Our landlord stopped by today to collect his mail, which isn’t unusual. He does so from time to time when he’s in town. Unfortunately, I wasn’t dressed appropriately for his visit. Why? Because it was morning, and he didn’t tell me he was coming (which also isn’t unusual).
I was in the process of doing work and laundry, and hadn’t even showered. (Obviously, my husband and I don’t follow the Hindu tradition of bathing in the morning before eating!).
The good thing is that I like the guy — he’s well educated and interesting to talk to — so it wasn’t really an issue. And thankfully, the apartment was impressively clean. However, his unannounced visits highlight the stark contrast between renting in the west and renting in India.
In the west, it’s rare that you ever get to meet your landlord. In Australia, all transactions, including signing of contracts, are handled by a real estate agent. The landlord must give at least 24 hours notice before visiting the property.
In India, having a personal relationship with your landlord is unavoidable. It’s likely that you’ll have met your landlord before the contract is even signed. When I was trying to rent an apartment in Calcutta, I was interviewed by a number of bossy female landlords who laid down the law. No alcohol, no mixed gender tenants (except for married couples), and no going out after 11 p.m!
Then, if your landlord is anything like mine, you can expect an intimate relationship to develop. I’ll never forget the first time I met my landlord’s wife. She turned up unannounced as well, and came barging into the bedroom to see me — despite the door being shut.
Her second, also unannounced, visit was even worse. It happened on the day that my grandma’s funeral was taking place back home in Australia. I had been crying and wasn’t in the mood to see anyone. I thought I could hide from her in the bedroom, but again she came in. I felt terrible that I could barely even manage to smile at her.
I told my landlord about it today, and at least we could laugh over it. “She must have been coming to offer her condolences”, he joked. But seriously, he explained that she was a little less cultured in her mentality. He also offered to help me get the situation with the new neighbours under control, if I hadn’t already done so.
Personally, I think we’ve been very fortunate with our landlord. Now that I’ve gotten used to it, having a personal relationship with him has worked out favorably. He’s only a phone call or email away if we have any problems. His mother is also very genuine. She’s given me some lovely Indian clothes (and yes, has also completely rearranged my kitchen!). I’m sure we’ll remain friends into the future.
Related Posts:
- The Difficulty of Renting an Apartment in India
- The Hardest Thing About Living in Mumbai
- Reflecting on 2009
- Visiting My Old Home, Melbourne
- My New Home in Mumbai
- Dealing With Water Cuts in Mumbai
- How Much Does House Size Matter?
- Republic Day in India
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{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }
Does he read this blog?
“”In India, having a personal relationship with your landlord is unavoidable.”"
Actually in India, “personal relationship” develops almost with everyone u deal with.
i guess people in the west are way too formal in their dealings. Not in India.
Cheers Sharell……..its good that u have such a warm relationship with your landlord’s family.
Not everyone is as lucky as u and ur husband are…….
So true Ronny, about the personal relationships! The good thing about western formality it is that you know what to expect and when. The bad thing is that it lacks warmth.
PGB — I very much doubt he does. He’s an engineer who’s not so much into the internet. Plus, I don’t publicise this blog! Most of my friends and family don’t even know about it. (Hope it remains that way too. lol).
“‘The good thing about western formality it is that you know what to expect and when. The bad thing is that it lacks warmth.”"
I guess because of this “western formality” u got bored in Australia and came to India.
i actually dont understand certain things about the west. For example why maintain so much “formality” among friends and family.
Anyways, every country and culture is different and we need to respect that.
Actually, no way!!! I’m very much used to western formalities and I find the lack of formality here very difficult to deal with. It’s required quite a bit of adapting to and has probably been my biggest challenge. One of the reasons why I “prefer” India to Australia is that in Australia people are very much caught up in their own lives — making money, building huge houses, acquiring more and more possessions. All things that they don’t really need. Sure, it happens in some levels of Indian society too, but on the whole, I’ve found the focus to be different here in India. Life in India has more meaning. Australia lacks culture.
As for why we have such formality in the west, I’m not too sure either! I think perhaps it comes from the fact that we have more space. People are therefore more protective of their privacy. In India, it’s unavoidable that you have to live in close confines with other people, so such formality can’t be maintained.
Hey Sharell
“”I’m very much used to western formalities and I find the lack of formality here very difficult to deal with.”"
