There has been plenty of discussion on how Indian men feel about white women. Now, lets take a look at the opposite: desi (Indian) girls with pardesi (foreigner) guys.
Interestingly, it’s much rarer to find an Indian woman with a foreign man, than a foreign woman with an Indian man. A white male friend of mine from America attempted to date an Indian girl and failed dismally. I also know of dozens of white woman-Indian man couples in Mumbai, but very few of the reverse. It seems that not many Indian women are interested in having a white man for a husband. A large part of me wonders whether it is due to the cultural expectations placed on Indian girls.
Some Indian girls do marry foreign guys though. And what is it about these foreign men that Indian girls fall for? A recent article in the Bombay Times section of the Times of India shed some light on the matter. The article featured a number of interviews with high profile desi girl-pardesi guy couples.
Actress Sweta Keswani, who married half Dutch-half American Alexx O’Neil, says that she likes the fact that he doesn’t expect her to cook for him or clean up after him, like the typical Indian man who’s seen his mother do that all her life. According to Sweta, Alexx happily makes his own food, buys groceries, and is thankful to her when she does cook and serve him. Sweta also appreciates Alexx’s lack of possessiveness and narrow-mindedness. She says that she couldn’t even hug a a male friend in front of the Indian men that she’d dated. They also tried to change her, after initially liking her for the way she was. Alexx gives her much more space and liberty to be herself.
Singer Manasi Scott married half Indian-half Australian Craig Scott. She likes the fact that unlike most Indian men, Craig loves the outdoors and is a very sporty guy. He’s also much more supportive of her career than most Indian men would be. However, she has had to adjust to his lifestyle in other ways. She explains that she’s a proper vegetarian and he’s a complete meat eater — so she’s had to learn how to cook the food he likes.
Does anyone else have any experiences to share?
Photo: Nach Baliye 3 promotional picture. Sweta Keswani and Alexx O’Neil.
© 2010 – 2011, Diary of a White Indian Housewife. All rights reserved. Do not copy and reproduce text or images without permission.
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Have been in the UK for the past couple of years. Haven’t dated a single Indian guy. Why?
a) Am not attracted to most of them(sorry) probably in the way they dress, maybe tone it down a little. Too conscious of how they dress as well? I am a bit of an indie woman, read about fashion but too much into trends. I do like vintage. Haven’t found anyone with that kink as well.
b) Am a sapiosexual. I am attracted to the intellect, surprisingly didn’t have the luck to meet anyone who remotely piqued my interest.
c) I am independent. Have lived away from home since I was 15. Extensively travelled on my own, love picking up languages and anything cultural. I find it very difficult to adjust to the innocent, devoted, better half role. I have gathered experience in life and sex and am not ashamed to talk of it.
Most of the guys I have dated have been non Indian. Some of the best bits have been travel, gigs, trying out NEW THINGS. Not afraid to break barriers. I would love to date an Indian guy who is cool, doesn’t mind me being independent, and doesn’t want me to already start thinking about FAMILY.
well i wud have loved to have hung out with you if i were in the UK.. you seem pretty chilled..and i am an Indian guy..and know what these women in the post are talking about in Indian men..true most of them are that way..but a whole lot of em arent too..
ever indian guys are very much possessive for their gal.. so u can find a guy who is looking relation for fun and a night stay..
You are GRAND!
No man can ever match upto you!
What’s the connection between desiring intellect in a man and not dating Indian men? We’re not known for below-par intelligence you know!
Moderator’s Note: Verbiage removed. Keep commenting!
Not all indian men want their wives to be like their mothers, nor are they all unsupportive of careers, and the other rubbish wheeled out for the 325432525th time. plenty of asian women ive been out with fall into just as many stereotypes as the men are thought to.
You all girl must think hundred times before condemning you own men..because you are also daughter and sisters of indian men..alas.!!
i agree with you richa… you are absolutely correct.
Are you not brothers/sisters of all humanity? Why stop at the shoreline of the Subcontinent?
YOU ALL GUYS MUST READ IT – The Main Question of thread is “WHY INDIAN WOMEN LIKE WHITE MAN..!?!?!?..
And The answer given by those indian women married by white men is “because they do not control us..do not expect to cook..give us our space…and treat us in better way…and whatever…!!!
HERE IS THE REALITY WHY THEY TREAT WOMEN IN THIS WAY : They do not control their women because they are not emotionally attached with their family and with their wives at all..I say it -”Because i am an indian man myself “..and even western men don’t think twice to move into another relationship..:) and they are not afraid of losing them…Indian men Control their wives because of attachment with their family and their women…and in this modern age not every Indian men expect to cook for them…i know a lots of my married friend who share equal responsibility and even cook for their wives and wash their clothes..things are changing rapidly in india…so Please stop generalizing whole Indian men because you have gone through one bad apple..
I am not also good at english – so Please dnt attack me..!
Well, I think it would only be fair that you stop generalizing white men with statements such as this:
This statement is just ignorant and baseless — you’re not a while man, so how would you know how white men think and behave.
mam i need to ask u question here… will u be happy if your man makes relation with other women. obviously not and you wil not give that kind of freedom to your man.. but it happens in case of white people as they are used to this kind of environment but we are not used to it..
I’m not sure what your point is Ajay. Your statements are conflicting saying that a) I will not be happy if my man has relations with another woman and won’t give him that freedom. b) White people are used to that kind of environment.
If white people are used to that kind of environment, why wouldn’t I give my husband that kind of freedom?
But all this is beside the point anyway because I don’t think you really understand western culture, and people in India definitely do cheat on their partners/wives. Except the wife usually just puts up with it. Refer to this post: http://www.whiteindianhousewife.com/2011/07/the-concept-of-sexual-morality-in-india/
If there is a problem with the relationship Indians will just cheat. Is it not more honest to just confront the issues head on?
absolutely correct
Well put Sharell. Sounds like some one has been watching too much Bollywood.
Sharell said : “you’re not a while man, so how would you know how white men think and behave.” ( I think you meant white, not while)
Sharell, although I agree with your main point (COOL DUDE said something baseless) , but I think your argument against his statement is not very convincing, given the nature of this website. Otherwise 90% of the people (including yourself) would face the similar questions.
Probably you could have said that he should not generalize based on his
personal observations or what his Caucasian male friends told him. Or maybe he should not generalize based on western movies. That would have been more convincing IMHO.
Similarly the women (Indian or otherwise) should not generalize.
Bad karma
Oh an aside, healthy relationships aren’t about “control”. They’re actually about being confident and comfortable enough that you don’t have to control the other person.
Sharell, just came across your blog, and am hopelessly addicted. Beautifully well said re: “healthy relationships aren’t about ‘control’. etc.” I am a New York born and raised Indian (by fairly liberal parents), who is “not quite yet” married to one of the whitest men on the planet. I’ve only had long term relationships with non-Indian men, and have never dated / had any interested in dating an indian man. I don’t cook. I won’t be changing my name. I don’t want children; and I find that by simple virtue of the color of my skin, many indian men seem to have an expectation of how I will be, simply because I was raised by indian parents. Nevermind that my dad’s first wife was polish, and that all they ever wanted for me was “someone who treats me well and makes me happy”… whereas (most) indian men in the US come from families who would not accept me as indian “enough”. Not sure how things are back in the motherland, but I think it all still comes down to expectations of a woman…
Hi Anjai, welcome to the blog! I’m glad you love it.
I think you’re totally right when you said it comes down to expectations of a woman. In India, it’s very much get married before you’re 30 (ideally, before you’re 25) and start having kids asap. Oh, and make sure there’s always food in your husband’s belly! A white guy sounds perfect for you, because many don’t have those expectations. Instead, women are usually expected to be independent and retain their own identity. Lots of guys are okay with no kids too (some will actually be happy about it!). Wishing you a great life ahead….
Moderator’s Note: Verbiage removed for aggressiveness.
So, as a white man who is married, I can say that you have no idea what you are talking about. It’s sad to see that you use stereotypes and that speaking about things you have no clue about is an okay thing to do.
If you have an issue with white men marrying Indian women, that’s your own thing. But, don’t pretend to know what an enitire race of men are like.
Christopher,
Thank you for you comment and view. Getting points of view from every side is beneficial for us all.
Unfortunately I had to remove some verbiage in your comment as at this time we are trying to limit negative comments towards others. Please take a moment to view the Comment Policy here.
Thanks and keep commenting!
Shiriki
Blog Moderator
Moderator’s Note: Verbiage removed. Thanks and keep commenting.
My husbands parents (european and white, very white) have been married for 35 years and share the most warm and loving relationship. My husband is simply the most perfect man for having learnt from them and loving and respecting me and my family. When I get home from work, dinner is waiting, the home is beautiful and there is so much romance in our relationship. Among our friends I have seen Indian women married to white men are so cherished and loved and the Indian men just bully and bark at their wives (White or Indian).
Indian women know this – You are wonderful , divine beautiful do not give it up for a man who expects you to be at his beck and call. Marry someone who loves you for who you are and will cherish you always.
I know right? That’s what I have been telling everyone. By age 40 white men are done with their wives. But rarely do you see an Indian man feel that way on the contrary it is more dependency, understanding and love is formed and they help out each other. How many men care for their wives when they are sick among white men vs indian men? These kind of factors should decide the point if a person is good or not….
and they don’t ask them to cook hahhahahahah
Not because they give independence to the women
“By age 40 white men are done with their wives.”
Errrrr…what???
Opus, if your ridiculous statement had any basis in reality then my dad should have been “done” with my mom 13 years ago, my grandfather should have been done with my grandmother 40 years ago, and my other grandfather should have been done with my grandma 49 years ago. I know a white man who married the Indian wife that he adores when they were both over age 40 and took care of her every need when she was seriously ill before they were even married.
I dated an American guy years ago and I am an Indian woman. He was the most caring, loving, and sincere person I have ever dated. Since then I have dated a few Indian guys to stay within my race and NO LUCK
As far as the values and morals, let’s be honest that there are worst things happening in Indian society. It all happens behind closed doors. It is not talked about because we are so superficially proud of our culture.
Priyanka
Then I am sorry that you had to break up with this ‘most caring’ and ‘most sincere’ american guy. Or maybe he broke up with you and moved on.
Priyanka and all other women who are using this to spread poison
against indian society and playing the victim:
The real test of most caring, most loving, sincere is once the wife gains weight, gets pregnant, loses her beauty etc to see how faithful her husband still is.
My cousin (female) used “exactly” the same words that you used (literally) for a American guy she lived with for several years in her early 20s until she caught him red handed sleeping with his ‘friend’ – in her bed, in her house!
