My husband went to visit a friend yesterday afternoon. When he came back, I asked him “what all” happened there.
“Well,” he said, “when I arrived, my friend’s mum was feeding my friend his lunch.” Oh, you mean serving him his lunch? “No”, he replied. “his mum was feeding him his lunch with her hand”. And how old is your friend? “Around 30 years old”.
I’m fully aware that Indian mothers often hand feed their sons until they are quite old. However, I was shocked (and even a little appalled) that an adult man could still be getting hand fed by his mother!
Knowing that my husband, the eldest son, got treated like a chota raja (little king) when he was growing up, I asked him when his mother stopped feeding him. “When I was about 15 and started going out often”, he replied. And, do you think she’d still feed you now, at age 35, if you asked her to? “Yes, but she’d tell me it isn’t good”.
Hmmm. Now, I’m wondering what is normal in India in relation to this kind of behaviour. What will happen when the 30 year old Peter Pan man, who’s still being hand fed, gets married. Will his wife be expected to take over feeding duties? Or will his mother keep doing it? Or, will he finally become a grown up and start feeding himself?
All you Indian men out there, I’d love to hear about your situations. Do you still like to be hand fed? Or, up to what age did you get fed?
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Claudia, I tried the same solution that you told me up above with my girl. Did not work! Helppppppp!
Hmmm… she refused to wash the dishes or what?
I guess now you could try to be persuasive and use some “emotional” scheme. Be clever like a fox!
Promise her some little surprise IF she does what you ask her. Don’t reveal the surprise or what it could be for anything in the world! She would die of curiosity – women, as far as I know, are curious as cats. So try that – she might be a little bit disappointed to see your “surprise” is just chewing gum or something else as insignificant, but you’ll get your work done, right? :p And you can calm her down by telling her next time the surprise will be more consistent 
Gee, I would make an interesting husband, don’t you think? hahaha
Claudia, you’re funny. And you just might make a good husband! Yeah!
I’m blessed. She’s a sweetheart. She does the best she can with the little time she has at home. She works a 9+ hour job and has a 4 hour commute to and from work. I don’t blame her. And I really like keeping my house clean.
Housework is not alien to me. I come from a family where all men do as much housework as women. I can say this with confidence about all my uncles, both from my mother’s and my father’s side. I doubt there would be a guy in my family who doesn’t cook and help clean or help doing the laundry.
And you’re so right about women being as curious as cats. Have experienced it on several occasions.
Ramit, the fact that you do things in the house shows not only you are an understanding person, but a mature one also. Because you don’t necesarily show your wife respect and appreciation by helping her, but you also respect yourself as a human being. I, myself, have learnt that it is the best to know how to do all sorts of things – man or woman, it doesn’t matter. I learned even how to change a tyre from my dad, because you never know in what situation life brings you, so it is better to learn as much as you can all your life.
Thanks Claudia. Appreciate it. A person should know how to do most basic things in his household. Be it man or woman. I totally agree with you.
I’m a 26 year old (married) Indian woman. When my mother was visiting me, she hand fed me breakfast as I rushed around trying to gather my stuff.
So, it’s not just the men!
No one, at least no one in their right mind, would want to be hand fed by their spouse on a regular basis. It’s a gesture of affection that you’d find as part of several wedding ceremonies, though. Look out for that the next time you attend one.
I can totally see why you’d think its funny. It is!
I’m American and my boyfriend is from a small village near Guntur. The first time he invited me to go to his apartment was not a planned event, but he ended up making me dinner nonetheless. I was fully aware that for the most part he only used utensils when social settings deemed them necessary; for instance, restaurants. Up until that point we had only eaten together in restaurants, and never in one of our homes. I didn’t see using fingers rather than utensils as an issue at all, but I do remember, while he was in the kitchen preparing the food, thinking to myself things like, ‘I wonder if he will bring me a utensil or not’ and ‘I hope I don’t make a mess eating with my fingers if he doesn’t.’
Ok, here is where I get back on track and back to your topic of discussion
…
When he came back with one plate and one spoon my first thought was that he brought the spoon for me and he was going to eat with his fingers, but I was wrong. The spoon was for mixing the rice and the vegetables together. Like what you described in your blog entry, and what others have mentioned in the comment section, he fed me. Upon the first bite or so I didn’t know what to think. No one had ever done that for me before. Then I just let my anxiety of the strange and new situation go and ended up not taking it as anything other than one of the sweetest and kindest gestures that anyone has ever done for me before.
Not long after that, we had dinner at my home. After letting the food cool for a bit, I went to get our food. He told me to only get one plate and one spoon. He did not feed me, and we did not use our fingers, but we did share our food. I was not sure if he thought that maybe he should use the spoon since we were at my house (an American home) and not his, but it really didn’t matter. And this is the way things have been ever since. We always share, and the feeding part is more like a ‘here try this!’ or ‘it’s so good you have to have some!’ type of thing. And like dbals mentioned in their comment, it was definitely a good bonding experience for us. ☺
Wow, that’s really lovely!