You did not get my point. Of course, u are “”very much used to western formalities”".
The point that i am making is, such formalities actually make life a bit boring. Correct me if i am wrong as i never lived abroad.
“”It’s required quite a bit of adapting to and has probably been my biggest challenge.”"
This is the reason i respect u. You accepted the “biggest challenge” and succeeded to a large extent.
“”"”Life in India has more meaning”"”"
Its because of such informality that living in India is fun.
You interact with people at a MORE PERSONAL LEVEL. All these i guess adds meaning to life.
Cheers.
Actually, the formalities do make life a bit boring and very planned. There isn’t much spontaneity. Sometimes with my friends, I have to arrange a week and a half in advance to see them! We organise to meet each other on a certain day at a certain time. I can’t even remember the last time I’ve dropped into to a friend’s place unannounced. It just doesn’t happen, and they wouldn’t appreciate it! It wasn’t that kind of boredom that made me think of leaving Australia though, cos I’m actually not a very spontaneous person at heart!
“”I’m actually not a very spontaneous person at heart!”"
Haha……no worries India will teach you.
Remember “yeh meri pati hai” performance
………Lol
So what r u doing in such a beautiful lazy Sunday morning??
Ah yes, I can be very spontaneous when irritated!
Hmmm…. well, I’m preparing to go to the in laws for lunch, maybe followed up by some pandal hopping for Ganesh Chaturthi. I’m debating with my husband whether we should take the train or go on the bike since it’s so rainy today (he’s not keen at all on the train!), and what time we should be there (he wants to leave here araam se despite the fact he told them that we’d be there at 2 pm)! Ah, decisions, decisions.
Cool.
You and your hubby should “”go on the bike since it’s so rainy today”".
And purposefully forget the umbrella or raincoat!!
Nothing is better than getting wet in the rain….haha
“‘he wants to leave here araam se despite the fact he told them that we’d be there at 2 pm”"
Yeah, leave araam se…….we are Indians…..2pm can very well be stretched to 3 or 4…..
…….
Pandal hopping is great too……..but nothing can match the pandal hopping of Kolkata…..agree??
Oh too bad landlord/landlady do not read the blog. I was hoping you could curry more favours by writing so much nicer stuff about them.
….
For me Ganesh chaturthi was one of those days where both mom and dad will be in the kitchen preparing a great variety of food….not to mention hours spent arguing who will prepare what
Nooo, I’m still too concerned about my appearance to arrive at my in-laws looking wet and disheveled. (Lack of spontaneity rears it’s ugly head again!!). But I think we have reached a solution/compromise. We go on the bike but we leave here on time (exactly 1 p.m. and no later, and I’ll be checking my watch!! haha
)
Sadly, I never got to experience a Durga Puja in Kolkata. I hear so many amazing things about it though.
Hey Sharell
Hoping to see lots of Pandal hopping pics in your next post.
Dont forget the camera…..
Cheers and am logging off now……..Bye
Hey Sharell
Did you forget to take your camera with u while pandal hopping??
Where are the pics yaar??
Cheers
Ronny!!! Did you forget we’re in India yaar?
I had my pics all ready to upload when guess what, no internet connection since midday. Must be some fibre problem because the cable TV (same provider) isn’t working either. 
It’s yet to be fixed, and the provider isn’t answering their phone, so I’ve had to go to an internet cafe to get my work done! So sorry, I’ll get the pics up as soon as the connection comes back — hopefully it will be some time tomorrow, but who knows! A huge dose of Indian patience is required! 
“”A huge dose of Indian patience is required”"
Very Good.
After spontaneity, Sharell is learning patience in “A huge dose”.
But i am a patient man…..take your time Sharell….no worries.
Cheers
Hi Sharell,
I wanted to share my views on this
“As for why we have such formality in the west, I’m not too sure either! I think perhaps it comes from the fact that we have more space. People are therefore more protective of their privacy. In India, it’s unavoidable that you have to live in close confines with other people, so such formality can’t be maintained.”
I think this is more to do with the joint family system and the way children are brought up that is prevalent in India. Space is not a significant reason in my opinion. Like in my hometown everyone has his own house with a big lawn etc etc.. but still you know almost everyone in the locality.. i guess the desire to connect and know the other people is a part of Indian society and culture, which may also be a reason for the lack of privacy (of which you are a victim
).
