Why Do Indian Women Like White Men?

by Sharell शारेल on April 24, 2010

in Culture Shock in India, Daily Life in India

Post image for Why Do Indian Women Like White Men?

There has been plenty of discussion on how Indian men feel about white women. Now, lets take a look at the opposite: desi (Indian) girls with pardesi (foreigner) guys.

Interestingly, it’s much rarer to find an Indian woman with a foreign man, than a foreign woman with an Indian man. A white male friend of mine from America attempted to date an Indian girl and failed dismally. I also know of dozens of white woman-Indian man couples in Mumbai, but very few of the reverse. It seems that not many Indian women are interested in having a white man for a husband. A large part of me wonders whether it is due to the cultural expectations placed on Indian girls.

Some Indian girls do marry foreign guys though. And what is it about these foreign men that Indian girls fall for? A recent article in the Bombay Times section of the Times of India shed some light on the matter. The article featured a number of interviews with high profile desi girl-pardesi guy couples.

Actress Sweta Keswani, who married half Dutch-half American Alexx O’Neil, says that she likes the fact that he doesn’t expect her to cook for him or clean up after him, like the typical Indian man who’s seen his mother do that all her life. According to Sweta, Alexx happily makes his own food, buys groceries, and is thankful to her when she does cook and serve him. Sweta also appreciates Alexx’s lack of possessiveness and narrow-mindedness. She says that she couldn’t even hug a a male friend in front of the Indian men that she’d dated. They also tried to change her, after initially liking her for the way she was. Alexx gives her much more space and liberty to be herself.

Singer Manasi Scott married half Indian-half Australian Craig Scott. She likes the fact that unlike most Indian men, Craig loves the outdoors and is a very sporty guy. He’s also much more supportive of her career than most Indian men would be. However, she has had to adjust to his lifestyle in other ways. She explains that she’s a proper vegetarian and he’s a complete meat eater — so she’s had to learn how to cook the food he likes.

Does anyone else have any experiences to share?

Photo: Nach Baliye 3 promotional picture. Sweta Keswani and Alexx O’Neil.

147 people like this post.
© Copyright 2010 Sharell शारेल, Diary of a White Indian Housewife 2008-2014. All Rights Reserved. Do not copy and reproduce text or images without permission.

Related Posts You May Like:

{ 1069 comments… read them below or add one }

Mike December 31, 2012 at 7:07 pm

I am a white american male and have the good fortune to be married to an indian woman. I have been married to her for over 31 years. She had come to the USA for studies and was going to school with my sister and I met her at my sisters house. I thought she was exotic and beautiful, and above all, she was intelligent and with her own opinions. Why she liked me in the end is a good question. I admit that at first she did not like me in the romantic way, as I was always asking so many questions of her …. to “nosey”. I was neither handsome or rich but somehow the interest grew. We spent hours talking about everything and grew closer. My wife is a Hindu and has continued that the entire time. My wife has said she did not find the Indian men attractive. She would say that many are handsome but not “attractive” in the sense that she wanted to be with them. She certainly did not marry me for money as I had none, she did not need me for green card or citizenship as she managed that on her own. Why she married me is an enigma. If anything I am just an average american, with a bit of humor. We have had bumpy times in our years together, same as all couples, yet here we still are. At the end of the day I can just say I was a lucky man.

Reply

Sharell शारेल January 2, 2013 at 11:26 am

Thanks for sharing your wonderful love story, Mike.

Reply

WolksVagen January 11, 2013 at 10:29 am

I’m a German/Canadian male and I’ve always been attractive to Indian women. I live in western Canada and have had quite a few Indian women attracted to me.

Reply

Markus Klinger October 23, 2013 at 4:58 am

I am a German Canadian male
Married to the same beautiful Filipina
Wife 20 plus years and 8 kids.
From 19yrs old to 6 years old.
I met my Filipina wife in Vancouver
Western Canada fall 1992 on the bus.
We married 10 months after we met.
Never a boring Day! Exciting all the time!
I cannot imagine life without a foreign wife!
:-)
Sincerely,
Markus Klinger
LONDON Ontario
Canada

Reply

m January 14, 2013 at 10:22 pm

I am a South Asian woman, raised in my own country and culture and I married a white guy who had never even met anyone from my country before and never travelled outside of Europe before we got married. We have been happily married for over 3 years now and the journey has been great. I cannot say that his being a gora was something that made him attractive to me though I was very amused with his green eyes as I had never seen that color before! I never had any objections to being married with someone from my own country and culture and I did not marry for him because he was different from them. At the end of the day, he is just like any man, though his behaviour and expectations are moulded by the society that he was raised in. I cannot say that he is not delighted by warm, home cooked meal when he returns home just like any man from my own country would be. It is not the space that he gives me or independence as mentioned in the article you referred to but it is the way he loves me that makes me truly, madly, and deeply in love with him!

Reply

happilymarried January 19, 2013 at 6:52 am

this is the perfect blog. Let me give my 2 cents. I do not have a preference for any man per se; though clearly, I believed I would grow up and marry a nice Punjabi man, and we’d have great little Punjabi babies. Life has taken a different turn, much like the writer of this blog. Why did I marry (or fall in love) with a white man? It just happened. There were some great pluses about him, though: he is tall; 6’2 and I am 5’2; he has a very open boyish smile–quite charming really; he has really toned, muscular legs. Sorry, but I know this is going to sound shallow, but I really like the fact that he works out regularly. Some of the older Indian men I know are content in getting fat bellies and shrinking arms. Yes, a generalization but I really like this about my husband. I don’t care about the sanctimonious people who are going to claim love isn’t also about looks? seriously? I was greatly attracted to my husband. However, our marriage has lasted 18 years because he respects me for who I am; allows me to make decisions and doesn’t tell me what to do; if there are dishes, he will wash them and don’t expect me to do it. If he is hungry, he makes himself a meal–though as his wife, I do cook (I feel it is something wives should do.) I liked his ambition and love that he is smart; he has a phd in theoretical math. You know what though? He made me laugh. He used to take me to the Comedy Cellar in NY and we’d laugh our behinds off at the jokes. He made me feel so special and wanted: he followed me around like a puppy, made friends with my sisters, helped my mom move furniture around so we can do our puja. When we got married, he looked at me and said: you are the most beautiful woman; I can’t believe I have a woman like you. THAT is why I did it. I felt loved and I love him. I married him because once I was stuck outside and I was scared; it was late. I just KNEW that if I called him, he would run right out. And he did–at 1 am! I can count on him. I am also come first in his life–not my mother-in-law. I don’t have to answer to her but it so happens she is a great mother in law. She calls me the little shiksa. Honestly, I know more Indian women marrying non-Indian men (than the other way around). It is not any dislike for Indian men; my father, grandfathers and every man in my lineage has been a Punjbai Sikh. The qualities I love in my family are the ones I have found in my husband. He honors my religion and my culture (as I do his): without knowing anything about us, he sat on the floor, ate with his hands and prayed in my home. He didn’t bring attention to himself and didn’t create a spectacle. He just did. I loved him, then because he loved me–the person, not an exotic element. Just the person. I cannot speak for others but the Indian women I know who have married non-Indian (mostly white, though we do have an Eygptian in our midst) men are women who feel, we are allowed to be who we are. Instead of cooking and cleaning, I am getting a phd! I am able to open my mind. Marrying outside of my comfort zone has afforded me a different–and exciting–life. It doesn’t mean that sometimes I don’t wonder what if I had married that Punjabi man or had our Punjabi kids but honestly, to see 1/2 of me and 1/2 of my husband–there is no greater evidence that God is love.

Reply

richard carr April 16, 2013 at 2:15 am

beautiful love story, all the best

Reply

sarika August 25, 2013 at 6:21 pm

Whoa I wish I could marry someone like that, seriously marrying an indian guy means forgetting yourself and just serve him and his family n take care of children rest of your life.

Reply

Lance December 31, 2013 at 5:36 am

Sarika, I’m available! :)

Reply

Himani May 29, 2014 at 6:01 pm

cool!

Reply

Kartashok July 14, 2014 at 7:03 pm

Way to stereotype!! Getting with Indian women means constantly complaining about every single thing, not wanting to have sex 8/10 times, not cleaning their bodies or shaving as frequently as white girls, and generally not being half as attractive as white girls! I am an Indian male, and I am glad I have a white girlfriend, who takes hygiene seriously just as I do, and we both give each other all the space we need, but yet remain very close!

Reply

Pallabob August 11, 2014 at 5:45 pm

hi Ashok, the only thing you want in a girl is the external beauty. Indian women are beautiful from heart but that doesnt bother you. No wonder indian women get depressed marrying indian men

Reply

John July 24, 2014 at 12:47 pm

I am a white guy and i am always attracted to Indian girls. They seem to me more loving & care taking. I wish I will meet someone someday :)

You can share your thoughts with me: vickymaxx@hotmail.com

Reply

surpeet April 3, 2013 at 12:02 am

Adding my two bits to an old article.
Sharell – your blog has provided hours of entertainment to my non-Indian wife. I am Indian and we live in Mumbai.
I would like to remark on one type of comment you made – ‘whites aren’t as obsessed about about skin color/shade as Indians’. I have paraphrased. In my experience, *all* ‘races’ in this world are concerned about skin color and shades, and *usually* prefer lighter ones when it comes to relationships. Judging people on color seems to be part of the human condition. This is called racism and it’s existence has been verified by various scientific studies. So let’s not elevate one race above another when it comes to discrimination.
I believe that you have lived away from ‘home’ for a while and one tends to become protective of their ‘own’ when this happens. I was the same when I lived in America for 11 years. The fact that you speak for ‘whites’ in the comments I allude to as opposed to your country-folk shows that you identify with race strongly. Whites can be from pretty much any country in the world, even Africa. Are all whites the same? You may want to reconsider your racial beliefs.
I hope that your readers will keep in perspective the fact that all blogs and comments are ultimately subjective.

Reply

Sharell शारेल April 3, 2013 at 8:55 am

Hi Surpreet, I speak of “whites” because that’s the way Indians label us — they generally don’t distinguish what country we come from, they lump us in one white category. On the flip side of that I know of instances where Indians have refused to believe a black person is English or American, they’ve insisted that they must be African!

Reply

Frode April 4, 2013 at 12:24 am

A black man can be a British Citizen, but he cannot be English. English is an ethnisity as is Punjabi and Han Chinese. Neither does a black man or an Englishman for that matter, become Chinese if they move to China and becomes Chinese citizens. I think that the basic requirement for respecting other people is respecting their identity and not try to delute or deny it.

Reply

Sharell शारेल April 4, 2013 at 10:14 am

Oh well British then! Thanks for pointing out the difference.