People change personal experiences into stereotypes.I do not want to do that. Check the infidelity statistics of races by doing a search on google (unbiased statistics are certainly better than unsubstantiated personal experiences).
IMHO, “traditional” Indian men are very good soulmates – they always put family first. Logical explanation for that is concept of karma. Of course, I am NOT saying that white men are not family oriented. I am only defending Indian men.
I am not defending all Indian men either.
If any woman got married into an Indian family that gives/accepts dowry or a western family that abuses women etc. then she got married into a criminal family. Giving dowry is a crime too by law. Just like giving bribe is. So her view will be distorted. I feel sorry for such women. That is why statistics are important, not personal experiences.
Just take your example: Your relationship did not work out with a few Indian men – now you generalize the Indian society? Did you ever consider that you might have a problem and not the Indian society just because your relationships with Indian men did not work.
Do you know that the Indian society is so varied and has so many different diametrically opposite customs and cultures that it is impossible to generalize it even if you want to? Maybe the Indian men were looking for marriage and maybe the white friend was looking for a short term girlfriend only. There are so many variables you need to consider before generalizing. Please stop playing the victim. Have you seen a European woman do that if a relationship with an Indian man fails? very rarely if any.
And no, I am not angry that you dated white men.
Actually , I am glad you did. And I encourage you to do so in the future. Since you already have this bias, your relationship with Indian men is not likely to work.
Also, unless you are a doctor, engineer or lawyer,or an Ivy League MBA, it will be very difficult to get a good Indian husband in the US due to the abundance of such highly educated indian women in the US.
My cousins married to white women are in heaven (not literally – they are alive -:)), they treat their wives like queens (i saw this and they say it all the time too) and the ones married to Indian women are sick of constant nagging.
See the forums, there are 18 years old girls (white) who have left their family just for their Indian love(to go to a foreign country for a foreign person of a foreign religion- not knowing exactly what to expect). How many Indian girls would have the selflessness to do that?
Manny said: “The irkiness is the phony liberal/progressive front/facade some desi women put out there when they themselves in many cases do not date blacks. Their “liberalism” and “multculturalism” is often restricted to dating just “white” men while p!ssing on desi guys.”
I agree with Manny – especially his statement about desi guys. As I said Indian men don’t care if Indian women date martians or blacks or purple guys.
Just stop negatively generalizing a non-homogeneous society with different customs (within that society) based on your personal experience.
It took a long long long time before we got close physically. I love her because she is independent, understanding, mentally strong, very intelligent, caring, has empathy(she had instant tears in her eyes when I told her how my dog died away from me; as well as when she saw me getting physically hurt once), she has class and good manners, her parents love me and I love them. And she is not vindictive. If our relationship does not work out, I will have to take antidepressants – I love her that much. And if it does not work out, I know her values well enough to say that she will not spend any time spreading hatred towards Indians or Hindus etc. And she has good family values – more than what I have seen in typical indian girls. Also, she blushes, she is shy, she had only one bF before me and she has a moral character , sincerity and decency that I have never seen in an Indian girl (US based) before .And I know lots of them.
Based on my experience, if Indian women (US based) are human, then the white woman I loved few years ago and the one I love currently are angels. I do not love her because of her fair skin or blue eyes(there are many very fair skinned girls in my community – as fair as her- if that was the issue). I do not love her for sex. In fact, I did not initiate anything – I would end our date with a formal handshake. I never even tried to touch her. I am very shy and introvert – especially with women – just like Raj in big bang theory.
But to be clear, I am just giving these as examples FYI only – not as “proof” to stereotype. That is why I did not generalize my experience like you did.
There are two ways to stereotype
1)Give a logical explanation for the behavior and /or
2)rely on statistics.
Any woman who hates Indian culture/men should just break the relationship instead of spreading poison on the internet based on a couple of examples or heard-of examples. Both sides need to be listened to – hence bad relationship experiences heard from only one side prove nothing .
Lets not debate any further.
You keep your views, I will keep mine.
If you or any other Indian ladies still think it is good to spread poison against Indian men or white women to make yourself look good, please do so.
Good Luck!
Take care,
Ocean.
Just wanted to clarify so no one misunderstands..
I (Ocean) said -( removed some details) : “Based on my experience, if Indian women (US based) are human, then the white woman I loved few years ago and the one I love currently are angels. I do not love her because of her fair skin or blue eyes. I do not love her for sex. In fact, I did not initiate anything – I would end our date with a formal handshake. I never even tried to touch her. I am very shy and introvert – especially with women – just like Raj in big bang theory. It took a long long long time before we got close physically. I love her because she is independent, understanding, mentally strong, very intelligent, caring, has empathy, she has class and good manners. And she is not vindictive. I know her values well enough to say that she will not spend any time spreading hatred towards Indians or Hindus etc. And she has good family values – more than what I have seen in typical indian girls. Also, she blushes, she is shy, she had only one bF before me and she has a moral character , sincerity and decency that I have never seen in an Indian girl (US based) before .And I know lots of them.”
-Ocean
I wanted to clarify that this is my personal experience only. I am sure that there are Indian girls with similar or maybe even better values. And when I said Indian women, I was referring to Indian women raised in the US only.
It is just that I did not come across any US based Indian girl with such high values – and although I know many – it is still a small percentage considering the Indian American population in the US. So not generalizing or stereotyping.
I have an Indian girl and find her very exotic. Part from the physical attraction she is an amazing person. Very sweet nd very caring. I cant picture my life withoit her nd out off all the women i dated she is the 1. Iove her to bits nd would do anything for her. I love seeing her smile nd happy. She is the first woman of different colour that i date nd wouldnt have it any different. No regrets.
You should marry her then…What are you waiting for?
I came across this post while googling about Indian women’s seemingly singular attraction to Indian and White men. As a BLACK man, I’ve found Indian to only be interested in those two race and in those rare occasions they have gone beyond those two races, they’ve always gone “light,” as we like to call it. What does that mean? They will only date the light-skinned version of the men in that particular race. That means light-skinned Black men, Hispanic men and etc (although I’m not certain what the “etc” might be, haha).
I had a talk with a first generation Indian-American young man who honestly told me that he was instructed to only bring home an Indian or White girl and, above all, never bring home a Black woman. To be completely honest, he said “they said never bring home a dirty Black woman.” What does he do? He only dates Black women, haha. I have similar stories from Jewish and Asian friends, both men and women. It is what it is. I’m not shocked by this. When your country runs skin lighting product commercials like we, in this country, run toothpaste commercials, then you’re going to have serious race and colorism issues. I just wish more of them would at least admit it.
All this talk about “freedom” and “they don’t expect…” is just surface stuff. You can find men like that in any race but the fact that you seem to only find it one race means that all this “freedom” talk is secondary to race and thus bullcrap in the grand scheme of things. In the end, Indian women just prefer white men. It makes them feel elevated, superior, grand. It’s what they’ve been taught. It’s what they know. For them, white is right. They’ll even disfigure themselves to prove it.
Bro, You said it. I am Indian and my gal friend in india just said that on my face before ditching “Her parents expect her husband to be much fairer then her”, after 3 years of relationship all she told me that skin tone matters. What the heck. But i wont generalize all indian women, My friends boyfriend is much darker than me. She has no inclination to colour. But i admit not just women but even men are after light skin. I think you can assume the mid 60 percent of population with this thinking. 100 percent confident because unlike most indians i have lived my life in various parts of india made good friends every where and this is one important fact,i have always noted. Fully agree with you.
Douglas, I am in Indian(male) living in the US. I know most Indian women prefer to date Indian followed by others. But they are told explicitly not to date black – cannot understand why. I think the reason may be the biased media (it portrays black men very badly and very negatively). I know some Indian women who dated white men but when it came to marriage, they went out of the way to find ‘nice’ Indian doctors.
The ones I know who married white men(small minority) have only one thing in common: none of these women were in white-collar professions. In the US, every year, they have these Indian community functions (only Indians all across Canada or US can attend) and they have special events where they put all eligible singles together in a big room. And every guy/girl gets to introduce himself/herself. Its like a singles party. That is where many marriage bonds are formed.
That sociological view is very interesting. I’m very happy that a lot of good Indian girls weren’t interested in the wonderful black man who became my husband
Helene,
No one tells Indian women not to date Blacks..
IMO, Many of the Indian liberal left women are racist on their own accord. But they put on this liberal charade.
Yeah well you know Manny the rules which are the most difficult to overcome are the internalised ones.
The control of women’s sexuality is mighty important in any cultural group. Except in matrilinear traditions I suppose…
Helene:
And when I said ‘black’, I meant ‘African’ . As you may know, race is not classified based on skin tone(color) it is based on other genetic factors (that affect shape of the skull, etc.) – so using black/white etc. for race is technically incorrect but in US they use it that way. I always thought your husband was Indian (not African).
In any case, please accept my sincere apology if you found anything that I said offensive. My intent was only to give some ‘insider information’.
I have not heard of anyone telling their Indian daughters in the US to not marry based on skin tone ( if he is Indian). Skin complexion is just personal preference. But race/religion is something that parents do object about. It is unfair, but it happens.
Douglas,
Everyone has a different definition of beauty. For example, in my view, olive fair complexioned women(like some Punjabi and most Kashmiri ) are the most beautiful.
But this is not a racist view. It is just my personal definition of beauty. Some Indian men like darker women. Some Indian women prefer darker Indian men because they feel the fair ones look too ‘girlish’. They want TDH Indians.
If skin color were really the only issue, then Indian parents in the US would prefer their daughters marrying a lighter skinned Hispanic to a darker skinned Indian. That is not true. They prefer Indian(whether he is dark or fair). But you are absolutely right about those commercials. People are obsessed with those creams in the Philippines and Japan also.
Manny,
you said ‘no one tells Indian woman not to date blacks(africans)’
Have you heard of ‘Chiman Rai’ , a retired professor in the US?
He went to the extreme after his son married an African woman.
Imagine what he would have done if he had a daughter who married an African man.
I have several Indians a Nigerian, Jew and Itailian amoung my in-laws. I am Irish. It all works great if you leave your preconcieved notions at the door. Have a look: http://youtu.be/z94GAa0cLSk
Douglas,
“In the end, Indian women just prefer white men. It makes them feel elevated, superior, grand. It’s what they’ve been taught.”
In isolation for a small minority of Indian girls you have met, it may be true but for a majority of Indian girls its not true.They may not like/find white or even fair Indian men at all. I know such girls who religiously believe in old charm of TDH (Tall, Dark and Handsome) guys.
Commercial for skin lighting products exists because there is a demand for such products. But don’t think that companies would prefer anyone just because anyone is fair or white.That is just an imaginary world of advertisement which is far away from truth.
