There has been plenty of discussion on how Indian men feel about white women. Now, lets take a look at the opposite: desi (Indian) girls with pardesi (foreigner) guys.
Interestingly, it’s much rarer to find an Indian woman with a foreign man, than a foreign woman with an Indian man. A white male friend of mine from America attempted to date an Indian girl and failed dismally. I also know of dozens of white woman-Indian man couples in Mumbai, but very few of the reverse. It seems that not many Indian women are interested in having a white man for a husband. A large part of me wonders whether it is due to the cultural expectations placed on Indian girls.
Some Indian girls do marry foreign guys though. And what is it about these foreign men that Indian girls fall for? A recent article in the Bombay Times section of the Times of India shed some light on the matter. The article featured a number of interviews with high profile desi girl-pardesi guy couples.
Actress Sweta Keswani, who married half Dutch-half American Alexx O’Neil, says that she likes the fact that he doesn’t expect her to cook for him or clean up after him, like the typical Indian man who’s seen his mother do that all her life. According to Sweta, Alexx happily makes his own food, buys groceries, and is thankful to her when she does cook and serve him. Sweta also appreciates Alexx’s lack of possessiveness and narrow-mindedness. She says that she couldn’t even hug a a male friend in front of the Indian men that she’d dated. They also tried to change her, after initially liking her for the way she was. Alexx gives her much more space and liberty to be herself.
Singer Manasi Scott married half Indian-half Australian Craig Scott. She likes the fact that unlike most Indian men, Craig loves the outdoors and is a very sporty guy. He’s also much more supportive of her career than most Indian men would be. However, she has had to adjust to his lifestyle in other ways. She explains that she’s a proper vegetarian and he’s a complete meat eater — so she’s had to learn how to cook the food he likes.
Does anyone else have any experiences to share?
Photo: Nach Baliye 3 promotional picture. Sweta Keswani and Alexx O’Neil.
© 2010 – 2011, Diary of a White Indian Housewife. All rights reserved. Do not copy and reproduce text or images without permission.
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I am a white american male and have the good fortune to be married to an indian woman. I have been married to her for over 31 years. She had come to the USA for studies and was going to school with my sister and I met her at my sisters house. I thought she was exotic and beautiful, and above all, she was intelligent and with her own opinions. Why she liked me in the end is a good question. I admit that at first she did not like me in the romantic way, as I was always asking so many questions of her …. to “nosey”. I was neither handsome or rich but somehow the interest grew. We spent hours talking about everything and grew closer. My wife is a Hindu and has continued that the entire time. My wife has said she did not find the Indian men attractive. She would say that many are handsome but not “attractive” in the sense that she wanted to be with them. She certainly did not marry me for money as I had none, she did not need me for green card or citizenship as she managed that on her own. Why she married me is an enigma. If anything I am just an average american, with a bit of humor. We have had bumpy times in our years together, same as all couples, yet here we still are. At the end of the day I can just say I was a lucky man.
Thanks for sharing your wonderful love story, Mike.
I’m a German/Canadian male and I’ve always been attractive to Indian women. I live in western Canada and have had quite a few Indian women attracted to me.
I am a South Asian woman, raised in my own country and culture and I married a white guy who had never even met anyone from my country before and never travelled outside of Europe before we got married. We have been happily married for over 3 years now and the journey has been great. I cannot say that his being a gora was something that made him attractive to me though I was very amused with his green eyes as I had never seen that color before! I never had any objections to being married with someone from my own country and culture and I did not marry for him because he was different from them. At the end of the day, he is just like any man, though his behaviour and expectations are moulded by the society that he was raised in. I cannot say that he is not delighted by warm, home cooked meal when he returns home just like any man from my own country would be. It is not the space that he gives me or independence as mentioned in the article you referred to but it is the way he loves me that makes me truly, madly, and deeply in love with him!
