Grandma and me. Christmas 2007.
My mum called me last night to tell me that my grandma, bless her, passed away. Although she’d been ill, it was still a shock for me. She’d had a heart operation but was supposed to be getting better.
The last I heard, she was going to be transferred to a hospital closer to home for rehabilitation. However, she started becoming frail. She wasn’t being looked after properly at the hospital. Then, one of the staff administered too much of the wrong medicine. She went unconscious, and then quietly passed away.
My father-in-law couldn’t believe it. He thought such incidents only happened in Indian hospitals. I’m in disbelief too. It was an $800 a day private hospital. More than anything, I feel so angry and cheated. I never got to see my grandma before she died, and she never got to meet my husband. Sadly, I won’t be going to her funeral either.
This has to be one of the most difficult things about living so far from home. I can’t readily be with my family during times of need, or even times of celebration.
Fortunately, my mum is coping well. My grandma was 93 years old and had a good life. My mum and I discussed whether I should come home, and decided that there’s not much point right now. My mum is worried that I may get swine flu (it’s apparently quite rampant in Australia at the moment, although I’m not that concerned about it). I feel that I would be more of a hindrance than a help if I was there, due to my current disturbed state of mind. I’ve very sensitive, and could easily become overemotional and depressed by how the situation unfolded, especially if surrounded by it. Then of course, there are the travel plans that I’ve committed myself to for the next three weeks. I have very little enthusiasm for them now, but my mum and I both think that a distraction will help take my mind off what has happened. And, my grandma would want me to continue with the plans.
My mum and I have the view that it doesn’t matter where I am in the world, my thoughts and prayers will still reach my grandma. And, I’m also comforted by the fact that I believe there is an afterlife. India is beneficial in that way.
These thoughts are a logical view of the circumstances though. It doesn’t change the fact that living so far away from home can be very painful at times. For all the good experiences that it brings, there are others that must be sacrificed.
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{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
I am glad you are going forward with the trip to Himachal. A very good way to cope with sorrow under the circumstances IMHO. Best wishes.
i am really sorry to hear about ur Grandma’s death, This sort of news scares me a lot. i too have my Grandma alive.
I agree with PGB. Best wishes and STAY SAFE while traveling.
I am looking forward to reading your travel tales.
Thanks so much. I’m really glad to know that you both think I’m doing the right thing. It eases my mind, because I feel so bad being away from home sometimes. Hopefully, I’ll have lots of crazy stories to tell from my travels. I was speaking to my mum again, and she thinks (along with everyone else!) that the auto rickshaw race will be hilarious.
Yup.
Do try to blog when traveling. i dont know if its possible or not.But try.
i also recently had an AWESOME TOUR of mountains. But it was in Sikkim.
Blogging from the mountains will be Cool.
You know, i have a fetish for travel blogs.
i spend hours in http://www.travelblog.org/
reading travel stories from different countries.
I am sorry for your loss. It is painful to be away at such times and the sadness is all the more because you never got to say good bye. I can relate to you since I am far away from my family. Last year my father fell terminally ill and I was told to rush home to say good bye to him. Even though my heart was breaking, I cannot describe the happiness I felt that I got to see him alive before he passed away. The sorrow and pain I experienced while I was here and was not sure if I owudl make it on time was too severe.
May your grandmother rest in peace. Atleast she lived her life.
I hope you have a nice trip and am sure she is there in spirit with you.
All the best:)
I’m so sorry to hear about your grandma – she looks like a very lovely woman. I agree that keeping your travel plans is probably the best thing to do.
This is one of the major problems I see with international relationships or marriages – you’re never going to be able to live near the families of both parties, and at least one of you is always going to be living in a foreign country. That’s not always a problem, certainly – it can be an adventure like your last post describes – but in moments of stress or family problems it can hurt to not be close to home.
Wishing you the best…
P.S. I’m sure this isn’t on the top of your priorities, but it looks like there’s a coding error in your comments section.
My thoughts are with you and your family as everyone copes with this loss.
Sharell…my deepest condolances in the loss of your grandmother. It sounds like she lived a full life, and I am sure you will forever keep near the wonderful memories that you have with her.
My husband arrived 1.5 weeks before my grandfather passed away in 2006. My grandfather wanted so badly to meet my husband and we all feel that he “held on” until he came and then after telling me I had married a wonderful man, passed away. We have a few pic together but it was still a very sad time.