My view is that everybody is free to define beauty for themselves. If somebody prefers fair people as their partner, they must be free to do so without being called racist. We can’t force our views of beauty on anyone.
Douglas. You are quite right… the liberal left of India is all pretense and no substance.
One e.g. Take many of these Bengalies who portray themselves as the champion liberals of India. They generally marry whites but rarely any blacks… but they would write articles about the virtues of liberalism. Pfffft!
Sharell has a blog entry from that topic by Anushka Shankar. I replied back to to the hypocrisy of the far left of India.
There is a separate topic on this subject and a lively discussion on the subject of racism in India.
http://www.whiteindianhousewife.com/2009/05/indians-and-racism/
I don’t want to fall into the trap of generalisaiton, but Indians are obsessed with light skin. I’m a dark-skinned Indian dating a non-Indian, light-skinned girl and the looks of resentment and disbelief from other people (including Indians) that she’s chosen a ‘darkie’ is just astounding. They don’t seem to care about the fact that we’ve been together for almost 10 years and have a solid relationship. No, it’s all about face value and appearance here.
One of the most beautiful actresses to come out of Bollywood in the past 10 years (she has sort of a dusky, wheatish complexion, and a beautiful face and body) has been derided as being too ‘black’. Says it all.
That’s a very interesting phenomena.
I have a question for the Gories here.
I understand why some Gories may not want to marry other non Goras/Gories… you know preference for the same culture thingi.. And I don’t consider that as racism for the most part.
But then lets say, the Gories don’t mind marrying outside their own culture… and would consider Indian males (crossed the racial/cultural barrier).. Now would the color of the Indian matter? Does a pale Indian get a preference over a dark Indian all other things remaining the same?
BTW.. this is a serious question.. I am just curious. No kidding.
Hi Manny, in my experience (and I know a lot of white women married to Indian guys) colour doesn’t matter at all. Some of their husbands are from South India, and are hence relatively dark. Generally, white people do not share this whole preoccupation about fair colour that Indians do.
Manny-
I’m really surprised at this question from YOU!
No, a ‘pale’ Indian would not get preference over a a ‘dark’ Indian.
As far as physical attraction goes the only skin/hair color I find unattractive in men is the red headed/pasty skinned combination. ‘Ginger’ men ain’t my thing.
I’d agree with Sharell that unlike Indians- Whites do not consider ‘fairness’/light skin the epitome of beauty/handsomeness. I had never even heard of a ‘wheatish’ complexion until I came to India.
If anything most whites are concerned about being too ‘white’ hence the need for tanning booths and ‘tube tan’ lotions.
Our oldest son is from Kolkata, he’s quite dark- he’s not having any problems at university in the US. The American girls really seem to like him.
Oh for sure, give me beautiful brown any day!!
‘Ginger’…South Park! LOL
I can honestly say that the “ginger” thing is actually one of my favourite combos. My current boyfriend is rather pale with copper hair and green eyes. I find him adorable. I am of Guyanese deccent, grew up in Canada and now live in the States. Although I am not Indian I am brown with the ever typical last name of Singh. Many people have rude and disaproving things to say about my boyfriend and I but I don’t let them bother me. Both of our parents approve so no issues there. I have dated quite a mix of races including brown men and I think colour doesn’t really make that much of a difference. It’s the person.
Same goes for me! In fact before India, I never even considered people as shades of brown!
Indians should never make the mistake of thinking that white people are as preoccupied with fair skin as what they are, but unfortunately many do. Often, Indian perceptions that whites think they’re superior because of their skin color originate in Indian minds. Yes, some whites are racist, but for many more it’s just nonsense.
The reality is it’s all about personality and attitude!
I think the root is somewhere else. People need to know that British ruled India for 150 years.. OK it can be controversal.. so lets take this experiment with another race for evaluation purposes….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EQACkg5i4AY
Manny, I think probably one of the reasons some “Gories” don’t consider Indian males is skin colour. As Pleepleus once remarked ALL Indians look “black” from Europe.
Then being a moustache addict, I can’t speak for other ladies
Thanks guys.. Thats what I thought.. But I wanted validation or confirmation of what I figured.
But its also good that you guys posted that for the benefit of some folks who may be strutting around like a peacock for they have a slightly ligther shade of brown.
Hi Manny,
I agree with all. I do not think that Indians of a lighter shade (arab/iranian looking) get a preference – from general observation. I do not think that the white caucasians care much about the shade. So I agree with what most of the ladies here said.
However, I do not agree with Pleepleus’s comments that
‘ALL Indians look black from Europe’. Helene wrote ALL in capital letters – probably agreeing with Pleepleus’s comments. That is ignorance on the part of the Europeans who think that. They do not know all Indians and Indian history. And there is a lot of difference
between having a tanned complexion vs black complexion.
There are many Indians (100% pure Indians who have lived or migrated from colder or more northern regions – including eastern europe(documented fact) – thousands of years ago) who are whiter and more european looking than Southern Italians or Greeks. I already mentioned somewhere how my mom and her sister were approached two or three times by the German women, disciples of Sathya Sai baba – and they were asking questions like ‘ why are you whiter then us’ and ‘which part of India has white people?’. This incidence(in Tamil Nadu?) by itself proves that even Europeans that visit India do not know the facts. The German ladies had no clue that India is a ethnic mixture (like America). Over the centuries , people have migrated to India and did NOT mix due to the caste system.
Secondly, technically, even Europeans are a lighter(very light) shade of brown. Otherwise they would not be able to tan. They also have melanin – but less compared to Indians. But calling Salman Rushdie(Indian Kashmiri ethnicity) or many(not all) of the Kashmiri/Punjabi ‘black’ – is like calling Southern Italians or Greeks black.
Manny said : “But its also good that you guys posted that for the benefit of some folks who may be strutting around like a peacock for they have a slightly ligther shade of brown.”
Manny,
Mentioning that someone is dark or light is not called ‘strutting the neck like a peacock’ unless he says that he is ‘intellectually/morally superior’ because of his lighter shade – which no one ever said IMHO. As far as beauty goes, it is a personal opinion. I think lighter(almost white) skinned Indian girls look more beautiful ( Sonali Bendre / Neelam as opposed to Bipasha Basu).
Caucasian women (on average) look more beautiful that every other race on this planet, IMHO. Others may not agree with me. That does not mean (in either case) that one is better or superior to the other (other than in the personal preference of looks).
Vishal…
White people in general are obsessed with the darker skin as well. We did discuss this on the forum of Sharell’s a while back. I tried to explain how American’s (here in the US) favor the dark skin. The American men especially favor the darker gals; be it Latino or whatever.
It takes patience to make it work that long 
As a VERY ‘white’ woman I can honestly say it goes both ways, lol
I’m facinated with the thought of Indian men preferring the lighter skin colored women, it is interesting to me because it is the opposite here, although my experience thus far with Indian men has been quite the opposite..still not sure if it is actually true or if it is just that ‘different’ factor..curiousity kind of thing..the Indian men I have encountered (online) seem to prefer their own woman:)
Kudo’s to the 10 years
I’m white, and my fiance is Am-Fijian and I noticed that his mom is like that! We live in a multi-cultural area of Sacramento, Ca, but it is predominantly black and his mother and father came from Fiji a long time ago. His father is outright racist, I can’t understand why. But he follows stereotypes closely and calls them bad people. His mother is more subtle about it, but I can see that she feels the same way. My fiance’s sister has a black friend who isn’t allowed to stay over at night or come over without his mother at home. Also, sometimes when we’re out in the backyard and we see somebody who is black walk past, she hushes us and tells us to be quiet in case he wants to start trouble. Honestly, I don’t understand how she can be like that when her boyfriend is half black, but then again, he is also half white.
It’s really hard to understand. His mama didn’t really approve of me at first, but that was only because I had a full head of pink hair and metal through my lip, but his dad was very accepting and his mom has now stopped staring at me when she thinks I’m not looking. They accept me better with my colored hair and piercings than they do his sister’s black friend. His mother’s boyfriend is light skinned, and I’m obviously light skinned because I’m 4 kinds of white. So I get what you’re saying, I’ve seen it firsthand. But I’m sure not every Indian/Fijian is like that, because I have a friend who has been interested in many black guys before, although her current boyfriend is Fijian.
Sorry Sharell, but the title itself is not right. No offence intended.
You are a nice person, IMHO, but sometimes you write things that
just do not make sense. Your article is based on the generalization of a minority rather than a majority.
How can you title something as ‘why do Indian women like European descent men?’ . Maybe a more appropriate title could have been
‘why do some Indian women marry western men’?
If 80% of Indian women were marrying western men – I would agree with the title. But probably only 5-10%(or less) of US brought up Indian women marry european descent men.
Here is a statistical fact :
The highest educated ethnicity in the US is Indians(asian) not american Indian and blacks are least educated. You can google this if you think I am lying. As a US Citizen it is toughest to get into a US medical school
if you are Indian (followed by chinese) and easiest if you are black or hispanic(again, this is documented). If you go to any top school (like stanford) you will find so many
students from India and China, Japan,South Korea (vs other foreign countries). I had a bachelor’s in electronics engineering (now have a masters)and one Indian girl rejected me (by email) saying that I am not educated enough (she had a masters+MBA). It is true the other way round also.
Although it is hard for Indians (and Chinese) to get into US medical schools(they are considered overrepresented), many do get in (cultural pressure for high education). And since it is so easy to find indian women and men in the US who are doctors, engineers or Lawyers, people are very picky. An arts graduate Indian girl in the US will have tough time to get married (to other Indians) unless she looks like Aishwarya Rai. I have four cousins who got married in the last 5 years (2 male, 2 female). They all married to Indian origin doctors(MDs). One of my distant relatives is just a DO(doctor of osteopathy ) which has
less status than MD. She is very beautiful(very fair, green eyes, nice features) but she was getting rejected for 2 years and her parents said : time for you to start dating outside Indian community – just don’t marry a black guy.
I did not write anything offensive to western men or women in the above post. But just my general observation because I am (and have been) part of this circle. BTW my cousins very americanized. Maybe you do not do it intentionally, but such topics (generalization of minority ) is hurtful.
If you said India is poor(because only a minority are rich and middle class), I will never challenge you. Most(not all) of the Indian girls who married western men in my observation have not had white collar professions and hence have been rejected by many Indian men.
Too many grammatical mistakes in my post ..
But you must note that I didn’t write: “Why Do All Indian Women Like White Men?” or “Why Do Indian Women Like White Men Only”. You have interpreted it in such an extreme manner when the reality is something different. “Why Do Indian Women Like White Men” in its expanded form is actually is intended to mean — why do the Indian women who like white men like them? I think it’s quite obvious that not all Indian women like white men.
