Surprisingly, despite our cultural differences, my husband and I are from similar backgrounds. His parents come from a village in Orissa. Mine are also from the country. My mum’s family are farmers.
However, while my husband was born in Mumbai, I was born in the country and lived there for 21 years. The town only had 6,000 people.
As soon as I got the opportunity, I moved to Melbourne. I was quite shy, but I wanted to experience life in the fast lane. I was curious about everything that was on offer, and threw myself into it enthusiastically. It was a great eyeopener for me. My husband’s career in the music industry also lead him to experience life in the fast lane.
When I met my husband, I slotted into his life quite easily. After all, it wasn’t much different to the life I’d been leading back home (but had had enough of). He really stood out because of his simplicity though. He was refreshingly genuine. I soon discovered that he was very adaptable too. He’s just as comfortable in city or the country, and in the company of celebrities or country folk.
The fact that we’re very simple people at heart led us to seek out a simpler and more meaningful lifestyle. We really love being at home. However, the other lifestyle is still very familiar. We live a life of contrasts at times. I find it more unsettling than anything though.
I had one such experience on the weekend. I went to a house party at a beautiful and spacious apartment in Bandra. A Bollywood actress was there. She was talking about how she’s going to the US for two months but isn’t sure about where to live. She wants a big place but is concerned about getting good staff. It’s very important because she doesn’t know how to operate a washing machine or dishwasher, and doesn’t want to learn.
At the end of the night, it was quite late. The actress took pity on me, having to find my way home to a distant suburb that she’d never hear of, and kindly loaned me her car and driver. She was very sweet. On the way to drop her off at her apartment first, we started chatting in the car.
“So what do you like about Indian men?”, she asked me. Thinking of my husband, I told her I liked their values and sense of commitment. I also mentioned how Indian men tend to be quite stable and caring, which is what’s often missing in the West.
She seemed somewhat surprised by my response. “And you?”, I asked her. “What are your views on Indian men?”. They are too possessive and controlling, she told me. And they only see me as an actress, not who I really am. “Hmmm, I guess I got lucky”, I said to her.
Upon waking up in the morning, I began thinking about the experience. A spacious apartment. A car. Damn, it was enough to start me missing my comforts from home again. I mentioned how I was feeling to my husband, and asked him for his views.
“Well”, he told me “you’ve already had all that back in Australia. Now it’s time to experience living this way. And besides, those people aren’t any happier than we are”.
Exactly! I was quite stunned. He couldn’t have possibly said anything better to banish my superficial thoughts.
At that moment, I realised that what I liked most about my husband wasn’t any of the things I’d mentioned to the actress. It was his simple and meaningful outlook on life, which at its essence, matched mine.
(The above right photo is of my mum’s vegetable garden at home. Now, that’s what I really miss!).
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{ 42 comments… read them below or add one }
Oi you conveniently forgot to mention the actress’s name.
I know. There’s so much more I COULD write.
What if I told you I met Morgan Freeman when I was taking out trash … would you believe me?? True story BTW.
I probably would. I’m pretty gullible.
No, actually, I believe anything’s possible. Did you say anything to him?
Yup … he asked me directions to the airport …. My mouth was half open … I was staring at him to make sure he was IT ….. and then said “I don’t know” ….. It was an epic fail on my part.
I don’t blame you, he is rather imposing! But at least you said you didn’t know. Imagine if you were feeling particularly Indian and made up some directions instead.
Initially, I wasn’t much better when I met the actress. I’d already done a bit of confused staring myself (first of all I was wondering what the heck she was doing at the party, if it was in fact her, but it turns out my friend’s husband is her manager). Then she introduced herself and I replied “oh, you are, aren’t you. I thought you looked familiar!”.
My Recipe for the Ideal Man:
1. The physique and sexual magnetism of the Black (African) Man.
2. The spiritual culture and family values of the Brown (Desi/Indian) Man.
3. The facial features of the Golden/Tawny (Middle Eastern or Mediterenean) Man.
4. The feminist training of the White (Euro/American) Man.
Where the hell can I find this winning combo????
