My cousin and I, surrounded by men, in the line for Mumbai local tickets.
I often get people asking me questions about my life in India, so I thought I’d begin writing separate posts to answer them. Here’s a start.
1) Do you use the local trains in Mumbai? I do use the local trains when I have to go long distances from one side of town to the other, such as from Kandivali to Churchgate, and even Kandivali to Bandra. It’s the quickest way to travel. I try and avoid peak hours though. However, I have been on the train a few times in peak hour as well. (Anyone who’s fortunate enough not to know what that’s like can have a look at this post: Inside the Mumbai Local Train). There is NO WAY I could survive a daily commute, and am so thankful that I don’t have to go to an office here. Oh, and I also take visitors on the Mumbai local. Both my 60 year old mother, and my cousin have braved (and even enjoyed) it!
2) When you walk the streets how do you ignore strangers staring at you constantly? The staring is probably the most disconcerting thing about living in India. I don’t like it at all and it makes me very self conscious. I have no idea why people would want to be famous! There are days that I just don’t want to go outside by myself because I don’t want the attention. My height combined with my unusual (by Indian standards) looks (I have blue/grey eyes, dark brown hair, and paler than normal skin) ensures I get plenty of it. I’ve pretty much perfected the art of sending my mind off into its own little world (which is easy for me, since I’m a big daydreamer) or I just look at the buildings and shops around me (of course without directly looking at the shopkeepers inside, who I know will be looking out at me!). If I’m in a funny mood, on the odd occasion, I will wave at people and yell “Hi, how you doing?” at them. I’ve also told a few people to “udhar deko” (the Indian equilavalent of “don’t stare”, it literally means “look there”). It usually only results in all of us (me included) laughing though.
3) How do you shop there? (We all know when a white person walks in a store the prices automatically double or quadruple). Shopping can be a challenge, especially because I’m one who likes to browse unassisted. Here, a lot of shops keep their stock behind the counter. I find this difficult, especially when shopping for clothes, because I specifically know what I want. The shop keeper doesn’t. Shop keepers will usually surround me and start pulling out every different available item from their shelves, usually in bright colours that don’t suit me, and which I’m not interested in. As a result, I do most of my shopping in large supermarkets and department stores, unless I’m with an Indian person to deflect the attention (my sisters-in law love it, they say they never get so much attention in shops!).
The small stores that I do shop from, I speak to them only in Hindi (it’s easy for me now but I remember when I first moved here, I couldn’t even get some pumpkin) and make sure I have a general idea of what the prices should be first. The local shopkeepers are all familiar with me, and have always been honest. But again, I avoid going to these shops because of the attention I get. The vegetable-wala is particularly bad because of all the Indian aunties that are also there. They hear me speak Hindi, then all start commenting on it (to themselves and the shopkeeper) as if I wasn’t there. They also all turn to look at me. I get anxious, feel claustrophobic, start sweating, grab my vegetables, run out of there as fast as I can, and vow never to go back. (Fortunately, I have a husband who is sympathetic to my situation and doesn’t mind getting vegetables and other grocery items).
4)So will you be living in Mumbai forever or are you guys planning settling in Calcutta in the future? We don’t have any plans to go back to Calcutta to live. My husband’s family are all in Mumbai, and my husband’s work is here as well. So, we’ve settled here.
5) With your best guess how many inter-cultural couples live in Mumbai as per your estimation? There are a lot. At least 50 that I know of. The figure could easily be in the hundreds.
Any more questions, please feel free to ask!
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He is half Russian, if i am not mistaking
That makes him an objective observer and commenter since he didnt defend the Russian nation, as we could’ve expected 
Carly: “Im rather “padded”and in my early 50’s so Im not too worried about getting much unwanted attention! lol”
Don’t LOL, Carly, it’s no laughing matter. Indian men have an “auntie fetish” and a 50 year old, well-padded lady is the stuff their fantasies are often made of (for real).