Let’s not be too pedantic over titles. The content of the article very well indicates the reality of the situation, particularly with this sentence” It seems that not many Indian women are interested in having a white man for a husband.”
You are right, Sharell. I jumped to conclusions based on the title alone.
The statement that you mentioned above clearly indicates the real situation. I stand corrected.
It’s okay… I think it’s a problem with the use of the English language, which often isn’t as precise as languages like Hindi.
Ocean,
I think Sharell was just speaking for the same minority group of Indian girls, which you also mentioned, that date/marry westerners. I feel she was not generalizing that all Indian girls or even a majority of them like white men/western men as you say. But she was trying to find out the reasons for that minority group of Indian girls for their liking for western men. Its an interesting topic because its rare, because of the cultural difference.
Hi Chanakya,
I agree with you that based on the contents of the article, Sharell meant a minority, that is why I said ‘I stand corrected’ above.
Yes, this topic is interesting and it is appropriate to understand cultural issues.
But I agreed (about her intentions) only based on one of the sentences in the article, I did not agree with some parts of her reply (above). Most people miss some sentences but the title is the ‘catch’. Sharell said that the title is appropriate because she did not say ‘Why do All Indian Women Like White Men?’. However,
when someone says ‘why do Indian women like white men’ it implies ‘why do most or majority of women like white men’. The reason for this is because a majority is generalized, not a minority. So when ‘some’ or ‘all’ is not explicitly added it automatically implies ‘most’. i.e ‘Why do most Indian women like white men?
For example, an article titled ‘Why do Americans like to eat cats?’ would not be appropriate and the author cannot say ‘ I meant only those minority Americans who go to China and eat cats’. But a title like ‘why do kids(little girls) like to play with dolls?’ would be appropriate because it is generally true. Her other article was titled ‘Do Indian men like white Women?’. That was appropriate because it is not assuming/generalizing anything.
So Sharell’s intentions are very clear only from the contents not the title. And one thing I have noted (even though I do not agree with some of her opinions) is that she always writes with good intentions, a pure heart and honesty. There is never any maliciousness or hate in her mind. Hence this reply(to you) is only about the grammatical meaning, not about her intentions. I am not that good at english grammar – so I might be wrong in this grammatical debate also. But the first time I wrote to her, I misunderstood her intentions, so I was completely wrong then.
” Most(not all) of the Indian girls who married western men in my observation have not had white collar professions and hence have been rejected by many Indian men.”
That’s what I was telling a family member the other day. I’ve been accused of bashing Indian men (when I was stating my experiences only), but I have been told by Indian men that “You’re not the type of girl that they want to marry.”
I have a masters degree and a professional career, but it’s not the stereotypical MD or engineer route. There are other parts of my personality, outlook and identity that some Indian men may perceive as “not marriage material.” It’s my responsibility to love those that love me. Why set your hopes for someone that’s not interested? If a non-Indian man is willing to cherish, love and commit to me, so be it. My mother is hoping to marry me off to an Indian man, but I told her that I genuinely believe that I’m not what Indian men want. And that’s okay.
Caucasian men are more receptive to a woman’s needs and desires.. and, they are more personable, in my opinion.
Is it just Caucasian men or Caucasians (Men and women)?
Would it be wrong or inaccurate for me to make a statement such as this?
“Caucasian women are more receptive to a man’s needs and desires.. and, they are more personable, in my opinion.”
Serendipity,
The personable(external looks) – I agree to some extent because it is external. Yes, caucasians are generally taller and well built than most asians.The caucasian women are more beautiful(on average) than all asian women. But the ‘more receptive to womans needs’ is like judging the moral character of all Indian men.
What if someone said that Indian men (maybe due too religious background) generally have more empathy. I have caucasian friends who have cheated with their wives. I dont know a single Indian friend who has done that. All these friends are engineers or doctors. Trust me, if they did it, would not be a secret for long. One of the caucasian friend cheated with his very young wife by visiting prostitutes. Frankly, based on my observations of recent Indian and American(divorces) among close friends in the last 5 years, ALL the divorces filed in the US by the caucasian women were because of their husband cheating. All the divorces filed by the Indian women were due to husband wife not getting along (no abuse but they were living like roommates). Also, please read the blog carefully, Sharell clearly says that most Indian women prefer Indian men.
Statistically, Indian women(successful good looking ones in US) choose/prefer ONLY Indian men (there might be few exceptions). See my other comment about my relatives on this blog above. Also, I have seen american men treat their wives like servants. Last thanksgiving I was invited and my engineer friend was treating his wife so badly(continuously yelling and complaining about the food) that I felt like leaving. To the outside public they are ‘very nice personable guys’.
Note: I only gave personal examples from my experience. I also know a lot of caucasian couples and Indian couples that are faithful. So
I do not want to generalize morality of a race(as you did).
Above, when I mentioned the divorce reason and used the word ‘ALL’, I only meant ALL the people I know (not all population of that race)
@Ocean
“I dont know a single Indian friend who has done that. All of them are engineers and doctors.”
I do believe it’s possible for an Indian to cheat without others finding out.
People keep quiet about their problems and pretend to be the brady bunch on the outside. The rest of the community looks away. In the end, nobody knows what’s going on. It’s humiliating to let the Indian community know “I’m divorcing my husband, because he’s cheating on me.” It’s easier to say “We just don’t get along.” I think admitting that cheating and unfaithfulness exists is very hard for our culture to do.
But then women’s need are not universal, they vary from country to country.And that is why the behavior of men vary accordingly.
I wonder how a Caucasian man from Scandinavian country would be receptive to the needs of a religious and Brahmin women from Bihar more than an India men? Would he be receptive to all the religious, cultural and social needs of that women ?
Technically speaking Indians are also Caucasian.
One of my relative was in grad school at Carnegie Mellon (Whose wedding I attended last year in India), she used to visit me in Dallas during the holidays. She told me about a gora guy who was pursuing her at school but then she has been discouraging him. I know her parents would have no problem if she decides to hook up with a Gora and I asked her why is it that she was discouraging him if he was a nice/cute guy like she told me he was.
Her reason for not accepting him was bizzare. She said, he was 2 years younger to her and that freaked her out. She said there was no way she can be someonne younger than her. She then went on to meet and get hitched with a desi guy from Univ of Georgia (The wedding photos I posted a link to here a while ago).
Who knows the secrets of the human heart!
I was told that Black men are more receptive to a woman’s needs and desires.. Personally I think Black men are suited for liberated desi women.
Manny,
I respectfully disagree that (statistically) Africans can be more receptive to a woman’s needs(assuming you mean ‘African’ when you say ‘black’)
I have nothing against the African race personally and nothing against an Indian woman who marries one. It is her choice.
But let us call a spade a spade and not be politically correct.
My reasoning:(only statistically speaking, it does not apply to every person)
A woman by nature is usually(not always) more sensitive, more emotional , more mentally mature, more kindhearted than a man her age. But even if a woman does not have these qualities,
to be receptive to a woman’s needs , a man has to have empathy, compassion, kindness , etc so he can understand and respect her feelings. Now let us take the something that can relate to empathy. Violent crimes are committed by people with no empathy.
Take the case of US homicides (I chose US because you need to compare people who live under similar laws, government, etc).
African Americans are about 13% of the US population,
Caucasians about 72% and 4.8% asians(Indians,Chinese, Japanese etc)
Now check Wikipedia or google for statistics on violent crime by offender’s race in the US. That may lead you to the exact opposite conclusion of what someone told you.
I am not saying that NO African is receptive to women. Of course there are a lot of good African men just as there are a lot of bad Indian men.
To say that a person is not a good husband because he is African would be very wrong(and racist).
But since you made a general statement, statistics should be used (to generalize a majority). And statistics of who has more or less empathy shows exactly the opposite of what you said.
I think I may need to clarify my position/point when I made that post. I usually try to avoid posting “white paper”. Tsk Tsks.
1st on the subject of why Indians may not marry “Blacks” or “:whites” for that matter is IMO, is more resistance to different culture/subculture rather than against someones race. IF a white person prefers to marry within their own culture (The western/white christian culture), I do not see that as racism. Although I do bring up the point that after 300 years why white christians do not marry black christians..when one of them brings up the subject of the “evil caste” thingi. Folks do prefer to marry from their “own tribe” so speak and this need not be construed as racism.
In the same way, I know there are many African Americans who would prefer marrying other African Americans on the account of being comfortable with their own culture. Not very different from desies marrying others from the same religion or caste or region. None of that IMO is racism.
As is, it is very difficult to live day in and day out with another person, now imagine living with someone from “another tribe”/culture. It could be daunting. Although I notice and appreciate intercultural relationships. I would think, individuals in inter cultural relationships have to be more empathic and far more patient and what not to sustain that intercultural relationship.
Now, to the actual point about why black guys are more receptive to a woman’s need. Whelp! I was kind of being facetious.. However, I do think Black men are suited for “liberated Indian women” who can’t stand Indian men. I have said this before, that there are desi women who simply do not like Indian men for various reasons. Including 1) Indian men being Momma’s boys 2) Indian men’s preference for virgins. 3) Indian men being “controlling/possessive”, 4) Indians/men are racist 5) Indian men’s preference for fair skin (I am assuming that women who complain about this do not have a problem with dark men). 6) Indian men are westernized enough. 7) Their preference for tall men. etc etc… On these accounts, Black men fit the bill for these Indian women.
In Northern California there are many Punjabis, mainly orchard farmers above Sacramento. They wear turbans, and carry small ceremonial knives. Their children attend US universities often, and I went to school and worked with more than a few in State gov’t. Like most immigrants within one or two generations of coming to America there begins to be serious debates in families about whether to marry outside the culture or not. In LA in my high school we had over 30 languages on campus, and the family debates were the same about who to date and marry. Hmong, Lao, Arabic, Turkish, West African, and other insular people were especially affected. Koreans and Japanese, and many older Chinese families in LA would marry and accept anyone. The young ladies in new immigrant families begin to look at men from other communities and cultures with curiosity, and they find what suits them. Unfortunately this can cause a lot of hurt and confusion in the older generations that want to retain cultural and perhaps ethnic integrity. As the world begins to integrate with business, travel, and communication folks will do what they always do: breed with the ones that seem most propserous, attractive, etc… And as for the title of the thread? what about white males? I’m one… and I see as many differences between me and other white males as I do with any other male group that can be imagined. I’ve been to rural Ukraine and Russia; white males there behave totally different than white males in the West. Even in the US men in Alabama are not often anything like men from say, Oregon… Not better, not worse, but way different. Its too big a population to generalize. A rural Indian woman (or man) might like a rural Ukrainian or a farmer from Alabama, but a city gal (or guy) with a degree in Chandrigarh might enjoy the company of an educated Londoner or New Yorker. I suppose the biggest reason most Indian women do not date white males is for the simple and sufficient reason they do not meet many. But the subtle racism is there… I have folks in my family that take a dim view of darker skinned people. My daughter dates African American males in high school half the time and my father in law nearly has a heart attack whenever its mentioned! In Mexico I noticed they take great pride in being white Castilian, with mestizos in the middle, and dark Indios at the bottom. An ugly aspect of culture most everywhere. Even in Ukraine they have a dislike of Asiatics I found troubling. In Luhansk, Ukraine at the medical school they barely tolerated the African students in town. How much is this sort of thing an issue in India I wonder? I will be coming there for a long stretch in early 2013 so I guess I will find out. I hope people see each other as human beings first; we’ll all end up with more people to meet and date and marry as a happy consequence!
