I was watching India’s Got Talent (a talent competition) on TV on Sunday night. There was an amazing dancer on the show. A child wearing a beautiful dress, with stunning hair and makeup, around eight years old. He danced extremely well. Yes, the child was in fact a boy. This was almost impossible to distinguish, and certainly not by the way he danced.
The judges were quite astonished. One of them commented that he found it quite disturbing to start off with — this boy who looked and danced like a girl. He soon forgot about it though, because the dancing was so convincing.
The boy’s parents were asked why they dressed their child up like a girl, and encouraged him to dance like a girl. “Because it’s fun”, they replied.
Indeed, this bizarre idea of fun seems to be quite widespread in India. The first time I encountered it was when a friend put a baby photo, of one of our mates dressed up as girl, on Facebook. I thought he couldn’t be serious. But, I recognised the guy’s nose.
I noticed more pictures of boys dressed up as girls when I was looking through my inlaw’s photo albums. My sister-in-law wanted a girl, and judging by the pictures, she dressed her youngest son up as one often.
Then, I saw a photo of my husband when he was young. I’d always wanted to see what he looked like when he was a little boy. However, much to my dismay, this little boy was wearing a frilly outfit and had so much kajal (eyeliner) on that I couldn’t even tell it was him!
Strangely though, I’ve never seen a photo of a girl dressed up as a boy. I asked my husband about it. According to him, Indian girls are never dressed up as boys. It’s only boys who are dressed up as girls!
Related Posts:
- Answers to Questions About My Life in India #2
- The Hardest Thing About Living in Mumbai
- The Changing Face of Arranged Marriages in India
- Challenges With Indian-Foreigner Marriages
- The Difficulty of Dating an Indian Part 2
- The Difficulty of Dating an Indian Part 1
- The Difficulty of Dating an Indian Part 3
- Adapting to and Retaining Indian Customs
Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.
(No Ratings Yet)
Loading ...
{ 40 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh no…Little Indian girls are dressed up as boys…actually one boy in particular…Baby Lord Krishna!
Clueless is right …. but what is the big deal again?? Men and women are born equal are’nt we?? If Scots can wear kilts whats wrong with Indian Men wearing Saree??
… that too when they are just role playing. 
I think there’s this weird thing in American society where it’s really frowned upon for men to do anything “feminine” or wear anything “feminine.” It’s like many men think they have to look as dull and colorless as possible, and if they are too put together or wearing the wrong thing, it must mean they are gay. When my husband first came here, he actually had labmates pull him aside and warn him not to wear pink or flowery shirts (which he does sometimes, he’s a snazzy dresser) because he would look “gay.” He’s secure enough in his manhood that he can wear things that American men wouldn’t touch with a 10-foot pole–in our wedding, his sherwani was baby pink!
I think it’s kind of sad that many people here are so worried about gender stereotypes (or someone seeming “gay”) in the US that we force little baby boys to wear nothing but BLUE! FOOTBALL! TRUCKS! and little girls have to wear PINK! RUFFLES! PRINCESS!
So I think that if people in India are a little more fluid about this sort of thing, and don’t think it’s offensive, then that’s good. Maybe the kid on the TV show is an extreme example though, heh.
Its common for baby’s and toddlers to sport lots of kajal in India, not matter the sex. Kajal is not a feminin nor masculine thing. I’ve even seen quite a few adult males sporting it. It is supposed to be good for your eyes.
Traditionally men would play womens’ roles in religiously based dance dramas, due to sex segregation, and there are some dance troups that carry on this tradition til date, especially with regards to Krishna Lila performances.
And sometimes if a couple wanted a boy and got a girl, they would dress her up as a boy (sometimes Krishna as someone pointed out above). I’ve seen it.
Maybe this is common in the region of India ur husband is from, but typically in India, men are supposed to be macho unless they are eunuchs. Maybe in the south and east they have different mores.
And you cannot say this type of behavior is limited to India. Look at Chris Crocker or Boy George or any feminine gay from western culture.
Hi,
long time reader – delurking for the first time.
A cousin of mine always wanted daughters , one of the trivial reasons (she had other important reasons as well) being the fun of dressing them up – but ended up having 2 sons! So she decided to make the second son a guinea pig, dressed him up as a girl one day, took lots of photos before the kid realised what was happening and then let the boy be.
