Comment posted I Don’t Have Any Home Help. Am I Mad? by Can’t beat ‘em? Join ‘em!.
Sharrell, start of slow with maybe only 2 or 3 times per week, to ease your way into the desi memsahib lifestyle.
Most Indian maids I have experienced are too busy to get into doing anything extra like moving stuff around or gossiping. They have rounds of houses they have to clean from dawn to dusk and are eager to get your work done and get out.
Plus, if you ask, they will give you massage too! Can’t beat that!
Can\’t beat \’em? Join \’em! also commented
- Taking out the trash, D. Jain? Taking it out where? Into the street? LOL!
Recent comments by Can\’t beat \’em? Join \’em!
- Indian Men Getting Away with Bad Behaviour
James, nobody is saying that USA is perfect in all respects. Not by a long shot. I’m just saying that as far as women moving safely in public spaces, it is a hell of a lot better than India. Sure, if I walk down some ghetto street I might fear to be robbed, or robbed and stabbed, (and then again maybe I won’t fear, I’ve lived in some pretty crime-ridden areas in my life and I don’t ever recall feeling fearful), but in India, in broad daylight in “good neighborhoods”, hell, within “holy cities”, a woman has to be very self-conscious about her environment and be on the alert for trying to “dodge” getting her ass or tits pinched or brushed up against. It becomes very, very stressful for us.I’m also not saying it has ALWAYS been like this EVERYWHERE in India, nor that ALL Indian men are culprits. But India does have a big and pretty widespread problem with this, and I think its good that FINALLY people are admitting that and its getting air-time and exposure through media.
Regarding teen pregnancy; personally I would rather two teens engage in mutual sexual satisfaction between themselves and LEAVE ME ALONE. I’m not concerned with what other people are doing within the bonds and privacy of a mutual relationship, what I’m concerned with is when some dude, whom I don’t know and whom I DON’T WANT TO KNOW, invades my space. I couldn’t care less if he is a teenage father…. just as long as he leaves me the heck alone!
And…… India’s teen pregnancy rater is VERY HIGH, its just the teens are MARRIED. India is not just Mumbai or the colonies of New Delhi. India is comprised mostly of villages. In the villages, teen and pre-teen marriage and pregnancy is still the norm.
Ask any of the “nokars” that work for you or your family members.
My 22 year old nokar was married at 12 and gave birth at 14.
- Indian Men Getting Away with Bad Behaviour
D.Jain, what warrants a “ha ha” about what I posted? Yes, definitely Indian women have it even worse than foreign tourists in India, because the foreign tourist can always leave. But the common woman/girl in India has to deal with the public domain daily and travel by public transportation like their own feet, busses, trains, motor and human rickshaws, etc, to go to and from work, to and from school/college and, well, just to and from!Here is a very well-written piece from an Indian man about the plight of Indian women in the public sphere;
http://arthedains.com/indiaunplugged/2008/01/20/the-shame-of-the-indian-male/
Don’t forget the comments section after the piece. Some good views there as well.
- Indian Men Getting Away with Bad Behaviour
This Indian man sums it up beautifully and simply;http://paranoia.dubfire.net/2006/01/sex-and-western-woman.html
There’s really not much more to it than that!
- About Me
Natash, December is a cold month to be visiting the Himalayas. Although getting used to the lack of “luxuries” in India can be challenging for many ex-pats, it usually gets made up for if you hire domestic help, like many Indians do. The hardest thing to deal with in India is not, in my opinion, the lack of luxuries, but rather the mentalities of the local people. I find this is best dealt with by simply not dealing with it, if you can learn how. - My Husband Cooked Dinner Tonight
Looks delicious! But where’s the daal? ”I’m so happy and proud of him (and I think he’s pretty proud of himself too). He’s definitely earned his coffee in bed tomorrow morning!”That means Indian wives have earned coffee/chai in bed every day, all day, for the rest of their lives. Do they get it?
A man does something once and gets accolades for it. A woman does it daily and gets no reward, because its just taken for granted. Why do men get rewarded for doing things that are well, just ordinary, normal, day to day necessites – like cooking?
Somebody translate “The Second Sex” into Hindi!
(But it does look yummy!)
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{ 25 comments }
You are not mad!
