My cousin and I, surrounded by men, in the line for Mumbai local tickets.
I often get people asking me questions about my life in India, so I thought I’d begin writing separate posts to answer them. Here’s a start.
1) Do you use the local trains in Mumbai? I do use the local trains when I have to go long distances from one side of town to the other, such as from Kandivali to Churchgate, and even Kandivali to Bandra. It’s the quickest way to travel. I try and avoid peak hours though. However, I have been on the train a few times in peak hour as well. (Anyone who’s fortunate enough not to know what that’s like can have a look at this post: Inside the Mumbai Local Train). There is NO WAY I could survive a daily commute, and am so thankful that I don’t have to go to an office here. Oh, and I also take visitors on the Mumbai local. Both my 60 year old mother, and my cousin have braved (and even enjoyed) it!
2) When you walk the streets how do you ignore strangers staring at you constantly? The staring is probably the most disconcerting thing about living in India. I don’t like it at all and it makes me very self conscious. I have no idea why people would want to be famous! There are days that I just don’t want to go outside by myself because I don’t want the attention. My height combined with my unusual (by Indian standards) looks (I have blue/grey eyes, dark brown hair, and paler than normal skin) ensures I get plenty of it. I’ve pretty much perfected the art of sending my mind off into its own little world (which is easy for me, since I’m a big daydreamer) or I just look at the buildings and shops around me (of course without directly looking at the shopkeepers inside, who I know will be looking out at me!). If I’m in a funny mood, on the odd occasion, I will wave at people and yell “Hi, how you doing?” at them. I’ve also told a few people to “udhar deko” (the Indian equilavalent of “don’t stare”, it literally means “look there”). It usually only results in all of us (me included) laughing though.
3) How do you shop there? (We all know when a white person walks in a store the prices automatically double or quadruple). Shopping can be a challenge, especially because I’m one who likes to browse unassisted. Here, a lot of shops keep their stock behind the counter. I find this difficult, especially when shopping for clothes, because I specifically know what I want. The shop keeper doesn’t. Shop keepers will usually surround me and start pulling out every different available item from their shelves, usually in bright colours that don’t suit me, and which I’m not interested in. As a result, I do most of my shopping in large supermarkets and department stores, unless I’m with an Indian person to deflect the attention (my sisters-in law love it, they say they never get so much attention in shops!).
The small stores that I do shop from, I speak to them only in Hindi (it’s easy for me now but I remember when I first moved here, I couldn’t even get some pumpkin) and make sure I have a general idea of what the prices should be first. The local shopkeepers are all familiar with me, and have always been honest. But again, I avoid going to these shops because of the attention I get. The vegetable-wala is particularly bad because of all the Indian aunties that are also there. They hear me speak Hindi, then all start commenting on it (to themselves and the shopkeeper) as if I wasn’t there. They also all turn to look at me. I get anxious, feel claustrophobic, start sweating, grab my vegetables, run out of there as fast as I can, and vow never to go back. (Fortunately, I have a husband who is sympathetic to my situation and doesn’t mind getting vegetables and other grocery items).
4)So will you be living in Mumbai forever or are you guys planning settling in Calcutta in the future? We don’t have any plans to go back to Calcutta to live. My husband’s family are all in Mumbai, and my husband’s work is here as well. So, we’ve settled here.
5) With your best guess how many inter-cultural couples live in Mumbai as per your estimation? There are a lot. At least 50 that I know of. The figure could easily be in the hundreds.
Any more questions, please feel free to ask!
Related Posts:
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- Finally Finding My Feet in Mumbai?
- Answers to Questions About My Life in India #2
- How Bizarre, the Big Bazaar
- All I Want is Some Pumpkin
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- 5 Days Remaining Until Our Wedding
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I hear you about feeling self conscious with the staring. Some days I just don’t even want to leave the house and India sounds like rural Japan on steroids when it comes to gawking. Luckily I don’t have the challenge of trying to buy stuff from behind a counter or anything like that, but instead of getting too much attention in shops I get none as shop assistants are too terrified to approach me just in case I speak to them in English or something silly like that. So I always have to chase the assistant round the shop, or I just walk out without buying anything if I can get it somewhere where the service might be more friendly. Best of luck with the staring ignoring thing!
