Comment posted Answers to Questions About My Life in India #1 by Abdullah K..
@ Shaunak Goshwami – “Are you Iranian ?”
No. I am an Indian.
Abdullah K. also commented
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@ Shaunak Goswami – “Caucasian is a broad term to denote white race of peaople . “
In Europe, Caucasian is a term used to denote people originating from the Caucasus region (Georgia, Armenia, Dagestan, etc.). It has little to do with skin or hair colour. Note that I am not going by the pop-definition used by Anglo-Americans, which blankets all whites as Caucasians, Iranians as Arabs and Jews as Semites.
@ Shaunak Goswami – “Just like Mango is the King of fruits and Alphonso the King of Mangoes”
I am afraid that allegory doesn’t apply in this situation. Caucasians are not necessarily whites. Slavic people are not Caucasians.
@ Shaunak Goswami – “Of all the human races the caucasian race is the most beautiful and of all the caucasian sub-races slavic race is the most beautiful..”
Beauty is subjective to the eye of the beholder. It is not an exact scientific theory.
@ Shaunak Goswami – “Dear Sharell your cousin should try searching a bride on Indian Matrimonial sites and not fall prey to western dating agencies .”
The chances of foul play exist in Indian matrimonial sites as well. No dating/marriage site is foolproof, since there is no way to monitor the person who offers themselves as potential brides and grooms.
@ Sharell – “They had a love marriage (well, he was in love. It was doubtful that she was). His mother paid for her education, then when she finished her education she took their daughter back to Russia and refuses to have anything more to do with my cousin or let him see his daughter.”
Sad really. She was apparently a ‘toxic wife’.
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@ Sharell – “It may be possible with Easycab but the other prepaid taxis are still notorious for scams.”
It is very easy to dial an Easycab or Meru Cab anywhere in Delhi. I agree with you that touts are a serious problem with Delhi. However, having a fair bit of idea of what to expect in Delhi can come in handy while dealing with these types. Keeping a Lonely Planet handy was not only fortunate, but a smart step in this regard.
@ Sharell – “But apparently English is supposed to be widely spoken and taught there (in place of the national language).”
English is more or less understood in Chennai, even by the autowallas. And for the record, there is no ‘national language’ in India.
@ Shaunak Goswami – “It is an inherent desire of every Indian to have a fair skin.”
Sometimes I wish I had a little olive complexion. But of course, Mr. Goswami is the authority to decide what every Indian’s inherent desire is.
Additionally, you might want to upgrade your knowledge a little bit. Ethnic Russians are Slavic people, not Caucasians. Calling them Caucasians might be taken as an insult by a Slav who is proud of his/her ethnicity. It is as intelligent as calling an Iranian Arab.
@ Shaunak Goswami – “If I fail in my endeavour of marrying a Russian Girl I would be contented to marry an Indian girl of my mother’s choice .”
It appears that your outlook of marriage is by objectifying and stereotyping an entire ethnicity. You seem to want a ‘bonsai woman’, one who’d fit your stereotype of what you heard about a certain race/ethnicity. Which I think is rather unhealthy. Just my two pence (or paise).
Don’t take offence in any of what I said, none is intended. -
@ Sharell – “…the men in Chennai. They seem to like their women dark like themselves!
”If that were the case, dark skinned women would have been harassed and molested by Chennai men. However, I have noticed that this does not seem to be the trend. My personal take on this would be that Tamils are culturally more evolved than their Northern compatriots and hence, they see women less as objects of conquest and more as human beings.
@ CG – “Abdullah, you really answered precise and clear to my doubts, you are very kind, i appreciate it
”Anytime.
viksdes – “…one must really know Tamil to get directions in that city it seems. “
If you are in the land where Tamil is spoken, that is but expected.
CG – “If you look at Bollywood actresses, all of them are fair skinned with dark hair – very similar to your looks, Sharell!
”Don’t tell me. I was of the impression that the most attractive women in Bollywood are olive complexioned ones. Amrita Rao, Nandana Sen, Bipasha Basu, Lara Dutta, Riya Sen…these women radiate a sensuality and feminine mystique that the likes of Aishwarya and Kareena fail to evoke.