I’ll clone him and sell him all over the world and make tons of money!
Even if you found him, no doubt someone would’ve already snapped him up!!! Maybe they’ll start cloning him. At least you have #1 living in close proximity though, right?!
Wow, thats sweet.loved it.
You know even i sometimes feel like going to a village and live a simple life…lol.
“”The actress took pity on me”"
I guess its you who should take pity on that actress as she cannot operate simple day to day things.
I have dreams of returning to the country one day, when the time is right. I don’t think it will be the Indian countryside though! My husband’s tales of the communal toilet under a tree make me recoil in horror and laughter!
I don’t think he liked it very much either. Hopefully things have progressed since those days though.
Oh man, I’m dying to know who the actress was!
It’s those shared values and life goals that are the really important part about finding a compatible mate. That’s what my husband and I share, for sure–similar goals when it comes to education, career, family, etc. And I agree that one thing I liked about him right away was his caring and stability and family values.
Sharell,
“”I have dreams of returning to the country one day,..”
Keep dreaming sister. You never know it might turn out to be true right here in India.
Dont u worry…..a special toilet will be built exclusively for our beautiful gori mem-sahib……
D — keep an eye out for any Bollywood actresses taking up residence in the US in the near future.
I’d like to just blurt it all out but I want to respect her privacy because we had a surprisingly genuine and personal conversation in the car.
It’s interesting, a lot of people wonder how two people from two such different cultures can have the same goals and values — but it is very possible!
Gawd IP, I’m having visions of some kind of throne (because it will have to be a western style toilet)!!
haha.
That read like a post that came from a romantic and very genuine place. I am so glad you and your spouse really LIKE each other… that is so much more than love and another half a dozen commonly used words.
After 21 years of being married I will say, Like is really important. Like lasts.
The poor poor actress type person. What a silly woman. A life half lived if she cannot even fathom how to take care of herself. Interestingly most important people that I know are pretty adventerous and independent never mind how coddled they are in everyday life.
Thats wonderful to hear. I agree with what AnotherKiran says. Like is important because like gets you through the hard times.
Remember though, that you can have all those western things in India, ( and many people do) but you choose not to because you know that you dont need them to make you happy. Your Husbands right.
Toilet situation is much better in rural India, with Total Sanitation Campaign. It is urban India that still stinks.
Ohh I loved your writing. Have read alot of posts in an hour. From your wedding to this. Quite an interesting life! Good luck to you!
Thanks so much for reading, sammie. I’m glad you’ve enjoyed it.
Dear Sharell,
I have never been to a western country, but visited countries like singapore,malaysia,thailand and russia. What I like the most about these countries is the cleanliness. Cleanliness is next to godliness but unfortunately Indians don’t keep their surroundings clean. Sanitation in India is pathetic. Almost half the population in India does not have access to toilets. Air pollution is at alarming levels in almost all big indian cities. The water in India is contaminated and creates diseases like diarrhoea,dysentry,jaundice,typhoid etc.
Slums are a blot on the urban landscape and create cleanliness, sanitation problems. The cruise on the Volga river (in Russia) was fantastic but we Indians have polluted our rivers. Rivers like Ganga, Yamuna have been converted into big drains. Even today about 87% of the effluents are discharged directly into the rivers and seas without being treated. Many of the sewer drains in Indian cities are uncovered and breeding places of mosquitoes contributing to the spread of diseases like malaria and dengue. Streets in India are littered with garbage. The municipality sweepers don’t report to duty on time.
If India is to become a developed nation by 2025 cleanliness, sanitation issues should be addressed. Lack of cleanliness creates a very bad impression about India on the minds of Foreign tourists.
Shaunak, why do you think the Indian government lags so far behind in sanitation and cleanliness.
On a personal level, Indians are amongst the cleanest people in the world – what with their obsession with snan “taking bath” so many times in a day, and Indian homes, no matter how humble, are cleansed every morning at dawn.