Reply

Toby June 14, 2013 at 1:46 pm

Really? British but not English? OK..that has to be the dumbest thing I have ever read.

Reply

Jared June 15, 2013 at 10:38 pm

Hey Sharell,
I disagree with you about indians labeling all “Whites” together; You could say the same about Whites labeling all “Arabs, Indians, Middle easterns, and central Asians together as well. White people are probably the most obsessed with skin color especially in the midwest/south and conservative areas of USA. Even many Eastern/Southern Europeans have faced discrimination from many whites in America because they were simply mistaken for arabs because of their tanned/darker skin color. My friend is actually 100% white but is very dark because when he was younger, he worked out on the farm for about 6-7 hours a day in the sun, and many people have discriminated against him.(They think he is half white/half black) If you notice many white-mixed races reside in USA and the white mixed races (example white/black, white/asian, white/mexican) if they look more white or have a lighter skin color then they are heavily accepted by the White community. and Remember pretty much everything that Indians do… they always model themselves after white people such as skin color obsession, gossip, class systems, and racism. (India was ruled by the british for 250 years).

Now the thing is… I have no problem with inter-racial dating/marriages because I’m a mixed race myself, (Half white half indian) My mom is White american and dad is from India. but the real reason why many Indian parents (from what I have observed) look down on their son/daughter marrying or having a kid with a white is because most of the time; they never get equal rights/ fair treatment. For example, An indian man who is a doctor ends up marrying a white woman who is poor, uneducated, low class, and comes from a broken family/poverty level. (Not trying to stereotype), but you never have seen an indian doctor marry a white female doctor.
and on the other side of the spectrum, you have an uneducated lowclass white man who ends up marrying an indian girl who is very educated and comes from a very rich/wealthy family. Even in USA, on the status scale that I have seen white/indian marriages/couples. most of the time instead of being equal. the indian always seems to be the cream of the crop; while the white is below on the status scale. Most of the whites who are equal or better they stick with their own kind.

now for why Whites are fearful of their son/daughter marrying or having a kid with a nonwhite is because they’re afraid that they will be lowering their standards and going down on the social ladder, because of course we live in a heavily racist society here in America and society will still tolerate,respect, and give preferable treatment to a lowclass white compared to a rich, educated nonwhite. (Sad to say, but it’s a fact in the society out here). That probably also explains why so many people are too shallow/ too prejudice and they always end up dating/marrying someone that they really don’t like or want to be with in the first place, but that is a whole different subject.

I’m sure that if there were an equal balance in the status such as both white/indian parties being rich/educated/family oriented/and on equal terms then many indian families would never have a problem with their son/daughter’s choice of a white partner. but for this reason is why indian parents frown upon their sons/daughter choice of going for a whitepartner. I’m sorry if I’m generalizing/stereotyping, but look around you in USA and you will see it all the time when indian/white couples are together.

I did hear a story a few years ago (Can’t remember what state) but there was a white male doctor who was having an affair with an indian female doctor, but after many people found out about it; he murdered the indian female doctor.

Reply

TAMASHA! June 17, 2013 at 9:32 am

Jared wrote & I quote-
“An indian man who is a doctor ends up marrying a white woman who is poor, uneducated, low class, and comes from a broken family/poverty level. (Not trying to stereotype), but you never have seen an indian doctor marry a white female doctor.
and on the other side of the spectrum, you have an uneducated lowclass white man who ends up marrying an indian girl who is very educated and comes from a very rich/wealthy family. Even in USA, on the status scale that I have seen white/indian marriages/couples. most of the time instead of being equal. the indian always seems to be the cream of the crop; while the white is below on the status scale. Most of the whites who are equal or better they stick with their own kind…
now for why Whites are fearful of their son/daughter marrying or having a kid with a nonwhite is because they’re afraid that they will be lowering their standards and going down on the social ladder,…”

I have NEVER in my life seen nor experienced what Mr Jared is describing in the US. I was born & raised in California.
All the ‘Indians’ I have met (be they male or female) in the US whom have married ‘white’ spouses that are equivalent in education & all other socioeconomic factors. I have most DEFINITELY seen an Indian male doctor marry a white female doctor. Many couples in my social circle fit this description.
I have never had any of my fellow ‘white’ Americans even mildy insinuate that I have married ‘down the social ladder’ referring to my marriage to an Indian. (Except for one Jewish female lawyer whom I think was extremely jealous.)
Rather it has been other Indians who feel the need to point out REPEATEDLY that I have somehow ‘lowered’ my ‘white’ self by marrying an Indian. Most Indians are absolutely OBSESSED with their bizarre ideas of ‘social status’ and even weirder ideas of racial ‘hierarchy’. You Mr Jared, seem to be one of them.

Reply

wikitheeks June 18, 2013 at 1:28 am

Yeah, I mean professional people like doctors are busy with their work and don’t have a lot of time to explore various class levels of neighborhoods and their hang out spots so from where would an Indian doctor in the US meet a “low class” white woman?

Indian doctors in their spare time associate with others in their general socio-economic sphere.

Unless Jared considers a woman working in an office as “unfit” for marriage to an Indian doctor?

HOWEVER, where Jared is correct is that whether economically high or low class, it will not be unlikely for a white American woman to come from a family of divorce. More likely for the lower class person, but still not entirely unlikely for the upper class one.

Reply

spaceTaco December 12, 2013 at 10:06 pm

Greetings Wikitheeks,

“Yeah, I mean professional people like doctors are busy with their work and don’t have a lot of time to explore various class levels of neighborhoods and their hang out spots so from where would an Indian doctor in the US meet a “low class” white woman? ”

obviously… you have never been to America my friend. You sound a bit Naive and Gullible! 74% of Americans are poor or in poverty. On the status scale, if you do not make at least 150k to 200k per year, you’re not even middle class! Everyone learns that in their “Intro to Sociology” class. How many Americans actually have an average income of 200 to 400k per year? The thing is like this….. in America, they try to make everyone feel equal and pretend that we live in a “Class less” society; to keep everyone happy and everything in control. (They don’t want the inferiority/superiority complex mentality or behavior to plague the country)

Class system will always exist in every part of the world, because if there is no class system; then there would be no superiors or higher powers/elites. now class is based upon wealth, priviledge, power, connections, and assets. Class has nothing to do with intelligence,education, manners, morality, race, skin color, nationality, religion, looks, or popularity. (This is the mindset that most ignorant people have). Plus +, since most indians have a misconception about class in the first place, they are mislead, deceived, with the outlook “The blind leading the blind”.

People will always say that Race makes a difference and matters in class, but what it really means is that Whites are higher class because many of them run and control society in America and have institutional power, just as indians have institutional power over in India. So people who are running and controlling society will always place themselves on the top. I don’t believe many whites are upperclass in America due to their hardwork, intelligence, or skill. They mainly inherited, maintained, suppressed and oppressed others. The one who controls and runs the game, will always have the final say so.

Many indian men (doctors) tend to be very shallow, so of course they would prefer an uneducated poor low class white woman over another (as long as she is good looking or a nice body). and remember in America…. Indians are probably the highest rate of Asian Doctors, so my point is… Indian male doctors probably out number white female doctors. I would not be surprised about that.

However, it all boils down to preference and choice. If indians desire and want to marry whites, it’s their choice. It has no reflection or impact on me. As I stated, America likes to pretend to be a “Classless” society, but in all relevance and rational thinking; class will always matter. I believe though that indians are more concerned with the reflection of society or the way that society thinks; rather than “Class” or rational ideals.

in regards to Mr. Jared, he does have a very strong validated point about conservative vs liberalism. Tamasha tried to ignorantly play it smart by saying that conservatism started or originated in California. I don’t think so…. what she was probably referring to was a segregated area. We have to overall look at the pre-dominate factors when statistically experimenting or observing, and predominately, California is the majortiy liberal society, now of course every state, city, or country in the world will always have their “Segregated Areas” “Sub-cultures.” or “Reclusive” Areas. but on the contrary, California is by no means a “Conservative” Society or has the mindset of the midwest/south.

As far as President Regan and Schwazrr, These were diplomatic figures, I don’t believe that they were 100% conservative. They were more for the interest of Californians rather than their own.

Reply

Jared June 18, 2013 at 9:27 am

Hey Tamasha,
I’m mainly talking about the midwest/south in states such as oklahoma, texas, kansas, arkansas, alabama, and tennesse. California is a whole different story because California is the most diverse state in USA and there are more Asians/minorities in that state than any other race. California is more open-minded and I’m glad that you have an open-mind and good for you with your choice of an indian husband, I’m actually proud and happy for you. You can’t compare california with the midwest though, that’s like trying to compare apples and oranges, the midwest is a heavily racist place and they don’t like nor care for minorities. Most of the whites out there don’t want to mix or have anything to do with minorities especially the rich whites. Most of the time if a minority gets to mix with a white in the midwest, the whites are usually the lowerclass,uneducated, or the ones who didn’t make it. I feel like America is a free country and you should have the choice to marry, date, or have a kid with whoever you want to regardless of what society thinks or wants. Most of the midwest does not feel like that though and they feel like that nonwhites are inferior. but remember California is one of the most liberal states and midwest is more rigid,backwards, conservative,and traditional. Midwesterners suffer more from superiority complex because they’re more poor people. I’ve dated both white and indian girls. I also have had a fling with a few black girls, I have no problem with race mixing and I don’t see any other race as inferior or subhuman.
I don’t think you lowered yourself, What I was implying was
“That many whites are fearful into marrying or having kids with nonwhites, because they’re afraid society will look down on them and they will go down on the social/economic scale.” that does not apply to every white family or person though.

Reply

TAMASHA! June 19, 2013 at 1:43 pm

Jared,
Apparently you don’t realize the ‘Midwestern mindset’ of which you speak starts east of Interstate 5 in California. In southern California ‘Orange County’ is known for it’s conservatism as well as affluence. Remember it wasn’t too long ago Republicans Ronald Reagan & Arnie Schwarzenegger war govs of California.
Sorry, but I have relatives all through Texas, Kansas, Oklahoma, Louisiana, Florida, Oregon, North Carolina, Georgia, & Washington state as well as California. I have only heard one elderly great aunt from rural Louisiana express surprise at a white woman being married to a ‘negro’. (Which was rather hilarious as she is 1/4 African Black.)
Like I said previously, Indians have been OVERWHELMINGLY the ones to REPEATEDLY (& quite rudely) point out that I have somehow ‘lowered myself’ by marrying an Indian- Evidently race trumps all other socioeconomic factors (education, income, class) in the Indian mindset. I’ve not found that to be true in the ‘melting pot’ of the US.
PS- I’ve have NEVER met an Indian doctor (male or female) that has married a ‘low class’, uneducated, or poor White ( in fact quite the opposite).