@ Carly J – “Im rather “padded”and in my early 50’s so Im not too worried about getting much unwanted attention!”
If you are in your 50s, you have little to worry about. Except of course, the usual touts and muggers which exist in any touristy area.
@ Sharell – “…whereas in Delhi scams are prevalent, usually starting in the taxi as soon as you leave the airport.”
In Delhi airport, you can always avoid the touts by booking a prepaid cab from the Delhi Police or Easycab counters.
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CG – “Abdullah, so should I just stick to being in Goa?
(joking..)”Of course, if you want to buy into my tourism ‘sales pitch’.
CG – “I thought that precisely because of my blonde hair and pale skin i could “escape” the stares…”
Unfortunately, no. Indians, especially those from the North who grew up on American porn movies love pale skin and blonde hair. Your being short is also likely to make them think they have a ‘chance’ with you.
CG – “I heard from some friends Indian people dont like blonde hair so much, even Sharell”
It is a matter of personal taste and depends on which India we’re talking about. If you were to go to Calcutta, people probably wouldn’t bother. Its a different story in Delhi, where a blonde is a Jat/Punjabi/UP guy’s fantasy.
CG – “I am a friendly person, i dont see myself being that radical, even if i got your point and it is a good advice…”
Compared to what women do in Delhi to ward off lechers, keeping a mild strength pepper spray would be the least ‘radical’ of all. And beware, being nice might be mistaken by some Indian men as a ‘come on’.
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@ CG – “I am hoping i could get to visit India quite soon and i am quite short, blonde and have green eyes (therefore, different to the features you mentioned) – does that mean that i could be spared of the staring and unpleasant attention?
Or it could be even worse in my case? 
What you think?”If you are in Goa and in a group of two or more people, you’d likely pass off as any other foreigner. If however you are in the more ‘mainstream’ urban India in the North, you’d probably get hit on a lot because of your blonde hair and short height.
I think Gori Girl gives some good links on how to cope up with India. You could also consider keeping a pepper spray on you all the time, just in case your need to ward off someone who comes off too aggressively.
Recent comments by Abdullah K.
- Why Do Indian Women Like White Men?
@ satish – “Confine your observations to things you know about, you risk sounding a fool. You need to look up jihad and genocide in the dictionary. They don’t mean “non-violent persuasion”.”
It was the Inquisition, not jihad. And the Inquisition isn’t unique to the Portuguese, it was spread all over the Catholic world. Unlike you, it is not my type of harp on topics that I know a rat’s tail about.
- Mumbai, Monsoon & Malaria
@ Sharell – “Awww, gee, you’ll make me blush, Abdullah!
”Aha! Thats what makes you adorable. :p
- Have You Paid a Bribe in India?
@ satish:
I’d be lying if I said this one didn’t make me chuckle. You know, if I wasn’t leaving India tomorrow, we could have been friends. You have a sly wit that a lot of Indians lack. - Why Do Indian Women Like White Men?
@ satish – “The Portugese were no angels. Their atrocities are well documented by the present day Catholic community.”
No, they weren’t. They were humans, with human faults and weaknesses. Their atrocities were not unique and exceptional for that era. It was a period of religious people acting out their high moral fibre.
@ satish – “At least the British didn’t unleash a Christian jihad or commit cultural genocide.”
They didn’t? Why do you think the people of many North East Indian states are Christians? And how come the Indian middle class subscribes to Victorian ideals over the liberal values of traditional Hinduism?
@ satish – “There are no feelings of revenge towards the Brits, if anything a feeling that our cultures and history are inter-twined.”
Actually it is more complex than that. There is a definite public resentment against the British rule, that is more pronounced among the older generations. The new Indians on the other hand, have no colonial roots and prefer not to associate today’s Britons with the colonial past of their yesteryears. However, the awe and fascination for the Anglo-Saxons goes across generations.
- Why Do Indian Women Like White Men?
@ Mohit Gupta:
That was an interesting ‘filmy’ eloquence. In reality, the Portuguese in Goa weren’t ‘white masters’, they were equals. They blended in and even married the local Goan people, unlike the British who decided that “the natives are too low to marry or socialise with”. If you want to salvage your national pride, pay back the British and cut back that little man complex.