This is tough. I’ve been here for 1.5 yrs and I still cannot get used to having a maid, even though she comes for just ~45 minutes a day to clean the floors and wash the dishes. I hate having a maid even though I almost never see her anymore as she comes when I am in the office most of the time. She is reliable though and has been working for my hubby’s family for many years. Yes, she also works for my hubby’s parents (how naive am I?
) She tried gossipping about me to my mother-in-law and giving me some “new bride” treatment (that’s when a new bride is not treated that well), but thankfully, that didn’t work with my in-laws. After that she started praising me 
I was very close to firing her and not having a maid many times in my first year. For the same reasons as privacy and I didn’t care much for someone moving my things around all the time as she thought she knew better how they should be arranged in our house… she even rearranged our furniture a couple of times – that didn’t last
Now we came to some agreement, she doesn’t put our things away, sticks to the floors and dishes, and she asks before throwing anything out.
Why I didn’t fire her? It’s hard to fire someone who really needs that money. Also, we get home from office at 8-9 pm and the floor needs to be cleaned everyday. There is simply no time with all family commitments. Maybe it’s because we live on the first floor, but there is an unbelievable amount of dust and dirt coming through the windows into the house. Even though we get it cleaned daily, once in a while, I do major cleaning myself and every time I am amazed by the amount of dust I find.
Thanks so much for your input! I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels like that. How cheeky of the maid to try gossiping! That’s exactly the kind of thing I dread.
But of course if I was in your position, I’d keep a maid too, whether I liked it or not. It’s too hard to work such long hours and maintain a clean home as well, especially in India. We live on the first floor, so I know all about the dust and dirt problem. Everything gets covered in it. It even manages to find its way into drawers and cupboards! 
hmm the very essence of Indian life..having a maid! I did all my house work for first few months. The dust made things harder and cleaning everyday was a tough ask considering I do my business from home. As a guy I dont have the touch to keep the house that clean and neat hence maid became a necessity for me in Mumbai. I have already changed 4 of them in last 7 months because they dont show up regularly and the newest one that I have boasts of International work exp ..yes she has worked in London as a maid, and is very efficient I must say..:) so hire a maid and you can join a nice gym for excercise!!
International work experience! Now that sounds promising. Where ever did you find her?
You ARE mad
. But then it depends, in Australia did you have to dust and mop your house EVERYDAY? It takes an army of 2 maids and a man friday to keep my household of 1 human + a dog clean and fed. I am already crying that soon I wont have a maid and I will have to *gasp* do dishes in Denmark! My only hope is to find a cleaning lady who can come in 3 times a week. The idea makes me happy though it makes my wallet cry and dig a big hole to bury itself.
I don’t know yet whether you’re mad or not since we’re not IN Delhi yet, but from what I hear, I’m going to struggle with the same things you mention (privacy, etc.)
Hoping that we DON’T struggle with the not showing up since our cook (quartered) will also take on the “house manager” position and hopefully keep everyone in check. We’ll soon see!
I totally get though, your desire to do it yourself! I’d lean towards the “you’re not mad” option.
Sharrell, start of slow with maybe only 2 or 3 times per week, to ease your way into the desi memsahib lifestyle.
Most Indian maids I have experienced are too busy to get into doing anything extra like moving stuff around or gossiping. They have rounds of houses they have to clean from dawn to dusk and are eager to get your work done and get out.
Plus, if you ask, they will give you massage too! Can’t beat that!
My MIL and SILs all have maids who come in once or twice a day. Like Can’t Beat ‘Em says, they are making their rounds of several houses, and they do their work and leave. The main thing is dishes, taking the trash, and cleaning the floors. Mummy (or Didi) works along with them, straightening up, etc., so they keep an eye on them. I’d say they only take about 30-40 minutes to do everything. Privacy really isn’t an issue, because they’re not there long enough. I think that’s more of an issue with live-in servants.
Taking out the trash, D. Jain? Taking it out where? Into the street? LOL!
My sister-in-law has a maid, a driver, and a part-time cook. The cook is a recent hire who only comes in to help with the bulk of the preparations. Driver lives nearby, and is phoned when people want to go out.