Reply

Harry July 3, 2014 at 7:34 pm

We all have our prejudices don’t we Jared? You decry the prejudice known as racism while at the same time betraying your own political prejudices. I am a conservative American who resents your statement about racism occurring “especially in the midwest/south and conservative areas of USA.” The conservatism equals racism bit is left-wing political propaganda, nothing more. In extremely liberal-dominated Boston and New York I have seen examples of racism worse than the Klan. And the racist remarks and attitudes there by people of all colors and ethnicity – dominant, prevailing city-wide. Did you ever hear of La Raza, and how many conservative voting Hispanics do you know? Ask a typical white Boston Democrat (i.e. liberal) what he/she thinks of Latinos or African-Americans. (It won’t be nice). Then go ask it in reverse. (It still won’t be nice). On the other hand in my very conservative, very Republican, semi-rural area of the country we have many mixed marriages and those who speak racist language are generally ridiculed. In my wide network of conservative friends (of all colors and ethnicity), color doesn’t matter, character does. Are we prejudiced around here? Yes…but not based on race. We consider liberals to be people of dubious character.

Reply

Raj June 17, 2013 at 3:06 pm

Sharell…If Indians label all ‘whites’ as the same, the same applies to ‘whites’ labelling all browns or blacks or asian looking people as one group. By the way, can you differentiate between a white american or british or australian or german by just physical appearance? Unless they introduce themselves or talk(accent etc,), there is no way you can differentiate. Infact, If I may remind you, Australia had an exclusive ‘white only’ immigration until a few decades ago. What do you think is the basis for such policy of grouping people from different countries/cultures in to one big bunch? It is physical appearance..a.k.a. colour…simple! So this is NOT an exclusive Indian trait.

Reply

Sharell शारेल June 19, 2013 at 10:31 am

Actually, you’d be surprised. I can often tell an Australian, British, or American just by how they look and are how they’re dressed!

Reply

Anand June 19, 2013 at 1:28 pm

Thats a great skill to possess. I cant differentiate all of em. Though brits stands out from Southern Europeans. Brits face are like child face, soft skin and pale…just like the baby.

One of my Portuguese friend went back home and his mom was surprised and told him ” you are not my son, why are you so pale and white”..lol

Reply

soujanya April 10, 2013 at 11:01 pm

Mr ocean my frnd is very impressed by ur thoughts she wants to hav a discussion wit u.. can i have ur email id plz..

Reply

Anisha April 13, 2013 at 12:36 am

Your post and blog are so interesting!

To stay on topic, I am an Indian woman, married to an Irish man. We’re both first generation in the US. We’ve been together for 18 years (met when we were 19) and married for 12. When we met, we were just dumb kids who hadn’t figured anything out. We made a lot of mistakes along the way and had a lot of fights. But, I always knew that he cared about me as a person – and not me as someone who fits into specific cultural/educational/financial expectations.

I was hesitant to date him because my parents, my family and all our Indian friends were sickeningly judgmental. They wanted someone who looks perfect on paper in every way. On the other hand, his family was so lovely and only cared that I made their son happy. I seriously have the best in-laws.

I loved his spontaneity, belief in my feminism and belief in family. My family said they believed in family, but were willing to turn their backs on me if I didn’t meet their expectations. Very hypocritical in my book. Further, the well-educated men my cousins married were (to me) domineering (forcing one cousin to change her last name, insisting that another let his parents live with them, etc). My husband has standards, as do I. But, I find that he isn’t at all judgmental and he accepts my flaws as I accept his. I don’t know many open minded people like him, let alone open-minded Indian men. To be fair, I’ve never been very stereotypical in most ways. He loves that about me.

Incidentally, in the years after our (scandalous) wedding, my sister and many in our family’s circle married non-Indians. All those people who trash-talked us and put us down ended up having to face the same situations in their own houses. It’s karma I guess.

Peace and love!

Reply

Sharell शारेल April 13, 2013 at 9:37 am

Thanks for sharing your amazing journey and love story, Anisha. And isn’t it interesting how life does turn out sometimes, in particular with many of your other family members.

Reply

Sharm January 17, 2014 at 2:38 pm

Lucky you anisha, hopefully i will meet someone wonderful too someday. Lol…

Reply

Pia April 14, 2013 at 2:50 am

I’ve been going out with a white man for a few years now. It’s the happiest I have ever been and I wouldn’t change him for the world. A few months ago I told my mum about him. Since then, she hasn’t been the same. She’s depressed, miserable and awfully quiet. It is such a shame she has let it bother her so much. It’s such a shame asian parents still put so much emphasis on race and religion.

Reply

Raj June 10, 2013 at 6:10 pm

This is NOT unique to asian parents. White parents objecting to their kids marrying non whites is also the norm. This has been confirmed by many of my white friends.You may come up with your own or someone you know example who were open and accepting but 90% of the white across the world does not get in to relationships with non whites. Be it in history or now. Skin colour is critical determining factor to most whites.

Reply

Javed May 28, 2013 at 4:56 am

Sharel I find your post interesting and enjoyable to read keep up the good work! Living in London I see a lot of Indian women going out and/or marrying white males and also over the last decade black males as well, interestingly I have never seen an Indian woman married to a Chinese, Japanese or Korean man or perhaps I’ve not noticed. Those women who have married out, tended to want to 1) opt-out of the traditional roles that they would have to play if they married another Indian, 2) physically fancy white or black males over Indian males. I’ve tended to notice Indian women esp those that are Westernized tend to find their cultural heritage a burden and are not concerned about carrying this on by replicating their mother/father relationship. What I find disappointing esp in western countries is that the children of these mixed marriages totally lose their Indian heritage over time, by the second generation they’ve become totally white. Sorry if I offended anyone, but its my observation over the years. There’s also an emerging tend which I see… gay relationships… one of work colleague who’s white English and gay has an Indian partner (been together for 5 years) and has moved to Mumbai to work and live together!

Reply

wikitheeks June 2, 2013 at 10:46 pm

Javed, ” What I find disappointing esp in western countries is that the children of these mixed marriages totally lose their Indian heritage over time, by the second generation they’ve become totally white. ”

In the US a lot of mixed couples try to incalculate the cultures of both parents into their children so you will see a lot of Desi-Hindu/Desi-Sikh-married-2-gora-or-gori couples attending Hindu and Sikh festivals at the mandir or gurudwar and frequently visiting India. Their kids grow up if not completely Sikh or Hindu, at least with Hinduism or Sikhism as a major part of their family culture.

“Those women who have married out, tended to want to 1) opt-out of the traditional roles that they would have to play if they married another Indian….I’ve tended to notice Indian women esp those that are Westernized tend to find their cultural heritage a burden and are not concerned about carrying this on by replicating their mother/father relationship.”

My own experience with Desi guys here has been varied but I’ve noticed a pattern or 2. If they Desi guy is from India and “into his culture” then he tends to want a wife that will live with her in-laws and play out the whole long-suffering bahu role. A Desi guy who doesn’t want that is often not into his culture. Its rare to find a Desi guy FROM INDIA who is really into his Sikh or Hindu culture but at the same time is not joined at the hip to his parents and doesn’t expect his wife to live with them.

However now in the US and Canada there is a generation of Desi-heritage guys (not from India but born here) who are really into their Hindu or Sikh culture and also live separately from their parents and don’t expect their wives to live with them.

These guys are usually associated in some way with the American/Canadian yoga scene.

Love it!

Reply

vikas June 4, 2013 at 12:07 am

Yeah
Hindu heritage is a way of life and the cultural transmission to the sons and daughters takes place only if the parents practice it in their everyday life and pass it on to the kids . My wife’s home is at my place and not at her father’s.I don’t have a daughter yet,but if I have one tomorrow I will teach her that her house is at her husband’s place and not at her parent’s.

Reply

wikitheeks June 5, 2013 at 1:29 am

“I don’t have a daughter yet,but if I have one tomorrow I will teach her that her house is at her husband’s place and not at her parent’s.”

What a great way to make a daughter feel welcomed and loved by her parents!

Reply

vikas June 5, 2013 at 6:30 am

That is the real definition of love for the daughter!

Reply

wikitheeks June 5, 2013 at 12:46 pm

How so?

Reply

vikas June 5, 2013 at 10:44 pm

It is an another realm which you may not be aware off, the women’s house is in the parents until she is married and after that her house becomes that of her husband’s.

Reply

wikitheeks June 7, 2013 at 4:23 am

Same goes for the man. His house is his parents until he is married and then his house becomes that of his wife’s, or rather the home they build together.

Telling children that their home is not their home because one day they will get married, not only does not make sense, but it can be psychologically damaging to the child.

Besides, everyone knows someday they will grow up and move out of their parents home, doesn’t mean that our parents’ home is still not “home” to us.

As an adult I have 2 homes;
My parents home where I am always welcome, and my own home, where they are always welcome as well.

Reply

vikas June 7, 2013 at 8:14 am

The women that I know of are more mentally stable and and the children are also psychologically well adjusted.If you have 2 homes then good for you! All the best!

Reply

Amit Desai June 4, 2013 at 1:13 pm

“I have never seen an Indian woman married to a Chinese, Japanese or Korean man or perhaps I’ve not noticed.”

This is a good observation and sheds some light on reality. For Indian women generally, East Asian men are bit more on feminine side. Same way for East Asian men generally, Indian women are more on manly side (hairy, darker, uglier/manlier, smelly, less feminine compare to Asian standards.) In Western countries, smaller/scattered population of East Asian men and Indian women mitigates any mingling among these two polar entities.

But the same polarity affects South Asian men/Asian women positively, as SA men may still find Asian women feminine generally, and same way, Asian women would find Indian men more manly (hairy, darker, smelly, manlier/uglier compare to Asian standards.) Statistically speaking, “SA male-Asian female” couples may beat all other interracial couples in West, as they may form the biggest “smallest minority male-smallest minority female” couples. Other small or smaller minority couples, such as Indian female-Asian male, Indian female-black male, black female-Asian male, black female-Indian male, black male-Asian female et. al, are either rare or rarest of rare.

Reply

Melissa June 6, 2013 at 2:39 am

Thanks for posting this article! I found it very enlightening. My husband and I have been together for 7 years and I have never obviously felt awkward being with him until recently! He is white and I’m Indian decent. Lately when we go to social events and go out in public and get stared at it is starting to affect me. I’m starting to think it is a stage that I am going through because people are just naturally curious and we get many comments on how beautiful our kids are. Like I said being in my early 30s I think I am at a crossroads of finding myself and questioning what and who I am, I don’t think I could ever be married to an Indian man unless he was truthfully westernized so this article and comments were amazing to know there are many out there like me! yeahhhh!