I am not disrespectful of Indians. Indians are my friends, neighbours and acquaintances. I respect them. Don’t make the mistake of assuming that you are the ambassador of India.
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He is half Russian, if i am not mistaking
That makes him an objective observer and commenter since he didnt defend the Russian nation, as we could’ve expected 
Carly: “Im rather “padded”and in my early 50’s so Im not too worried about getting much unwanted attention! lol”
Don’t LOL, Carly, it’s no laughing matter. Indian men have an “auntie fetish” and a 50 year old, well-padded lady is the stuff their fantasies are often made of (for real).
I can almost guarantee that you WILL be groped. Be careful.
CG, re: staring…
If an entire family – both male and female members, are staring at you, it’s innocent curiousity.
When a whole group of men are staring – it’s not.
I don’t wanna scare you off from travelling to and around India, but you must be EXTRA EXTRA cautious.
Generally, you will see 1 woman for every man in the busy, crowded streets and public places.
Don’t get on a train coach that is packed with men only.
It’s such an icky feeling when you have like 40 sets of eyes staring at your chest just waiting for the train to go over another bump.
I’m getting nauseous just thinking about it. Having flashbacks.
“Generally, you will see 1 woman for every man in the busy, crowded streets and public places.” SHOULD READ:
“Generally, you will see 1 woman for every 40 (forty!) men in the busy, crowded streets and public places”.
Hi Sharell, Thank you so much for your response. Well as far as PIO for my wife is concerned well I guess it is too late
for her to apply now since I think it is given only to spouses of Indian citizens (we missed the train on that one since my Indian passport is already cancelled and I am a US Citizen now) She should have applied for a PIO before I became a US citizen I guess (we didn’t know at that time). So I guess she is stuck with 10 year tourist visa for now. May be there is a way to get her a PIO card we just don’t know that yet who knows I will have to look into that in the future. After all it is our India anything is possible (it is as we say in Hindi “Paisa bolta hai” 
everything is money there sad but true). Actually I was going to apply for OIC (Overseas Indian Citizen card) but changed my mind at the last moment since I have heard that ruins the chance of working for the US government. So I decided on PIO (By the way PIO is more expensive then OIC I have no idea why but anyway that is another Indian mysteries for us) As far as EBay goes Oh okay you still manage your banking from Australia now that makes sense and that is why you don’t deal with RBI. For an ordinary Indian like me (before I came to US) we just could not buy anything from foreign catalogues or online cause they were to be paid in $US and hence a person would have to deal with RBI as all foreign exchange were dealt by them at that time. Since we earned money in Indian Rs Since you work with a US company I guess you get paid in $US and so the transactions easy to deal with. Yep here in the US I use EBay a lot and of course pay by pay pal. Well since you still bank from Australians banks I guess it is easier to be paid in $US. Cause ordinary Indians I don’t think still can buy anything out of internet as it has to be paid in $US and it is such a hassle dealing with RBI and all that. WOW you never had to pay any duty on items from US? That is so cool. I am so happy for you. Ummm…I guess those guys at Indian customs only look for Electronics items you know like DVD’s CD/ Players etc etc. Okay question time 1) So will you be living in Mumbai forever or are you guys planning settling in Calcutta in the future? Since you guys are renting an apartment in Mumbai for now. 2) With your best guess how many inter-cultural couple live in Mumbai as per your estimation? I guess that is it for now.
AJ
Hi Chee Chee, i really will be so cautious, thanks so much for all the advice! It is greatly appreciated
P.S. Hehe… i was trying to picture the image of the 40 sets of eyes looking at my chest as the train goes over bumps and it literraly made me laugh
But i wouldnt laugh as hard if i was in that situation 
Ajay, my husband works for the Navy here in DC and hasn’t been told that it will be a problem to have an OCI card. He is getting US citizenship soon (interview and test in two weeks!). If he gets a permanent position with the Navy, he’ll have to give up his Indian passport though. He already has a “Secret” security clearance even just being a green card holder. You might want to check into it.
Also, I’m pretty sure that your wife could still get a PIO card. She doesn’t have to be the spouse of an Indian citizen, just the spouse of a person of Indian origin.
