The Difficulty of Dating an Indian Part 1

by Sharell शारेल on April 5, 2009

in Culture Shock in India, Daily Life in India

An American friend of mine, who’s working in Mumbai, has met an Indian girl that he really likes. She’s in her early 20s and goes to college. They’ve been spending a lot of time together, and he wants to seriously date her.

Him being an attractive and well mannered guy just assumed the relationship would progress naturally, because it was obvious that they liked each other.

Not necessary so, I advised him. It’s not the done thing here. Having a foreigner as a friend is looked upon quite favorably, but crossing the line into dating defies the social norms which matter so much in India.

We all got together one afternoon. He picked her up on the way, but she met him in a hotel and not at her house. She also had a very early curfew. They had to leave by 7.30 p.m., so that she’d be home in time.

Coupled with my comments, this got him wondering.

He asked her what her position was in relation to dating foreigners. It turns out that it’s a big issue for her. Her brother and friends also advised her that it wouldn’t be a good idea. So based on that, she turned my friend away. Yet, she’s still eager to have long conversations with him on the phone each night. This has really confounded him.

I tried to explain to him the restrictive and gossipy nature of Indian society, and how foreigners are portrayed as lacking in the appropriate values. Thanks to TV and the movies, we’re viewed as people who like to sleep around, drink lots, and have little care for the importance of marriage and family. As well as that, foreigners in India are viewed as being here for a good time, not a long time.

Then, there’s Indian society, which loves to judge what everyone else is doing. Do something that goes against the grain, and it will bring disrespect to the whole family.

My friend made the interesting comment that in America, people who lead and pave the way are the ones that are admired. Yet in India, it’s the opposite — to be looked upon favorably, it’s necessary to do the same thing as everyone else and comply with society’s expectations.

66 people like this post.

© 2009, Diary of a White Indian Housewife. All rights reserved. Do not copy and reproduce text or images without permission.

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{ 103 comments… read them below or add one }

Abdullah K. January 18, 2010 at 3:21 am

@ Indian American – “Its not a myth, you can find the attraction towards gora skin right in the movies, the ads, and wherever you look.”

I see no such trends. The most popular South Indian actors and actresses are dark or olive complexioned. (Sameera Reddy, Chranjeevi, etc.).
 

@ Indian American – “Even in the ancient past people were attracted to fair skin.”

In Ramayana, Ram was said to have a brown skin. In Mahabharata, Draupadi was described as a ‘dusky beauty’. Tell me that both these books were authored by someone with no idea of what ancient Indians liked.

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Pretty in Punk! March 24, 2013 at 7:29 pm

Dark-skinned?

Take a look at the movies over there, very few will have a dark lead actress.

The ideal conception for Tamil movie industry is that the girls should be white as snow, and the guys dark as night ( not always true for the guys, sometimes the guys are fair to a certain limit ). The other south industries go by the usual concept of both the lead actors being fair ( compared to every other person acting in the movie :-P)

And yes, most actresses are dark or dusky in real life and light skinned brown or white in reel life. And even their hair turns brown mysteriously, a sort of light brown. Personally the hair colour makes it hard for me to assume that the lead actress is even indian :-P

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Indian American II March 12, 2010 at 8:51 am

Indian American,

You must not be well versed in genetics. Genetically, Indians are more related to each other than any other group. The genetic relationship between Indians, North or South, is not particularly close as Iranians have a lot of Arab, middle-East admixture. If you go by Spencer Wells, the people with the highest frequency of Aryan gene (R1a) are West Bengal Brahmins who by your standards are probably dark.

Having lived in the US all my life, I can only speak anecdotally and that is I don’t find Punjabis particularly lighter skinned than the rest. The South Indians definitely seem darker but among North Indians it’s not so clear cut. I also find Brahmins to be phenotypically unique.

