It Does Get Lonely Sometimes

Hi Birs, welcome and thanks so much for sharing your interesting story.

I guess I was fortunate that I was fascinated by India from the time I first set foot in it. I’d travelled all over Europe and loved it, but India was a place that just captivated me. I think the spiritual perspective had a lot to do with it. I’ve never been to an ashram or anything like that, but the spirtual side of the country really resonates with me, and I’ve done a lot of reading about it. To me, India is a country with so many different aspects to it, I just can’t get bored with it (although of course, I do get temporarily irritated!). I do think that being accepted by my inlaws helped, and the fact that I had a long transition period before I actually moved to Mumbai and settled here and had to be part of Indian family life. I traveled around with my husband (although we weren’t married at the time) having fun and enjoying India first, for a couple of years. So I started off on a “good note” with India too! Before they met me, my inlaws apparently had concerns that I wouldn’t cope with living in India, but my husband said I’d be fine because I’d been here for so long already, I knew what to expect. If I was uprooted from my home and had to come straight to India, and straight into Indian family life, I think I would’ve found it a lot harder to adjust. Even when I did come to Mumbai, my inlaws had an apartment all ready for my husband and I, and they let us live together in it together before we actually got married. So, I never had to deal with living in a joint family. I’ve been very fortunate that things have been relatively easy for me in this regard.

I really feel for your little girl having to already wonder at that age if her “friends” are true friends. As you can probably see from my writings, I find this aspect one of the hardest things about living in India too. I don’t want to be someone’s “friend” just because they are curious about me, or entertained by me, or because it gives them status to be seen with a white person. Like my new conservative Gujurati neighbours for example, they were so interested in me to the point that I had to be abrupt to them to stop them knocking on my door. However, if they knew the REAL me, they wouldn’t like me at all! I drink alcohol, go out to bars and clubs with my husband, and wear “revealing” tops when I’m at these places. They would think I’m lacking in proper values and most likely would want nothing more to do with me! So, in reality, I have very little to offer the neighbours. I don’t speak their language well (and they don’t speak mine!), I have no interest in talking about dinner (or any other meal, or what I’ve eaten for the day, or what I will eat), or sitting around all day watching saas-bahu serials on TV and gossiping.

I’m so glad you shared your feelings because it’s really helped me in seeing that my reactions are normal, and I’m not alone with what I’m experiencing in regards to my relations with other people here. I really miss being able to relate to people (most particularly the Indian ladies) on equal terms too.