Reply

Naina June 23, 2013 at 9:47 am

I was forced to marry an indian guy who treated me as a slave to clean, cook and raise our kid. I had no say in anything. He would go out and I had to stay home and take care of our child. He said he is the man and I am the wife. According to me I was just a slave to serve him which was making me miserable. I was never happy even though I tried my best to make things work. Luckily he cheated on me and he moved on with his white gilfriend. I am now happily divorced and yes! I would never date or marry an indian guy. Its true I should not generalise but my heart cannot accept it. I met a white guy in my school. He is very smart, nice, professional, single, with no kid and we have been dating its been a year. He makes me feel important. He adds me in his plan, events, getaway and everything. He loves me and my child and he is an adorable man who can be a good loving father and husband. I am not attracted to him not only because he is white but because he knows how to treat a woman and how to make me happy. I am proud to say I am indian and I am dating a white guy.

Reply

Raj June 29, 2013 at 6:24 pm

Going by your logic, anyone who has a negative experience or breakup in relationship with a person from the same race need to find someone from another race to feel good about their life and relationship. What about all those white men who are cheating/divorcing their partners? Would you try someone else again If something goes wrong with the white? I understand you are narrating your personal experience which is very subjective but better to avoid making broad brush generalizations about entire race/country/culture. So much for your logic and pride!

Reply

Naina July 11, 2013 at 9:03 pm

Thanks Raj!!
Well I agree with you. I did try dating an Indian guy but he was too much into his family which means he will do everything that his mother says and putting me on the side all the time. I was not his priority. When his mom invites me for a birthday party at her house, she will invite me and not my son. She wanted me to get married with her son so that he changes and have a family. They never accepted my son and my child is my priority so I had to let him and his family go..and out of my way. This experience again after one year of trying to make it work……made me move on to white man. They are more accommodating when it comes to a divorce woman and who has a child. That`s true there are many men who are cheating and getting divorced but that`s in all culture, religion and tradition…actually it has become a fashion nowadays lol I am still happy to say that I am happy dating a white guy who has accepted me and my son……..thanks

Reply

Pallavi February 11, 2014 at 5:02 pm

Naina. I am so happy for you.. You are lucky truly to get rid of that man and get a decent guy in return. Not all indian men are bad but yes after the treatment you received, its natural to not like them.

Reply

Rahul August 10, 2014 at 8:16 pm

“Not all Indian men are bad…” (that’s India with a capital I).
Tsk tsk. Are you the leading authority on the subject? Not all Indian men are bad, most are, but let’s give some of them the benefit of doubt as a consolation.
Since when did this post turn into a pseudo liberal, anti cultural, hyper westernized all Indian women’s club??

Just as a woman may allegedly feel oppressed at the thought of performing household chores or staying with in-laws, the man is equally family bound and has daily responsibilities which can just as allegedly be termed suffocating. Agreed, not everybody has to or wants to subscribe to this agreement. And to those liberated men and women I say – “Have a good one!”.

But to shrug off from carrying forward your traditions and cultural legacy, just because you don’t have either the will or patience for it AND then label it a misogyny of one’s social culture, is plain stupid. It’s weak and an escapist mentality. Btw, I’m not endorsing sticking with regressive or oppressive partners in the name of traditions. I’m very clear on black and white, just not mix the two and confuse it with something else as a fact.

On to this topic – why do Indian women like white men? Well, what’s not to like about them? Do white men come with diseases or are they some sort of crackpots who can’t be taken seriously?

Fact: People are curious about “other” People. Some people like it when they get to know others, some don’t. Similar to why some of us think food at a friend’s place tastes better than theirs. It really isn’t, you just like the variety.
There’s really nothing more to it.

Reply

meera July 28, 2013 at 11:40 am

What I’m surprised to not see on this board is discussion about one of the few most important factor that bring two people together – sexual appeal/attraction.
The bitter truth be told – most white guys have finer built than most indian men … all you have to do is checkout magazines and media where most male models are, white.
The bitter truth be told – most white guys are wilder in bed than most indian men… no wonder most male porn stars are, white.
The bitter truth be told – most white guys are just so much hotter looking than indian men – I never could understand why mother nature continues to make far more hotter looking indian women than indian men… reality is that there simply are very few hot looking indian men around… most of the few hot ones are mainly from North India with fair skin complexion.

Bottom line, proportionately, more white men than indian men, have finer sexual appeal and clear sense of self-confidence … that attracts women of all races to them. In this regard, they dominate the domain of sex in this world.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(too hard to swallow, I know… )

Reply

Padparadscha July 29, 2013 at 2:15 pm

@Meera. I beg to differ, Meera, I don’t have same experience as you… and er “too hard to swallow”… really ? :)

Reply

Raj July 29, 2013 at 4:38 pm

I am not sure whether you have an Indian back ground(wouldn’t be surprised If you do, going by your comments), but according to you, Good/hot/sexy looking = white/fair skin. How simple is that!

May be it’s your preference for white skin(again, If you are an Indian, quite natural I guess) that is making you create this “bitter truth”?. May be you are checking out magazines full of “white” men?.

Bitter truth be told – most of the asian and Indian women I saw in the west are seen hanging around with white dudes but not with others. That does tell something about the attitude, which is quite evident in your comment.

Bottom line, asian and to an extent Indian women(especially the urban kind) have this typical slavish attitude towards men who look white/fair and hence they automatically find them sexy/hot/good/blah blah….

Reply

IndiaInMyHeart August 30, 2013 at 8:36 pm

I hope you would not wanted to be told that Indian girls are dead-wood in bed, uni-dimensional, uglier, and less sexier than white/chinese girls.. (barring Katrina Kaif who is only half Indian… HAHAHAHAHA!!!)

Reply

A May 25, 2014 at 11:40 am

But you’ve left out all the other like 99% of Bollywood female celebrities who are obviously more beautiful and sexier than male actors and Indian males in general. They can get any guy, but they stay in India and marry the ugly men. Look at Aishwarya-Abhishek for example.

Reply

actuallyjackedbengali July 15, 2014 at 2:08 am

LMFAO abhishek bhachan is bad looking? Okay I’m not gona lie Aishwarya Rai is a goddess, but he still can hold his own with his looks. Plus its not just about looks that makes guys attractive in the eyes of women. Alot of it has to do with status, charisma, and just overall running good game, which a lot of indian men have mastered which is why you see so many indian guys with white girls than you would see asian guys with white girls even though there are less indian guys in America than they’re are asian guys.

Reply

anabelle July 29, 2013 at 6:07 pm

hey Sharell ..your blog is quite interesting..i envy the girls who have found ther true love in foreigners..I find American men very attractive but not indian men.i dont care bout money i just want a really good and religious man…i dont like indian men though i stay in india and never been to America…it may be due to the fact that from my childhood i have always read novels written by american authors…really very much interested to marry an American..plz suggest me how i would get my dream partner….

Reply

IndiaInMyHeart August 30, 2013 at 8:40 pm

where there is a will there is a way.. try plentyoffish.com, e-harmony.com, etc.

Reply

Christopher September 22, 2013 at 10:21 pm

I am an American man is the form of a white guy, who has been in my share of failed relationships. In the last few years I’ve come to have a relationship with the Lord and was called to the ministry. I was just about done with relationships and ready to devote my life exclusively to serving the Lord’s affairs. However one day while on facebook I came across a profile of an Eastern Indian woman (Mamatha) and noticed she was a Christian! I was intrigued because I had the assumption Eastern Indian woman were Hindu or Muslim. I added her as a friend and for a while, like all other woman, referred to her as “sister Mamatha” being she was a sister in Christ (Christian).
Overtime I got to know her better… and could not deny I was attracted to her beauty as well.
As stated before… I am a “white guy” however I have always been attracted to woman of darker decent.
Currently we are set to be married in the near future… She has taught me many things about patience and trust. Like it or not, I believe what the Bible teaches about marriage. I believe the woman is the man’s helper both essential in service to the Lord. (Gen. 2:18-25)
She has restored my belief that Biblically based marriage is still obtainable, despite the times we live.

Reply

Sharell शारेल September 23, 2013 at 11:00 am

Hi Christopher, there is an extensive Christian community in some parts of India. I’m glad you found someone compatible, who you want to spend the rest of your life with in holy matrimony. :-)

Reply

Kartik September 29, 2013 at 9:57 pm

Hi christopher, just like you i am interested in only women who are caucasians ie white or tanned women really turn me on and i fall readily in love..Well your perception about indian hindus is absolutely wrong cuz over a period of time our thinking comes on the same wavelength..Anyways congrats..

Reply

Smritilekha Chakraborty September 30, 2013 at 9:30 am

Oh no Sharrell! Come home to Bengal & you’ll find plenty of Indian (Bengali) women falling for White men & tying the knot, right from ‘The Bengali Nights’ (La Nuit Bengali)!

Reply

Shahbaz K October 9, 2013 at 7:49 pm

I am a Canadian male of Bangladesh descent and I do not date indian/Pakistani/desi origin women.

I am just not attracted to them.

I am in a serious relationship with a tall, slim and beautiful blonde woman of Scandinavian descent. I live in the GTA area.

F*** the conventions and f*** what anyone else thinks.

Date and marry whoever you want.

Reply

alan November 30, 2013 at 7:42 pm

I am a white “Britisher” and am married to the most overwhelmingly lovely Indian woman. She is beautiful, smart, loving and great to be with. I am proud and honoured to call her my wife. We met by chance, there was a spark between us from the start. From the beginning I insisted on an equal partnership, she is my equal, not my property. If she is working late, which as a Doctor she often is, I will have a meal waiting for her when she gets home, she does the same for me, and I always wash the dishes. She asks me what I see in her. The answer is simple, she completes me, but I tell her that I find her exotic, she is “my indian princess”. My role is to protect and support her, to give her the backing that she needs in order for her to achieve her full potential.

Reply

Sharm January 17, 2014 at 2:32 pm

I am very happy to hear this.. Most of the indian women are loyal once their married. I have indian girl friends who were quite having a social life before marriage and once they got married they were totally devoted to their family…. But the sad part many indian men take that for granted…

Reply

Pallavi February 11, 2014 at 5:08 pm

I completely agree with you Sharm. Indian women would always like to stay devoted but they are not given that respect. A working indian girl is expected to pour her money into household chores just because she is working. She is intelligent enough to know how how to help her husband. She doesnt need orders. But it is expected of her to contribute. I think indian woemn should not be forced into something. They are very mature and wise. They will do their part

Reply

shane December 16, 2013 at 7:28 am

Im a white male in south África and i love indian woman i like them more then white girls i wish i can get a nice indian Gf and treat her like a princess hehehe i guess it wil come with time

Reply

anabelle December 19, 2013 at 6:34 pm

cool…here is an INDIAN WOMAN..wink…

Reply

Dude December 23, 2013 at 4:15 pm

Male. 31. White. South-Africa
Dated a Muslim girl (Indian) for 6 months. Parents were over the top religious. She was non trustworthy. Completely refused to have a functional relationship. It had to be her way or no way. There was no communication. There was, she does not like this, end of story. Refuses to talk to me for 3 days as punishment.