In Delhi we have a smart card that we just swipe when we want to get on the train rather than standing in line each time we want to travel the metro train. Isn’t that an option in Mumbai?
Yes, there is something like that but I don’t travel regularly enough to use it. The other option we have here is coupons, which I’ve started using now. They come in booklets. You tear out the value of the fare and get it stamped in the “kupan mashin”. (coupon machine).
Shufuinjapan — too funny! (Although I’m sure in reality, it’s not).
Sharell, Headlice and nits- a thing of the pastnow?
Hi again, Sharell! I would be glad if you could satisfy my curiosity on this: you wrote in your post that having unusual looks, by Indian standards, you get a lot of attention and staring. I am hoping i could get to visit India quite soon and i am quite short, blonde and have green eyes (therefore, different to the features you mentioned) – does that mean that i could be spared of the staring and unpleasant attention?
Or it could be even worse in my case? 
What you think?
From the picture above, i see your cousin is blonde too. How does she cope with the staring and being in India?
Thanks! xoxo
Hello Everyone, Sharell thank you for sharing things about your life in India I’m sure it’s not always easy for you at times but it’s great you have wonderful husband. I know what you mean about getting looked at all the time, for me it was when I was heavier I would get staired at all the time no matter what because of how big that I was, so I kind of know how you feel. Now I still get people looking at me but it’s not because how big I am since I lot 52 LBS I get looked at now because of my looks as well. I”m glad that you don’t take it at times. train travel is interesting.
CG, it is likely that you’ll get noticed in India. I think that this article has very good tips for first-time visitors to India. (Although the first tip is not one that I personally use – most people I talk with in India prefer a handshake to a namaste. Your mileage might vary.)
I’ve never really been bothered by getting stared at in India. Most of the time it’s friendly, curious stares. *shrug* My view on the matter is that they’re free to stare – no skin off of my back.
• Hello Sharell, Glad to know you and your hubby are feeling better:-) and as far as lice’s are concerned they don’t go easy do they?. Anyway first of all thank you so much for answering my questions I really appreciate it. I was really not expecting a separate post just about my questions WOW that is so nice of you. Thank you so much now I feel special:-). Well that is good you don’t have to travel on those trains everyday that would just be torture. In 2005 on my wife’s first trip she really wanted to try the trains and so what we decided was we take her in 1st class at off peak time with me, my dad and my cousin just formed a circle around her so there are no “ accidental touching” by the men on the train. We don’t want “sorry madam/memsab crap:-(” if you know what I mean. The staring stuff really bothered my wife too but after 40 days on her first trip to Mumbai she later told me she was getting used to it in fact later in her trip she was staring right back at them. The funny part is when women tell their husbands and they even pointed in our direction as to “ what is an Indian guy and his family doing with the foreigner” I swear to you most of the people thought I was a personal guide for a blonde girl:-). On her 2nd trip I think she was pretty comfortable with the stares she knew how to handle the situations but still she really gets upset and really does not like it at all. You really handle shopping well. Since you live there on a day to day basis now they really know you after all not many white girls come to stores in Kandivali. In case of Melodie I think her pointing to item just works for us for now. Oh yeah when she walks in a store to buy or browse she is offered cold drinks/ coffee and when I go alone I am not even offered water go figure amazing isn’t it? Anyway Question time by the way Sharell you really don’t have to answer any of my questions if you think they are too personal or if you are not comfortable answering them. If you can’t. I totally understand. No biggie. Please use your discretion. The reason I am so interested in what you face everyday is cause may be down the line (don’t know when but I am guessing in the next few years) me and my wife might have to settle in Mumbai for couple of years you know since my parents will get really old then and also I might have to return to India to help my dad close our company (I know what a sad day that will be:-() and hence all these questions.