I’m going to get my husband to feed me like that. I want to know how it feels.
haha this is hilarious, im shocked too, I wasnt handfed by my mom once I reached double digit age! P:S: Indian guy lived and grew up in India for majority of life. Tho I think as a kid my aunt used to handfeed me, I loved it, but I think even she stopped when I reached double digit ages
Look here, it all depends on what part of the country you are talking about.
India is indeed a subcontinent.
I am from Uttar Pradesh, and my mum stopped feeding me when I was six or seven. I am only Sixteen right not though! and my friends, around 15 or 16, travel all around India on airplanes alone. And most of the Indians are still “Mumma’s boys”.
“Mumma, please do this”
“Mumma, please do that” etc. etc.
I’m embarrassed but I’m in my mid-30′s and while my mum has stopped hand feeding me, she’d love to do so once in a while and once in a while I’m actually tempted – and I’m a woman and married!!! It sounds so weird reading other people’s experiences but it is such a wonderful feeling being fed by one’s mum – ok I’ve said enough. My husband’s mum does not hand feed and never really has (he wouldn’t allow it).
Hi! My BF is an indian & I want to know if he’s really single or not… Is there a way to check his status? (Any govt. website that you know where I can inquire or check?)
Had an almost similar experience with that “hand feeding” thing but it’s not my mother-in law who did that to my husband…it’s his friend. My God, it was really a shock for me. We were having our food and in the middle of our meal my husband’s friend hand fed him. I was so disappointed and humiliated seeing that. I was thinking, how come a guy could openly show his affection to one person who is already married and letting the wife witness it?
Not just mom, even my dad used to hand feed me when ever i ask him to.
I’m and Indian girl, 26 years old and i work in a city away from home. When I go home for vacation, some times I’ll miss good old days when me my parents and 2 sisters lived together. And during those times I’ll ask my mom / dad/ grandma to feed me by hand and it will be pleasant. When we were small, during summer vacation all of our cousins used to visit our grandma. She used to feed all of us together, giving one mouthful for each of us in turns, telling us some nice stories. Its a a way to build nice bondage
@ Hana, “…Hi! My BF is an indian & I want to know if he’s really single or not… Is there a way to check his status? (Any govt. website that you know where I can inquire or check?)…”
No, there is no easy way to check. Even if you check, it’s not necessary that the information you get is any better than what your BF gave you. The Govt. may not even know for sure that your boyfriend exists, let alone his current status.
Ha! So true!
Keeping track of over 1 billion people is not an easy task.
Technically, you can track any number of people with computers. British could have done a much better job. In fact, in terms of keeping track of population, India is rather predictable and less dynamic. Conversely, vast majority of middle-class Indians follow a strict pattern. They are less mobile. They get married once and probably never get divorced. They tend to have one or two children. Their children are likely to follow the same pattern as well. So it’s relatively easy to keep and update this information. The more mobile and unpredictable people are poor-classes who are very mobile, may not have fix residences or jobs and can have many children. Though, they too follow a pattern of an ‘agricultural-labor-intensive-class’. But it’s India. People often know things but don’t know where to start or how to go about. The lack of effective central governance is the major cause of such irregularities.
The best way to find out would be to hire a private detective. As Amit pointed out, there is no way to find out otherwise.
I just got hand fed at a reception the other day. They were distributing aloo pakodas & before I knew it, a relative popped one in my & my husband’s mouth. I was surprised, but knew it was coming from a place of love.
When it comes to cultural differences, it’s so easy to get bothered and think that this is good or bad, my way is right and other ways are wrong. But all of our beliefs are so conditioned. Living in India forces me to be aware all the time of my own beliefs, and how they make me suffer sometimes.
@ Becky, “…Living in India forces me to be aware all the time of my own beliefs, and how they make me suffer sometimes…”
This is rather a common phenomena born from a culture shock and any person regardless of her culture can get trapped into such value judgments. If you were some kind of dumb American (as Americans/whites defined the term), you would have hold onto your beliefs much harder and kept insisting on your preconceived judgment, ‘I am always right because I am white or American and we know what is RIGHT!’
I have seen this post before but never felt the need to comment….Simply because the topic itself is quite annoying and naive to say th least.
[b]Two[/b] chaps that you know were fed by mommies…Do they represent the whole population?
Unfortunately some think taht they do.
So, then we are to assume that…..
All Americans members of the Klu Klux Klan
All hispanics thieves
All black men Gangsta’s
……and so on….blah blah blah.
Hand fed by Mom??? HELL NAW !!!