Edster ,
I am lucky that I happened to read something so full of real knowledge and wisdom.I think this is the best comment on the topic.Humans First ! Seems like a good slogan.
Really nice post Edster in the Burgh !
Shoot me a line Helene’ and Chanakya nd I’ll send a pic of my kid with her friends. You won’t be disappointed
Hi Edster,
Sorry, but what I have to do actually? (scratching my head)
uglyhorse@irishnation.com … you and any other friendly characters are free to write. Have no wish to argue, only share observations. I hope to see an old friend Rajoo from SoCal who returned to North India a couple years ago from the economic chaos over here in the US. Will be leaving in April/May of 2013 for a 6 month+ visit. He wishes to convince me to stay now that I am retired
He said if I could learn Spanish no reason exists that I could not learn Urdu/Hindi. We had a beard growing contest once and I won! Wish you and your husband the best.
Hi Edster ,
Thanks for your desire to share thoughts. I would love to do that. Wish you luck for upcoming India visit. Hindi would be fine for you. I would mail you.
From Many, One.
I’m sorry but I just have to place a bottom line or articles like these and the bigoted comments they inspire. In today’s world there’s no room for discrimination or judging people on their skin colour or nationality.
To generalise all Indian guys as being chauvinstic momma’s boys smacks of serious narrow-mindedness.
I love white women. Although my mum told me that she does’nt want me to have “American wife” (READ – White Wife). But i can’t help it, right from childhood i was always attracted to White females (especially their smile, i think white women have the best smile
).
Somehow i feel, white women make better wives and are genuinely affectionate and caring.
I am sorry to say but till now i have just met ONLY ONE Indian girl who is worth marrying, rest all…..Sorry for the langauge but they are simply “NON-MARRIAGABLE” for me.
I know many ppl and even my parents who say if you marry a white woman, your marriage will end up in a divorce in a couple of months. I find it absurd.
To make a marriage work, be it normal or interracial, both have to adjust and make sacrifices.
I feel as the marriage becomes old and old, a man really tends to forget that his wife belongs to another race, religion, nationality etc etc. As years pass by she just becomes your “wife” and not your “white wife” or “American wife” etc.
Moderator’s Note: Some Verbiage removed.
@ Rahul,
On one hand you are trying to portray a good image of white women, that is absolutely fine, and telling people not to generalize them on the other hand you are generalizing Indian women calling them ‘Non-Marriageable’, its ironic.
Why should we need to judge Indian women in order to show our love for white women and vice verca why should we need to generalize white women in order to love Indian women.
I think we should be able to love white/Indian women without comparing the two. Regarding the divorce, statistically your parents are right considering the high divorce rates in Us where more than 50% first marriages end up in divorce.
Who knows your marriage with a white girl proves to be in those 50% couples who never divorced and lived happily ever after.
Good Luck !
Chanakya,
Please note that Rahul expressed that it was his opinion that they were not marriage material for him and not that he was saying that they are such for all.
Thanks,
Shiriki
Blog Moderator
Hi Shiriki ,
Cool name.
I understand what you mean. I was just trying to suggest that women or for that matter any person of any race should not be put under specific branding. Otherwise I respect Rahul’s personal choice and also wish him luck.
Sounds good and thanks for explaining Chanakya!
Till now, in almost 24yrs of my existence in this world, I have met only ONE Indian girl who is worth marrying and loving (i am really lucky to have come in contact with her). I am not the guy who “dates” and “breaks off” or “sleeps” around for fun. I believe real Love happens only and only Once and i am still waiting for that. All my friends have dated multiple women, slept with them, pretended to be their boyfriend and after a couple of months or years broken off with them.
Hi Rahul,
I feel that while you are out looking for a girl to marry, it never goes that way. And once it happens, you don’t even realize how and why happened. It just happens. That is real strange that you have met just ONE Indian girl who was marriage material. I guess, may be, there were not many Indian girls in your circle or may be they just happened not to be of your type and choice. But I don’t think out of 300 million Indian women around the women, you would just meet one Indian girl worth loving.
I feel that there are many women both Indian and white worth loving. We just have to be a little flexi in our expectation and our perception. And I tell you there is nothing more romantic than a life-long marriage full of love.
Yes, when you are in love, from the millions of people alive on earth you find only one to be suitable. Sometimes this person is from your own culture, and sometimes it is from a foreign culture.
Whatever the case, passed the courting stage, you will have issues, that is the common lot of mankind. I hope you find happiness.
actually…the divorce rate for whites in first marriage is around 30% roughly. The 50% number is calculated by including a first marriage person marrying a non-first marriage person.Non- first marriage divorce rates are absoluting disappointing,65-90%. It raises the number drastically.And also whites who are more educated and wait to get married later have an even lower than 30% divorce. Indians with an incredible amount of family and social pressure to stay married have a divorce rate of a little above 10%,with westernization,Indians will be less afraid to divorce and it WILL increase…guarantee you!!!So for now…85%+ marriage success rate for Indians and 70% for whites…(who accept divorce and aren’t afraid to be free). Divorce rate stats are completely manipulated and don’t reflect the truth about the differences between countries. True that white women and black men are the most divorce prone,when marrying outside their race. People that are mentally and phisically healthy make the best partners
my dear Seeker,
Are you not the same person who suggested “don’t rely on statistics Ocean )))” at March 11, 2012 at 5:06 am
The 30%, 50%, 65-90% are all statistical data.
Again in the same post you say “Divorce rate stats are completely manipulated”. Then why use them at all in your argument?
just found your blog and it is FABULOUS! Girl, I give you so much credit to leave Aussie for Mumbai. WOW! I’m an Indian living in the United States and I think moving to India would be an extremely hard adjustment.
Regd your article, I never dated a white guy, I don’t know the opportunity never quite came. There are huge cultural differences – food, movies, bollywood and all. But I could see why Indian girls would (and should) be into white men because there are fewer expectations and they are more chill. Indian men see their wives as a possession, which is good and bad. Love your blog!!!!
honeywhatscooking recently posted..Friday’s Favorite Things – 1.13.12
I want to comment on the Asian-White relationship equation:
At the root, economics and perceived status plays a big part in all of this.
Its about marrying ‘up’ vs marrying ‘down’.
In my experience, the Asian women who marry white men often -also- feel that men of their own race don’t meet their expectations for whatever reason. This is a very telling fact. It tells us that there is a dissatisfaction with their lot that is in their mind somehow fixed by marrying a white man.
So IMHO, its about marrying ‘up’, no matter what language the women want to couch it in, or how they want to justify it. A white western woman marrying an Asian on the other hand at least right now, is marrying ‘down’ in most cases
Hence Asian men generally get the bottom of the barrel from the whites, and white men generally get the cream of the crop from the Asians (there are a few exceptions of course).
Again its not so much about color as about economics, for example, a white east european woman or a south east asian woman would consider marrying an Indian man as marrying ‘up’, not ‘down’. You may choose to attack me but to me this is basic human nature.
It is also basic human nature to refuse to accept inconvenient truths and provide palatable justifications.
Hi Srb, your observations have been correct in my experience. (You can read about it in the post The Difficulty of Being Married to an Indian). It’s even attracted ridiculous comments such as why didn’t I marry an Indian doctor or an engineer.
It is possible that those ridiculous comments came from jealous Indian doctors or engineers who had a crush on you and wanted to marry you but you did not even give them a second glance.
LOL (just kidding)
“why I didn’t marry an Indian doctor or engineer”
Seriously, I do not know how you can deal with such personal questions. Most women would not have the patience to tolerate such questions.
I disagree with statement that white east european woman or a south east asian woman would consider marrying an Indian man as marrying ‘up’.
You have absolutely zilch knowledge of culture over there as well as you are generalising that. In fact they cosider Indians as an extention of Gypsies..Which is almost SC/ST status in Eastern Europe. Why they conside that.. kindly read Romani people in wiki… They came from India in 10 century AD to Europe..
Rest you will understand when you will read that..
Me,
I disagree with you. Yes, it would be considered marrying ‘up’ if you look at intellectual contributions of ancient Indians and current Indian ethnicities (in Us etc).
You seem to have zilch knowledge of culture and history in India.
The gypsies were nomadic tribes of India (untouchables).
They escaped from India to escape prosecution/untouchability from upper classes. Otherwise they would have stayed back – India was super richest country (called the Golden bird at that time). Gypsies are like a ‘nomadic TRIBE’ like the ‘banjaras’. Comparing gypsies to the ancient hindu sanskrit scholars and mathematicans who invented stuff centuries before their European counterparts? LOL.
You know nothing about Indian culture/history.
Just search the same wikipedia you mentioned, for science and maths in ancient india – India’s science and math(especially astronomy) was much more developed than entire europe combined.
And south east asian contributions are NO match at all in terms of intellectual contributions as compared to India. No comparison at all.
The first university in the world was takshashila and there were universities like nalanda where greek students came to study. Wonder why they would go to an extension of SC/ST tribes. Very strange, no?
And no, anyone who knows Indian history culture and has does even a bit of research cannot ever compare India as an extension. So do not speak on behalf of all Romanians..
Read wikipedia for ancient Indias contributions to math science and see if that matches with the extention of gypsies. If you have trouble finding the links let me know.
Rest you will understand after you read that…
My cousion brother(indian) is married to a swiss girl.They both r doctors and happily married…They are adorable couples…My sister in law feels lucky to find an indian family…her hubby is so possesive…a family man.. her mother in law is so much bothered about her,warm and loving.And my cousion feels lucky too that He is in love with such an amazing gal….A person decides to marry someone when he/she is perfect soulmate for him/her..No body on earth would think on his marriage day that he is marrying ‘up’ or ‘down’..There are no calculations in love…
Yana,
Perfectly right.Nice to hear that.
The person ”me” said something very derogatory by comparing India to be an extension of gypsies – which is absurd. So I just showed how wrong he/she was in that comparison. My argument was more to do with the gypsy comparison and less to do with marriage.