• 1) Do you need a special Indian visa to live in India? Or are you on a tourist visa? How long is a person allowed to stay on a visa at one stretch? Melodie and I are both US citizens (US passports) she has a 10 year tourist visa for India and I have something which is called a PIO card (person of Indian origin) Yeah I know Indian government cancelled my passport since India does not allow dual citizenship. I don’t know how it is for Australia any thoughts?
• 2) Don’t remember where but somewhere on your blog I read that you like to buy your jeans pants from here in the US over E-bay? Ummm… I am a little confused so do you pay in $US? It has to be $US cause I am sure we don’t accept Indian Rupees here ummm…. may be the RBI (Reserve Bank of India they handle all foreign exchange) has relaxed it rule it was not like that when I used to live there. Also when you get these pants does India charge you customs/duty on it? The reason I am asking this is cause in 1995-1996 my best friend sent me a Michael Jackson CD from here in the US and on the US custom slip he declared the value as $US100 guess what I still remember getting a call from the courier service in Mumbai that if I wanted the CD I had to pay 100% duty/Indian custom for its release and it was Rs 3000 ( wow US$ was Rs30 back then) I was shocked in spite of it being a gift and this was 1995-1996. Of course I paid and got it released and told my friend never to send me anything EVER. He was so pissed I had to pay. I guess that is about it for now. You both take care of your health as my mom says health is wealth.
AJ
Great why are my smiley faces not working
sorry testing
Gori Girl, the article answered to a lot of my questions! Thanks so much, it was really sweet of you
Personally, i dont mind it too much if they stare also, as long as they do it out of mere curiosity. But it could definitely scare me if there would be any mean intentions attached to it, though from what i read in the article it’s not the case
I would say that it’s generally not the case that people have mean intentions, altho there are bad seeds in every country. I think the general travel rule of staying politely assertive works as well in India as it does anywhere – if you have traveled in a developing country before, I don’t think you’ll be too surprised at anything India throws at you (I have found India to be very similar to Mexico in terms of how to comport oneself to travel comfortably through the country). If you’re looking for other resources for your trip, the India Mike Forums are an amazing resource.
Unfortunately, i cant relate to any country i’ve visited yet, since i’ve been only in Europe for vacations, but i give credit to your advice and stay more relaxed now!
Thanks for the forums link!!
If you are in Goa and in a group of two or more people, you’d likely pass off as any other foreigner. If however you are in the more ‘mainstream’ urban India in the North, you’d probably get hit on a lot because of your blonde hair and short height.
I think Gori Girl gives some good links on how to cope up with India. You could also consider keeping a pepper spray on you all the time, just in case your need to ward off someone who comes off too aggressively.
Hi Ajay, yes you do need a special visa to live in India. I’ve currently got an X visa (it allows me to stay in India for more than 6 months at a time, but not be employed here etc). I’m about to apply for the PIO. Your wife will be entitled to the PIO as well. US Ebay transactions need to be paid in US dollars, but it’s very simple. There is a payment system called PayPal, which everyone uses. I can either have it charge my credit card or take money out of my bank account to pay for the item. It will then put the money into the seller’s PayPal account, and they can transfer it to their bank account. India and the RBI aren’t’ involved in the transaction at all. All my banking is based in Australia. I’ve never had to pay duty on single items of clothing.
Hi CG, I don’t think there’s much more advice I can add to all the great advice you’ve already been given. If it’s any consolation though I was hoping that my cousin would attract all the attention away from me, but it didn’t happen that way at all. They were still interested in me. I think it must have a lot to do with my height. It makes me very noticeable. I think it’s better to be short!
My husband gets that all the time too! Even when we were in Kathmandu, the Nepalis thought he was my guide!!
(My husband can pass for an Nepali, he doesn’t have typical Indian looks).
Abdullah, so should I just stick to being in Goa?
(joking..)