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tammy March 16, 2010 at 3:30 pm

hi please help,i met my indian boyfriend in scotland where im from and he was working. i was pregnant with my baby and we started dating and fell in love,ge overstayed his visa and was asked to leave uk so he went to spain where he has paid for me n my baby to visit (babys my previous partners) he has asked to marry me and we will stay where me and my children im scared to pack up my house and go to spain to live. i just need advice to seee if you think its a risky move. we have been dating for two years and he phones every day and loves my three kids and his mother has also sent me a lovely ring over from india as a gift

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Amit Desai March 16, 2010 at 11:16 pm

Tammy,

Just make sure whether he is planning to come back to U.K any time in near future. Try to test him, indirectly. Tell him that you would want to live in India or Spain after marriage, but of course, you would consider his wish first. (and then you see what he has to say). If he doesn’t have any such plans to live in U.K, then any move of yours will not be too risky. (as a side note, marriage is always a ‘risky move’, no matter where and for whom).

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smallsquirrel March 17, 2010 at 5:57 am

I smell a scam. No offense, but no mother is sending rings to a woman who has 3 kids from a previous relationship. Not. Going. To. Happen.

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smallsquirrel March 17, 2010 at 6:02 am

oops that posted before I was done. I don’t mean any offense, and that is not a judgment against you, Tammy. What I mean is that Indian mothers are generally a very traditional lot, and they almost always want their sons to marry women who come unattached. Even if their son is divorced, they will generally not pick a divorcee for their sons. And they generally would not approve of a woman who has 3 kids by another man. I think you should meet his family alone (put the kids with your parents for a couple weeks) and see what the reality is before you move anywhere with anyone.

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Abdullah K. March 17, 2010 at 2:00 pm

@ tammy
From what you have said, the situation does smell fishy. Most mothers (regardless of nationality) wouldn’t want their son to marry a single mother with three kids. Sending you a ring from India sounds only too eager.

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Heather May 8, 2010 at 12:21 pm

Im an indian girl ,living in India ,27 yrs old,never married and have no kids,i like caucasian white men as compared to indian men who are stuck in their heads,besides im a christian and belong to a liberal family,and my parents wouldnt really mind.So is there any white guy looking for a long lasting serious relationship with an indian girl???

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Darius Radebe July 13, 2012 at 3:42 pm

I am christian,single ,passinate,humble black guy which stays in Durban.I am financial free and independant.
I am looking for the lovely indian woman betwwen the age of 18 and 40.She must be energetic and loyal.0845236184

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Trevor July 14, 2012 at 4:13 am

Hi Heather,
I would love to date an Indian girl. I live in Maryland, USA.

Trevor

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qwerty May 8, 2010 at 3:57 pm

@Heather

sharell has started a dating service now?

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Sharrell's Celebrity Doppleganger May 9, 2010 at 12:02 pm

“sharell has started a dating service now?”

Sign me up! I’ve already got crushes on both Amit & Abdullah!

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qwerty May 9, 2010 at 12:47 pm

haha…

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Abdullah K. May 10, 2010 at 12:06 am

@ Sharrell’s Celebrity Doppleganger – “Sign me up! I’ve already got crushes on both Amit & Abdullah!”

Sorry but I’m not at all into beastiality. I date within the human species.

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Pretty in Punk! March 24, 2013 at 7:35 pm

Lol, you guys are an amusing lot….
Would love to continue reading more of your humour than FB and Sharrell, lot would certainly happen in the real world when a blog turns into a dating site…LOL

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Amit Desai May 11, 2010 at 5:45 am

@ Sharrell’s Celebrity Doppleganger, “…Sign me up! I’ve already got crushes on both Amit & Abdullah!…”

Your crush on me would get crushed immediately when you recall that I am just a narrow-minded mama’s boy!

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tammy May 28, 2010 at 3:16 am

i have met some of his family and having kids and being a single mother doesnt stop people from falling in love. in uk i know of many men who have settled with single mothers and are very happy and my bf family said its his life and upto him who he marrys its 2210 and things change.he doesnt care whether its spain or uk we live as long as he is with me. take it i just have to trust him eh and go 4 it. his fam also planning a party when we go to india after wedding and i cant wait x

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vikas May 31, 2010 at 4:50 am

@Tammy,
Your indian boyfriend wants to marry you to make good his plans of getting into UK or Scotland.No Indian mother will quicky accept a single mother having other partners’s children.She is also a partner in Crime.
@Heather,
You are foolish to want to date a white man.There is a whole lot of family support system coming with you if you marry an Indian man,his extended family etc.