Safe travels and mostly I pray that your heart will find peace through this. Take care.
Thank you so much everyone, for your very comforting words and understanding. I’m most grateful.
GG — I’m trialing a new plug-in for comments at the moment. It’s supposed to group the comments together by poster if you click on their name. Not sure yet whether to keep it yet or not because I’ve only just installed it. It seems to be a work in progress.
Sharell, It’s not just India or Australia or any one place for that matter that is having these problems in hospitals and nursing homes. My good friend was a nurse, and had to eventually quit after becoming so stressed and anxious over how the nursing homes/hospitals are run. She witnessed many instances like your grandma’s.
I can completely relate with you as well. My grandpa passed in November from what we suspect was from neglect, and my grandmother passed away from catching an infection while in the hospital.
Your post hits home hard. I am struggling with finding ways to live the life I want, but equally want to keep my family near, and it seems impossible. And if my family is near, my boyfriends will not be. I am also just as sensitive as you seem to be. Being a sensitive soul is sometimes very very hard in this life!
I wish the best for you and your family. I also agree that you should continue on with your plans. That’s what your grandma would have wanted! Take care!
MDG, if you keep your family near, why won’t your boyfriend be? Isn’t your boyfriend Desi? They are usually very family oriented. What’s up with that?
Sharell, my condolences. I can imagine that it would be really hard to be so far from your family when something like this happens.
Can’t Beat “em, yes he is desi. His family is in India and Abu Dhabi. I (we) are in America.
Sharell, that’s a sad news. My condolences. Grand parents are always dear to all and they have a wealth of knowledge and experience to share with all. And I agree with one of the posts above that your prayers can reach her from anywhere in the world.
Your trip to Spiti should help you overcome this personal loss.
Take care.
Sharell, I’m so sorry about your Grandma’s passing. It sounds like she was a lovely woman, and clearly you were close. It’s hard to be so far away, but you’re right that sometimes traveling home to be with your family ends up causing a lot of extra work and commotion. I think your Mum is giving you sound advice. Your prayers and thoughts will reach your Grandma from anywhere. Travel will be a good distraction, and you do have to continue on with your life – maybe you could dedicate some part of your travel to your Grandma’s memory.
When my grandfather died many years ago, and I was here in India, one thing that helped me feel a little better about not having seen him for a long time before his death was that I would light a candle or say a little prayer in his name whenever I happened upon a church or temple. I’m not a religious person and don’t regularly go to church or the temple, but I felt like it was a nice way to honor his memory.
And one thing that I find very nice about Indian society in general is that people have a lot of respect for grief. If you tell someone that you’ve lost your grandmother, they will immediately offer condolences, give you space for your sadness, and maybe even shed a few tears with you. Not that people in other places wouldn’t, but at least in the US, many people are very uncomfortable with others’ grief and don’t really know how to gracefully offer condolences and support, so they sometimes end up being inadvertently hurtful by trying to cheer you up.
May your happy memories of your Grandma soon outweigh your grief at her passing.
MDG, so if you are in USA where your family is, why can’t you be near to your family and near to him at the same time? Is your family against him or is he against your family?
”Can’t Beat “em, yes he is desi. His family is in India and Abu Dhabi. I (we) are in America.”
Hi Sharell, My condolences to you and your family. I can totally relate to you, longing for the loved ones who are sooo closed to heart and geographically sooo distant.
I’m so sorry for you loss Sharell.
I agree that it can be difficult to be so far away from family, but this can be true even if you are living in the same country. Right now, I’m on the west coast and all my family is on the east coast. I would be able to go home in an emergency but it would be expensive and only about 10 hours shorter than an international flight.
The important thing is that you are there with them in spirit, you are remembering your grandmother with love and continuing to live your life the way she would want you to.
I think you are doing all of these things beautifully. Hugs to you >:D<
Sharell, my deepest condolences are with you and your family, I can completely understand how you feel at this time, I too live in a different city as compared to my mother and family and I know the helpless feeling that comes with it when they need you in times like these.
Anyhow, glad to know your doing alrite and so is your mum. Do Tk Cr and remember your grandmum in your prayers and keep smiling, that would what she would want always am sure.
So sorry to hear of your loss, Sharell.