I like to talk to people people who stereotype wrongly in the language they understand.
Thanks,
Ocean
Oh BTW. My two male cousins who are US educated doctors happen to be married to white women, one of the ladies is a doctor and one is a nurse. No one makes calculations of up and down when they get married otherwise my cardiologist cousin would not have married a nurse. And they are super happy couples too.
Ocean,
“The gypsies were nomadic tribes of India (untouchables).
They escaped from India to escape prosecution/untouchability from upper classes. Otherwise they would have stayed back.”
I am very surprised by you TOTALLY INCORRECT knowledge of history which is nothing but extension age old vilification of caste system in India.
Gypsies were untouchable in India and they migrated because of upper caste people??????????
I have never heard more incorrect historical information than this…Its unfortunate !!!
LET ME TELL YOU HOW WRONG YOU ARE-
1. Linguistic and genetic evidence indicates the Romanies originated from the Indian subcontinent, emigrating from India towards the northwest no earlier than the 11th century. The Romani are generally believed to have originated in central India, possibly in the modern Indian state of Rajasthan, migrating to the northwest (the Punjab region, Sindh and Baluchistan of modern-day Pakistan and India) around 250 BC. In the centuries spent here, there may have been close interaction with such established groups as the Rajputs and the Jats. Their subsequent westward migration, possibly in waves, is believed to have occurred between AD 500 and AD 1000.
2. The emigration from India likely took place in the context of the raids by Mahmud of Ghazni. As these soldiers were defeated, they were moved west with their families into the Byzantine Empire. The 11th century terminus post quem is due to the Romani language showing unambiguous features of the Modern Indo-Aryan languages,precluding an emigration during the Middle Indic period.
3. While the South Asian origin of the Romani people has been long considered a certitude, the exact South Asian group from whom the Romanies have descended has been a matter of debate. The discovery in 2009 of the “Jat mutation” that causes a type of glaucoma in Romani populations suggests that the Romani people are the descendants of the Jat people found in Northern India and Pakistan.
So, the conclusion is that gypsies, Romani or Roma people were related to JAT community in north India. And JATs are NOT untouchable or SC/ST in India. They were/are considered upper-caste and legally are NOT even listed in the schedule of backward classes in India.
Now, its so amazing that American history education put any blame of any historic even on the Caste-System even when its not even a party to that event.
Ocean, what ‘me’ said is true. He’s talking about Roma’s/Romani’s, who are said to have migrated from the subcontinent (set of Indian kingdoms, then), ages back. It is probably true, as they look similar to people from India (specially from the North). These people don’t work and follow a nomadic/Gypsie lifestyle and hence they are looked down upon. In a free world, people should be able to do what they want, but the world is getting increasingly complicated, with all comparisons of economy and individual contributions to the society. This is specially true in Europe, which had communism and a complicated past.
The fact that Roma’s come from India, shows that India is/was very diverse and has all kinds of people/tribes/things. Unfortunately, people who don’t know about India, tend to stereotype every Indian, based on their knowledge of Roma’s begging on the streets of Europe.
My main point was – to consider any nomadic tribe to be an extension(i.e representation) of India was completely absurd.
By extension it means that they ‘represent’ what Indian people are like (uneducated, nomads). That is wrong. So “Me” is wrong.
And my history education is in India, not US. I never took any history class in the US. Why they left India were based on some theories, that I read but even if that theory was wrong, the main point still stands.
Even if they are genetically linked to the Jatts, they still do not represent India. “The Jat people are a community of traditionally
non-elite tillers and herders in Northern India and Pakistan.”
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jat_people
Most Jats are OBC (other backward classes) ,
http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2012-02-25/jaipur/31100038_1_obc-status-railway-station-jats
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romani_people#cite_note-51
This relation to Jats had earlier been suggested by Michael Jan de Goeje in 1883. The 2009 glaucoma study however contradicts an earlier study that compared the most common haplotypes found in Romani groups with those found in Jatt Sikhs and Jats from Haryana and found no matches.
Main point is that it is wrong(incorrect) to compare any wandering nomadic tribe and assume that it represents entire India (that had an education system much superior to Europe). That is ignorance on part of the Romanians.
In general, India has so many subcultures and communities with varying customs and cultures and different history that no single community can be said to be a representation of India.
Me said “In fact they cosider Indians as an extention of Gypsies”.
If anyone thinks gypsies are an accurate representation of, they are DELUSIONAL.
No one can take some small group (which currently has OBC status in India, BTW – but that is not important), and say that that group represents India. This is exactly why stereotyping is wrong.
Such people need to read about India’s(north and south) contribution to world science and mathematics and other fields , centuries before the europeans, before making such silly generalizations.
Hi all,
I am a Malaysian Indian and we,woman from this country are much different to woman from India due to our multiracial environment and lifestyle here.We do date man from other race and never talk about conversion as for us its not important as long as you are in a good faith.
Women here love to date white males but the problem is, we expect them to ask us out. Though we are modern and equally educated to other Malay and Chinese women from Malaysia, we are more shy and not bold enough for the extra attention you get by multiracial couple.So by knowing this, if you intend to date an Indian woman from here, you know that you have to take the initiative first.
Secondly, Indian man you will find here is very jealous and sometimes speak dirtily towards girls who dare to be different, so you will hardly see an Indian woman here with other races, dress sexily or even one at a club. If you see then probably their foreigners or students hanging out.
Thirdly, getting married to an Indian woman is NOT EASY as you may think. The family plays a big role in giving their blessings. They accept you if they see you being one of them.Since their so cultured, they expect you also to be like that. All they fear is DIVORCE. They do not want us to marry whites mostly because marriage is only once for us but divorcing spouse is a common issue in the west so they do not want that for their girl. So if you can promise a good marriage, go ahead.
WHO AM I??
I am 177cm tall ,fair skinned Malaysian Indian girl with some university
degree and married to a Norwegian man. We are the 1st Malaysian Indian and Norwegian couple to be married.We pray to Buddha, Ganesha, have a quran and a bible at home, we plan to have Jesus on the front door very soon.No kids and we love every animals we see ( omg! we just fed a stray dog,and its looking at us like we are angels! )
Indian interracial marriage is still rare and if you are marrying a cultured Indian woman, then you are lucky to enjoy every ancient traditional festivals.
Welcome to Malaysia!
May you both be happy !
I’m an Australian male married to an Indian girl, I have been to India a few times and I think the hardest thing to get around is the Hindu family culture, Very hard to date and organise things, so different than what we are used to, I think the best avenue is to find a Christian Indian girl, they seem to have a different outlook on things. Very old fashioned compared to western girls, good family values, and rate education highly for their children. The other thing most Indians mention is our high divorce rates in Western Countries. So you need to both be committed to the relationship. Lovely country, nice people.
All said and heard.Will an Indian girl go out with a black guy?Any answers.?
Don’t be fooled by the liberal facade of the Indian progressives…they most likely have hangups about it.
Alqantara-Yes. I’ve known Indian women that dated and married black guys. I don’t know why manny acts like they don’t. They do.
First of all, when we talk of Indian women, tell me what is the sex ratio of India ??? The woman itself is much fewer than men. If you talk of how tough white men found looking for Indian woman, ask Indian man himself. Its not that he gets it easy. I have been to Europe as well, I find most countries have if not all, female to male ratio higher or atleast a healthy one much unlike islamic countries or sub-continent etc. Hence the people who date outside the race is pre-dominantly male in all these countries not just india. Just imagine 9:10 in a billion population. The last woman will have atleast 50 million men waiting for her in the country. So, if a white man has to find an indian woman, he has to better 50 million men. And I dont believe something like white is superior to indian/balck or vice versa. After all its about individual personality. All are equal human beings.its a simple probability. So in the contrary 50 million men will have to hunt for girls outside india. Hence its likelihood is higher. (P.S.: figures not to be taken literally. Its just about probability).
Again exceptions do exist. Could be because of several individual preferences. As pointed by some here, the so-called “these liberal leftist women” class, which i wonder what philosophy they follow!!! Almost all of cases Indian would prefer mostly Indian( again need not every single time but almost) Indians men/women will only prefer Indians. Reason? They will find them comfortable because they understand each other better on many grounds, as both are brought up identically.
There is a distinct identity that every white/indian / black has not sure abt other two indians yes. At the end of the day they do search for it. Lucky if man/woman outside their race it can understand it. As for parents choosing it. Its actually due to survival of that identity. Actually, India just like Israel is a country defended repeated invasions far far more than any other place in the world. Adding to that waves of refugees which it has sheltered n nurtured apart from resisting aggressors. Hence in this complex net. there was a need to preserve the identity. It actually got to do with insecurity, which with freedom and liberalization. That also explains reason why Indian men could sound sometimes more aggressive than men of other races. It also holds for Israelis and Arabic.
As for treating women, Yes,Indian men needed their women more closer compared to others, for the sense of emotional stress is higher partially due to climate, partially due to the fact that men go trough more drill, in early days in farms now in service industry. Tell me in which country do people work for like 18 hours a day??? These eventually reflect when they go back home. They expect more from their wives. It has nothing to do with an Indian character. Absolutely nothing.
As for preference of skin, why do people confuse between fair skin and White Skin?? There is a difference between the two. Mostly you will see there is lot of difference between those indian men/women who are extremely fair and white skin. Colonial influence did merge the two, which effect is very predominant. Originally its fair skin, not white skin. Pale looking people are never liked in India. The skin texture is given importance. Some dusk women but with glowing face are seriously reveration among Indians. Brighter Colour also requires a blend with contrasting darker hair as per definition of beauty in India.
My own expereince, I am Asian girl married with white men. I dated few asian men and dating expereince with the white men led to our marriage. Reasons:
1) white men are similar looking like Indian men, just colour is different.
2) they are friendly and loving, saying they dont have ethics or morality or jump in another relationship straight away is ignorant and prejudice. I know it because I broke up with my man and it was hard on him and eventually we worked things out around my culture and his culture – without him cheating.
3) White men are honest too, if they dont love you they dont say it( majority) and they don’t all say ‘I love you ‘ just to get into pants.
4) I like Indian guys equally, but its just the understanding part- where they sound controlling and demanding too much.
5) Asian men fall for beauty and western men fall for understanding, very handsome man can be seen with very ugly woman, and the man finds his girl the best in the world… Sadly pretty seldom in our culture.
6) sex life before marriage is not discussed, not condomned and virginity is not an issue.
7) I am married to a white man not because of his manhood, thats is just ridiculous thinking. I am with him becuase he is independant, respect my space , does not feel ashamed making breakfast for me, takes interest in whatever I do, and is my best friend.