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Pretty in Punk! March 24, 2013 at 7:54 pm

Hey Vicky,

What do you mean dating a guy from 1 race is far worse than dating another from another one? You are just stereotyping ppl on the basis of what you’ve heard and read and by far, how the indian movies and media loves to show other cultures and ppl as bad and how it leads to eternal doom. Grow an unbiased brain and start liking ppl 4 wat they are on the inside, not wats on the outside…

There are lots of cases of western guys( white or black or anything in the middle ) who are committed to their one woman, or who want to be in a good relationship. And at the same time there are also many Indian men who cheat their gf or wife in the west to get a green card…
They do it in India too. Women are not far behind either( not as much as the guys though).

And FYI, not many western women want a mamma’s boy either. They mostly look for strong independent men who is ready for family life and commitment. Also, getting assimilated into the indian culture and indian way of life can be quite challenging for any foreigner. Sometimes its just easy to give it up and go home.

So, I guess, you have to get out more and do some more research before you generalise, dude…

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tammy June 4, 2010 at 3:08 am

hi all,if you have read my comments and understand my story why would my indian bf marry me have me give up my life introduce me to his fam and friends and flee to india and leave me stranded in spain with my kids?do you think someone could destroy a girl and her kids like that! surely if he wanted to go to india he wouldnt want to marry me eh???unless he needs to marry for papers to get back to india!! or do you have to take your english wife over to india to get your documents for uk?? feel free to comment as i need advice xx

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Sharrell's Celebrity Doppleganger June 4, 2010 at 8:42 am

Vikas said: Heather, you are foolish to want to date a white man.There is a whole lot of family support system coming with you if you marry an Indian man,his extended family etc…..

Vikas, some people don’t want the involvement of a big family. The involvement of my (ex) Indian partner’s family was exactly what tore us apart.

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tania April 15, 2012 at 1:04 am

i agree with you sharrell absolutely !!!! x

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Sharrell's Celebrity Doppleganger June 4, 2010 at 12:18 pm

This article is currently in the Huffinton Post

HOW TO DATE AN INDIAN (Advise for Non-Indians)

A Jewish friend of mine remarked once, only half joking, that he believed Indians are the true Chosen People. With no offense to Moses, I had to agree. I lived in India for about three years and my husband (currently known as my husPad, thanks to his appropriating the iPad he “gave me,” — but that is another column) is from New Delhi, which, in addition to providing me with lots of Indian friends and in-laws, have given me a pretty good perspective on the desirability of the people from the world’s largest democracy — and how to woo them.

Before getting to “how,” let’s start with “why.” There are obvious reasons one would want to date an Indian, such as how successful and professionally desirable they are. Indians dominate as engineers, doctors, lawyers, venture capitalists and entrepreneurs. They make up a large proportion of our graduate students — just walk around the campuses of Harvard, Columbia or Stanford or and you will see these incredibly attractive brown people all over the place. Which leads to point number two. Indian people tend to be really good looking. According to Wikipedia*, “India holds the highest number of Miss World winners, only to be tied with Venezuela.” (*That feels a little like citing The National Enquirer but I am going to go with it.)

Most Indians are innately gracious, social creatures; they highly value friends and family and have a calendar filled with various holidays and occasions to celebrate, which they typically do with gusto. Those endless jubilant dance numbers in Bollywood movies pretty much channel the Indian soul. Moreover, Indian men love to dance. If for no other reason other than you want someone to dance with you (or without you for that matter), date an Indian.

Ok, now that the stock for single Indians is up, you need to be on your game if you want to date one. If you are Indian, you can skip the rest of this post and spend the next four minutes savoring your desirability. If you are not Indian, keep reading to learn seven things that should ingratiate you with them. The first five have to do with Bollywood. Indians take Bollywood and their celebrities very seriously.

1. SRK. Two things you need to know about these initials. One, SRK is short hand for Shahrukh Khan, one of India’s premiere Bollywood celebrities. Two, you must have an opinion about him. He is a polarizing figure. Indians either love him or hate him.