I grew the perception Indian girls are made in hell sent here to torment me with their appearance of soft good morals and character. But once the door closed it was the opposite.

Now im dating a really nice Indian girl. Its weird for me that she likes to help cooking and cleaning. She fits my picture of the perfect women. Her character is soft and caring. She is career driven and i support her all the way regardless of having to make sacrifices in order to do so. She loves the fact that im outdoors and very adventurous. She does not care that im not a wealthy person for she is very successful. She loves that i appreciate and adore and cherish the things she does for me. Simply because i do not expect those things from her.

Moral of the story is. Indian girls cannot be generalized. The question or discussion should be about women in general.

Some are horrible. Some are amazing.
There are culture differences sure, but it makes for interesting times and if there is mutual respect and understanding, then it will be an amazing relationship.

Reply

benki April 25, 2014 at 4:48 pm

hi ‘Dude’,

From your short description about your first indian girlfriend, sounds like she might have NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) comorbity with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), dysfunctional relationship is trademark of all the cluster B personality disorders and also they do tend to overlap (comorbidity). These personality disorders are not Race dependent. Whatever your educational/professional background is, I would suggest you try to read about the above mentioned NPD and BPD….google is your best friend here. This will prevent you in falling for a similar type of person again. Peace on you!

Reply

Justin December 29, 2013 at 10:36 am

I’m from the US and I frequently travel to Mumbai on business.
I love Indian women. But they apparently don’t love me :P
It’s all good, one day I’ll find her =]

Reply

Sharm January 17, 2014 at 2:28 pm

Hi justin.. Its good to hear tht you love indian women, but why is that the indian women dont like you. Maybe you can share with us why you exactly like indian women. Tq.

Sharm

Reply

Pallavi February 11, 2014 at 5:15 pm

hi Justin, I dont believe what you say.. lol… Indian girls are easy going. They are very composed and sweet and they fall in love too soon if a man gives her respect. Even though most of the men blabber stuffs to make her feel special just to get her to bed.. its not what she will like. White and black guys are known to be generous ( if not all, but definitely their percentage is more than the number in India) Find a girl, and let her know how important she is to you, but dont just say it to pull her to bed and then throw her off…. just a suggestion ;)

Reply

Sharm February 14, 2014 at 3:39 pm

Well Said Pallavi… lol…

Reply

indi February 21, 2014 at 9:55 pm

Depends on what he is looking for really…………………..

Reply

Mira May 7, 2014 at 5:43 am

I wrote an article about this on my blog a few months ago and got an overwhelmingly appreciative response from my Indian home girls–whadduppp–so I guess I can reiterate here, for everyone’s educational benefits.
You see, we Indian girls growing up in American suffer from a severe crisis of identity. We feel as if we sometimes live two lives. As a born and bred Desi female, I can say that, growing up, I had my home life and my social life packed away in two separate mental compartments. I had to school myself on how to integrate into American society while trying to keep up with my own culture and do’s and don’t’s at home. We grow up in an extremely sexist INDIAN society, where it is odd to find an outspoken Indian woman in a sea of men who consider you inferior.
Now, that is NOT BY ANY MEANS, saying that EVERY Indian man who has ever walked the face of planet Earth considers Indian women to be inferior. I am not saying that. But if we take a broad view of Indian society, we see a highly sexist culture. Need I bring up the female feticide that STILL occurs in the really rural regions of India? How Indian women are constantly harassed on the streets of India by Indian men and how it sometimes doesn’t get any better coming to America because we then have to deal with how some American boys handle women as well as trying to balance our two lives? We may not realize this but we carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. We have more to lose than the average female; we have our social standing, our family’s social standing, our entire lives, basically, to lose if we make just one misstep.
Now, is it like this for every Indian girl? NOPE! Some Indian girls come from families that allow them freedoms most general Indian families don’t. I am 20 years old and a second year college student; I’m still not allowed to have a boyfriend. Another friend of mine who is also Indian is 20 as well and she has had a boyfriend for the past two years and her parents are ok with it. Some families are different.
In the case of Indian women, we are literally all living two lives. We try to live as American citizens and we try to live as Indian women. We have to know how to keep a household from a younger age and we have to groom ourselves for marriage. Some of us have to anticipate an arranged marriage.
The article I wrote goes into more detail; this was a watered down version of it and I didn’t want to bore y’all to tears. Basically what I’m getting at is that you might not see a lot of Indian and Caucasian–or other race–men together because of the lives that we lead behind the curtain. After years of having been told how we are to act and not act and how we perceive men from a young age, allowing ourselves to trust outside whatever comfort zone we have managed to form is like trench warfare.
And while I’m on the subject of Indian girls and white boys, let me just say that I personally would not mind at ALL if a Caucasian guy came up to me and spoke to me. We appreciate the compliments just like any other girl from any other race would. Don’t group all Indian girls together; we’re all entirely different and our personalities range from one end of the spectrum to the other just like everyone else. That fact doesn’t change just because we’re Indian, trust me. Saying that all Indian girls are kind, quiet, sweet or even narcissistic is like saying that all Caucasians are part of the KKK. We may be the same race and gender but my personality differs significantly from any other Indian girl you would find. This I can promise you.
Note that I’m telling you other guys that there shouldn’t be any fear in trying to go up to an Indian girl and try to talk to her. You never know if its going to work until you try, again, just like with any other girl from any other race. If you find an Indian girl you’re attracted to, take a shot. But, know that we’re smarter than you’d realize and if you’re just trying to get in our pants, we can sense that mess from a mile away. That’s one thing, so far and I haven’t been proven wrong yet, that we Indian girls have perceptually in common. In the society we live in, its hard not to be extremely street smart.
Like I said, and I cannot stress this enough, is that all of what I have just said does NOT AT ALL BY ANY MEANS encompass ALL of Indian Society nor does it speak for every Indian man or woman. I can never presume to speak for everyone.
And don’t let what I tell you shape your opinion of Indians because, if you ask me, we Desi’s , as a whole….yeah, we’re pretty awesome! :)

Reply

Brown Girl January 9, 2014 at 1:36 am

Loved this thread, especially the comments sections. I came across this another thread which reverses the role — discussion around why Indian Men Like White Girls. Interesting read.

http://controversial.netcurate.com/stories/is-it-true-indian-men-like-white-girls

Thanks for sharing this post.

Reply

Sharm January 16, 2014 at 3:54 pm

Hi… I would like to pen down my experience…. I am hindu indian girl who was brought up in a typical indian culture in one of the countries in south east asia. As I grew up. I began to understand myself being a woman. To be honest I was proud to be an indian woman. And I would be very grateful to have a parents who supported me in many ways to find my dreams and my ways. As I grew up I began to understand the importance of being balance.. as we are living in the new generation where our surroundings and culture began to fade… I was still grasping my culture and at the same time adapting to the new world of globalisation… I had crushes as I reached my 20′s and happen to be always unsuccessful with boys… then i began to realise the reality of life is no more like those we watch in movies where an indian man will fall in love with an indian woman till end Happy endings were fairy tales. the are boys are boys despite any race and girls were always girls… So i began to put all that aside and i strongly began concentrating on myself… my studies and my career… At that point i ended up in a an industry filled with men. i was surrounded with men… a male dominance industry… so i began building myself to have a strong character… time went on and when i reach 25 i decided with my parents to settle down and informed my parents of my intention to start a family. I told my parents i have no luck dating a man and i gave them the authority to look for a man for me. I kind of had trust in my parents cos they were no ordinary typical indian parents. I was lucky that they were understanding. My elder sister was match made with a my brother in law and my parents strictly told my sister that the marriage will take place if only she agrees and she needs to get to know him first. I liked that… And now i see my sister living a great life with a good man… But as i said i was unlucky that the guy who was introduced to me basically were not compatible. Seriously i wasnt having a high expectation, but someone who could understand my strong nature that i am a woman with my own ways and never i thought of dominating anyone. I don’t like to be dominated either. One by one i met… i cud say i never try to be a hypocrite cos i never believe in that.. i potrayed my true self and most of the time i was rejected of my tanned skin. I was struggling at that point of time with my part time studies and i keep my life simple. I was surprised to meet guys who was interviewing me of my account balance and my property…. some even try to in still their guruji beliefs in me… some made me pay for their drinks… actually i don’t mind paying… i do charity once a year but come to think of a man that u want to spend the rest of your life with and refuses even to spend a cup of coffee is really very disturbing…. all those men went away… and my life went on with work…During that time i met many men indian and non indian men committing adultery which always create a question within me of marriage… not forgetting about how the astrologer said that i was born at the wrong time to burden so much of bad luck and i will have problem with marriage. They initiated me to do some prayers… and to be truthful i did none. I remember how i cried and yelled at my mum in pain when i heard that and told her that every child is a god greatest give no matter where they were born and when they were born.. And i was a gift to my parents… I saw my mum crying that day… as soon as i said that to her… but i made a point that i would be a good child no matter what happen.
So much happen and now i am in my 30′s … to be honest still single.. and i have put all that aside.. Yes i was frustrated… every wedding i attended or any function of relatives ,the first question they ask me ” when is your marriage”… which was so difficult to answer cos i never know the answer. I avoided functions or wedding unless its someone so close or dear to…
I build my life… i became independent.. i grew in my career…. i pick new hobbies… i am still the same simple indian gal… with my own ways…My parents are proud of me i know that … but sometimes they worry about the single life i live.
I go diving once a year… and i go holidays.. i enjoy myself… i attend parties and i became a social butterfly.. But what i can say is that all these has turn me into a matured woman who still remembers her identity. I go for parties.. but from my dress code to my drinking ethics i still maintain my balance and reputation as an indian woman. I am not wild nor conservative… i maintain my balance that i manage to obtain respect within my community… my workplace and to be specific within the male society. I may not be a hot chick or anything… but they stand near me within a distance… to be honest.. being a woman its a wonderful feeling when ur being respected among ppl… the feeling money cant buy.