I can almost guarantee that you WILL be groped. Be careful.
CG, re: staring…
If an entire family – both male and female members, are staring at you, it’s innocent curiousity.
When a whole group of men are staring – it’s not.
I don’t wanna scare you off from travelling to and around India, but you must be EXTRA EXTRA cautious.
Generally, you will see 1 woman for every man in the busy, crowded streets and public places.
Don’t get on a train coach that is packed with men only.
It’s such an icky feeling when you have like 40 sets of eyes staring at your chest just waiting for the train to go over another bump.
I’m getting nauseous just thinking about it. Having flashbacks.
“Generally, you will see 1 woman for every man in the busy, crowded streets and public places.” SHOULD READ:
“Generally, you will see 1 woman for every 40 (forty!) men in the busy, crowded streets and public places”.
Hi Sharell, Thank you so much for your response. Well as far as PIO for my wife is concerned well I guess it is too late
for her to apply now since I think it is given only to spouses of Indian citizens (we missed the train on that one since my Indian passport is already cancelled and I am a US Citizen now) She should have applied for a PIO before I became a US citizen I guess (we didn’t know at that time). So I guess she is stuck with 10 year tourist visa for now. May be there is a way to get her a PIO card we just don’t know that yet who knows I will have to look into that in the future. After all it is our India anything is possible (it is as we say in Hindi “Paisa bolta hai” 
everything is money there sad but true). Actually I was going to apply for OIC (Overseas Indian Citizen card) but changed my mind at the last moment since I have heard that ruins the chance of working for the US government. So I decided on PIO (By the way PIO is more expensive then OIC I have no idea why but anyway that is another Indian mysteries for us) As far as EBay goes Oh okay you still manage your banking from Australia now that makes sense and that is why you don’t deal with RBI. For an ordinary Indian like me (before I came to US) we just could not buy anything from foreign catalogues or online cause they were to be paid in $US and hence a person would have to deal with RBI as all foreign exchange were dealt by them at that time. Since we earned money in Indian Rs Since you work with a US company I guess you get paid in $US and so the transactions easy to deal with. Yep here in the US I use EBay a lot and of course pay by pay pal. Well since you still bank from Australians banks I guess it is easier to be paid in $US. Cause ordinary Indians I don’t think still can buy anything out of internet as it has to be paid in $US and it is such a hassle dealing with RBI and all that. WOW you never had to pay any duty on items from US? That is so cool. I am so happy for you. Ummm…I guess those guys at Indian customs only look for Electronics items you know like DVD’s CD/ Players etc etc. Okay question time 1) So will you be living in Mumbai forever or are you guys planning settling in Calcutta in the future? Since you guys are renting an apartment in Mumbai for now. 2) With your best guess how many inter-cultural couple live in Mumbai as per your estimation? I guess that is it for now.
AJ
Hi Chee Chee, i really will be so cautious, thanks so much for all the advice! It is greatly appreciated
P.S. Hehe… i was trying to picture the image of the 40 sets of eyes looking at my chest as the train goes over bumps and it literraly made me laugh
But i wouldnt laugh as hard if i was in that situation 
Ajay, my husband works for the Navy here in DC and hasn’t been told that it will be a problem to have an OCI card. He is getting US citizenship soon (interview and test in two weeks!). If he gets a permanent position with the Navy, he’ll have to give up his Indian passport though. He already has a “Secret” security clearance even just being a green card holder. You might want to check into it.
Also, I’m pretty sure that your wife could still get a PIO card. She doesn’t have to be the spouse of an Indian citizen, just the spouse of a person of Indian origin.
No. I am an Indian.
Hi Ajay, D.Jain is right. Your wife should still be entitled to a PIO card. The rules are as follows.
I’ll answer your questions in the original post.
I travelled just once in a mumbai local train and that was it for me, everytime i’m in mumbai now i always take a taxi.
