I’ve been feeling quite sad and gloomy the last couple of days. I’m not quite sure what it’s causing it. I think I must be lonely.
My husband hasn’t been home much lately. He’s been working during the day, and then going straight to a friend’s place because they’re producing a new track. Often he doesn’t get home until midnight. By then, I’m usually tired and ready for bed. He likes to spend another couple of hours listening to music though.
It’s tough. I don’t want him to stop what he’s doing because he gets so much enjoyment from it, and it’s his profession. It just find myself going a little crazy, spending so much time at home alone in our small apartment.
I’m all too aware of the fact that I’m surrounded by people, but my husband is one of the few that understands me. Of course, I could go next door to the neighbours. I don’t want to talk about such things as what I’m cooking for dinner tonight though. I just want to relax with a glass of wine and have a few laughs. Sure, I could go and meet a friend. In this weather, it’s likely that I would have to travel for two hours in a rickshaw just to get there though!
Ah, sometimes it’s a good thing that nothing remains permanent in life! And it’s even better that my problem is only a state of mind. This situation is a good reminder that the only person that my happiness depends upon is me. If I just work on changing my thoughts and perception a little, I won’t have to go anywhere or be with anyone to be happy again
So, I should just give myself a kick in the bum, go and put some music on, light some incense, dance around a little, and jaldi sab thik ho jayega!
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Or try this yoga for expats in Mumbai
http://www.yogafinder.com/yoga.cfm?yoganumber=27614
Hi Birs, welcome and thanks so much for sharing your interesting story.
I guess I was fortunate that I was fascinated by India from the time I first set foot in it. I’d travelled all over Europe and loved it, but India was a place that just captivated me. I think the spiritual perspective had a lot to do with it. I’ve never been to an ashram or anything like that, but the spirtual side of the country really resonates with me, and I’ve done a lot of reading about it. To me, India is a country with so many different aspects to it, I just can’t get bored with it (although of course, I do get temporarily irritated!). I do think that being accepted by my inlaws helped, and the fact that I had a long transition period before I actually moved to Mumbai and settled here and had to be part of Indian family life. I traveled around with my husband (although we weren’t married at the time) having fun and enjoying India first, for a couple of years. So I started off on a “good note” with India too!
Before they met me, my inlaws apparently had concerns that I wouldn’t cope with living in India, but my husband said I’d be fine because I’d been here for so long already, I knew what to expect. If I was uprooted from my home and had to come straight to India, and straight into Indian family life, I think I would’ve found it a lot harder to adjust. Even when I did come to Mumbai, my inlaws had an apartment all ready for my husband and I, and they let us live together in it together before we actually got married. So, I never had to deal with living in a joint family. I’ve been very fortunate that things have been relatively easy for me in this regard.
I really feel for your little girl having to already wonder at that age if her “friends” are true friends. As you can probably see from my writings, I find this aspect one of the hardest things about living in India too. I don’t want to be someone’s “friend” just because they are curious about me, or entertained by me, or because it gives them status to be seen with a white person. Like my new conservative Gujurati neighbours for example, they were so interested in me to the point that I had to be abrupt to them to stop them knocking on my door. However, if they knew the REAL me, they wouldn’t like me at all! I drink alcohol, go out to bars and clubs with my husband, and wear “revealing” tops when I’m at these places. They would think I’m lacking in proper values and most likely would want nothing more to do with me!
So, in reality, I have very little to offer the neighbours. I don’t speak their language well (and they don’t speak mine!), I have no interest in talking about dinner (or any other meal, or what I’ve eaten for the day, or what I will eat), or sitting around all day watching saas-bahu serials on TV and gossiping.
I’m so glad you shared your feelings because it’s really helped me in seeing that my reactions are normal, and I’m not alone with what I’m experiencing in regards to my relations with other people here. I really miss being able to relate to people (most particularly the Indian ladies) on equal terms too.
I’m with the exercise & volunteering approaches. Endorphins are an amazing thing when you’re feeling lonely or out of sorts – in fact, I first started running regularly when I was living in Germany and missing home. And volunteering is a good way to connect with others while doing something outside the house.
Hey Sharell thanks!
I do too feel so good about being able to relate and be understood!
Yes you are absolutely right about being gradually introduced to India versus picking up the bags and landing into dreamland. My husband and I met on the net…yeah..one of those stories. Our virtual dating lasted 2 and half years with everything on but physical touch. At one moment/ especially after him being refused visa/ I just…did it! We got married the next month of my arrival/ being already decided we get married. After that my typical Indian housewife life started unfolding / saas-bahu story without the lots of jewlery, dowry fights, tragic victimizations and etc/.
So…may be it was more than natural to be put off. My hubby had a real hard time..
yes my girl has to wonder from now and grow with imbedded distrust and preferring a save pool of topics for conversations – food, games, books, exams and of the sorts….unless we just return to my country where she would talk about anything else but exams and books ahahhahahaha.joking../ but here the prevalent idea is that in west kids don’t study/.
I will be following your blog..
What impressed me is that you are a positive person and very welcoming/ problem!!!:)/ And you regard your readers with respect and warmth…this is goooood!
Wow, that’s an interesting story Birs. It sounds like you’ve gone though a lot, and done so well to make your marriage a success. I love my readers because they all have such fascinating stories and information to share, and I get to learn so much from them.
Just found this website. It’s so interesting! I’m an Indian living in the US, but I meet Indian expats all the time. It’s intersting to see how the perspective of a foreigner living in India is, because there arent many of them. Will follow your blog from now on.
Keep writing the blogs. Writing is therapeutic and we enjoy reading the posts.
oh … there are amazing things to be discovered once in mumbai you can have lots of fun while exploring , learning, eating out and stuff like that… have you tried yoga classes, meditation camps, libraries and art galaries.. i am not talking of usual stuff of shopping and dining etc… i am talking of more profound things which work at your being… infact do hold on to that boredom because that is the door to meditation…. how ? well tell me, are we not all restless many a times… in times when we feel we have nothing to do, nothing to achieve, nothing to long for and we are bored, restless… we look forward to fill next moment, next evening, next day … so we try to find out the excuse.. like in your case you feel you are bored because your husband is not around or you may not have anything meaningful to do … but please understand.. even if you have something meaningful to do and even if your husband is around …. it is just an excues for you to fill your mind with something… but the moment your mind is free from this excuse you will again feel lonly and boared… but you will never… i repeat never escape this rollercoaster ride of filling next moment… unless you realise you do not need to…..
please understand when you go in meditation and see yourself separate from your mind you will not longer be part of this game.. the game of mind to fill up next moments or next day… you will have peace silence and tranquility … of rest…. you will be thoughtless and not restless… you will find rest, peace… you would have come home…
try practising osho meidtations… there are hundreds of them in his organge book… if any of the meidtation works for you … that you will never i repeat never feel lonely and bored…..
or if you want to know more on the practice of meditation you can write to me on tochinmay@gmail.com
Hi Chinmay, thanks for your suggestions. I actually did have meaningful work to do. I think my problem was more caused by being in an environment where I wasn’t at all comfortable. Now that we live in a different neighbourhood, where I do feel comfortable, I don’t feel that way anymore although my husband is still out working a lot. I rarely get bored and do meditate. I’ve tried quite a few different styles, including the 10 day Buddhist Vipassana course.
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