Comment posted on I Don’t Have Any Home Help. Am I Mad? by AnotherKiranInNYC
Oh you are not mad at all. If I lived in Mumbai like you do… in a compact apartment and not out of the house all hours… I would do without domestic help too.
My own mother spends more time supervising and working alongside her domestic help in order to get the house cleaned well and simple tasks completed. Much too much trouble if you ask me.
Recent comments by AnotherKiranInNYC
- Dreaming in Hindi
For Sharells doppelganger:“”"Excuses.
I was a poor college student once too. And a vegetarian throughout.
The issue for you is that you had no real reason to be a vegetarian. No ethics, no principles, no philosophy or theory behind it. So why bother?”"”I belive the issue is not defending whether/why I wanted to be/needed to be vegeterian or not. We are not debating the ethics of vegeterianism.
The discussion is rejection/acceptance of various aspects of an alien culture and language and the process of it.
I stated my process and remark that is is possible that Sharell might follow and be comfortable with a similar process.
- Dreaming in Hindi
Your dilemma is a lot like mine when I came to the US as a teen. I was a vegetarian growing up in India but college life in a dorm and later cooking for myself meant that I learnt to eat whatever was served/was cheapest. That meant MEAT… every darn kind! As a hungry and poor student, I learnt to eat it all and like it. A few years later I rejected all meat (as a natural process) and spent a couple of years as a vegetarian. If was only after this phase that I allowed myself to pick and choose what I really liked and relish it. I am happier this way… when I allow myself to like vegetables and beef and fish and likewise allow myself to think of chicken as bland and boring and so will not eat it.
Likely you will also reach a stage when you are comfortable picking and choosing for yourself. Language and accent included. - Why Do Indian Women Like White Men?
because… he is not judgemental and lets me be. That entire concept of “letting people be” is most definately a function of culture. Educated American men have it for most part. - The Worst Kind of Arranged Marriage
Julya said : This is exactely like saying “it would be so wonderful to not exist war or famine in this world, it would be so ideal”:))))))))) In realty the fact that u have crazy in laws and the dog pees on the marital bed and the husband is beated by his mommy even if he is 40 is not so “good”:)))))How is it exactly like that? Did you even read what I wrote and use reference to context? As you are an academic I would have hoped for more comprehension and logical inference.
- The Worst Kind of Arranged Marriage
I dont have much of an opinion about why the women want to marry Rahul Mahajan. That’s thier problem. And bad behaviour or his past is Rahul’s problem. Given all that, this desi style “The bachelor” show was vastly amusing to me. Apart from its absolute entertainment value I really dont think it makes a comment on social mores or niceties or is going to affect the way marriage is viewed in India. It is entertainment and that is pretty much it.However as a veteran of a long and “happyish” marriage I do have an opinion about marriage in general. Unless BOTH partners work at a marriage EVERY SINGLE DAY it is going to be a stressful relationship. In the final analysis the reason you entered into a marriage does not matter at all. Whether you were madly in love, it was arranged or you did it out of boredom. What matters is what BOTH DO IN THE MARRIAGE EVERYSINGLE DAY, and how much you are willing to work with and for. You could have crazy inlaws or a dog that pees on your marital bed every day. How ever if both partners want to fix all these issues everysingle day, it is all good. Trust me it is good.
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{ 25 comments }
You are not mad!
This is tough. I’ve been here for 1.5 yrs and I still cannot get used to having a maid, even though she comes for just ~45 minutes a day to clean the floors and wash the dishes. I hate having a maid even though I almost never see her anymore as she comes when I am in the office most of the time. She is reliable though and has been working for my hubby’s family for many years. Yes, she also works for my hubby’s parents (how naive am I?