Anyways how is Ganesh Chaturthi festival going on. I miss the festival though I am against the way it is celebrated like blocking out all the roads, terrible noise and the Immersion of Lord Ganesh into the sea which causes the loss of aquatic life.
Have fun
Wishes
Monika
I think the society you live in can very easily condition your response. I spent my childhood in India, and wouldn’t hesitate to visit relatives/ friends with no notice( this was about 30 years ago, when telephone connections were scarce in India), and no one would blink an eye. Of course now in the US, I wouldn’t dream of visiting anyone without calling/ e mailing etc.. and stick to the time we were invited.I am totally at ease doing this. Given the limited amount of leisure time, and the need to do so many household chores by yourself over a weekend, people in the US respect your time very much.
The issue of privacy is also interesting. My kids are growing up with their own bedrooms and expect that my wife and I respect their privacy( no snooping around their room, barging in without a knock etc..).. a far cry from how I grew up, sleeping on a bed similar to the ‘Sofa Bed’ you wrote about recently, Sharrell. I think this makes for leaving people their ‘personal’ space, and people get more subtle in their responses. I may have mentioned earlier that turning down a invitation in India with a ‘ Sorry, I have another commitment, or can we do this another time ? ‘, may not be received very well. Of course this is changing in cities and urban areas, where people are squeezed for time, just as folks in the West are.
Hi Sharell, I have been reading your posts for long but am writing to you for the first time. I belong to Orissa, the place from where your husband’s family is, and I stay in Delhi. Since my place of work is quite far from my husband’s house, I stay back with a friend, Hannah, some days during the week. Hannah is from Seattle, and it has been a great experience living with her. She is a warm person. The culture divide is striking at times. She has mad a real effort to adapt into our culture. More so because her fiance is from India. They make a nice couple. I give below an exerpt of a mail that she wrote to me…..
“…..up in the mountains (Almora) I stayed at this resort and I was right next door to this girl, Rashmi. Wife of the manager of the resort. One day…I was in cooking for Raj, making rotis. She saw me. She came in and literally PUSHED me out of the way and took over. To me…this was EXTREMELY and INCREDIBLY rude and I thought she was terrible. Ha ha ha Raj then explained to me that this is a very good trait (here, people don’t “ask permission” for such things cuz a strong demonstration like that is how you show care). Ok, so then you moved in with me last year. On a MUCH MUCH softer level…I noticed you would do things like make me chai without asking if I wanted it and such things. AT FIRST, that was hard cuz I couldn’t always drop everything and run to get the chai so I felt rude. So, I told him about this and he explained it was a very nice trait of yours. He told me that you took very good care of me last year as I was so newly alone and so I know 100% that Raj will like you and appreciate you. He helped me understand…honestly, it’s a bit hard for us silly, formal westerners to take such hospitality. NOW…I totally feel all warm and fuzzy inside when you do such things…giggle…but yes, it was tough for me the first 6 months I was here to understand that perspective….”
My reply to her:
“Yaa, I can understand your point of view on ‘such Indian things’. It’s very difficult for us not to do certain things (that may be perceived wrongly from someone not from this culture), coz we are raised this way right from the beginning. I take is as a major handicap (not being able to see from the other side), but then this is want is our ‘Indian hallmark’. If we do away with this we will be as good as westerners.
Indian interpretation: If I ask you for chai one day and you said yes, I assume you like it and want it (probably the same time everyday). Now if I ask you everyday if you want it or not, it is taken as if the ‘chai-maker’does’nt really want to make chai (or whatever) for the other person and asks the same question repeatedly till the other person feels embarrassed and says no. he he…..just different ways to see the same thing!!!”
She is going to leave for the US next week, and I am going to miss her.
Hi Namrata, thanks so much for writing! It’s great to come into contact with someone else from Orissa too.
What a fascinating little story. It’s so interesting how certain behaviour can be interpreted as very rude to one culture (I would’ve been offended if I’d been pushed aside like that too!) and helpful/welcoming to another. I find the lack of “asking” challenging at times too. Now I think about it, it’s an issue with my husband as well. I often say to him “can you just ask me instead of assuming?!”. Poor guy. At least now I’ve been enlightened a bit more to Indian culture. I’ll be more aware of this in the future. So many aspects of Indian culture are the complete opposite of western culture, it takes quite a bit of getting used to! When I first started living in India almost 4 years ago, I remember thinking “there’s nothing in this country that makes sense!”. 