I thought that precisely because of my blonde hair and pale skin i could “escape” the stares, but i guess that’s a cream dream, even if i am not that much bothered by it to make me not want to visit India. I heard from some friends Indian people dont like blonde hair so much, even Sharell mentioned something like that, but oh well, i dont know….
As for the pepper spray, i dont know if i can use… I am a friendly person, i dont see myself being that radical, even if i got your point and it is a good advice, but i really dont know if i can do it. Maybe, chase them away with some Chal Nikal?
Of course, if you want to buy into my tourism ’sales pitch’.
Unfortunately, no. Indians, especially those from the North who grew up on American porn movies love pale skin and blonde hair. Your being short is also likely to make them think they have a ‘chance’ with you.
It is a matter of personal taste and depends on which India we’re talking about. If you were to go to Calcutta, people probably wouldn’t bother. Its a different story in Delhi, where a blonde is a Jat/Punjabi/UP guy’s fantasy.
Compared to what women do in Delhi to ward off lechers, keeping a mild strength pepper spray would be the least ‘radical’ of all. And beware, being nice might be mistaken by some Indian men as a ‘come on’.
Another interesting thing about skin and hair colour, I found I barely received a glance from the men in Chennai. They seem to like their women dark like themselves!
Abdullah, you really answered precise and clear to my doubts, you are very kind, i appreciate it
And Sharell, the Chennai part of the story is quite comforting! It indeed shows how cosmopolit in culture and attitudes India really is!
Sharell, I think your particular combination of looks is an Indian dream. Remember, Indians don’t aspire to an European ideal (blonde hair-blue eyes) but more to a Persian ideal (very dark hair plus light skin). With that combo, no wonder you get a lot of looks. Blonde haired people probably get stared at out of curiosity (how did her hair get that color?!!) and as, er, Ajay pointed out, out of an X-rated film type of curiosity. CG, you’re going to get stared at for one reason or another, but Sharell wins the Indian dream girl fantasy (for most Indian men, that is). Why don’t you find a job in Bollywood, Sharell? I’m sure everyone is looking for the next Ash/Katrina/Kareena.
Sharell interessting thing abt Chennai, I just visited the place last week, I felt like a foreigner in there..One must really know Tamil to get directions in that city it seems. CG-I also think many men in general find it hard to approach blonde girls..not sure if I am right though.
Sharmishta is very correct!
If you look at Bollywood actresses, all of them are fair skinned with dark hair – very similar to your looks, Sharell! 
Men in general?
Really? Or you refer to Indian men?
Cause in general blonde girls are seen as rather dumb in the West
(which is, of course, a stereotype), but in India they would connect a blonde girl’s image to an X-rated movie, which i find it quite sad!
But, again, it wont affect me visiting and enjoying India… hopefully!
darn their goes my dream of becoming bollywood star I have dark hair fair/light skin and brown eyes! LOL sharell go for it you could make big bucks!!! I do know what most of you mean where I lived in tx at one time indian friend got all up set because I said i was going tanning to get rid of my pale white skin she said to me no way you are lucky! Indian men I have dated even said the same thing don’t go tanning you are lucky to have fair skin. Even my Indian friends here in PA are like that, guess it was to do with the persian thing. Sharell I know you don’t like the stares but enjoy them now because when you get to be in your 80’s no one will think twice to look at an old lady! LOL just trying to add some hummer to it that is all hope no one take offance to this.
Sharell,
For a first time (solo female traveler) would it be best to travel to Delhi or Mumbai? Im thinking late August even tho I realize this is Monsoon season.
My husband says no to going with me.
Im rather “padded”and in my early 50’s so Im not too worried about getting much unwanted attention! lol
But I find the attention I get already bad enough. This would make it unbearable!
CG, funny thing I again got told I resemble Dia Mirza the other night.