) She tried gossipping about me to my mother-in-law and giving me some “new bride” treatment (that’s when a new bride is not treated that well), but thankfully, that didn’t work with my in-laws. After that she started praising me 
I was very close to firing her and not having a maid many times in my first year. For the same reasons as privacy and I didn’t care much for someone moving my things around all the time as she thought she knew better how they should be arranged in our house… she even rearranged our furniture a couple of times – that didn’t last
Now we came to some agreement, she doesn’t put our things away, sticks to the floors and dishes, and she asks before throwing anything out.
Why I didn’t fire her? It’s hard to fire someone who really needs that money. Also, we get home from office at 8-9 pm and the floor needs to be cleaned everyday. There is simply no time with all family commitments. Maybe it’s because we live on the first floor, but there is an unbelievable amount of dust and dirt coming through the windows into the house. Even though we get it cleaned daily, once in a while, I do major cleaning myself and every time I am amazed by the amount of dust I find.
Thanks so much for your input! I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels like that. How cheeky of the maid to try gossiping! That’s exactly the kind of thing I dread.
But of course if I was in your position, I’d keep a maid too, whether I liked it or not. It’s too hard to work such long hours and maintain a clean home as well, especially in India. We live on the first floor, so I know all about the dust and dirt problem. Everything gets covered in it. It even manages to find its way into drawers and cupboards! 
hmm the very essence of Indian life..having a maid! I did all my house work for first few months. The dust made things harder and cleaning everyday was a tough ask considering I do my business from home. As a guy I dont have the touch to keep the house that clean and neat hence maid became a necessity for me in Mumbai. I have already changed 4 of them in last 7 months because they dont show up regularly and the newest one that I have boasts of International work exp ..yes she has worked in London as a maid, and is very efficient I must say..:) so hire a maid and you can join a nice gym for excercise!!
International work experience! Now that sounds promising. Where ever did you find her?
You ARE mad
. But then it depends, in Australia did you have to dust and mop your house EVERYDAY? It takes an army of 2 maids and a man friday to keep my household of 1 human + a dog clean and fed. I am already crying that soon I wont have a maid and I will have to *gasp* do dishes in Denmark! My only hope is to find a cleaning lady who can come in 3 times a week. The idea makes me happy though it makes my wallet cry and dig a big hole to bury itself.
I don’t know yet whether you’re mad or not since we’re not IN Delhi yet, but from what I hear, I’m going to struggle with the same things you mention (privacy, etc.)
Hoping that we DON’T struggle with the not showing up since our cook (quartered) will also take on the “house manager” position and hopefully keep everyone in check. We’ll soon see!
I totally get though, your desire to do it yourself! I’d lean towards the “you’re not mad” option.
Sharrell, start of slow with maybe only 2 or 3 times per week, to ease your way into the desi memsahib lifestyle.
Most Indian maids I have experienced are too busy to get into doing anything extra like moving stuff around or gossiping. They have rounds of houses they have to clean from dawn to dusk and are eager to get your work done and get out.
Plus, if you ask, they will give you massage too! Can’t beat that!
My MIL and SILs all have maids who come in once or twice a day. Like Can’t Beat ‘Em says, they are making their rounds of several houses, and they do their work and leave. The main thing is dishes, taking the trash, and cleaning the floors. Mummy (or Didi) works along with them, straightening up, etc., so they keep an eye on them. I’d say they only take about 30-40 minutes to do everything. Privacy really isn’t an issue, because they’re not there long enough. I think that’s more of an issue with live-in servants.
Taking out the trash, D. Jain? Taking it out where? Into the street? LOL!
My sister-in-law has a maid, a driver, and a part-time cook. The cook is a recent hire who only comes in to help with the bulk of the preparations. Driver lives nearby, and is phoned when people want to go out.
Sunita-didi, the maid, has been with my husband’s family for quite awhile; she first worked for his parents, then moved to Bombay when they asked her if she’d like to help Didi out once Didi married. My husband has always referred to Sunita with “didi” appended, and, while she is “the help” she is also a very valued member of the household.
I was with you Sharell, the idea of a maid just want worth it until my partner organised someone to come in twice a week to wash the floors beacuse the dust was driving me mad. Then I realised that some help was ok, but i drew the line at floor washing.