It’s been an adventure figuring it all out. Never a dull moment in India! 
Hi Monika, I dread the noise associated with Ganesh Chaturthi (and Diwali) as well. My ears are so sensitive to those crackers! They scare the heck out of me if I happen to be outside and they start going off!
The municipal council tried making artificial lakes for the immersion last year, but sadly not too many people were interested. They still prefer the sea. I’ve been enjoying checking out all the Ganesh statues though. They’re all so beautiful.
Boston123 — the contrasts between in childhoods in India and the West really are huge, aren’t they? I just can’t get over the differences. Like you mentioned, in the West children have their own bedrooms (which they literally take possession of) that are usually laden to the roof with toys, while in India a bed in a corner of a room is sufficient.
NAMRATA: “If we do away with this we will be as good as westerners.”……….
What do you mean by “as good as westerners”?
Westerners are nobody to look up to in terms of the “relationships” department, that is for sure. Keep on doing the Indian hospitality things that make you and your culture unique and good. No need to change and become like “westerners” in this regard. If anything, my opinion is that “westerners” would do well to change and become more like Indians, in this regard, not in all regards.
We are ALL as good as each other. West is not best. It is also not worst. West has good and bad aspects just as India has.
Hold onto the good Indian stuff!
@Boston123….
In my view people have not been able to draw a proper line between privacy and its other opposite, both in the west and India. More so in the west, I have seen people with placards of “Free Hugs” which in a way is really unimaginable. Both the view points can be debated on privacy but in the end we should not forget that we are social animals with emotions and need people to be with us. This is what differentiates us from machines. Independence is ok but where do you draw the line
.
Also, people in west have more time for themselves than Indians. In India there is no work-life balance unlike west where people work for the stipulated time not more.
Cheers
Monika
For Goridevi: Hi, I didnt mean to offend anyone or the “westeners” in particular. It was just a casual exchange of mails, and I truly apologize if it has hurt your sentiments. I didnt mean what you interpreted it as. All, I meant was we Indian have our own ways (many of which must change with time), but since we are just brought up that was, its sometimes fails to even stike us that ceratin actions may be interpreted otherwise by someone from another culture. Westerners are more adpative in this regard, they are more sentitive to what others might think and how others may interprete their actions. They dont just assume things. We assume a lot of things (which is not correct). Apologies once again for hurting youe sentiments.
Sharell, nice post on landlord/s.
You are lucky than the typical indian tenant where landlords rule like kings. In most cases, if the landlord stays nearby they have this quirky habit of droppin in to chek out the condition in which the tenant has kept his apartment. These days though, people dont have time to conduct such surprise checks and many times tenants have to run around in circle to get the smallest of the things fixed up, with no help from landlords.
Quite enjoyed reading your blog
will stay tuned in
Ram
I wonder, can anyone help me… I live in Australia and have an Indian Landlord. We are having a very unhappy time with him. We have paid our rent months in advance which is a nice thing to do for the landlord. Yet he refuses to fix our oven? He is constantly fighting with the realestate agent and now he wont even talk to them. I know he is not a bad man because I have spoken to him face-to-face. This is his first time renting out his house through a realestate agent. He didn’t understand that in Australia you can’t just arrive at your tenant’s house unannounced. I am so sad as I don’t want to fight with him but want him to be responsible and fix his property so that we can cook with an oven. For seven weeks we have had no oven. Can anyone especially someone Indian please give me advice on how to deal with this situation?
Nicole
Hi Nicole, so sorry that you have to experience this situation. It’s definitely a case of culture clash! I really don’t think he understands the duties and behaviour required of him as a landlord in Australia. In India, most of the time the tenants are expected to fix the appliances in their property — which is totally the opposite to Australia. My advice would be to meet with him and talk to him personally about the problem. Indians respond best to face to face, personalised contact. And they do like to have that with their tenants!!
If possible, also bring along a copy of the booklet or lease which explains tenants and landlords rights and obligations. Show him that, and explain the regulations that apply in Australia. Hopefully, that approach will work!