Both sons are now in their late teens – while my cousin looks wistfully at the photos!
But Boy George is very obviously gay!
Anyway, I wanted to buy my husband a pink stripey polo shirt but was worried he wouldn’t like the colour because it was “girly”. No need for concern though, it’s become one of his favourite tops!
Real men wear pink
Have been following your posts – since yesterday. Interesting.
Kajal isn’t gender specific at all. It’s supposed to have properties that are good for a healthy eye and used by both genders.
You also have to understand traditional Indian wear – stitched pants, even pyjamas – are a fairly “recent” attire for men. Lungis, dhotis have been worn by men traditionally. The difference between female and male wear primarily being that male wear is traditionally less colorful.
In fact the word dhoti – धोती – not sure if you can read devanagari – is used for both the male dhoti and the sari interchangeably.
There are girls only schools where girls play male roles in the plays and dances. Sometimes that happens even in mixed gender schools when there aren’t sufficient boys to play more roles.
My husband is the eldest of three boys. My MIL’s whole reason for having the third child was because she wanted a girl. She was so convinced that she was going to have a girl that she bought a bunch of adorable girl “frocks”. Well, when the little boy showed up, she had no problem dressing him up in the girl clothes. He is wearing a frock in every baby picture I’ve seen. His elder brothers have always had a good laugh remembering their “little sister” (Who, by the way, is now much bigger than his two brothers).
Oh Amy, that’s too funny!!
PGB — real men cry during sad movies too.
Hi SM, welcome!
Does your cousin’s son get teased over those photos? Surely all these poor boys who’ve been dressed up as girls must get teased so much by their friends (who are probably hiding equally amusing photos at home!)?
Which is why they, them Indian men grow up to hold hands and swing them when they walk….and being very homophobic at the same time.
Sharell wrote: “PGB — real men cry during sad movies too.
”
I am a real man but I would’nt go THAT far.
“macho” is relative to culture. I did not find Indian men, in general, to appear very masculine at all.
I think I have seen such a family picture. It did seem weird to me.
I really appreciate the fact that my Indian husband doesn’t have the same sort of gender hang-ups that many of my American guy friends do. If he shares a bed with a male friend (a common occurrence after a late night bull session in a college dorm), holds hands, hugs, no big deal. He wears bright colors, flowered shirts, pink shirts, etc, because he likes the color & style.
Both of my baby nephews are dressed up in clothes that Westerners would probably consider feminine, if not girly. But they look cute in them, so why should it matter?
Oh yes, the bed sharing! That’s another interesting thing. My husband has always shared beds with his friends. They’re all more than comfortable sleeping together. It’s quite liberating really. He’s not at all keen on the hand holding though!
I have seen that woman dressing this sons up in girly stuff I mean sometimes they let their hair grow out and you can’t even tell it’s boy anyhow. I remember my family always want me to have boy short hair as little kids keep in mind though that they made sure that I WAS total girl looking but I would have suck short hair! I had that up until 4th grade when this one sub called me young man I started to cry I told her I’m girl not boy she did not know what to say so I told my mom I want to let my hair grow so this was in the 80 only way my parents would let me have was mullit! that was until the end of 5th grade then I got cut short but into fro this time and let it grow out! they did not care for that but I told them I hate looking lboyish! to this day I don’t do short hair, right now it’s little abover my sholder but I wanted soemthing easy because I had an operation and could not deal with lot of hair right now. I think sometimes american men need to get over tht whole gay thing! My dad wears pink dress shit I think he even has pink tie!
I think the men in America who obsess over being “manly” are actually insecure and maybe even possibly gay in denial. Meaning, they may be attracted to other men but afraid for people to find out so they come off as homophobic. Men who are confident in their masculinity do not need to make overt statements about it.
It’s like some of them are so afraid of appearing girlish that they even have this concept called “man food”. What the hell is “man food”??? Food is food for goodness sake!
Can’t beat’em join ‘em are you an Indian girl?