Please be happy in your relationship. I really hope that he keeps you happy and makes breakfast for you everyday etc…
But do not make untrue generalizations to put down others unless you have official statistical data to prove it.
My personal observation has been that most white women are kind, sensitive, affectionate and family oriented; some white men cheat(see political figures); and most asian(including Indian) women are very shallow and VERY controlling. But even then I never make generalizations.
I am getting really sick of such generalizations. Maybe I should start a website and make generalizations about Asian/Indian women and why it is a bad idea to marry them, why men should avoid them, why they make bad wives and mothers, and see how you feel.
Indian/Asian women brought up in the US and even those who have dated others as per US census bureau statistics prefer Indian/Asian men. Indian ethnicity is the highest educated ethnicity (most percentage of doctors engineers etc) in the US as per the official census bureau. Here, the Indian women who have a hard time finding Indian men are the one’s who are usually educationally less accomplished women – so they look elsewhere. This is because the Indians men here have so much choice of dating nice looking Indian ladies who are doctors , engineers and lawyers that they become very picky. Same is the case in upper middle class in India. Also, if asians (indians ) were only interested in beauty as you say, then they these indian /asian neurosurgeons and cardiologists in US would be only marrying caucasian women since they are the most beautiful women statistically. This is not a generalization, this is statistics, see any miss XYZ competition, most of the competitors/winners are caucasian women.
”My personal observation has been that most white women are kind, sensitive, affectionate and family oriented; some white men cheat(see political figures); and most asian(including Indian) women are very shallow and VERY controlling”
But the stats say otherwise for your observations to have any truth in them.Divorce rate is the highest in the regions of the whites.Good that you have stressed that it is your personal observation.
White women have better social skills and grooming which comes from being independent at an early age but don’t be deceived by the social veneer.
All that means is that people separate because they don’t want to put up certain behaviours any more, not that it doesn’t happen. Cheating is very common in India. It’s just that couples choose to ignore it because separating is too difficult. I know many people in this situation, including one poor Indian woman who has put up with her husband’s open cheating her whole marriage (30 years).
Coincidentally, there is some news today of a white woman doing something extraordinarily compassionate for her dying husband.
He was 21 years older to her. She induced labor just so that he could hold the baby in his hands for 45 minutes. I have read that induced labor is very painful and can create severe complications for the woman ( Dr.Tamasha will know better) . No one asked her to do this. She was a family oriented and loving wife – that is why she did this.
http://news.yahoo.com/texas-woman-induced-labor-dying-husband-hold-baby-162819264–abc-news.html
(Only thing that bothers me is that she was 16 when she had the first baby with him – but maybe that is age of legal consent in texas. In any case, that is not her fault.).
don’t rely on statistics Ocean )))) You also seem to place alot of emphasis on education level…Bill Gates is a college dropout,and do some research on the most amazing Americans that changed the world(Henry Ford for example).You will find the low level of education astonishing!!! Abraham Lincoln self-taught himself law…no school necessary. The richest people i know are all non-college educated,you have a very narrow,class based view on people.The reason that Indians have a high education level in the USA is because the tiny,small percentage of Indians in USA are from a class of people that can afford to come to the USA. I am from a 98% white, blue-collar town in Massachusetts and the college graduation rate from my PUBLIC school is over 60%. Private school children from my town have a higher college degree figure.” Official statistical data ” can be used as a tool to degrade ALL people…and it really sheds no light on actual truth ….1 person.
I don’t think the color of my husband’s skin is what drew me to him. I’m originally from South Asia, moved to the US when I was 10 years old. I was brought up in New York and got married to my Scandanavian husband a year ago. We just had the same values, same sense of humor, common ground, beliefs, etc. That’s what I found attractive about him, and I’ve found that he is more “brown” in behavior than most brown guys in my own family. He can tolerate more spices than me, he wear the lungi “sarong” a lot during the Summer, has more brown friends than me, and can tolerate some Bollywood movies. But there are some Scandanavian traits I absolutely adore about my husband, for example, he helps out A LOT with chores, cooks, cleans around the house, vacuums, mops and does the laundry 100% of the time no matter how caught up he gets with his studies or part time job. He doesn’t do it out of obligation or order but out of habit, and that’s something I hope to instill in my kids too. But I should also mention that my very brown Dad does so much to help my very brown mom around the house too, and he was a huge role model for me picking the guy I did. The Scandanavian upbringing of children requires both girls and boys having to learn skills than transcend gender; the boys have to learn how to sew, cook, clean and the girls have to learn how to fix a bike, use tools, chop wood, etc. There aren’t really any gender roles and I think that’s a very healthy environment to have our future kids brought up in. So when it comes down to it, the color of his skin meant “diddly squat” for me, he could’ve been black, tan, gold, purple, orange or pink, but he was still going to be mine and all mine.
Although I am glad to read what you wrote and I am so glad that you liked your Scandi guy for him and not because of your dislike for desi guy (since you mention how cool your dad is).
But I have a question about this particular statement
“. So when it comes down to it, the color of his skin meant “diddly squat” for me, he could’ve been black, tan, gold, purple, orange or pink, but he was still going to be mine and all mine.”
So how many black guys have you dated and given opportunity to see if he was a cool guy too?
Very often I see, westernized “egalitarian” desi women date white guys but rarely do they date black guys.
hey there guys, well i just want to make out some strong points. the real reason why many indians in general are obsessed with light skin or only hanging around,dating,marrying,and mixing with white people is basically because of Inferior/superior complexes and social status. Since UK,Austraila,USA,and canada are white countries, obviously being white means higher class,wealthier,more educated & acceptance.
I do also believe that stereotyping,judgments,brainwashing,and ignorance is responsible for many misconceptions that indian girls have or indian parents in general.
Indian girls are not innocent in mistreating people of color, this truly shows you where indian girls prefer/favor and only want fair/light skin.
Let me explain something weird but interesting to you guys.
See i will give you an Example, i am half white half indian, only in this situation the tables are turned.. my mom is white and dad is from india!
i have a tanned brown skin complextion, sometimes during winter months i look more white/pale. Well anyways, many times when people see me they think i’m mexican and when indian girls see me alot of times, they stay away… because when they look at me, they don’t know that i’m half white and that i was born and raised in America and grew up liberal (i’m neither hindu or muslim) so since they have this wrong judgment and are psychologically deceieved, they might just think i’m a typical indian from 3rd world india.
Because most indian girls living abroad in USA, there parents tell them they only want them to mix and date/marry white people or light skinned people. I have also noticed that indians have a tendency to stare at people fairer in color. I even see with my own eyes out in public at school,movies,mall,or any resturaunt. An indian person will stare and look at white people as Gods, look at them with an unbelievable look as “awww these are Gorgeous creatures”.
But my point is as being a mixed half white half indian, i have still been treated bad by both white people and indian people, so technically I’m an outcast. Because reguardless of how light skinned an indian is, remember light skinned indians are still considered black or 2nd class compared to a white person and I’m living proof of that!
In white people’s eyes… i don’t look white.
In Indian people’s eyes…. I just look like a typical indian, so stay away because indians are only allowed to mix with white people.
I just wished that indian women didn’t judge so much and would actually take the time to talk to people and get to know them.
I’m in first year medical school and i technically am a rich kid, so whether i look black or white, i dont care much about skin color.
My dad always told me that the poorer indians were more obsessed with light/fair skin color.
Historically Indians are a mixed race/Country. India itself is not a race, so at one time Indians were more open to inter-mixing, i just dont understand what caused the segregation/racism/brainwashing for indians in the 21st century. I wish India could be more historic and open to mixing like it was in the past.
I really liked your post Dr.Buttlanka.
I concur with your observation on most counts. Particularly about some desi women. It often irks me, that the pretentious “progressive”, “egalitarian” liberal westernized desi women who posts their anti desi guy rants about how racist and narrow minded the desi guys are…in truth, many of them are racists and narrow minded themselves.
About the Indian race thing.. Its actually an enigma. I still haven’t quite figured out. On end, the some white people came over and had their caste system and pushed the darkies down south… on the they mixed? If they mixed should not the Dravidian languages still have existed in the north? But they don’t. So there is a very big contradiction there about the who race mix thingi there.
It’s really unsettled and unknown at this point.
Sheesh! I need to read my own post before I hit send. Dang it.. Now, I can’t even understand what I wrote.! Ha Ha!
“It often irks me, that the pretentious “progressive”, “egalitarian” liberal westernized desi women who posts their anti desi guy rants about how racist and narrow minded the desi guys are…in truth, many of them are racists and narrow minded themselves.”
You might want to reflect as to why it irks you so much. Are you sure it doesn’t have anything to do with you? Are you secretly feeling rejected that Indian women date outside of their race? Do you want to direct your anger to them somehow?
The irkiness is not in desi women in multicultural relationships. I have been in some multicultural relationships myself.
The irkiness is the phony liberal/progressive front/facade some desi women put out there when they themselves in many cases do not date blacks. Their “liberalism” and “multculturalism” is often restricted to dating just “white” men while p!ssing on desi guys.
I’m an American Male 35 single and I would completely date and marry an Indian lady compared to an American lady. American women have become so self absorbed, so incredibly stuck up and want to practically be men. American women it feels like to many American men that American Women want to be those grouchy cat women that want’s to be these stuck up practically 24/7 “Party” women and refuse to grow up. Yeah parting going to bars is fun and great but once you get out of college you must change, grow up and get into the “grown up” stage of going out as in quit acting like your 21, become that social drinker and not the always drunk pass out type that you were in college.
Anyways, I have thought long and hard and have come to the conclusion that marring another culture such as Indian women is a lot easier and Indian women seem like they for the most part have their heads on straight. Indian women seem like they are for the most part much much easier to talk to, way easier to get along with and they don’t have the American women stuck up attitude of let’s be single until 30′s, 40′s. American women it’s always maybe when it comes to dating, these days American women have this BS fantasy of that “perfect” guy and there is this “perfect” guy that’s just going to fall out of the sky American women have this la la idea that married life is supposed to be this “perfect” queen life. Indian women seem way more grounded and for the most part know reality from fantasy when it comes to dating. I can completely see why American men would much rather date and marry into a different culture.
I’m an Indian female born and raised in the US (midwest specifically) and have honestly NEVER been attracted to Indian or desi men ever. I suppose it’s mostly because most of the people I grew up around were non-Indian. In general, throughout most of my upbringing, my parents were never supportive of intermixing with non-Indians. Unfortunately, despite multiculturalism, my parents still have very racists thinking towards anyone outside their own culture – that includes whites.