Sunita-didi, the maid, has been with my husband’s family for quite awhile; she first worked for his parents, then moved to Bombay when they asked her if she’d like to help Didi out once Didi married. My husband has always referred to Sunita with “didi” appended, and, while she is “the help” she is also a very valued member of the household.
I was with you Sharell, the idea of a maid just want worth it until my partner organised someone to come in twice a week to wash the floors beacuse the dust was driving me mad. Then I realised that some help was ok, but i drew the line at floor washing.
Can’t Beat ‘Em, there is a guy who comes around the neighborhood with a trash cart every morning. So along with vegetable vendors shouting about their wares, you can also hear the trash guy advertising his services. Yes, there is trash in the vacant lots in Mummy’s neighborhood, but other than that the neighborhood is pretty clean.
Oh you are not mad at all. If I lived in Mumbai like you do… in a compact apartment and not out of the house all hours… I would do without domestic help too.
My own mother spends more time supervising and working alongside her domestic help in order to get the house cleaned well and simple tasks completed. Much too much trouble if you ask me.
Hmmm, so I think I’ll stay without a maid for the time being, then when it becomes more necessary, introduce one gradually.
When I visit my in-laws in India, watching the maid clean my room is hard for me to take (we have to watch to make sure nothing … um, disappears). I would rather sweep the floor myself than have to take my bath at a certain time just to be ready for when the maid comes. Of course I’m saying this now. I hope they don’t hand me a broom the next time I’m in India
Although married to an Indian, I’m not an Indian so as you well understand there are certain challenges there. Why don’t the brooms have long sticks like in the west? I think it would be a lot easier to sweep.
I found your blog on a friend’s blog roll. Nice to meet you. Here’s a little about me http://erasundar.wordpress.com/2009/05/21/so-i-married-a-desi/
Hi Era, welcome! I totally agree with you. When I was living in Kolkata, there was a maid. I’m sure she stole money out of my handbag, because stupid trusting me left it laying around and didn’t keep a watch on it. I also didn’t like feeling like I had to be be bathed and dressed, ready for the maid’s arrival. And the brooms! I’m quite tall and find them so difficult to work with.
(Funny blog post BTW — some of those things are sooo true!).
Getting bathed and dressed before the maid arrives?? Hahaha, forget it. When we’re in India we tend to be later risers (on vacation after all), so my husband and I were usually eating breakfast, watching cricket, or reading the paper when the maid came.
u r not mad.
u r right.
at last someone who thinks alike me.
even if u keep maid she/he wont be available when u need them most– guests, health problem etc
I have a bungalow and manage everything without any servant
i am independent and happy.
no way, one of the main reasons to LIVE IN INDIA is the help you can get!
I’d have a maid, a driver, and a cook!!
I don’t think even Bill Gates has that!
I din’t have a maid either for years. Now that we got a baby, my husband got one. She comes for an hour daily to wash the floor and dishes.
I didn’t want maid for one reason: I think we can clean up our own dirt. Or to say in other way, we should clean up.
This is a big topic for me living in India.
I believe, we can make clean rooms, homes, cities, countries only if we understand what “making something dirty then clean it up” means.
Anyway, GREAT BLOG!!! Just found yesterday somehow from the Compulsiveconfessor. I’ll be back reading you!
Hugs!
You have had a fortunate experience then. I’ve had to hire a maid for house cleaning ever since my regular live-in servant went for a holiday to Nepal. I found that the maid is quite an adept multi-tasker. While she sweeps or wipes the house, she’d keep whining about her alcoholic husband and ‘ill’ children. She is also quite inquisitive about my life. I have found the best way to avoid gossip is respond to her ramblings with monosyllables and when the housework is done, chuck her out.
Abdullah you’re so right. You have to be so careful what you say in front of the maids. You never know what she’d blabber to whom!
Hmm that seems to be the case everywhere…when one of my friends tells me things about his neighbours and I ask how he knows, the answer is always ‘the maid’… I had wondered why they had a maid for a 1BK apartment when the wife is at home but perhaps that is the answer lol…perhaps she isn’t lazy…but rather nosy… I would be terribly paranoid if I had someone around all the time…I even feel nervous of nosy neighbours…but then, that could be because I live such an evil life
Evil! Gah! You’d probably ask the maid if she needs any coffee or maybe a muffin every day when she comes in!
You are definitely not at all mad!!!
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