Nik,
Can’t beat’em join ‘em calls herself (possibly himself, but who knows) pardesi gori or PG and generally have a rather poor view about Indians, mostly based on anecdotal evidences. She is well known in a lot of intercultural blogs as well as South Asian American blogs such as sepiamutiny. Although she does get banned from them on a regular basis. So there. I said it. The emperor is naked!
Maybe this is common in the region of India ur husband is from, but typically in India, men are supposed to be macho unless they are eunuchs. Maybe in the south and east they have different mores.
Well, I was one of those whose parents dressed up as a girl when young, and the practice has carried over to adulthood. I am married now, but do occassionally dress up, and my wife seems to like it too….
Hey Nik and Indian Girls,
I think dressing boys as girls do is more common in the Northern and Western regions of India definitely not in the South. I’m a Southern man and I was never dressed like a girl even though I don’t have any sisters.
Well, that’s not always true that Indian boys are the only ones who end up being dressed up as girls. Indian girls too have the craving of experiencing the opposite sex. As for the post, its lovely and I have become a fan of your blog. I have some Indian friends here in US who have White American wife’s and I see multitudes of experiences among their relationship. I am pretty sure some are bad and some equally good, but its really nice to hear and experience what a white female thinks of Indians after sacrificing everything for a culture that is completely unknown to her.
No matter what you say, I’m never dressing up as a girl! And I don’t think I’ll ever wear pink PGB, sorry!
Certain things are done for health purposes, like piercing the ears when young, wearing Gold on your body…prevents from developing certain medical conditions like Epilepsy, Kajal in the eyes( if made at home like in olden days) is nutrition for the eyes, a bindi on the forehead…is not just for beautifying, it is the region of energy dissipation which is usually covered with some coolant….( that is why u feel the forehead if u have a fever)
So, my sister in law (who wanted a girl, and dressed both her sons up as girls) gave a dress to my 6 month old nephew for Diwali yesterday. His mother (who is young and modern) was quite horrified and thought it was a mistake at first. But no!
Haha I have a photo of myself dressed as a girl with long hair and ear piercing gold ornaments with black collyrium (kajal) when I was about 10 months old! My mom dressed me like that. Infact even after 25 years I still bear those ear piercing marks!
Scarred for life!!!
I remember dressing up my son as Snow-white for his school play wen he was in kindergarten.He was lukin very cute!Crossdressing isnt so bad for kids,after all
Dear All
even i am boy but also like to crossdressed as girl
Hmm. This question never came in my mind but the first commenter is right. If girls are ever dressed up like a boy, they are dressed up like Lord Krishna. My brother was also dressed up like a girl. He was wearing frilled white frock with blue polka dots pring on it. We also had his picture in that get up.
hey dear its not always like that I have a photograph of mine on my 4th birthday dressed up as a boy…(I am third kid and I always tease my parent hmmmmmm may be you wanted a boy hee hee….)
So this post is exactly why I love to read your blog. I read about boys being dressed up as girls and I thought it was as unusual as you did. I was telling Subbu (my boyfriend) about it half thinking that he would tell me how ridiculous the whole thing was. He just looked at me, unfazed, and said “yeah, people do that if they wanted a girl but got a boy” (just like you said). I was like “that is so weird”. He said “they do that here (in the U.S.) too. you see boys with long hair”. I was like “that is not the same thing at all, that is a style, they are not dressing them up as girls”. Anyway, my point is that this article brought to my attention something that I never would have learned about Indian culture if you hadn’t written it. Subbu never would have thought it was something unusual that he should share with me. I feel like you can see things from a non Indians point of view, just like I would. There have been other posts where Subbu and I have had similar conversations as well
However, Indian the deviance. I for one believe the child rarely ever likes it. My father dressed me up as a girl and HELL did I put forth a fight…had to be belted and abused for an hour before I was forced into it…PLEASANT FAMILY TRIPS. Got me off school for a week-though, he didn’t want the teachers to notice the scars that became prominent…Good Times.
Oh my gosh, that is just so wrong!
So why do they force boys to dress up as girls? Is that supposed to be sacred, divine or blessed?
@ Abdullah K., “…So why do they force boys to dress up as girls?…”
So that the boy will get a cute girl, just like he was dressed to be. I don’t think this tradition is widespread in India though.