2. Favorite actor. If you are pinched for time, you can simply claim SRK is your favorite and move on. But, if you want to take some initiative, I highly recommend you familiarize yourself with some Bollywood actors and choose a favorite. Some safe, attractive possibilities: Salman Khan, Aamir Khan, Hrithik Roshan and Amitabh Bachchan. Kal Penn does not count.

3. Favorite actress. See above. You need to have a favorite. You could claim that it is Aishwarya Rai, who is familiar to most Americans, although you will then be suspect as Aishwarya, while extremely beautiful and successful, is a pain in the neck. She has a reputation for being a major diva. Better options: Rani Mukherjee or Kareena Kapoor.

4. Favorite Hindi movie. It should be obvious by now that you need to have a favorite Hindi movie. If you bust out something like, “Yea, I loved Kuch Kuch Hota Hai,” you are very likely to get a second date. If not something straight out of the Kama Sutra. One strong recommendation: “3 Idiots”. It’s a newish film with crossover appeal. Major bonus points if you suggest seeing a Hindi movie together. Most major cities have theaters that screen Bollywood films otherwise you can easily stream one through Netflix, etc.

5. Bhangra. Bhangra is the percussion-heavy music that is featured in most Bollywood films. It has an irresistible beat that will motivate even the most dance-phobic types to hit the floor. Showing an appreciation for Bhangra will score you points. Finding a place that plays Bhangra music and going there together is sure to get you something straight from the Kama Sutra, especially if you exhibit the right dance moves, i.e. patting an imaginary dog while screwing in an imaginary light bulb.

6. Food. Indians love their food. Probably more than they love dancing. Unless you are willing to take some serious initiative in the kitchen, plan to go out for an Indian meal. Although this can be tricky. Many Indians would agree that it is often tough to find a good Indian restaurant, even in major cities. If you want to be adventurous and score some points, I suggest you try cooking him/her a few Indian dishes. You can get the basic spices in most grocery stores. I’m happy to share a dal recipe that is unbelievably tasty. (Really, it is called “Mrs. B’s Magic Dal.”)

7. Language. Indians love when you speak their language. (Note: there are hundreds of languages spoken in India. Aside from English, Hindi is the most prevalent but not all Indians speak Hindi so you might have to determine his/her native tongue.) Before we got together, Sanjay was greatly amused by my reciting various things in Hindi to him. I got a tourist book and told him among other things, that I was missing my green socks. Now there are several iPhone apps that will give you translations. I suggest you pick up a few and break them out at an appropriate time, probably somewhere well into the second date. You don’t want your date to think that if things go south, you will resort to stalking.

Good luck and let me know how these suggestions work out. I hope Laxmi, Goddess of Prosperity, smiles on you as you endeavor to date one of her people.

Oh yea, I almost forgot to mention: one more big bonus when it comes to dating an Indian: communication with cabbies. Think I’m kidding? New Yorkers: Just imagine if you could stop a taxi during the 4pm transition time and your date could say, in Hindi, “Hey brother, will you please take us to Spring and 6th?” You’d find Laxmi did indeed smile upon you.

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Gaurichandra February 26, 2013 at 10:21 am

This sounds so middle class!!!! You have no clue of cosmopolitan sophisticates!!!!

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Pretty in Punk! March 24, 2013 at 8:02 pm

Wow, loved your post, especially bout the green socks. Was trying to translate that into hindi myself. You could always bring up the green socks thing whenever your indian feels down . Hah

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Indian girl July 1, 2010 at 12:09 am

To Tammy –
Tammy, the truth maybe hard to accept -but an Indian guy -somehow who is dependent on his extended family and has ancestral land (means that the division of it is tied up between -he is trying to make a quick buck anyhow) is definitely not marriage material.
The fact that his mother did not have even the slightest hesitation in welcoming the idea of your marrying her son, shows that he is in on the fraud.
The most likely reason this guy wants to marry you is for getting citizenship of UK –then he would divorce you and get an Indian village girl as his bride.
Please understand that I am not saying this to make you feel bad –but as an Indian girl I can read the real story inside -it’s a cultural thing which you -not understanding this culture won’t understand.
An Indian guy willing to marry a white girl, a girl who already has 3 kids -is a very unheard of thing..definitely not what is called as ‘desirable’. It will be acceptable only in cases where the family is very modern –having grown up with lots of money and in cities like Mumbai or Bangalore. Any other case–it’s obvious the guy is trying to cheat the girl.
Hope better sense prevails and you understand him for what he is –a fraudulent cheat who is trying to leech off you.