Today i am single.. waiting for the rite man that will take my hand… to have a family someday.. I heard a lot of Asian are into mix marriages.. i did thought abt it if my fate is written with a foreign man since i believe many indian men have problem taking me for whatever reason. I am tanned.. and they say i am strong headed… and i try to pretend like a man.. but all those doesn’t stop me from being who i want to be…
Its still a question.. while waiting for the mysterious question to be answered i will live my life the way it is..

Thanks for reading this.. just feel like sharing….

Sharm

Reply

Sharell शारेल January 16, 2014 at 5:42 pm

Thanks so much for sharing your story. I was enthralled right to the end, wondering what would happen. I do hope you find the right special guy soon. It’s a good thing you didn’t try and settle down with those others, they sounded dreadful. Respect is indeed important.

Reply

Sharm January 17, 2014 at 2:24 pm

Hi thanks… Yes i am so grateful i didnt end up with any of those. Even now i am still getting pressure from family and society as my age is increasing. But i tell myself that that marriage is a life long event. I just cant get married to anyone just because i am getting older. Anyways i am sorry there were grammar and spelling mistakes in my writing as i was writing it very quickly. Thank u.

Reply

Sharm January 17, 2014 at 2:50 pm

Hi sharell… Just wanted to say that this blog is really good n thank u for posting such topic. Is it possible for me to have your email address?

Reply

Sharell शारेल January 17, 2014 at 9:42 pm

Thanks! My email address is on the contact page. However, since I’m not actively updating this blog at the moment, I don’t often check it.

Reply

Pallavi February 11, 2014 at 5:21 pm

hi Sharm, after reading your part, I feel you are one of the most special people I have come across.. You really need a non indian man.. Indian men as always need high profile women. I feel like placing a mirror in front of them so that they can have a look at themselves first to make a comment on someone.. or even if they deserve someone in the first place.. Arranged marriages is a big no no in todays world.. again its notso with all… but yes most of them i feel dont work. There are disasters in love marriage too but I feel silly when lovers take a divorce. I mean how childish are they to not realize their compatibility before marriage

Reply

Sharm January 18, 2014 at 10:09 am

Hi sharell, i hv send you an email. Thnk u.

Reply

Pallavi February 11, 2014 at 4:58 pm

hi.. I am an indian girl and married to an Indian man. Frankly speaking indian girls need to walk out on Indian men if possible, because no matter how educated/ beautiful/rich they are, indian men are never satisfied. An icing on the cake will be if mama’s boy’s parents stay with him then the life of the wife is equal to a dead end. An Indian man has a very high ego which is continously massaged by his parents. Indian girls are the best creation when it comes to adjustment, peace of mind, any kind of support be it physical, emotional, financial. I am not saying all Indian men fall in the same boat. But yes 85% of them still do , no matter how educated or rich or whatever they are. I wont say that all white or black men are princes in shining armour but compared to 15% of loving indian men, I feel 45% of non indians will understand and feel blessed marrying an Indian girl

Reply

indi February 21, 2014 at 9:37 pm

@ that Indians smell etc .
Indians can smell but so do all other ethnic groups .
Indian food has a lot of spice added but so does Med/Arabic/north African/Asian so when its very hot ….sorry people smell .Black people smell .White people smell .Naturally.Black people smell fishy and musky.White people smell chalky.Why is that.At least Indians smell of the foods they cook with. Anyway….Indians must bathe once a day.North Indians wash upto 3 times in the heat .The ritual of bathing was taken up by the British after they came to India .Shampoo is an indic word .

Reply

indi February 21, 2014 at 9:43 pm

I also want to comment regarding the business of saying that no Indian girl with Chinese etc.I have seen a Punjabi girl with a Chinese doctor. Proper marriage and accepted by both sides. Don’t believe that Indians think that Chinese etc are feminine .They are viewed as smart,family people There are many such couples in Vancouver,Canada .Fully accepted .
There are many white Canadian guys (usually of British/German/Dutch/Polish background ) married to Indian Punjabi girls.The Punjabi girls have proper Sikh/Hindu weddings .This also in Vancouver .

Reply

ALOK February 26, 2014 at 12:18 am

Well I think it is not anything as stupid as race or color that determines the person with whom we feel in love with, sadly it isn’t an ‘OPTION’

Reply

Ed February 26, 2014 at 8:51 am

I am very open and have enjoyed reading all the comments on this article. I have to say I have dated outside my race for some time and I love the diversity of it. With that being said I have a serious attraction to India woman. I find them very beautiful, they have beautiful smiles, amazing eyes, and they are strong goal oriented woman. I have researched sites looking to find an India woman to date and eventually marry and bring to the US. I have to admit though it has been quite a hard search. I do have a friend of mine who is a white female and dating an India male and he seems to be a great guy. He does not reflect a male who controls his woman, or expects her to cater to his families needs. While it has only been a few months that they have dated and according to them he will relocate to the states.

I do not believe that you can sterotype all males or females by race or culture. Everyone is an individual and has their own thoughts. While in reality everyone should be able to express thier thoughts we know that some cultures forbid that. I think that India woman have so much to offer society as a whole and can be very successful in all areas of life. I do agree that love finds itself in everyone no matter what race, culture, or country you are from. Let’s face it everyone no matter your nationality wants to be loved, romanced, caressed, and to feel they are the most important part of someones life.

I feel that India woman want the same thing no matter where they man is from. Feel free to contact me ecutterjr@hotmail.com. Have a great day.

Reply

benki April 25, 2014 at 4:59 pm

well said Ed!

Reply

Pato March 1, 2014 at 10:11 am

I started dating an indian/persian girl over a year ago and we ended up falling madly in love. Im white and had dated many different types of woman before but had never even found indian women attractive until i met this girl. From the start we both knew the relationship wasnt going to be able to work but it didnt stop us from taking it as far as it got. The reasons why it was never going to work were many and just reading them without knowing either of us personnaly could cause some to frown on our relationship but ive never loved anyone like i love her and if there was ever any way to make it work i would literally do anything. To start with we worked together and she was 23 and i was 36. She also had a boyfriend and i am married with children. Her parents would have disowned her had they dound out according to her which was what finally caused her to leave and never look back. After seeing her for about a month i knew i was in love and would have left my wife for her in a heartbeat and actually tried to but she discouraged me from doing it because according to her, her parents would never accept us. Ive talked to many friends and family about our relationship and not one of them has been critical towards the relationship even though most of them would never condone cheating. I guess what i would like to hear from anyone who can offer insight is what out of the many reasons would be the biggest obstacle to us being together, the age difference, me having kids, me being married, or just the fact that im white. I miss this girl more than anything and would so anything to get her back

Reply

Sharell शारेल March 2, 2014 at 11:37 am

Thanks for your comment. To be totally honest, I would say all the reasons you’ve listed are big obstacles. Plus, there is another one. She has to be prepared to go against her parents wishes. It’s very tough for a young Indian girl to do that. And, by actively discouraging you, it seems that she’s not prepared to do so. Indeed, there is a huge chance of her being disowned. Personally, I don’t think you should pursue the relationship. Sorry to say that. I’m just being honest. :-( It will cause you a lot of pain (and your wife and kids as well).

Reply

Pato March 3, 2014 at 9:48 pm

Thank you Sharell for responding so quickly! I cant argue with your advice, it is by far the most logical thing to do in this situation but logic is out the window for me on this. Regardless of whether i ever hear from this girl again i know i will never be able to go another day without thinking about her and wondering if there would ever be a chance for us. Im in the process of separating from my wife as it is unfair to her and to me to be together knowing my heart is with someone else. I have no illusions that this will make any difference for my chances to be with this girl. Im still much older, still have kids, and will eventually be divorced instead of married. All that being said, the last thing i want to do is look back at my life in 20-30 years and wonder if there was something more i could have done.

In your opinion could you ever see a young indian girl whose biggest fear is being disowned by her parents ever growing up and findig the strength to go with her heart and against her parents? I understand that the whole disowning fear is real but is it also something that could be overexaggerated slightly? The thing is, her sister actually found out about us to a certain extent and told her mom that she found out something was going on. Her mom did freak out a little but then never spoke to her again about it leading me to beleive that the last thing her parents would want to do would be disown her and they would rather turn a blind eye than have to actually follow through with disowning her!

Is it possile that in a few years, being more mature and a stronger person in general, that she would be able to feel more comfortable about a relationship with me if i was no longer married? Lets assume that our feelings for each other remain after years apart, could it ever be a situation that either her parents would evwntually be ok with or something that they dont approve of but dont react as strongly to and use the elephant in the room approach kind of like the way they dealt with it when they first found out something was going on? I get the feeling that if they were truly going to disown her they would have made a bigger deal about it when they first found out.

I know that even if she came back to me and we were able to be together, the challenges our relationship would face with her family would never go away and im willing to accept that and all of the strugles that would come with it. I cant say it any clearer that this girl is the most amazing girl i have ever met in my life and there is nothing i wouldnt do to be with her and make her happy. I dont think there are very many people in this world who have felt the way i do about this girl and if you are one of the few that have, you will understand where i am coming from. I think she would admit it as well, the love we shared was a once in a lifetime thing and i cant think of anything more important than true love.

I havent contacted her in a few months and will respect her wishes to stay away but i will never truly be able to move on from her i fear. Her happiness is ultimately the most important thing but if somehow i can be the man who makes her happy without ruining her relationship with her family, i want to make sure i dont miss that opportunity. Am i just being selfish and rediculously optimistic or could you see a scenario where we could be together in the future?

Reply

Sharell शारेल March 4, 2014 at 8:54 am

Again, being totally honest, I would say there is zero chance of you being with her but every chance of you losing your family and regretting it. If her family perceives you to be a real threat, that’s when they will react. There is the possibility that they will arrange for her to get married to someone else rather than disown her. She’s already indicated that it won’t work out and is not encouraging you. I’d really suggest you listen to her rather than throw your future with your innocent children into turmoil. You need to think clearly about this. I feel that in time the last thing you would want is to look back and see that you ruined your family life because of an infatuation. It may feel that you love her but you are yet to really know her and her culture.

Reply

Pato March 4, 2014 at 10:18 pm

Thank you for your honesty and perspective. In a strange way i think what you have told me is exactly what i needed to hear. Now unfortunately i feel more sad and sorry for her than anything else! Arranged marriages and disowning children doesnt feel like something that should still be going on in this century. Couldnt her parents just give her a good stoning in the village plaza instead?? Im kidding but it is frustrating to see “culture” used as an excuse for behavior that should no longer be tolerated in todays society regardless of your culture. Just reading some of the comments here it sounds like most indian women feel the same way about many of the customs of their culture.