Hi Carly, I definitely think Mumbai, especially at that time of year (although I think Delhi offers better attractions). August is not pleasant in Delhi weather wise if there’s no rain to cool things down. It gets very hot and uncomfortable. Also Delhi is generally a harder city to travel in, unwanted attention aside. The people tend to be more honest in Mumbai, whereas in Delhi scams are prevalent, usually starting in the taxi as soon as you leave the airport. Also, if you delay your trip a little bit and come early September, you’ll be able to see two festivals in Mumbai — Krishna Janmasthami (September 2) and Ganesh Chaturthi (starts on September 11). Hope this helps!
Sharell, you really really do!!
I was thinking you resemble some actress, but couldnt figure out with whom! At least to me, some of the stares are now explainable 
But again, i totally understand you dislike all the attention, it would make me uncomfortable too (if they would exaggerate).
P.S. You took a picture with Shahid Kapoor
Lucky girl! He is one of my favorite Indian actors!
If that were the case, dark skinned women would have been harassed and molested by Chennai men. However, I have noticed that this does not seem to be the trend. My personal take on this would be that Tamils are culturally more evolved than their Northern compatriots and hence, they see women less as objects of conquest and more as human beings.
Anytime.
If you are in the land where Tamil is spoken, that is but expected.
Don’t tell me. I was of the impression that the most attractive women in Bollywood are olive complexioned ones. Amrita Rao, Nandana Sen, Bipasha Basu, Lara Dutta, Riya Sen…these women radiate a sensuality and feminine mystique that the likes of Aishwarya and Kareena fail to evoke.
If you are in your 50s, you have little to worry about. Except of course, the usual touts and muggers which exist in any touristy area.
In Delhi airport, you can always avoid the touts by booking a prepaid cab from the Delhi Police or Easycab counters.
It may be possible with Easycab but the other prepaid taxis are still notorious for scams. It was the first thing that happened to me when I visited to Delhi. I’d never been to India before, it was very late and dark after midnight, taxi driver said he couldn’t find the hotel, offered to take me to a travel agent would organise a hotel for me (and no doubt pay the taxi driver a commission). I refused to go into the travel agent. Fortunately, I had a Lonely Planet book with a map and managed to give the taxi driver instructions to the hotel! Still, it was quite scary. These prepaid taxi drivers have often also asked me for additional money (tip, madam), which of course they didn’t get.
But apparently English is supposed to be widely spoken and taught there (in place of the national language). People speak Hindi and Marathi in Mumbai, but it’s still possible to get directions in English.
CG, yeah, I couldn’t resist the photo opportunity with Shahid (even though I didn’t even know who he was before that movie!). He’s tall too, I was quite surprised.
Dear Sharell,
Caucasian race is the most beautiful human race . It is an inherent desire of every Indian to have a fair skin . Indian men are very much attracted to European women because of their very fair complexion . I had my first crush at the age of 10 . She was a beautiful Russian girl . Her name was Daria (short form Dasha) . Daria had a very fair complexion , light brown hair and green eyes . We were childhood friends and before I could propose to her she left for Leningrad . I will try marry a Russian girl after I complete my education and earn enough to start a family . Russian girls have a different look and they appear exotic to me . I have also heard that Russian women are very much family oriented , no drama when compared to British , American women . I can quote several instances where a Russian girl has married an Indian and adapted herself very well to the Indian socio-cultural environment .
You know that it is for a man to propose and a lady to dispose . If I fail in my endeavour of marrying a Russian Girl I would be contented to marry an Indian girl of my mother’s choice .
Every woman is beautiful in her own way and exotic and special in the eyes of the man who is in love with her. Regardless of social background, country of provenience or skin colour.This is what i truly believe.
Oh Shaunak, my cousin married a Russian girl and it ended in disaster. It’s been absolutely awful, what she did to him. I hope it turns out better for you!
It is very easy to dial an Easycab or Meru Cab anywhere in Delhi. I agree with you that touts are a serious problem with Delhi. However, having a fair bit of idea of what to expect in Delhi can come in handy while dealing with these types. Keeping a Lonely Planet handy was not only fortunate, but a smart step in this regard.