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satish July 1, 2010 at 5:27 pm

@Indian girl

I know you’re acting in good faith but writing things like “a fraudulent cheat who is trying to leech off you” or judging her situation to be “definitely not what is called as ‘desirable’” is not on.

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Amit Desai July 1, 2010 at 6:49 pm

@ Indian girl, “…Tammy, the truth maybe hard to accept…”

There is no such thing as truth, it is only a probability with respect to mathematics and a point or value-judgment with respect to literature. Tammy’s boy is just an ordinary Punjabi who is less judgmental than YOU, in spite of being a villager.

@ Indian girl, “…It will be acceptable only in cases where the family is very modern –having grown up with lots of money and in cities like Mumbai or Bangalore…”

Not always. Rich and modern families can be equally or more judgmental on such issues. Similarly, just because a family is from village, it doesn’t mean it is too judgmental. For some villagers, foreigners are admirable exotic fruits.

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Doctor Death July 2, 2010 at 1:46 am

@ Sharell’s Doppleganger

“Moreover, Indian men love to dance.”

Is this an Indian-specific quality really? Intoxicated teens smoking joints and doing ecstasy at one of those “hang-outs” in the west put a splendid show of equally jubilant dancing….So jubilant that they often end up knocked up. :lol:

“Indians love when you speak their language”

Indians love it even when they see people from different ethinc groups witihn their country being familiar to each other’s culture and traditions.

And what pray is Indian language? Hindi? Try some of that in south-Indian and North-Eastern states…..Good luck.

An American will be equally amused and thrilled to see an Andaman and Nicobar native tribesman speaking English and using cutlery for eating purposes. IN case you cant comprehend the cultural gap, maybe you should go and see one.

“Indians love their food”

So are we supposed to loathe it? Of all the kiddish posts that you have made so far, this one beats ‘em all. Arent Indians also considered as “unsocial” if they dont join their American counterparts for a hot-dog or a beer?

“Indians take Bollywood and their celebrities very seriously. ”

Dont Americans also love to watch the sleazy sextapes of their slutty celebs, who are actors by day and pornstars by night?

Abdullah K. treats you right, I must admit. You need to pop in some pills to enhance your intellectual growth process. :evil:

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Amit Desai July 2, 2010 at 6:30 am

@ Doctor Death, “…An American will be equally amused and thrilled to see an Andaman and Nicobar native tribesman speaking English and using cutlery for eating purposes…”

Usage of cutlery is not a Western or American invention.

@ Doctor Death, “…Arent Indians also considered as “unsocial” if they dont join their American counterparts for a hot-dog or a beer?…”

I consider the invention of hot-dog much greater than the invention of computer technologies. The hot-dog reminds me of my dick everytime I eat my penis, the only difference is that the hot-dog is not as chewy as the typical male organ of copulation in higher vertebrates, homologous with the clitoris and urinary excretion.

God Bless America!

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Doctor Death July 2, 2010 at 1:55 pm

@ Amit Desai

I presume it wasnt a tribal invention either. Then again, if I am wrong, please do excuse my ignorance. I was only trying to compare the table manners of a member of a so-called civilised society and a cannibal.

And please dont mind me asking….why do you have to eat the hot-dog at all when it reminds you a sexually deviant fantasy/urge ?

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Amit Desai July 4, 2010 at 5:06 am

@ Doctor Death, “…And please dont mind me asking….why do you have to eat the hot-dog at all when it reminds you a sexually deviant fantasy/urge ?…”

I think I must have been a cannibal who used to relish sexual organs in my past life. If I stop eating hot-dog and wieners now, I’ll die hungry in my next life when I’d be a dick-eating-cannibal again.

