I admitted recently, in a comment on my post about my bad Indian habits, that I’ve developed a rather rude habit of often pretending that I’m not at home when people turn up unannounced. I don’t answer the door. It’s definitely not something I’m proud of, but it’s something that I’ve had to do to save my sanity.
Without a doubt, the lack of privacy in Mumbai and India in general, has been the biggest challenge for me.
I feel that I’ve adapted well enough to most other things.
I eat whatever Indians eat (and can eat with my hands while sitting on the floor), drink plain water, cook Indian food, have given up toilet paper, take the train and auto rickshaws to get around, know how to drape a sari, and live in a small one bedroom apartment that’s a quarter of the size of my house in Australia. I washed clothes by hand, using a bucket and brush, for two years. I also managed to survive last year’s nine month water shortage, where water only came for a couple of hours three times a day and there was never any water to flush the toilet.
I remember when I first moved to Mumbai and was completely overwhelmed with my new surroundings, all I wanted was a sanctuary that I could retreat to and forget about what was outside. Usually, such a place would be my home. There certainly aren’t many other options in this extremely crowded city.
The fact that I couldn’t get any solitude even in my home reduced me to tears of frustration on many occasions.
The landlord turned up unannounced to collect his mail. The boys from the apartment complex wanted me to retrieve their cricket balls from the balcony. The girls wanted me to retrieve their shuttle cocks. The internet and cable TV providers wanted payment (no bills in the mail here, they come and collect the money personally). The kachra walla (sweeper/garbage guy) wanted access to the balcony, to clean up the garbage that the people from the apartments above constantly threw onto it.
Then the worst thing of all, the Aunties who came to inspect the apartment and satisfy their curiosity about me. Without fail, they would head straight to the kitchen and look through my cupboards and refrigerator to see what food was there. (Indians have trouble believing that an educated white girl can cook and take care of a home). Nothing was off limits to them, including the bedroom.
I couldn’t relax. I felt like I had to be properly dressed and ready to receive whoever came a knocking at any time. I felt like I had no privacy at all. It was made worse because I come from a very small family, with no brothers and sisters, who live in the country. I’ve been used to having a lot of privacy and personal space.
The only way to deal with it was to stop answering the door.
Fortunately, I’m more settled and a lot better at handling all this now. In a way, it’s even been good for me. I’ve learned to become more open, more flexible, and less caring about what people think of me. However, there are days when I still need solitude. Those are the days that the door doesn’t get opened.
Related Posts:
- Meeting the New Neighbours
- I Don’t Have Any Home Help. Am I Mad?
- Dealing With Water Cuts in Mumbai
- Finally Finding My Feet in Mumbai?
- Adjusting to Having a Maid
- India Mystery #508: The Water Supply
- My Stay With My Inlaws
- Readjusting to Life in India
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@Abdullah K.
Just copy and paste it in the address bar…..
@ Abdullah K.
Just copy and paste the link in the address bar…..
Just copy and paste the link in the address bar.
Does your friend happen to be an East European? This line is a corrupted version of a Russian proverb, that loosely translates to, “If you give a Jew a hand, they’ll bite of your arm”. It is one of the many anti-Jew proverbs from Eastern Europe.
Here’s a proverb by me.
If you look up into the sky when a flock of birds fly, you’ll end up having a messy face.
God does not come necesarily in the shape or form of a white-bearded old man or “someone” who created the universe, the planets, the stars or nature. God could be the Universe itself, Abdullah. I am not trying to change your atheistic views, it’s your right to believe whatever you like, but I maintain my opinion that atheists don’t really exist. Anyone has a mistery that science or nature can’t answer to and I am sure even you, sometimes, believe there must be more to this world then the things you virtually see in front of your eyes or experience.
Oh, it’s not only about the Jews on the arm story – it depends. In the southern-eastern area of EU, they say about every person who is greedy and sneaky: “If you give him one finger, he’ll take off your whole hand!”. So it varies from place to place.
Dont we all wish we saw God? I am not a religious person but I know God is there. Thank God for everything.
If god is the universe, then it’ll be just the universe, there will be no god.
There could be, but that not in the realm of divinity. Personally, I think belief in god is a lot like being under the influence of LSD or cocaine.
If you pop some LSD, you might. A lot of people do.
Abdullah, I am not any authority to proclaim it, but yes, it’s the Universe itself from what we see happening around us, from how all natural elements co-exist. People felt the need to give it a “human” form, so that’s how the notion of God came up. It’s just a relative notion.
Divinity is somewhat connected to or represents the Universe, from the facts that most people attach to it. So, if you believe in the existence of a Universe, intrinsicly you believe in the existence of Divinity, only to different parameters. Just my view on atheism…
Indian American, I dont wish to “see” God. What good will it do to me? I just feel this world was arranged, organized and maybe even goverened by some force, which I feel is a positive one, who can relate to each one of the world’s beings, when in need. I cling to that, I feel it, I ask and I am being offered. What more could I need?
Claudia, some people say all creation in this universe is equally important to God. When it comes to being special, according to my thinking, only God is special. We all are Gods creation. So we should thank God for creating us. Whatever we have and experience is not ours. It comes from the force that created us and everything around us. We call God as a power, a force etc but I dont think God can be defined by Gods creation. God is beyond everything.
Okay people, lets drop the discussion about god and come back to the topic which is about living in Mumbai. So how is the weather in Mumbai now? Chilly? Humid? Windy?
It’s really pleasant. I wish it was like this all year! It’s around 30 degrees Celsius during the day and 20 degrees at night. Night time temperatures have dropped to around 13 degrees recently though.
Night time temperatures have dropped to around 13 degrees recently though.
Can’t beat kolkata.
It was recently 11 degrees at night.
Oh yes, I head about that. We were just discussing it last night because one of our friends is here from Kolkata. Chilly!
i totaly understand you, it was horrible for me too this lack of privacy in India but i took atitude and i told to my inlaws and all my husband family that i will not accept such behaviour, when is necessary dont let the people to cross your limits, make clear what you want dont be shy. You are great!
Hi Julya, I wish I could’ve been like that. Unfortunately, being assertive is one of my weak points — and I think part of my experience living in India is to teach me how to be more assertive! Thanks so much for the encouragement.
Sharell. Sabse pehle, I admire you for leaving everything you had back home for something as overwhelming and Mumbai. Usually, people who grow up in Mumbai(Mere jaise), end up moving to developed First World countries like Australia, USA, Canada etc to find better living standard and to escape day to day hassles and lack of privacy. But you coped up with city like Mumbai. It’s really humbling how you left everything to be with love of your life. Mumbai has all extremes, be it cold, summer, or monsoon. Don’t ever think you are being rude by not answering door bell. Auntie log bahut nosy hote hai! Kuchh kaam nahi bas neighbor ke ghar ke andar jake chhan been karo. Be assertive and Sab Chalta hai! Remember that. Hope your stay in India is better from what I experienced there
. Oh by the way, chuha pakda kya?
Hi Abhinav, actually aaj kal main ne chuha nahi deka. Abhi, kitchen window bandh rehta hai, toh chuha bahar rehta hai!!
Lekin vo kutta bahut problem hai. Main is ke bare me bahut naraz hoon. I’m glad you feel that way about the aunties, and that it’s a common issue!! Fortunately, they don’t bother me where we’re living now. Instead I have the kutta to deal with!! I can understand why people who grew up in India would want to move to the west for a better lifestyle, having not had that. However, when you have it all your life (like I did) it’s good to experience something else. 
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