problem. I’ve been asked for a certificate to prove im NOT married in India.
I have only recently moved back to Delhi after living in the middle east most my life and I have no clue where I should go to get this or if I even can! How does one prove NOT being married?
I’d really appreciate it if someone here could take the time out and help me with this.
Thanks!
Hi Sharrell
I like your website. Its very interesting. Keep up the good work!
Gaurav Magoon
Thanks so much, Gaurav. I really appreciate the kind words and encouragement!
hey guys, just went through some of the comments and other stuff in the blog,
to start with, cheers sharell, this is a good blog, sensible one,,,
i am indian by the way and have stayed in india and europe and have had relationships with both indian and white/european women.
i agree with some of the things sharell said and the title made me laugh a little bit!!!
however i dont think that biased attitude towards you and your husband happens everywhere in india, like you said there are places where you got the doors opened and your husband dint. can i ask a question to sharell, have you traveled all over india, india is such a big country and you cannot generalize people here. Within this country (maybe you have noticed this) culture varies. The behavior of people who live in delhi differs from those who live in andhra pradesh which still differs quite a lot from kerala. One thing common among all is they will stare at foreigners, which i have seen in europe as well, when you go to the countryside people will stare because they have not seen so many asians/indians.
well, i see the blog is written on 2009 and dont know whether your opinion has changed.
@ rahul- just noticed you have written about your relationship with a spanish girl. more than what your parents think have you really known this person very well, because once you start living the scenario is entirely different, even if its a girl of the same city. in my experience you can date any woman of any culture, most of the times interracial relationships are wonderful and great, but marrying/staying together its not very easy.
One thing that hasn’t been addressed here, what does it feel like for the spouse chosen by the parents to know that your wife or husband actually loves someone else, but only married you to please his/her parents? I mean, that must feel like sh*t.
I think many indian will able to answer that question…
i agree, thats a ridiculous situation, thats a drawback of a forced arranged marriage. might have happened before, but these days the chances are quite less-1. people have started opening up, 2. you gonna talk to the person anyway before the engagement itself.
← Previous Comments