Americans are inversely Karmic I think.

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Doctor Death July 4, 2010 at 11:22 am

@Amit Desai
“I think I must have been a cannibal who used to relish sexual organs in my past life. ”
:lol: :lol: :lol:

Does it boost your manhood? :lol:
Or maybe help you grow an extra one? :lol:

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Amit Desai July 4, 2010 at 8:47 pm

@ Doctor Death, “…Does it boost your manhood?…”

It does in a sense. It makes you more of a dick or a dick-head. Anyway, the headmaster would be angry since we are moving away from the original topic of “Difficulty of Dating an Indian”.

On a second thought, we are not off-the-topic yet because a dick may also be one of the main difficulties of dating an Indian, especially for those who have had other men with a lot of manhood. ;)

Let’s relax as we are not off topic and our comments won’t get deleted, hoorrayy!

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Doctor Death July 5, 2010 at 2:02 pm

@Amit Desai

“On a second thought, we are not off-the-topic yet because a dick may also be one of the main difficulties of dating an Indian,”

Yet another justification for calling “diversity” as “imbalance”. ;)

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Abdullah K. July 5, 2010 at 8:40 pm

Amit, can you cut that conversation? This is not relevant to the topic under discussion and would be rather gross to a lot of readers here. Comes off as cannibalistic.

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Mina June 3, 2011 at 9:52 pm

I actually stumbled upon this site because I’ve dated and lived with a white guy for three years now, and I’m thinking of leaving him. He and I discussed getting engaged, and I was okay with that at first, but ever since my cousin married a wonderful Indian guy she met on shaadi.com (wedding was a month ago), I’ve seriously been rethinking it. I’d probably be better off with someone with a similar culture who is up against the same prejudices and biases I am. I never thought mixed marriages would be so complicated, but I’m getting a sense of what the problems would be.

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Manny June 3, 2011 at 10:10 pm

So would you be telling the desi guy that you were living with a gora for 3 years?

And do you think you would have many culturally relevant desi guys accept that?

I am not being judgmental or anything. I am just asking to see if you are tuned into to India and Indians!

:)

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steve December 4, 2011 at 9:14 am

Moderator’s Note: Verbiage changed. Keep commenting!

If you’re savage enough to date a man for 3 years only to leave him on the subject of race then you’re no catch. Are you too spineless to stand up for your relationship or just using him as a play
thing to “rebel” against your cultural norms? Go try and find an Indian Guy and don’t pollute his life anymore. Of course you may find getting a decent indian man difficult too. I wouldn’t want to marry you knowing that youact as if you lack morals.

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Vidyut December 5, 2011 at 4:51 pm

I feel it is unfair to call someone spineless just because she find it difficult to negotiate with cultural difference.Its her personal decision and I don’t think it has anything to do with ‘rebellion’.I don’t think anyone could live with anyone for three years just to create an image.

I am also very surprised why its being frowned upon , when she is trying to end her relationship when ‘things are not working’ for her even when she is not even engaged to the person , while in western world its taken normally if a married couple divorce when ‘things don’t work’.

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NLS December 7, 2011 at 7:50 am

When you live with someone, you see a lot that you don’t see when dating someone. Perhaps she’s having doubts and realizes that the relationship isn’t right for her. It’s okay for someone to debate whether dating their own kind is right for them. That’s why Western culture encourages several relationships…so we learn what’s right for us from each break-up!

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Hélène December 5, 2011 at 3:26 pm

@Mina. I’d like to know more about your story ! I lived with a guy from same background as me for years and eventually it went sour, but now I am so happy with my Indian husband ; we are like soul mates ;)

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Indian woman June 4, 2011 at 1:02 am

Do you remember how you retorted at me for making a comment about some Indian parents and how their toxic behavior affects their kids? The same comments that you were annoyed at are being confirmed by other Desis (who are raised in India and Pakistan) and even a white woman whom you enjoy reading about. Ain’t that the pot calling the kettle black?!

