Yesterday I wrote about my American friend who wanted to date an Indian girl.
As part of trying to understand why it was so difficult to date an Indian, he asked me about my relationship. I’ve not only dated an Indian, I’ve also married an Indian. My friend wanted to know what was so different about my situation, and why it has been possible for me.
Well, there is a lot that’s different. For starters, I met my husband in a different city to the one in which his family lived. I met him in Kolkata. His family live in Mumbai. There was no chance of them finding out about us and the gossip affecting their reputation.
My husband was also a very independent, and somewhat rebellious, person. His family didn’t want him to choose music for a career or become a DJ because it wasn’t an honourable profession. They refused to support him, so he went ahead and did it anyway. He lived away from home, in Kolkata, for more than seven years.
My husband was also 31 years old when I met him. By Indian standards, that’s old. His parents had given up trying to get him married off a long time ago. Infact, they’d just about given up on him getting married at all.
So he really didn’t have any obligations to fulfill. His younger brother had even given up waiting for him to get married, and went ahead with his own wedding. (In India, the oldest brother usually gets married first).
My husband did however tell me that he had problems taking our relationship seriously. He thought I was just in India to have fun, and I could leave at any time.
He also said that there would be no way that we could get married and live in Mumbai. His family wouldn’t approve. It would be too shameful.
So how did we ever end up not only getting married but also living in Mumbai?
After a couple of years of being together in Kolkata and other places in India, he went home to tell his parents about me. He spent four months living with them, while I was back home in Australia, and explaining the situation to them.
It turns out that they were more accepting of it than he expected (their views had mellowed quite a bit after they had to accept my husband’s brother having a love marriage with a Maharastran). Of course they doubted whether I’d be able to handle living in India, and they wondered why he couldn’t find an Indian girl to marry, but they didn’t stop him from marrying me. In fact, they even found an apartment for us to live in. They’ve been so kind towards me, and very welcoming.
I think that they were just too happy that their son was finally settling down, and settling down in Mumbai.
Related Posts:
- The Difficulty of Being Married to an Indian
- The Difficulty of Dating an Indian Part 1
- The Difficulty of Dating an Indian Part 3
- The Changing Face of Arranged Marriages in India
- Fear Over Moving to Mumbai
- Goa is Not a Good Place for Indian-Foreigner Couples
- Attending My First Indian Wedding
- Indians Ruining It for Other Indians
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Hey, Naomi over at
http://blogs.hindustantimes.com/expat-on-the-edge/
Is an expatriate Brit living in Mumbai who is interested in dating Indian men with a possibility to form a longterm relationship but is facing difficulty in that arena.
Maybe you could read a few of her blogs and offer some advice?
Oh, I love reading Naomi’s blog. It’s really fascinating. I did reply with some advice to one of her earlier posts. Now I’m thinking I should do a bit of matchmaking and find some decent prospective partners for her! I do have a couple of ideas actually….
Another important point is the gender of the desi person you want to date.
Boys get away with a lot more. They often don’t have to conform to the same extent a girl does.
I’m in love with a Tamil Indian woman who is going to school in Chicago where I was raised and currently live. I don’t know what to do. She says her parents are really religious but at the end of the day they just want her to be happy. I’m frightened that my introduction will alienate her from her family. It’s horrible, the ignorance in this world..all because of the color of my skin.
“…her parents are really religious…”
Micheal, her family would accept everything eventually…try to pursue her.
Regarding color of your skin, her religion and ignorance in the world, well, U.S is famous for ‘all evils’ and so is India or ‘Tamils’. In spite of being an Indian, her family would not accept me just because I am not Tamil or from her caste!!! I accept this fact, and I suggest you the same !!
“…all because of the color of my skin…”
You can try ‘burning’ your skin and see it is really ‘white’ or not!!!!
“It’s horrible, the ignorance in this world..all because of the color of my skin.”
It’s not your skin color. It’s your culture (or lack thereof, is what Indians would be thinking), and religion (or lack thereof), and language.
Indians in general are very culturally oriented. Her parents would think, “what on Earth does our daughter have in common with this man who was raised on the other side of the world in a completely different culture?”.
Nonetheless, if both of you are in love and she wants to “make it work”… then she can introduce you to her family and you can see what happens from there.
“…Her parents would think, “what on Earth does our daughter have in common with this man who was raised on the other side of the world in a completely different culture?”…”
Um, you forgot one thing – her parents may also think, “there are so many good-looking and intelligent white women in the U.S, why is this man after my daughter who’s not as good-looking or intelligent? So there must be something wrong with this guy (either he is just a white trash or a looser shunned by other white women)!!!
@ Amit Desai – “…there are so many good-looking and intelligent white women in the U.S, why is this man after my daughter who’s not as good-looking or intelligent?”
A little flaw here. How many parents are there in this world who think their children are not ‘good enough’ compared to others?
@ Abdullah K, “…How many parents are there in this world who think their children are not ‘good enough’ compared to others?…”
Good point raised!!! Let me try another angle, how many Indian parents (in all conscience) think that their children are (potentially) as smart as ‘Newton’ or as hot as ‘Angelina’!!! Even if they do, that may still result in another conflict, “a reverse discrimination/racism resulting from self-pride”!!!