Im obviously frustrated because of how this affects me personnaly but the truth is that i dont know any parents who would be accepting of their daughter in this situation. I dont expect anyone to fully understand what we felt for each other. Seeing it as an infatiation is a very understandable assumption. True love isnt a concept most people are comfortable with. It goes against all reasonable thinking and anyone who hasnt felt it would be well within their rights to doubt that it even exists.

I wont pursue her any further and i hope that she is able to find happiness under the restrictions of her “culture”. If some day she were to get back in touch with me i would welcome her back into my life at any capacity she felt comfortable with. Life is too short to not be happy even when that means going against your family or culture sometimes. Thank you again Sharell for your insight.

Reply

Sharell शारेल March 5, 2014 at 11:41 am

Thanks so much for not taking my comment the “wrong way”. I certainly gave the advice with the best intention. Indian culture is rather complex and difficult to fathom for westerners. In traditional families, daughters in particular are raised to obey their parents and society. They don’t have a lot of scope to make decisions for themselves. They are expected to be dutiful and do what’s best for the family. If they don’t, it will bring shame on the whole family and they will lose respect in the community (and this is why they will disown the daughter — it’s a way of showing opposition to her actions and regaining respect). Indians are very community orientated, so this is important. It’s not an individualistic society like the west. It’s common for Indian families to insist that their daughters marry someone from the same community. Having them marry an Indian is not enough. It has to be someone from the same caste (yes it still exists and is relevant). So, you can imagine how they would reject someone from another country, if simply an Indian is not acceptable! I didn’t mean to undermine or underrate your feelings in any way by referring to it as an infatuation. It’s just that I’ve known quite a few people to “fall in love” with Indians without understanding the culture, and things turn sour very quickly when cultural issues and differences arise.

Reply

brainyone March 3, 2014 at 8:43 am

I happened to stumble upon this website and I have really enjoyed the comments. I feel that I need to add my experience. I am a Punjabi woman born in the U.K. raised in the U.S. I did everything that I “thought” was expected of me. I do not drink, do not smoke. do not take drugs. I got my M.B.A. I married an Indian Doctor who was born and raised in India. Everyone and their mother told me I was making a HUGE mistake. They kept telling me “you are so pretty and petite. You can get the best here.” I did have qualms about not knowing him, but the fact that is in “arranged marriages” love comes afterwards. I was ok with that since I thought we are in this for life.
Well, he came over to the U.S. I worked and we both lived with my parents so that he could pass his U.S.M.L.E with out having to worry about rent, bills etc. He passed with flying colors and I gave birth to a healthy, happy baby boy!! I thought life could not get better. He told me he wanted to take time off so I thought–Hey we have our whole lives together–take a break! I asked him how he would like to take his time off and he told me that he wanted to visit his Uncle in a different state. That was fine with me.
Well once he left he started drinking and taking drugs! And after that he went back to India!!!!!! At first I was in denial…how could this have happened to me??? I did not even take my wedding ring off even after he sent me divorce papers!!! I took my marriage vows very, very seriously. I never thought Indian men believed in divorce or left their children. When we got married I told him divorce will never be an option. In fact I have heard of some white men who may not be particularly happy in their marriages, but for the sake of their children, they stick it out! I told my mother had I been married to an American guy this probably would not have happened to me–of course their are no guarantees but I am quite sure it would not have.
My family friends tell me I am beautiful and need to get married again. This time if I do, I tell them he will be a white American gentleman.
Having written this out felt good!!!!!!

Reply

anna March 14, 2014 at 5:19 pm

OH my GOD!!! I need a tall Italian man with blue eyes and blonde hair. Who’s gonna make me some Lasagna and needs to have a Vespa(A stereotypical Italian man)

Reply

Sharell शारेल March 15, 2014 at 8:17 pm

Huh? Italian men typically have dark brown hair and brown eyes.

Reply

Ankita April 6, 2014 at 1:10 pm

Hi
Nice blog!
I think most Indian men are over possessive and dominating. I would love to marry a German guy :)

Reply

Reeya April 16, 2014 at 1:07 pm

I agree. As an Indian girl, there is no way am I marrying an Indian guy. The attraction is just not there. What could be so attractive about sexist mama boys who can’t do shit for themselves? I prefer white men because lets admit this, not only are they tall and quite attractive. They are also independent and romantic. White men>Indian men imo.

Reply

Shefali April 22, 2014 at 1:01 pm

I am an Indian woman living in the US who married a white guy. Why? He made me laugh, he was smart and he encouraged me and he was OK with my unconventional approach to life. Don’t get me wrong, I think Indian men are wonderful, my Dad was a marvelous husband to my Mom and a good father but I grew up in New York – my parents moved there when I was 2 – and so culturally I never felt the click with Indian guys except for the few who also grew up in the US. I think for both myself and my husband, there is in addition to the excitement of romance also the enchantment of learning about a new culture – even though I grew up in the US, there was enough “Indian” about me for him to find mysterious and exotic and I also enjoyed trying to understand his perspective. His stories of his childhood growing up in the Midwest as part of a Catholic family were so different from what I’d known.

Reply

Raj May 20, 2014 at 4:18 pm

I want to approach this topic from the point of view of an Indian guy.

Ive seen quite a few comments made by Indian girls stating that they liked white guys because they were tall, independant, reliable, good looking e.t.c. while many have made comments about Indian guys being arrogant, dominating, sexist, mommas boys e.t.c.

Firstly, here in the UK (and US) there a so many white children growing up in single parent families where the man has walked out. How many Indian families are there like. Not all Indian guys are sexist and/or demanding. Many of us dont expect our partner to cook and clean and would be more then happy to lend a helping hand in whatever needs to be done around the house.

Also, I read before about how many Indian guys let themselves go after marriage e.g. beer belly e.t.c But there are plenty of Indian guys who look after themselves too as well as Indian girls who let themselves go after having childern – yet they expect their husbands to be slim fit and most of all attracted to them. In fact fitness and bodybuilding are a huge craze in India now and many Indian guys are in great shape including myself.

Also, although there are plenty of nice Indian girls im sure, but there are plenty of horrid ones too. Many Indian girls (from my experience with dating) are demanding and bossy. I know of many of my cousins and other Indian friends who got married and then had to put up with the other typical Indian baggage e.g. nosey in laws- large familes. Many Indian women expect their husbands to automatically except their family and relatives nosing in, coming around un invited e.t.c.

I have dated white and european women and have found them to be much less fussy about their partners appearance (height and build) they also dont have that family baggage that comes with many Indian girls. Also, many white/european women are very crious about Indian culture, whilest many Indians (men and women) are culturally ignorant and dont want to know about their culture.

Also, I feel sorry for those Indian women who have been rejected because of skin tone. But there are plenty of Indian women that are very shallow too. One particular area is height, an Indian women is 5’2 yet they expect a guy to be 5’10-6’0. There is ofourse the attraction towards fair skin too.

In conclusion, there are plenty of decent, loving, good looking Indian guys and there are plenty of shallow, selfish amd demanding Indian girls – dont generalise. We are all entitled to love, if you find it outside of your race – good luck to you. But dont make generalisations about your own kind.

Reply

A May 25, 2014 at 12:17 pm

“Many of us don’t expect our partner to cook and clean and would be more then happy to lend a helping hand in whatever needs to be done around the house.”

I’m sure there are Indian men that do that, but let’s get real majority of Indian men don’t clean,cook,wash dishes, or perform any household chores. Usually in any Indian house gathering it’s the women that are expected to cook all the food, serve the men food & water, and then clean up after the whole event is over. What do the men do? Nothing but sit around being waited upon by the women and laugh and chat. It’s just our culture. We have different expectations and roles for the male and female genders. I will say this though, Indian men are some of the most hardworking people in the world including my dad :) They take care of their family, work & support their family, and never walk out on them.
Indian women too.

Now to address another point. “There are plenty of Indian women that are very shallow too.”

Ofcourse. There are shallow men and there are shallow women. But Indian men are more concerned with appearance and women face more pressure because of it. In the matrimonial ads it’s Indian men that put up ads of how they’re looking for a fair skinned wife, who should be this tall and whatever else. I don’t think Indian women do that, it’s atleast not as common. And putting physical descriptions of what you want your future wife to look like in an ad it doesn’t get any more shallow than that.

Reply

cocco May 26, 2014 at 4:47 pm

It’s funny how Indian women like to take off with white men with great pride. And it’s true you’ll make cute babies. Now the real thing. If the child is a boy, then he grows into a Indian man.haha..If the child is a girl, she grows into a Indian women. It is these daughters we aim for. Beautiful half white half brown women ,yum yum(Katrina, nargis). The best of both worlds! Good luck Indian women.

Reply

Grim Reaper June 12, 2014 at 6:21 pm

P_A_S_S_P_O_R_T simply put.

Reply

utkarsh June 27, 2014 at 8:58 pm

hahaha!! i didnt knew that indian girls are so desperate to runways from us but than we are indian men ” tera peecha na main chorunga soniye”” anyways we love you indian girlsz . but one qulaity of indiam men he can die for his wife and his children no parallel in whole world.

Reply

Ceeboy25 July 11, 2014 at 5:02 am

OK I read all of these comments and I’ve rarely heard anything about Indian women dating black men such as myself. Can anyone tell me why that is? I’m one of the few people who believes in fair treatment of all people and fair judgement of individuals rather than race. It’s really disappointing for someone to assume what kind of person you are without fair knowledge of who that person is. Any who, it seem “white guys” are inferior to most races and most of the Indian women who have commented have all dated white guy which to me have become a bit cliché in my opinion as far as “outside hires” lol. I think decent black men such as myself are being undermined and unnoticed by other cultures. Not taking anything away from white men or Indian women but the these presumptive stereotypes area bit outrageous if you ask me. I think as a human being a person should explore all options. It will no only expan a person’s ideas on ratial behaviors, but could very well open doors to different types of love he/she never know existed. Then again, that’s in a perfect world…..

Reply

kingofjungle August 5, 2014 at 1:20 am

Wow, have read some of the ignorant comments, and this is just amusing!

To start off with, the title already assumes “Indian women” do like “White men” (which actually contradicts content in para2) ! and seems to be answering why is that so. How sweet (corny?!) Which Indian women are you talking about? All the 0.5 billion?! Hope nobody’s taken up a full-time/part-time job to tarnish Indian men.

A better title could have been “Why some/few Indian women like White men”. Or “Why some filthy rich Indian women..bla bla bla”

Reasons like: he’s happy to buy groceries, cook and/or clean up after him, are very old-fashioned. Times have moved on. I have many Indian friends who (living in India and married to Indian women) are doing all of the above. My maternal uncle (Indian) cooks more than 4 days a week.

