May i know where you are currently living??

Just curious.

May be he did miss the train, or may be, he just decided not to catch it even though he knew he easily could. May be, you were little young to know what exactly he felt when he was 40. Think about it when you are 40 yourself, you may have something to new. Just because you suppress your feeling doesn’t mean you don’t have that feeling!!

@ Abdullah K., “…what pull would I experience? Russian? Indian? Or would the ‘pull’ consider me not Indian enough to act?…”

This ‘pull is nothing but a feeling or realization which may be affected by things like your childhood memories, the way you were raised etc. Your ‘pull’ may also be the certain things you used to do which you don’t do anymore or it could be the things you could have done, but missed.

@ Abdullah K., “…However, it could be nothing more than nostalgia…”

Um, he did occasionally feel nostalgia. Don’t you think nostalgia is a very mild and/or temporary ‘pull’ of home?

@ Amit Desai – “He said, ‘we are all homeless, and have constantly been in search of home since ages’.”

Kind of sums up my situation. But still, I have at least a place I could call home, even if a troubled one.
 

@ Amit Desai – “…who are likely to feel ‘a pull from their own culture’, usually after 40 (so could be earlier). This also includes Muslims and Christian Indian men…”

Somehow, my dad seems to have missed that train. He seems to have no stronger cultural pull that what he already did when I was a kid. (Although he does occasionally talk about the Goa during his times. However, it could be nothing more than nostalgia.)
 
By the way, if I were 40 and were to feel this ‘pull of culture’, what pull would I experience? Russian? Indian? Or would the ‘pull’ consider me not Indian enough to act?

He said, ‘we are all homeless, and have constantly been in search of home since ages’. This is one of the most ‘impressive’ statement/idea I have come across.

@ Abdullah K., “…The point was about Indian men doing a U-turn on their commitments to their western wives at the age of 40…”

There were two misconceptions here, on your part, it may have resulted from my Gujju-ness (inability to write clearly in English).

First, my point was more broad and general, about ‘all Indian men’ (I didn’t use ‘most’ or ‘many’), who are likely to feel ‘a pull from their own culture’, usually after 40 (so could be earlier). This also includes Muslims and Christian Indian men, and ‘their own culture’ which may still be quite different than the ‘western culture’. I also didn’t explicitly mention ‘western women’ only, hence, it’s equally true for ‘all Indian men’ married to ‘Indian women’.

Second, ‘a pull from their own culture’ doesn’t necessarily mean ’spiritual pull’, but rather ‘general and obvious characteristics’ of Indian upper-middle class. An example would make it clearer. One of my friend, one of the most ‘westernized Indian’, born and raised in Dubai (a Christian-Anglo-Indian descendant and a ‘metal-head’) who broke up thrice (with white girls of course). The reason is one of the infamous, a few conflicts in ideology, especially, between his mother and his girlfriends, and he decided to ‘respect’ (submit to) his mother’s views more, rather subconsciously, and this is too, a ‘U-turn’ in commitments.

Amit Desai – “You know what Salman Rushdie said about ‘home’? Take a homely guess!!!”

No idea. You tell me.
 

@ Amit Desai – “Um, this is one thing that….she may not have needed to try that at that point in time.”

All of them are equally probable.
 

@ Amit Desai – “…is that a ‘key’ to successful marriage?…”

There is no ‘master key’ to a sucessful marriage. Everyone has to find their own key that works. As for divorce, I can’t figure out how it came up. The point was about Indian men doing a U-turn on their commitments to their western wives at the age of 40. Divorce and unsuccessful marriages are another matter altogether. (Personally, I don’t believe in marriage in any case, so the talk about divorce is moot).
 

@ Amit Desai – “There is another flaw here, the ‘fake westernised’ Indian men would surely want to hook up, but are not likely to ‘marry’ white women in the first place!”

True.

Um, I have heard this before, ‘home’. You know what Salman Rushdie said about ‘home’? Take a homely guess!!!

@ Abdullah, “…she might not have met an Indian she felt comfortable with…”

Um, this is one thing that she may not have met an ‘Indian’ she felt comfortable with. There is another thing that she may not have tried at all, or enough. There is one more thing that she may not have needed to try that at that point in time.

@ Abdullah, “…because she married a genuine Indian man, not someone who westernised himself to suit her…”

You are being little too judgmental here, if one is naturally westernized (not like those ‘Indian men’ you alluded who ‘fake’ to be westernized just to hook up with white women), is that a ‘key’ to successful marriage? I suppose not. What, the ‘genuinely westernized men’ don’t get divorce? Or are you trying to say that ‘men’ who get divorced are all ‘fake’?? There is another flaw here, the ‘fake westernised’ Indian men would surely want to hook up, but are not likely to ‘marry’ white women in the first place!!!

@ Amit Desai – “First, How many Indians do you think go to the west mainly due to ‘the cultural or ideological attachment to the west’?”

Not a lot, but they are there. Salman Rushdie for one. And possibly, many other undocumented people, like perhaps the parents of ‘Sharell’s Celebrity Doppleganger’. Also a lot of Old Goans who moved out after it ceased to be a home, like my dad for example.
 

@ Amit Desai – “Sharell her self admitted of having never talked to ‘any Indian man’ while she was young in college.”

It could be because at that point of time, she might not have met an Indian she felt comfortable with. An Indian man who looked at her as a person, not as another ‘white chick’ he could hook up with. Men like Sharell’s husband don’t usually end up in Australia.
 
Sharell doesn’t have to worry about her husband doing a U-turn in his forties, because she married a genuine Indian man, not someone who westernised himself to suit her. However, she might make a U-turn if she compromises too much on her comforts to be an Indian wife (which is neither healthy nor realistic expectation of her).

i am wondering how can joint family living be “banned”?????

i mean how can u accomplish that “legally”!