Can’t Beat ‘Em, there is a guy who comes around the neighborhood with a trash cart every morning. So along with vegetable vendors shouting about their wares, you can also hear the trash guy advertising his services. Yes, there is trash in the vacant lots in Mummy’s neighborhood, but other than that the neighborhood is pretty clean.
Oh you are not mad at all. If I lived in Mumbai like you do… in a compact apartment and not out of the house all hours… I would do without domestic help too.
My own mother spends more time supervising and working alongside her domestic help in order to get the house cleaned well and simple tasks completed. Much too much trouble if you ask me.
Hmmm, so I think I’ll stay without a maid for the time being, then when it becomes more necessary, introduce one gradually.
When I visit my in-laws in India, watching the maid clean my room is hard for me to take (we have to watch to make sure nothing … um, disappears). I would rather sweep the floor myself than have to take my bath at a certain time just to be ready for when the maid comes. Of course I’m saying this now. I hope they don’t hand me a broom the next time I’m in India
Although married to an Indian, I’m not an Indian so as you well understand there are certain challenges there. Why don’t the brooms have long sticks like in the west? I think it would be a lot easier to sweep.
I found your blog on a friend’s blog roll. Nice to meet you. Here’s a little about me http://erasundar.wordpress.com/2009/05/21/so-i-married-a-desi/
Hi Era, welcome! I totally agree with you. When I was living in Kolkata, there was a maid. I’m sure she stole money out of my handbag, because stupid trusting me left it laying around and didn’t keep a watch on it. I also didn’t like feeling like I had to be be bathed and dressed, ready for the maid’s arrival. And the brooms! I’m quite tall and find them so difficult to work with.
(Funny blog post BTW — some of those things are sooo true!).
Getting bathed and dressed before the maid arrives?? Hahaha, forget it. When we’re in India we tend to be later risers (on vacation after all), so my husband and I were usually eating breakfast, watching cricket, or reading the paper when the maid came.
u r not mad.
u r right.
at last someone who thinks alike me.
even if u keep maid she/he wont be available when u need them most– guests, health problem etc
I have a bungalow and manage everything without any servant
i am independent and happy.
no way, one of the main reasons to LIVE IN INDIA is the help you can get!
I’d have a maid, a driver, and a cook!!
I don’t think even Bill Gates has that!
I din’t have a maid either for years. Now that we got a baby, my husband got one. She comes for an hour daily to wash the floor and dishes.
I didn’t want maid for one reason: I think we can clean up our own dirt. Or to say in other way, we should clean up.
This is a big topic for me living in India.
I believe, we can make clean rooms, homes, cities, countries only if we understand what “making something dirty then clean it up” means.
Anyway, GREAT BLOG!!! Just found yesterday somehow from the Compulsiveconfessor. I’ll be back reading you!
Hugs!
You have had a fortunate experience then. I’ve had to hire a maid for house cleaning ever since my regular live-in servant went for a holiday to Nepal. I found that the maid is quite an adept multi-tasker. While she sweeps or wipes the house, she’d keep whining about her alcoholic husband and ‘ill’ children. She is also quite inquisitive about my life. I have found the best way to avoid gossip is respond to her ramblings with monosyllables and when the housework is done, chuck her out.
Abdullah you’re so right. You have to be so careful what you say in front of the maids. You never know what she’d blabber to whom!
Hmm that seems to be the case everywhere…when one of my friends tells me things about his neighbours and I ask how he knows, the answer is always ‘the maid’… I had wondered why they had a maid for a 1BK apartment when the wife is at home but perhaps that is the answer lol…perhaps she isn’t lazy…but rather nosy… I would be terribly paranoid if I had someone around all the time…I even feel nervous of nosy neighbours…but then, that could be because I live such an evil life
Evil! Gah! You’d probably ask the maid if she needs any coffee or maybe a muffin every day when she comes in!
You are definitely not at all mad!!!
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