English is more or less understood in Chennai, even by the autowallas. And for the record, there is no ‘national language’ in India.
Sometimes I wish I had a little olive complexion. But of course, Mr. Goswami is the authority to decide what every Indian’s inherent desire is.
Additionally, you might want to upgrade your knowledge a little bit. Ethnic Russians are Slavic people, not Caucasians. Calling them Caucasians might be taken as an insult by a Slav who is proud of his/her ethnicity. It is as intelligent as calling an Iranian Arab.
It appears that your outlook of marriage is by objectifying and stereotyping an entire ethnicity. You seem to want a ‘bonsai woman’, one who’d fit your stereotype of what you heard about a certain race/ethnicity. Which I think is rather unhealthy. Just my two pence (or paise).
Don’t take offence in any of what I said, none is intended.
Abdullah – the fair skinned/dark haired women of Bollywood are our “dumb blondes” while the olive-skinned beauties are our “serious brunettes”. Now, before I manage to offend the entire colour and ethnic spectrum here, let me add that this is a (partial) joke.
Wow! I think answering people’s questions is a great idea! Very insightful!
Dear Sharell,
There are two categories of Russian women-**** and genuine . The Russian women that you find on western dating sites viz. elenasmodels.com , hotrussianbrides.com etc are suckers for money.
Russian women marrying western men are a bunch of cheap **** .
On the other hand you will find many sicere, honest russian women genuinely interested in marriage on Indian matrimonial sites viz. bharatmatrimony.com , shaadi.com etc . Such Russian women are well versed with Indian culture , values and traditions. In New Delhi Russian women married to Indian men have formed an organisation called as DARC (Delhi Association Of Russian Compatriots).
Shaunak, you’re on matrimonial wesbites already?
What’s the hurry in getting married bhai?
Dear Abdullah K.
Caucasian is a broad term to denote white race of peaople . There are various subtypes in the caucasian race viz. Anglo-Saxon ,Kelts, Goths , Normans Nordic , Slavs etc. The basque people of Northern Spain and southern France are the original inhabitants of Europe and not white . Of all the human races the caucasian race is the most beautiful and of all the caucasian sub-races slavic race is the most beautiful (Just like Mango is the King of fruits and Alphonso the King of Mangoes ).
Women from Russia/Eastern europe are in general more beautiful than the women from western europe . There is a reason for this occurence .During Medieval times in europe beautiful women were burn alive considering them to be witches . But the Russian gene pool is still intact and has not suffered any losses .
Dear Sharell your cousin should try searching a bride on Indian Matrimonial sites and not fall prey to western dating agencies . Mail order brides are a big scam . Australia is a developed country that ranks high on Human Development Index(HDI) and I am sure he will find a genuine bride ( Indian or Russian) on Indian Matrimonial sites .
My cousin didn’t actually meet her through a dating agency. They met while they were studying abroad, in Germany. She was a poor student and didn’t have much money. They had a love marriage (well, he was in love. It was doubtful that she was). His mother paid for her education, then when she finished her education she took their daughter back to Russia and refuses to have anything more to do with my cousin or let him see his daughter. It’s very sad.
In Europe, Caucasian is a term used to denote people originating from the Caucasus region (Georgia, Armenia, Dagestan, etc.). It has little to do with skin or hair colour. Note that I am not going by the pop-definition used by Anglo-Americans, which blankets all whites as Caucasians, Iranians as Arabs and Jews as Semites.
I am afraid that allegory doesn’t apply in this situation. Caucasians are not necessarily whites. Slavic people are not Caucasians.
Beauty is subjective to the eye of the beholder. It is not an exact scientific theory.
The chances of foul play exist in Indian matrimonial sites as well. No dating/marriage site is foolproof, since there is no way to monitor the person who offers themselves as potential brides and grooms.
Sad really. She was apparently a ‘toxic wife’.
Dear Abdullah K.
Are you Iranian ?
Hahahahahaha!