[i]This is to certify that I am an Indian Man and I use my hands to eat my food[/i]
Happy ??
Dr Death, do you need a sedative?
You seem to be getting rather agitated lately!
“…Dr Death, do you need a sedative?
You seem to be getting rather agitated lately!…”
I am sure he would be okay once you give him a double cheese burger from uncle MacDonald! (I am also sure that he would say, “not all Americans eat junk food, what a nonsensical generalization!). The RIGHT thing to do is to say, “every individual is different and it’s WRONG to generalize anything about any country or culture. Indians can be as smart as aliens and Africans can be as white as Europeans. We Americans don’t teach our people the history of the world because it is a huge generalization. So we teach them the history of America only (as the history of the world), no generalization please Sharell!!!”
Its kindling my childhood memories.I think I used to get fed until the age of 2 or 3. My parents would say that when I was a child of two to three years old, I would never allow anyone to hold me let alone feed me .
However, my cousins and some of my friends used to get fed by their moms as late as college. I kinda used to feel weird and even awkward.
I can’t believe i am going to share this with strangers.
Being fed is not a big deal at all. Personally i didn’t like even as a kid because my mom or granny would stuff as much possible into my little mouth. All aside, is there anyone who goes to sleep with their parents as late as 20? I would do so until i was 20 but just after my 21(5 weeks ago)st b’day
i stopped that habit. i know this sounds really bad and awkward but there is a history to it.
My dad moved us to a industrial town to establish his new humble business and had to rent a temporary accommodation small enough so that my mom could run the house at the same time take care of 1 yr old me. We ended living there until i was 14 because the property was owned by a family that lived a floor beneath us.This put us in a secure and stable position as a new family because it is important in India in new town. This was just a 1bedroom house and 4 of us have to share the same room. Being the elder one i had to occasionally go to the living room. But summer was always 4 of us together cuz no a/c in the living room. This is where the habit started. To fuel this, i was studying in a boarding school since age 9 to 17, so whenever i came home for holidays i had to make for the lost days and go to sleep with my parents. This is a very important family moment for us because my parents worked hard thought the day and they had time only in the night to talk, i learnt a lot about their childhood and how their parents treated them in their days only in these talks, the night is always peaceful and undisturbed from people calling ,knocking or other chores. This was more like bed time stories to me. These moments are cemented in my memories. Being a rebellious teenager at 17, i wanted to go to Australia to pursue my degree which my parents didn’t take me seriously at first but then i persevered, my dad had his connections to get me into a good college locally but i kept refusing. i was approached by a lot of my relatives not to take this decision and that i was naive because it was uncommon for 17 yrs to go alone abroad with no kinsmen abroad. They would go so far to tell my parents that they have raised a spoilt child that doesn’t obey his parents but my parents being the best in the world always let me have it my way. So i ended up in Melbourne, and was the best decision in my whole life. I met lot of other indians in their 20s wishing they made their decision as early as me. Coming back, my parents brought the nostalgia back and would request me to go to sleep with them.
But, Man, i miss Melbourne, i fell in love with the city easily and never missed India the slightest bit while i was there except for my family. I wasn’t even bothered by the food. In fact i miss the tasmanian salmon which to me is the best tasting fish ever.
@ Amit Desai
I’d rather prefer “lemon chicken” than a burger…..
Its a favorite.
you can not say in general about any community in the world.may to fed at the age of thirty is ridiculous but there may be some problem with that particular person. if i will make general statement about western people are very happy in FREE SEX.just by reading this statement all who are married and happily living people in western countrywill be angry and that i will accept.SO DO NOT MAKE GENERAL STATEMENT ON ANY WEBSITE EVEN IT IS FREE OF COST.
THIS IS GOOD INSTRUMENT AND NO WEAPON.
How funny that you must focus on “free sex” in the west! Why would they be angry with your statement? People make the choice willingly to marry the partner of their choice, when they choose…. after having as much “free sex” as they want. It’s all about being liberated.
Khud ke haat se pakana and khana! (Cook by oneself and eat with hands or cutlery)
eating from one plate with my jaanuji is a regular thing for us.. its very sweet and yes i do feed him from my own hand sometimes..its sweet n intimate..and when his mummyji and papaji staying with us then they urged me to share from one plate with him.. which is a big deal…basically i think it stems from two places..one the caste system 9 IE IF SOMEONE LOWER IN CASTE THAN YOU EATS FROM THE PLATE ITS TAINTED AND YOU WONT EAT IT..SO SHAREING THE PLATE MEANS YOU ARE ACCEPTED AND EQUIL..now havn being brought up in australia and taught that all ppl are human the case system rubs against the grain for me..but i get tht for some ppl in india it still is the menatality) AND pappaji and mummyji shared the same plate..explaining.. that @ 30 years of love are mixed together on one plate ) Awww so sweet !!
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