this is the perfect blog. Let me give my 2 cents. I do not have a preference for any man per se; though clearly, I believed I would grow up and marry a nice Punjabi man, and we’d have great little Punjabi babies. Life has taken a different turn, much like the writer of this blog. Why did I marry (or fall in love) with a white man? It just happened. There were some great pluses about him, though: he is tall; 6’2 and I am 5’2; he has a very open boyish smile–quite charming really; he has really toned, muscular legs. Sorry, but I know this is going to sound shallow, but I really like the fact that he works out regularly. Some of the older Indian men I know are content in getting fat bellies and shrinking arms. Yes, a generalization but I really like this about my husband. I don’t care about the sanctimonious people who are going to claim love isn’t also about looks? seriously? I was greatly attracted to my husband. However, our marriage has lasted 18 years because he respects me for who I am; allows me to make decisions and doesn’t tell me what to do; if there are dishes, he will wash them and don’t expect me to do it. If he is hungry, he makes himself a meal–though as his wife, I do cook (I feel it is something wives should do.) I liked his ambition and love that he is smart; he has a phd in theoretical math. You know what though? He made me laugh. He used to take me to the Comedy Cellar in NY and we’d laugh our behinds off at the jokes. He made me feel so special and wanted: he followed me around like a puppy, made friends with my sisters, helped my mom move furniture around so we can do our puja. When we got married, he looked at me and said: you are the most beautiful woman; I can’t believe I have a woman like you. THAT is why I did it. I felt loved and I love him. I married him because once I was stuck outside and I was scared; it was late. I just KNEW that if I called him, he would run right out. And he did–at 1 am! I can count on him. I am also come first in his life–not my mother-in-law. I don’t have to answer to her but it so happens she is a great mother in law. She calls me the little shiksa. Honestly, I know more Indian women marrying non-Indian men (than the other way around). It is not any dislike for Indian men; my father, grandfathers and every man in my lineage has been a Punjbai Sikh. The qualities I love in my family are the ones I have found in my husband. He honors my religion and my culture (as I do his): without knowing anything about us, he sat on the floor, ate with his hands and prayed in my home. He didn’t bring attention to himself and didn’t create a spectacle. He just did. I loved him, then because he loved me–the person, not an exotic element. Just the person. I cannot speak for others but the Indian women I know who have married non-Indian (mostly white, though we do have an Eygptian in our midst) men are women who feel, we are allowed to be who we are. Instead of cooking and cleaning, I am getting a phd! I am able to open my mind. Marrying outside of my comfort zone has afforded me a different–and exciting–life. It doesn’t mean that sometimes I don’t wonder what if I had married that Punjabi man or had our Punjabi kids but honestly, to see 1/2 of me and 1/2 of my husband–there is no greater evidence that God is love.
beautiful love story, all the best
Adding my two bits to an old article.
Sharell – your blog has provided hours of entertainment to my non-Indian wife. I am Indian and we live in Mumbai.
I would like to remark on one type of comment you made – ‘whites aren’t as obsessed about about skin color/shade as Indians’. I have paraphrased. In my experience, *all* ‘races’ in this world are concerned about skin color and shades, and *usually* prefer lighter ones when it comes to relationships. Judging people on color seems to be part of the human condition. This is called racism and it’s existence has been verified by various scientific studies. So let’s not elevate one race above another when it comes to discrimination.
I believe that you have lived away from ‘home’ for a while and one tends to become protective of their ‘own’ when this happens. I was the same when I lived in America for 11 years. The fact that you speak for ‘whites’ in the comments I allude to as opposed to your country-folk shows that you identify with race strongly. Whites can be from pretty much any country in the world, even Africa. Are all whites the same? You may want to reconsider your racial beliefs.
I hope that your readers will keep in perspective the fact that all blogs and comments are ultimately subjective.
Hi Surpreet, I speak of “whites” because that’s the way Indians label us — they generally don’t distinguish what country we come from, they lump us in one white category. On the flip side of that I know of instances where Indians have refused to believe a black person is English or American, they’ve insisted that they must be African!
A black man can be a British Citizen, but he cannot be English. English is an ethnisity as is Punjabi and Han Chinese. Neither does a black man or an Englishman for that matter, become Chinese if they move to China and becomes Chinese citizens. I think that the basic requirement for respecting other people is respecting their identity and not try to delute or deny it.
Oh well British then! Thanks for pointing out the difference.
Mr ocean my frnd is very impressed by ur thoughts she wants to hav a discussion wit u.. can i have ur email id plz..
Your post and blog are so interesting!
To stay on topic, I am an Indian woman, married to an Irish man. We’re both first generation in the US. We’ve been together for 18 years (met when we were 19) and married for 12. When we met, we were just dumb kids who hadn’t figured anything out. We made a lot of mistakes along the way and had a lot of fights. But, I always knew that he cared about me as a person – and not me as someone who fits into specific cultural/educational/financial expectations.
I was hesitant to date him because my parents, my family and all our Indian friends were sickeningly judgmental. They wanted someone who looks perfect on paper in every way. On the other hand, his family was so lovely and only cared that I made their son happy. I seriously have the best in-laws.