http://girlsguidetosurvival.wordpress.com/2011/05/14/desi-sonsvictims-of-their-mothers-ii-modus-operandi/

http://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/

http://phoenixritu.com/2011/03/dealing-with-a-unsupportive-mother/

Let’s see if you have the balls to tell them the same trash you spew on here to any woman that states a negative aspect of Desi culture. :)

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Jonny June 8, 2011 at 9:01 am

Disillusioned by the self-serving lifestyle of the typical Westerner, I’ve been demystified of the allure of women of my own skin (white). This is a blessing in disguise because I’ve always found Western relationship dynamics backwards (the belief that sex leads to intimacy, the belief that relationships are built-upon mutual selfishness and entitlement, evaluating long-term relationship potential by superficial transient qualities such as looks and charisma), conflicted (expectations of mutually exclusive things such as promiscuity and the eventual committed trusting relationship), materialistic (exchange of things, possessions, status), and such that a “Western relationship” is an oxymoron of the ages.

My interest piqued when you mentioned that instead of, to borrow from the popular psychology meme, the “Alpha Male” paving the way it is the member of society who conforms and cooperates with others that receives admiration and recognition. I’ve felt since four years of age that this was the true and natural way for mankind to live and so far no one has been able to convince me otherwise. The Christians have proclaimed for two-millenia that the greatest among them is the one who is a servant to the least in society.

I would hope that Indians concerned about the values of Westerners would be careful to observe that there are plenty of black sheep among the Westerners whom have never enjoyed the self-serving nature of its culture and are exhausted by rampant individualism. It doesn’t take much for one to realize the true colors of another individual, it often only demands a certain time and place. Unfortunately, such events transcend human control.

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g.r.r. October 16, 2011 at 4:03 pm

For this to succeed, they have to have met outside of India, away from her family and remain that way. It will not work otherwise.

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myra:) February 20, 2012 at 12:01 pm

aaah this is yet by far one of my favoritest posts also including part two and three of course! i know exactly what your talking about throughoiut of the whoole entire post, and just to share my personal experience! my parents do the same! i’ll want to hang out with my friends and my parents will be like you just went and hung out with a few the weekend before they dont understand well this time its different peopleand its a whole different weekend!

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belle June 16, 2012 at 11:31 pm

did u marry that indian guy now?how’s ur life with him..im curious..ur story have similarity with mine..im single mom also, with 1 kid and inlove with an indian guy, thanks

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belle June 16, 2012 at 11:32 pm

i ask tammy :)

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mrssingh August 10, 2012 at 12:39 pm

As a ‘gori’ who has been married to a man of Indian origin (Desi) for 6 years, I can vouch for the uselessness of Indian media and bollywood in terms if how white women are portrayed in movies. In most cases, the male actor will fall in love with a white girl but will ultimately leave her and marry the ‘love of his life’ who also happens to be Indian, or if Indian descent. It happens in movie after movie and with no concern about how the white girls may feel.

I have put up with very bad behaviour from some of the community that I have married into – a community which teaches acceptance of all in their religion. I practice the same religion as my husband, yet I am still discriminated against by members of his ethnic community in the country where I was born. I have walked out of so many cinemas where the movie shows the white girl as being a disposable object of desire – and I suggest that a few more people start to do that too.

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luxaterc August 21, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Well,

Though comments on from both sides are equal -I as Indian national lived a decade beyond country borders and dated white -feel its really dont matter of your origin while you date. If you fall in love and see a mutual compatibility– things fall in place.

cheers

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ash April 15, 2013 at 5:57 am

Hey I am dating an Indian guy, and we have been visiting back and forth. I met his family but I feel they dont really like me. They are polite but not welcoming to me as a soon to be daughter in law. I am half punjabi and black. DO you think our relationship will last? I have not learned the culture since my dad is punjabi and lived abroad after my parents divorced. My fiance’s mom is Gujarati. Her eldest son married an Indian Bride, and her other son is dating a British girlfriend. I am so shy to socialize with his family because I am afraid what they will think. I guess I am insecure due to the fact that my father’s brother does not even really talk to me. I live in the USA and was planning to move to the UK to be with my fiance and marry. But as I think about this I am worried for my future. Am I over reacting or what?

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