Now, let’s talk about “possessiveness”. I’ll leave the “narrow-mindedness” claim, as I don’t know it’s definition in this context.
I live in London, and every time I’m at a bar, waiting at a restaurant, a museum, public transport… the (almost always a white) guy goes that extra mile (including pushing me off my place) to “protect” her girl from me. Never seen an Asian or Black guy do this to me. Another over-the-top gesture common on the streets of London is (almost always white) men clinging on to their women’s hands as if they’re a baby and need protection, even in an overly crowded place. Reminds me of timid, weak sheep who can’t stand alone in rain. This shows outright insecurity.

Yes, ALL Indian men just sit at home, drinking beer and watching football and/or playing xbox and ALL white men love the outdoors , never sit at home and are a very sporty. Laughing out Loud.

The reality of the matter is — we believe what we believe and media has a very important role to play here (including post titles like this, unfortunately!). It had in the past and still continues to glorify white men (and women) as a superior race. Why wouldn’t then Indians like the white meat? Same goes for White women who crave for tanned guys or black guys. It’s all media created.

Men and women should date whoever the f… they want to and such articles freely floating on the internet aren’t helping, and such sweeping generalisations should stop.

-M

Reply

John August 6, 2014 at 5:46 pm

i love Indian women and i’m a white male. BUT a lot of Indian women do not like white men, they are not even interested in looking at me (and most people say i’m attractive enough). Even I just now went into a shop there was this nice indian women.. but she was looking at a black man behind her, no eye contact at all. Many times I somehow can’t make any eye contact or get a smile or anything… wonder why that is… they might be more interested in there own men or maybe even black men.

Reply

Abdullah K. November 27, 2010 at 10:05 am

I am Russian. I have a Goan heritage (not lineage) from my dad’s side, which gives me an “Indian” background as well.
 
I don’t think I can explain the similarities between Russian and Indian culture in a blog comment, it would be way too long and too irrelevant. Moreover it won’t be easy to explain unless you have a taste of both provincial Russia and traditional India.

Reply

Abdullah K. November 28, 2010 at 12:38 pm

When a man goes to a bar, he isn’t looking for serious relationships. Or at least, the more experienced type of men don’t. You’d be wasting your time there unless all you care about is a couple of drinks and an evening out.
 
In my personal opinion, online dating scene is beset with problems, mostly because of the scope of pretense the medium offers. People can be better looking and more interesting than they are in the real world. Moreover, online dating also removes one of the basic principles of attraction – that finding love is not like shopping for potatoes.
 
You are not in conscious control of your romantic chemistry and hence, you don’t know who you’d be attracted to and be compatible with till you happen to ‘click’ with the person. You get attracted to someone and all those handy list of “rules” and “preferences” you have for your “Mr. Right” goes right out of the window. Online dating unfortunately, removes that chemistry element out of dating, mainly for people who are honest with their intentions. Your best bet is to use your real world social networks.

Reply

Abdullah K. December 7, 2010 at 9:56 pm

@ priya:
Well spotted. My personal take on that would be that Indians have a desensitised sense of smell. Hence, they don’t realise it when they need a shower or need to change shirts/blouses. That would also explain why Indians prefer strong spicy flavours in their foods.

Reply

Shivani December 8, 2010 at 2:37 pm

Actually Abdullah, its so untrue. Most Indians I know (in India) shower at least once, if not twice a day. I was in Delhi this past summer and was so insecure about my Canadian deodorant because the weather was so humid and I would sweat too much. I would reapply it to make sure I didn’t smell. I’m absolutely fine here with the same deodorant after a sweaty yoga class and I know I dont smell. I am very conscious about smell in general, I sniff everything lol. I think if you travel in a local train, you must look at the socio-economic level of most of the people who travel there too. They are probably too worried about feeding themselves than buy a good deodorant.
Spices are also to fight the hot and humid weather.

Reply

priya December 8, 2010 at 4:24 pm

Or is it the other way round? Spicy food is the cause of foul smelling sweat. Its true that being a hot and humid country, we cant help but sweat. But a bit of personal hygiene will ensure that your co passengers too have a wonderful day ahead,especially when one is traveling in jam packed trains, the least one would wish for is a sweating soul beside him!

Reply

Prasad December 8, 2010 at 7:30 pm

@Shivani
Why dont u confine yourself to selling cosmetics over net and stop participating in blogs like this? Waste of space..

Reply

priya December 9, 2010 at 11:32 am

@Shivani:

Spices are not to fight the hot weather. It just adds taste to your food. People in North India indulge in spicy food to keep themselves warm. That is the reason Kashmiris tend to have more spicy meat curry and saffron in their regular diet to keep themselves warm. (as reasoned by my Kashmiri friend)

Reply

Amit Desai December 14, 2010 at 1:21 pm

Shivani,

According to Indian scriptures, Indians should take shower 3 times a day and eat once a day so that they stay healthy and don’t smell.

Reply

Indian woman December 9, 2010 at 12:18 am

lol, love how these random indian men show up to insult the females on this blog! And these same men wonder why or get mad at people who “generalize” Indian men.

Reply

coolblogger December 9, 2010 at 12:28 am

@Indian woman
How much ever I hate fingerpointing and personal attacks, I am not thrilled when someone refers me with the very same word I stood up against.
@Quote
Honestly, Coolblogger, I can defend myself. But when you say that Indian men and women smell bad, what does that make you? What kind of Indians do you hang out with anyways? A lot of your generalizations are retarded, I don’t need you to defend me. Some Indian guys are retarded, but there are retarded African, Asian and White guys. I know some pretty cool Indian guys too.
@Unquote
Unless you want the same , I would stay away.
http://meandmythinkingcap.blogspot.com/2010/12/chinas-own-peace-prize.html

Reply

Shivani September 2, 2011 at 7:38 am

I knoww this has turned into a BIG rant on how Indian women suck, nobody wants them, etc etc. If Indian guys hate Indian girls SOOO much then why are there 1 billion Indians?

Reply

Pallavi February 11, 2014 at 5:24 pm

kudos to you Indian woman!! I was watching the same thing

Reply

Shivani December 9, 2010 at 2:15 am

You have to realize with the water shortages, it makes it difficult for them to shower as much as the better off people can. Actually spices help you cool off internally. Either way, I know where you are coming from and I agree that people would take better care of themselves. But when people generalize that Indians smell, lol what does that mean?

Reply

Manny December 9, 2010 at 2:59 am

For all those people who believe Indians smell. I have a suggestion.

I have invested in Bvlgari Aqva. I believe I paid something like $59 for a 3.4 oz bottle.

They are all most welcome to come over to my place and lift my hand up and smell my armpit! Similar to the kissing lessons in that movie “Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging “.

:)

Reply

Shivani December 9, 2010 at 12:21 pm
Amit Desai December 14, 2010 at 1:25 pm

Priya,

Who told you that spices help you keep warm? Any facts, references against my ignorance?

If north Indians eat more spice to stay warm, what about people from south? Do they not eat spicy food eventhough they don’t need to stay warm?

Reply

priya December 9, 2010 at 12:23 pm

@Manny:
Good for you, if you believe the $59 thing will work! :)

Reply

surya December 10, 2010 at 7:01 am

Good one Manny…..cannt figure why these ladies date cabbies and brick layers and then complain when those dudes hug them. Oh Well love is blind, they say!!!

Reply

priya December 10, 2010 at 11:05 am

@surya:
Dating is altogether a different story..Lets not even get started! And yes, if you think the working class people of Mumbai are cabbies and brick layers….puhleeez update urself!! I am talking about regular people, college students and so on…Forget us, even my male friends prefer to stand on the footboards of trains and risk their lives, because it stinks pretty bad!!!!

Reply

priya December 14, 2010 at 3:08 pm

@Amit:
It doesnt necessarily mean that you have spicy food just to keep you warm! Let’s not forget the fact that they enhance the taste. If you want ot have a first hand experience , try experimenting with lots of black pepper or even saffron for that matter. Have you heard of nutmeg?? There are reasons why spices need to be eaten in limits.
Coming to north indians, i was talking in reference to the kashmiris as one of my kashmiri friends had told me, they eat spicy meat as its very cold out there. They even add spices to the green tea to protect themselves from ailments. Who told you south indians eat spicy food??? I am a south indian myself and except for the non vegetarian fare(which has to be spicy obviously), everything else is normal. Some parts of south india like the chettinad cuisine tends to be on the spicy as they prefer it that way, without worrying about the warmth factor. If you find dosa, idli spicier, please stick to theplas!! :)

Reply

Abdullah K. September 2, 2011 at 11:12 am

Lack of knowledge about birth control options?

Reply

Mohit gupta September 2, 2011 at 4:28 pm

Because they love Indian “woman” not girls. :)

But I love both !

Reply

veeeeeh September 2, 2011 at 11:33 pm

@Priya

I think you are getting confused between chilli flavor with spicy! The stinging taste of chilli is actually not a taste, its a different sensation of pain, and that why the pain lingers on any surface of the gut from tongue to anus.

Spicy food, no one can beat south indians in eating spicy food. They are closer to the spice bowl of the world that started the voyages in the middle ages.

If you are talking about “hot” food, then its a different story. On the contrary its the driest of places where people consume “Hot food”.

Try eating phulka with green chillies or red curries that desert people of Rajasthan will dish out for you. Or the dry places like Chettinad in tamilnadu, where you find hot flavors, more of pepper than chillies though.

The hot food makes one sweat, and its the best collant action that body can get. Thats why some of the driest hot places actually consume Hot food.

Talking about Chettinad, digressing here for a moment. There was once a port city called Pumphuhar on the chola kingdom. It was destroyed by one tsunami, and the surviving trading community were so scared of that experience that they looked out for the driest place to settle in. And even in that driest place, there houses were constructed to withstand floods on high platforms. That place is chettinad, which means “Country of chettiars”, Chettiars being the trading community.

Reply

Dupree Singh October 17, 2011 at 4:03 am

Very true–wise words Abdullah K.

Reply

Mr Rupa January 29, 2012 at 4:19 am

You were probably Hinduy before, your ancestors were forced to convert. Sad that.

Reply

sdeer January 29, 2013 at 2:07 pm

i agree with u shiwani.

Reply

Gary April 19, 2013 at 11:42 pm

Hey Frode! I strongly disagree with your comment regardning “Ethnicity” when you state “a black man can be a British citizen but cannot be English” on April 4th. True, a Black man obviously could not be “White, British” when referring to ethnicity but can certainly can be English when referring to nationality. A British citizen can be from England, Wales, Scotland or Northern Ireland. English is not used commonly to describe ethnicity: it is more commonly used to describe nationality and here in England there are many who would be offended to hear you say they cannot be referred to as English although I’m certain no offense was intended!

Reply

Leave a Comment