I loved his spontaneity, belief in my feminism and belief in family. My family said they believed in family, but were willing to turn their backs on me if I didn’t meet their expectations. Very hypocritical in my book. Further, the well-educated men my cousins married were (to me) domineering (forcing one cousin to change her last name, insisting that another let his parents live with them, etc). My husband has standards, as do I. But, I find that he isn’t at all judgmental and he accepts my flaws as I accept his. I don’t know many open minded people like him, let alone open-minded Indian men. To be fair, I’ve never been very stereotypical in most ways. He loves that about me.
Incidentally, in the years after our (scandalous) wedding, my sister and many in our family’s circle married non-Indians. All those people who trash-talked us and put us down ended up having to face the same situations in their own houses. It’s karma I guess.
Peace and love!
Thanks for sharing your amazing journey and love story, Anisha. And isn’t it interesting how life does turn out sometimes, in particular with many of your other family members.
I’ve been going out with a white man for a few years now. It’s the happiest I have ever been and I wouldn’t change him for the world. A few months ago I told my mum about him. Since then, she hasn’t been the same. She’s depressed, miserable and awfully quiet. It is such a shame she has let it bother her so much. It’s such a shame asian parents still put so much emphasis on race and religion.
I am Russian. I have a Goan heritage (not lineage) from my dad’s side, which gives me an “Indian” background as well.
I don’t think I can explain the similarities between Russian and Indian culture in a blog comment, it would be way too long and too irrelevant. Moreover it won’t be easy to explain unless you have a taste of both provincial Russia and traditional India.
When a man goes to a bar, he isn’t looking for serious relationships. Or at least, the more experienced type of men don’t. You’d be wasting your time there unless all you care about is a couple of drinks and an evening out.
In my personal opinion, online dating scene is beset with problems, mostly because of the scope of pretense the medium offers. People can be better looking and more interesting than they are in the real world. Moreover, online dating also removes one of the basic principles of attraction – that finding love is not like shopping for potatoes.
You are not in conscious control of your romantic chemistry and hence, you don’t know who you’d be attracted to and be compatible with till you happen to ‘click’ with the person. You get attracted to someone and all those handy list of “rules” and “preferences” you have for your “Mr. Right” goes right out of the window. Online dating unfortunately, removes that chemistry element out of dating, mainly for people who are honest with their intentions. Your best bet is to use your real world social networks.
@ priya:
Well spotted. My personal take on that would be that Indians have a desensitised sense of smell. Hence, they don’t realise it when they need a shower or need to change shirts/blouses. That would also explain why Indians prefer strong spicy flavours in their foods.
Actually Abdullah, its so untrue. Most Indians I know (in India) shower at least once, if not twice a day. I was in Delhi this past summer and was so insecure about my Canadian deodorant because the weather was so humid and I would sweat too much. I would reapply it to make sure I didn’t smell. I’m absolutely fine here with the same deodorant after a sweaty yoga class and I know I dont smell. I am very conscious about smell in general, I sniff everything lol. I think if you travel in a local train, you must look at the socio-economic level of most of the people who travel there too. They are probably too worried about feeding themselves than buy a good deodorant.
Spices are also to fight the hot and humid weather.
Or is it the other way round? Spicy food is the cause of foul smelling sweat. Its true that being a hot and humid country, we cant help but sweat. But a bit of personal hygiene will ensure that your co passengers too have a wonderful day ahead,especially when one is traveling in jam packed trains, the least one would wish for is a sweating soul beside him!
@Shivani
Why dont u confine yourself to selling cosmetics over net and stop participating in blogs like this? Waste of space..
@Shivani:
Spices are not to fight the hot weather. It just adds taste to your food. People in North India indulge in spicy food to keep themselves warm. That is the reason Kashmiris tend to have more spicy meat curry and saffron in their regular diet to keep themselves warm. (as reasoned by my Kashmiri friend)
Shivani,
According to Indian scriptures, Indians should take shower 3 times a day and eat once a day so that they stay healthy and don’t smell.
lol, love how these random indian men show up to insult the females on this blog! And these same men wonder why or get mad at people who “generalize” Indian men.
@Indian woman
How much ever I hate fingerpointing and personal attacks, I am not thrilled when someone refers me with the very same word I stood up against.
