My husband went to visit a friend yesterday afternoon. When he came back, I asked him “what all” happened there.
“Well,” he said, “when I arrived, my friend’s mum was feeding my friend his lunch.” Oh, you mean serving him his lunch? “No”, he replied. “his mum was feeding him his lunch with her hand”. And how old is your friend? “Around 30 years old”.
I’m fully aware that Indian mothers often hand feed their sons until they are quite old. However, I was shocked (and even a little appalled) that an adult man could still be getting hand fed by his mother!
Knowing that my husband, the eldest son, got treated like a chota raja (little king) when he was growing up, I asked him when his mother stopped feeding him. “When I was about 15 and started going out often”, he replied. And, do you think she’d still feed you now, at age 35, if you asked her to? “Yes, but she’d tell me it isn’t good”.
Hmmm. Now, I’m wondering what is normal in India in relation to this kind of behaviour. What will happen when the 30 year old Peter Pan man, who’s still being hand fed, gets married. Will his wife be expected to take over feeding duties? Or will his mother keep doing it? Or, will he finally become a grown up and start feeding himself?
All you Indian men out there, I’d love to hear about your situations. Do you still like to be hand fed? Or, up to what age did you get fed?
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Claudia, I tried the same solution that you told me up above with my girl. Did not work! Helppppppp!
Hmmm… she refused to wash the dishes or what?
I guess now you could try to be persuasive and use some “emotional” scheme. Be clever like a fox!
Promise her some little surprise IF she does what you ask her. Don’t reveal the surprise or what it could be for anything in the world! She would die of curiosity – women, as far as I know, are curious as cats. So try that – she might be a little bit disappointed to see your “surprise” is just chewing gum or something else as insignificant, but you’ll get your work done, right? :p And you can calm her down by telling her next time the surprise will be more consistent 
Gee, I would make an interesting husband, don’t you think? hahaha
Claudia, you’re funny. And you just might make a good husband! Yeah!
I’m blessed. She’s a sweetheart. She does the best she can with the little time she has at home. She works a 9+ hour job and has a 4 hour commute to and from work. I don’t blame her. And I really like keeping my house clean.
Housework is not alien to me. I come from a family where all men do as much housework as women. I can say this with confidence about all my uncles, both from my mother’s and my father’s side. I doubt there would be a guy in my family who doesn’t cook and help clean or help doing the laundry.
And you’re so right about women being as curious as cats. Have experienced it on several occasions.
Ramit, the fact that you do things in the house shows not only you are an understanding person, but a mature one also. Because you don’t necesarily show your wife respect and appreciation by helping her, but you also respect yourself as a human being. I, myself, have learnt that it is the best to know how to do all sorts of things – man or woman, it doesn’t matter. I learned even how to change a tyre from my dad, because you never know in what situation life brings you, so it is better to learn as much as you can all your life.
Thanks Claudia. Appreciate it. A person should know how to do most basic things in his household. Be it man or woman. I totally agree with you.
I’m a 26 year old (married) Indian woman. When my mother was visiting me, she hand fed me breakfast as I rushed around trying to gather my stuff.
So, it’s not just the men!
No one, at least no one in their right mind, would want to be hand fed by their spouse on a regular basis. It’s a gesture of affection that you’d find as part of several wedding ceremonies, though. Look out for that the next time you attend one.
I can totally see why you’d think its funny. It is!
I’m American and my boyfriend is from a small village near Guntur. The first time he invited me to go to his apartment was not a planned event, but he ended up making me dinner nonetheless. I was fully aware that for the most part he only used utensils when social settings deemed them necessary; for instance, restaurants. Up until that point we had only eaten together in restaurants, and never in one of our homes. I didn’t see using fingers rather than utensils as an issue at all, but I do remember, while he was in the kitchen preparing the food, thinking to myself things like, ‘I wonder if he will bring me a utensil or not’ and ‘I hope I don’t make a mess eating with my fingers if he doesn’t.’
Ok, here is where I get back on track and back to your topic of discussion
…
When he came back with one plate and one spoon my first thought was that he brought the spoon for me and he was going to eat with his fingers, but I was wrong. The spoon was for mixing the rice and the vegetables together. Like what you described in your blog entry, and what others have mentioned in the comment section, he fed me. Upon the first bite or so I didn’t know what to think. No one had ever done that for me before. Then I just let my anxiety of the strange and new situation go and ended up not taking it as anything other than one of the sweetest and kindest gestures that anyone has ever done for me before.
Not long after that, we had dinner at my home. After letting the food cool for a bit, I went to get our food. He told me to only get one plate and one spoon. He did not feed me, and we did not use our fingers, but we did share our food. I was not sure if he thought that maybe he should use the spoon since we were at my house (an American home) and not his, but it really didn’t matter. And this is the way things have been ever since. We always share, and the feeding part is more like a ‘here try this!’ or ‘it’s so good you have to have some!’ type of thing. And like dbals mentioned in their comment, it was definitely a good bonding experience for us. ☺
Wow, that’s really lovely!
I’m going to get my husband to feed me like that. I want to know how it feels.
haha this is hilarious, im shocked too, I wasnt handfed by my mom once I reached double digit age! P:S: Indian guy lived and grew up in India for majority of life. Tho I think as a kid my aunt used to handfeed me, I loved it, but I think even she stopped when I reached double digit ages
Look here, it all depends on what part of the country you are talking about.
India is indeed a subcontinent.
I am from Uttar Pradesh, and my mum stopped feeding me when I was six or seven. I am only Sixteen right not though! and my friends, around 15 or 16, travel all around India on airplanes alone. And most of the Indians are still “Mumma’s boys”.
“Mumma, please do this”
“Mumma, please do that” etc. etc.
I’m embarrassed but I’m in my mid-30’s and while my mum has stopped hand feeding me, she’d love to do so once in a while and once in a while I’m actually tempted – and I’m a woman and married!!! It sounds so weird reading other people’s experiences but it is such a wonderful feeling being fed by one’s mum – ok I’ve said enough. My husband’s mum does not hand feed and never really has (he wouldn’t allow it).
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