No. I am an Indian.
Hi Ajay, D.Jain is right. Your wife should still be entitled to a PIO card. The rules are as follows.
I’ll answer your questions in the original post.
I travelled just once in a mumbai local train and that was it for me, everytime i’m in mumbai now i always take a taxi.
Chee Chee, why don’t you post a picture of yourself or post a blog? The way you describe yourself and the way men react to you, you must look something like Aishwarya Rai.
I do have a sneaking suspicion that you are just some old, over the hill pale white woman though
Hey Sharell..yes, I totally know about the staring thing. OMG, people would almost get into the auto just to look…they couldn’t figure out if I was Punjabi or Middle Eastern…the hazel/green eyes confused them I guess. It is very unnerving…and I found myself doing the same thing..waving and at them.
Yeah Laureen the starer!
The Indian staring habit is an annoying one even when it is not lecherous. I have caught myself doing so and I have reflected on it a lot, it is almost a reflex I would say, we can’t help it.
Only explanation I give to myself is that in Indian society every one has a role to play, whenever you meet someone you have to place him somewhere in your matrix to set your behavior. Is the other person older than me, is in higher/lower caste, status, is he from same region as me, etc. So a “prejudice” element is always present which can be unnerving (violation of privacy), harassing (lecherous staring) and even assuring (not in public but in familiar setups). There is this always an evaluation to set the social behavioral protocol. One has to embed every thing in the her/his context. This goes for a toss when a white person is seen (or for that matter any one who seems outsider or non-familiar) and this prolongated evaluation makes people stare (the harmless ones, who don’t have bad intentions)
This is what I think about the phenomenon. I don’t support/disdain it but now I proactively try not to stare at people.
Hi thequark, I like your explanation about Indian society and everyone’s roles — it’s so true people don’t know how to react when they can’t slot someone into their appropriate place in the matrix! It can be quite amusing sometimes to see their confusion.
hi Sharell, this is sachin, i do live in delhi, well i also keep thinking about the same problem that u told here on this website. i have good relation with a girl, she is from russia, now we r thinking to marry, but the problem is same, though my family, relatives, and society everything is cool , all r open minded, all r ready for our marriage, but the problem is that, when i think how we both will go to market, what will be the reaction of simple rikshaw wala, taxi driver and shopkeeper, i just do afraid of it, i can manage with her, i m ready to protect her , but still i worry a lot about her security, he speak russian and english, she is trying to learn hindi also, and i m trying to learn russian language, the problem is not my family,, indeed the problem is this cheap society, she has visited to india once, and i noticed that everyone stare at her as they never seen a girl, its very pity for indian society, i can understand how could she think that time, but i tried to make everything normal, but sometimes, it was really hard for even me to neglect the looking way of other people, i had fight also, ahah but with who who i can fight, i mean i cant stop others to not to stare at her, and when i think about it, i feel so sad, anyway, i want to know some indian marriage procedures like how to register her as indian citizen or like that, plz do help me, thanks in advance
Hi Sachin, I understand how you must be feeling, and the situation with the men in Delhi seems to be particularly bad. It makes me glad I live in Mumbai.
No doubt it will be a big adjustment for her, and you will feel inadequate to protect her from it all. It’s a tough situation. No matter how you try, you just won’t be able to make everything normal. She will have to do most of the adjusting and accept India how it is, unfortunately. It will be difficult to start off with, but will get better as she gets used to it here.
As for marriage, you’ll need to have civil ceremony at the Registrar of Marriages in your area. You’ll need to apply at least 30 days in advance of the date you want to get married. It’s not possible to become an Indian citizen so easily. I think the person has to be living in India for 9 years. The first year after marriage, she will be entitled to an X visa (a residential entry visa, without the right to work). She can then register herself with the Foreigners Regional Registration Office and get a Residential Permit. Then after one year of marriage, she can apply for a PIO (Person of Indian Origin) Card — it’s valid for 15 years and gives her the entitlements of an Indian citizen, except for voting rights and the ability to buy agricultural land.
Here’s a link to more information about getting married. http://www.whiteindianhousewife.com/2008/05/how-to-legally-marry-an-indian-in-india/
Hope this helps!
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