So why does this cleanliness not reflect outside of the home???
Shaunak, what does that have to do with anything?! Yes, India isn’t clean or rich. In other news, scientists have discovered that the world isn’t flat and that Australia will in fact win every cricket world cup every played.
Anyways, I digest. This is another wonderful, warm and insightful post.
Do you mind if I blogroll you? Rather, may I have the honour?
Of course, Shravan, I’d be delighted. Thank you!
BTW, I just had a quick read of your blog and really like your current post about the city. It’s very evocative.
@ Can’t Beat ‘Em Join ‘Em
You want a paradox of a man. If a man is physically attractive with sexual charisma (and he knows it), he isn’t going have his options bogged down by family values and spiritualism, unless he is at an advanced age. He will also not give a dime about feminism.
Your ‘ideal man’ is like the paradoxial wife a tradtional, educated Indian man would like:
1. Independant and confident but demure and submissive to the husband
2. Beautiful and adventurous but virgin till she gets married
3. Educated working woman who is also expected to take care of home and kids
…or like the paradoxial woman a typical European male wants:
1. Adventurousness of a teenage girl
2. Youthfulness of a 20-something woman
3. Libido of a 30-something woman
4. Sophistication of a 40-year old woman
However most men (and women like Sharell) are realists. They are happy with a real person, not a make-believe one.
Hahahahaha……..Excellent response yaar….Abdulla rocked big time.
Hey dude…….ur website link NOT working……i wanna see ur pics
Actually Abdullah, I have met a few men that are handsome, sexy, intelligent, spiritual and feminist, so you are wrong that the combo does not exist. It does. Even if rarely.
However, usually if they are all that, they lack money.
Guess we can’t have it all!
@ GORIDEVI
Ditto! And if by any chance they happen to have money as well, they tend to be rather boring and selfish in bed. Like Brad Pitt for example.
@ Ronny
Thank you for your compliments and apologies for not being able to access my site. I decided to hold off bringing this site online till I find a decent copy protection model.
Abdullah, how do you know Brad Pitt is boring and selfish in bed? Did Angelina say as much? I prefer John Abraham anyway….
John Abraham certainly is good looking, but he falls short of my criteria cos he’s not the sensitive and emotional type!
Jennifer Aniston did, in an interview a few months back. Indirectly though, but I have a knack for making connections.
“John Abraham certainly is good looking, but he falls short of my criteria cos he’s not the sensitive and emotional type!”
………………
John is a PETA representative. He speaks on compassion for animals and he is indeed the sensitive type. As far as “emotional type”… ALL Indian men are emotional – big mama’s boys.
In interviews he always goes on about how independent and unromantic he is!
You can’t extrapolate compassion for animals to romantic sensitivity. Hitler was compassionate to animals but a savage to humans.
John Abraham is not Hitler! Nonetheless, who’s to say Hitler wasn’t romantically sensitive to Eva Braun? If you read their biographies he indeed was!
You can’t extrapolate savagery to a total lack of romantic sensibilites.
Is being independant a bad thing, really?
No kidding?
Yeah, but you can’t use romantic sensibility is not a judge of a person’s sensitivity. In my line of work, I have known sadistic psychos who are quite romantic with their wives.
No it’s not bad at all. I just prefer my man to be very affectionate. But now I’m thinking less romance and sensitivity could be a good thing after mention of the sadistic psychos!
BTW, John Abraham lives in the same building as one of my friends. Maybe I should visit there more often. 
Duh! If I had a friend living in the same building as John Abraham I would sooooooooo be visiting there more often! Plus Sharell, you’re tall, I think he likes tall women (Bips). Dress up in your finest and go pay your friend a visit!
Would give you something interesting to blog about.
You expect me to kiss n tell.
You should come for a visit and I’ll point you in the right direction!! 
Sharell, the picture of the garden and the view behind it is very beautiful. I do envy you!
So I’d love yo move to India..now looking for that man..any tips
lol