@Quote
Honestly, Coolblogger, I can defend myself. But when you say that Indian men and women smell bad, what does that make you? What kind of Indians do you hang out with anyways? A lot of your generalizations are retarded, I don’t need you to defend me. Some Indian guys are retarded, but there are retarded African, Asian and White guys. I know some pretty cool Indian guys too.
@Unquote
Unless you want the same , I would stay away.
http://meandmythinkingcap.blogspot.com/2010/12/chinas-own-peace-prize.html
I knoww this has turned into a BIG rant on how Indian women suck, nobody wants them, etc etc. If Indian guys hate Indian girls SOOO much then why are there 1 billion Indians?
You have to realize with the water shortages, it makes it difficult for them to shower as much as the better off people can. Actually spices help you cool off internally. Either way, I know where you are coming from and I agree that people would take better care of themselves. But when people generalize that Indians smell, lol what does that mean?
For all those people who believe Indians smell. I have a suggestion.
I have invested in Bvlgari Aqva. I believe I paid something like $59 for a 3.4 oz bottle.
They are all most welcome to come over to my place and lift my hand up and smell my armpit! Similar to the kissing lessons in that movie “Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging “.
http://www.thespicehouse.com/spices-by-category/hot-spices-and-spicy-blends
different spices do different things.
Priya,
Who told you that spices help you keep warm? Any facts, references against my ignorance?
If north Indians eat more spice to stay warm, what about people from south? Do they not eat spicy food eventhough they don’t need to stay warm?
@Manny:
Good for you, if you believe the $59 thing will work!
Good one Manny…..cannt figure why these ladies date cabbies and brick layers and then complain when those dudes hug them. Oh Well love is blind, they say!!!
@surya:
Dating is altogether a different story..Lets not even get started! And yes, if you think the working class people of Mumbai are cabbies and brick layers….puhleeez update urself!! I am talking about regular people, college students and so on…Forget us, even my male friends prefer to stand on the footboards of trains and risk their lives, because it stinks pretty bad!!!!
@Amit:
It doesnt necessarily mean that you have spicy food just to keep you warm! Let’s not forget the fact that they enhance the taste. If you want ot have a first hand experience , try experimenting with lots of black pepper or even saffron for that matter. Have you heard of nutmeg?? There are reasons why spices need to be eaten in limits.
Coming to north indians, i was talking in reference to the kashmiris as one of my kashmiri friends had told me, they eat spicy meat as its very cold out there. They even add spices to the green tea to protect themselves from ailments. Who told you south indians eat spicy food??? I am a south indian myself and except for the non vegetarian fare(which has to be spicy obviously), everything else is normal. Some parts of south india like the chettinad cuisine tends to be on the spicy as they prefer it that way, without worrying about the warmth factor. If you find dosa, idli spicier, please stick to theplas!!
Lack of knowledge about birth control options?
Because they love Indian “woman” not girls.
But I love both !
@Priya
I think you are getting confused between chilli flavor with spicy! The stinging taste of chilli is actually not a taste, its a different sensation of pain, and that why the pain lingers on any surface of the gut from tongue to anus.
Spicy food, no one can beat south indians in eating spicy food. They are closer to the spice bowl of the world that started the voyages in the middle ages.
If you are talking about “hot” food, then its a different story. On the contrary its the driest of places where people consume “Hot food”.
Try eating phulka with green chillies or red curries that desert people of Rajasthan will dish out for you. Or the dry places like Chettinad in tamilnadu, where you find hot flavors, more of pepper than chillies though.
The hot food makes one sweat, and its the best collant action that body can get. Thats why some of the driest hot places actually consume Hot food.
Talking about Chettinad, digressing here for a moment. There was once a port city called Pumphuhar on the chola kingdom. It was destroyed by one tsunami, and the surviving trading community were so scared of that experience that they looked out for the driest place to settle in. And even in that driest place, there houses were constructed to withstand floods on high platforms. That place is chettinad, which means “Country of chettiars”, Chettiars being the trading community.
Very true–wise words Abdullah K.
You were probably Hinduy before, your ancestors were forced to convert. Sad that.
i agree with u shiwani.
Hey Frode! I strongly disagree with your comment regardning “Ethnicity” when you state “a black man can be a British citizen but cannot be English” on April 4th. True, a Black man obviously could not be “White, British” when referring to ethnicity but can certainly can be English when referring to nationality. A British citizen can be from England, Wales, Scotland or Northern Ireland. English is not used commonly to describe ethnicity: it is more commonly used to describe nationality and here in England there are many who would be offended to hear you say they cannot be referred to as English although I’m certain no offense was intended!
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