Chee Chee, why don’t you post a picture of yourself or post a blog? The way you describe yourself and the way men react to you, you must look something like Aishwarya Rai.
I do have a sneaking suspicion that you are just some old, over the hill pale white woman though
Hey Sharell..yes, I totally know about the staring thing. OMG, people would almost get into the auto just to look…they couldn’t figure out if I was Punjabi or Middle Eastern…the hazel/green eyes confused them I guess. It is very unnerving…and I found myself doing the same thing..waving and at them.
Yeah Laureen the starer!
The Indian staring habit is an annoying one even when it is not lecherous. I have caught myself doing so and I have reflected on it a lot, it is almost a reflex I would say, we can’t help it.
Only explanation I give to myself is that in Indian society every one has a role to play, whenever you meet someone you have to place him somewhere in your matrix to set your behavior. Is the other person older than me, is in higher/lower caste, status, is he from same region as me, etc. So a “prejudice” element is always present which can be unnerving (violation of privacy), harassing (lecherous staring) and even assuring (not in public but in familiar setups). There is this always an evaluation to set the social behavioral protocol. One has to embed every thing in the her/his context. This goes for a toss when a white person is seen (or for that matter any one who seems outsider or non-familiar) and this prolongated evaluation makes people stare (the harmless ones, who don’t have bad intentions)
This is what I think about the phenomenon. I don’t support/disdain it but now I proactively try not to stare at people.
Hi thequark, I like your explanation about Indian society and everyone’s roles — it’s so true people don’t know how to react when they can’t slot someone into their appropriate place in the matrix! It can be quite amusing sometimes to see their confusion.
hi Sharell, this is sachin, i do live in delhi, well i also keep thinking about the same problem that u told here on this website. i have good relation with a girl, she is from russia, now we r thinking to marry, but the problem is same, though my family, relatives, and society everything is cool , all r open minded, all r ready for our marriage, but the problem is that, when i think how we both will go to market, what will be the reaction of simple rikshaw wala, taxi driver and shopkeeper, i just do afraid of it, i can manage with her, i m ready to protect her , but still i worry a lot about her security, he speak russian and english, she is trying to learn hindi also, and i m trying to learn russian language, the problem is not my family,, indeed the problem is this cheap society, she has visited to india once, and i noticed that everyone stare at her as they never seen a girl, its very pity for indian society, i can understand how could she think that time, but i tried to make everything normal, but sometimes, it was really hard for even me to neglect the looking way of other people, i had fight also, ahah but with who who i can fight, i mean i cant stop others to not to stare at her, and when i think about it, i feel so sad, anyway, i want to know some indian marriage procedures like how to register her as indian citizen or like that, plz do help me, thanks in advance
Hi Sachin, I understand how you must be feeling, and the situation with the men in Delhi seems to be particularly bad. It makes me glad I live in Mumbai.
No doubt it will be a big adjustment for her, and you will feel inadequate to protect her from it all. It’s a tough situation. No matter how you try, you just won’t be able to make everything normal. She will have to do most of the adjusting and accept India how it is, unfortunately. It will be difficult to start off with, but will get better as she gets used to it here.
As for marriage, you’ll need to have civil ceremony at the Registrar of Marriages in your area. You’ll need to apply at least 30 days in advance of the date you want to get married. It’s not possible to become an Indian citizen so easily. I think the person has to be living in India for 9 years. The first year after marriage, she will be entitled to an X visa (a residential entry visa, without the right to work). She can then register herself with the Foreigners Regional Registration Office and get a Residential Permit. Then after one year of marriage, she can apply for a PIO (Person of Indian Origin) Card — it’s valid for 15 years and gives her the entitlements of an Indian citizen, except for voting rights and the ability to buy agricultural land.
Here’s a link to more information about getting married. http://www.whiteindianhousewife.com/2008/05/how-to-legally-marry-an-indian-in-india/
Hope this helps!
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