I suppose my lack of attraction to Indian men never improved because most Indian men that I unfortunately did meet spent an awful lot of unnecessary time comparing me to white girls (never any other race of females…I would expect East Asian comparison to be in there but nope, never – only white girls). They always made it some kind of point to rub how apparently hideous I was all the time. It didn’t matter to me in the end because my hispanic and white boyfriends were on average always a billion times better looking than any of them anyway and they treated me a hell of a lot better. I associate Indian men with treating me like dog$hit and leaving me for a white woman within in a snap of a finger. Black men constantly put down black women and treat them the same which has caused me to rarely be attracted to them either. That’s just the way I feel about it and I make no apologies for my preferences.
Overall I think cultural upbringing and your experiences (especially negative ones) shape your opinions about others. That includes people within your own race. In general most Indian families specifically discourage the females to date outside the race and generally stick it into their minds that they will never be able to attract anyone aside from an Indian anyway which is why you see few Indian women ever pursueing non-Indians.
So when you have a clear preference for white men then why you should blame those indian men who preferred white women over indian women. thats their choice.
Exactly!
Maybe, some desie are too cool for some desi women perhaps? LOL
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPCjKMc3BpQ
Actually, this is better..
Some desi guys are too cool for some desi women? LOL
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HIMXpyHICTs&feature=related
Oh yeah, another thing that crossed my mind. There are more Indian females dating and/or married to white males than most people think. However, I notice that most of them kind of keep it on the down low and don’t mention it. Indian males on the other hand, never shut up about their white partner. They have to let the whole world know for some reason.
I used to get upset at young Indian men preferring white women, but I realized it was a projection of myself. I was the one that liked white men, but wasn’t ready to admit it.
My mom dictated that I wasn’t allowed to date a non-Indian.
I blindly obeyed this rule, but it was hard for me to develop passion and chemistry with the Indian men I dated. I kept trying to force attraction, because I thought I had no choice. When I saw an Indian man with a white woman, I was angry at myself for not being able to get what I wanted.
I’m at the point in my life where I’ve realized that I’m happier dating outside of my race. I no longer let my parents stop me from doing what makes me happy. There are a lot of good-looking Indian men, but attraction goes much more deep than looks. Attraction and chemistry is about two people unconditionally accepting each other. Two people enjoying each other’s company, and having things in common. Two people that are able to intellectually and emotionally stimulate each other.
When I was trying to find the right “Indian guy”, I didn’t get that. As pathetic as it sounds, the first boyfriend that I was madly attracted to whs a white man I dated at age 27.
To the point of the original question, I can at least weigh in on the situation over here in the United States. While Sharell made the observation that, in India, Indian men court foreign women more often than Indian women pursue foreign men, it appears to be the opposite in the United States. Young women who immigrated to/study in the United States are much more likely to fall in love with a Caucasian man than an Indian man. Conversely, Indian men who immigrate to/study in the United States are much more likely to search for a woman native to India or, that failing, get his parents to hook him up with someone back in India. The reason, I think, is pretty obvious.
Per capita, Indians are still pretty entrenched in non-egalitarian gender roles— an arrangement that I’ve noticed Indian men tend to like, but Indian women generally don’t, particularly when they get a whiff of more egalitarian life in the U.S.A. While in India, and even when among relatives who are native Indians, I’ve noticed that Indian men aren’t especially affectionate to their wives in public, where as white men are more likely to outwardly display their affection without being embarrassed. I imagine this is something that any woman of any race would appreciate in a mate.
Of course, children born in the U.S.A. who have native-Indian parents don’t follow the above trends. They don’t tend to marry and date based on any specific racial standards (even if their parents think otherwise!)
I AM A WHITE MAN MARRIED TO A INDIAN LADY. LOVE HAS NO COLOR . WE ARE HAPPILY MARRIED 15 YEARS NOW AND MORE IN LOVE EACH DAY. IT COMES DOWN TO RESPECT.
In the US, it is quite the opposite. you see ALOT of indian women marrying white men. and hardly any white women marrying indian men. i think it is mostly for what that actress said- indian women in the us are happy to get away from indian expectations. whereas the indian men here are looking for a little bit of home (whether they grew up in india or in the US). whether or not they have traditional sex roles in mind, the indian men will often DATE white women, but marry indian women (raised in the US or in India).
i can see easily though that IN INDIA, where men have more freedoms, that it would be easier for them to bring a white woman into the family (despite cultural challenges for everyone). too much pressure on the indian women to be considered “good girls” to even think of dating a white man. oh that is the other thing—it is more acceptable for indian men to date than indian women. indian women take more of a chance in india (not as much the case in the US) dating- especially a white man. the assumption is that if she is dating a white man, then they are having sex. many indian men will not want to marry her after if her relationship with the white man did not work out- – whether the indian man himself is progressive or not, the society’s perception…yes even in mumbai…will be that she is loose and indian families will stay away. now in india, there are not so many white men that this girl can then only date white men. in the US, an indian woman is not so harshly judged for dating a whiteman- plus there are more to date in any case.
Haha, i heard that shweta keswani got divorce, she who was so proud of her hubby, finally got kicked…
Why do people get so offended and accuse others of making generalizations, when that’s clearly not the intent? To the person saying Sharell was generalizing, I don’t think she is at all.
I was thinking earlier about the few male posters getting angry at Indian women using the “bad experiences” reason to start dating outside of their race. Have you ever heard that insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting the same results?
If one keeps having repetitive bad experiences, the obvious solution is to change something. For some people, making a change means to start expanding your criteria and horizons One of the happiest marriages I know is an inter-racial marriage where the woman is Vietnamese and the man is Turkish. There’s no law that says you have to limit yourself, especially when Indians are a minority in America.
@Manny -Desi women hate Desi men for the following reasons 1) Preferring virgins. 3) Indian men being “controlling/possessive”, 4) Indians/men are racist 5) Indian men’s preference for fair skin (I am assuming that women who complain about this do not have a problem with dark men). 6) Indian men are westernized enough. 7) Their preference for tall men. etc etc… On these accounts, Black men fit the bill for these Indian women.”
The reason why I cherished my white boyfriend is because he respected sexual boundaries. He never, never, never tried to pressure me into unwanted sex. It was important for his partner to be in the mood. He didn’t act sleazy or perverted when we started dating. He knew how to act mannerly. If you want women to respect you, you’re going to have to respect them first.
Unfortunately, the Indian males I had met before this white boyfriend didn’t fit the way how I described him. Now, I’m sure that there are respectful Indian men that understand the word “no” and value their partner’s concerns. The camel that broke the straw for me to inter-racially date was encountering sexually aggressive and crass behavior. Groping on dates and being asked inappropriate questions eventually makes a woman feel very uncomfortable. The solution for me was to simply walk away.
indian girls are pretty open minded when dating outside their race, here in the midwest in USA, i even see many indian girls dating Black guys, which is fine with me. i find it very beautiful and appealing to my eyes to see indian girls dating and marrying black guys.
I think, we Indians should marry only within ourselves. Those who marry outside our race should be discriminated! In fact i think they should be outcast-ed. Not to mention; most the ugly Indian girl marry white men. What Indian women don’t understand is, white men use them and trash them afterwards. Once your trash, we Indians don’t like 2nd hand cars! We want NEW!!! that’s THE CONFLICT. I’m Indian and i strongly believe this!
Hey,
I kind of phased out after reading halfway down the page of comments, so excuse me for any omissions, repetitions or ..er..other -tions.
I’m an Indian guy living in sunny Scotland. I work here, I came over here to study and while things are tough, I’m managing somehow. About a year after seeking various forms of companionship (much of which were bad experiences with a plethora of racial/social backgrounds) I came to love a Scottish girl.
I’ll try not to gush – suffice to say, she is what grounds me and fills all the little holes in my personality. I’d say we weren’t opposites, but instead we were complementary to each other.
Her grandmother is quite old and very important to her, she’s 83. Sadly, she doesn’t want a “person of colour” dating her granddaughter. I’m effectively barred from their house, their family occasions, etc. I hold no ill will towards “Gran”. She’s lived through 2 wars, a very horrible and tough life entailing many hardships – I feel any disrespect of her opinions would be a great disservice to her. Plus, I was only born yesterday compared to her – she’s worthy of respect.
Her brother and I get along very well. So, that’s a positive, no broken bones.
I’ve been with her for 3 years. Nothing is always sugar and cream and we’ve had our fair share of little spats. Though our fights are more like disagreements that get ironed out by mutual compromise. (I’m messy, she’s a clean freak – so sometimes I clean up and make her smile, and sometimes she gets messy and makes me smile)
I asked her why she went for me (we met at work) whereas she could have had any of these incredibly handsome, well established Scottish/white men?
She claimed because I was the best of both worlds. While physical attraction and all that did play a little part – she said that she could tell I was better than the other guys because I never harassed her. She felt that she could be a petulant child with me one moment, a motherly figure the other and herself almost all the time. While I was busy laughing and being hit by her womanly fists – I noticed that she was genuinely annoyed at this – to her, It was important.
The fact is, as I address it to all of you, is that a person’s worth is not measured by colour, caste, creed or culture. Be proud of who you are, but don’t let that pride be your anchor – let love be your anchor.
*generalisation mode engaged, poetic license established*
A man loves a woman – he loves her through his eyes, his desires, his urges and finally his need to be loved.
A woman loves a man – she loves him through his eyes, her need to be loved, her desires and finally her urges.
While I am not perfect and neither is she, We love each other as much for our imperfections. When it boils down to brass tacks (never got that saying…) we are together because we want to be. Simple as.
If you fancy a white person or an Indian person – This is a subject too complex and with too many inputs for there to be a general consensus. Instead of attributing certain qualities and behaviour to something as vague as race/culture/nationality – surely, we should just be minding our own bleedin’ business, eh?
I’m an Indian guy and there’s no way in hell I’m marrying an Indian woman.
I wonder why the women get attacked, but not the men.
When Indian women go abroad, they realize they can easily date and have sexual relationships with men of any race they want…white, black, Middle Eastern, German, Spanish. They have all choices. Even an average looking Indian girl can easily get white men.
In contrast when Indian men go abroad, they are overlooked almost completely by white women and they realize they cant meet the standards of desi women settled abroad. Indian men cannot compete in the dating world in the west, not in terms of looks, height, body, demeanor, social dominance, and sexual confidence etc.
I can see Indian women reasoning for passing off Indian men – possessive, narrow minded, unattractive, short, nerdy, dark, clingy, demanding etc. The thing is that they have the liberty of saying so. They are in a position to pick on the faults of Indian men because they have options abroad…Indian men dont.
Indian men living abroad dont have the privilege of comparing women of their own race to white and European women. They canot say “European women are far better than Indian women…they are more easy going, more open to have fun, sexually willing to experiment, fair, tall, beautiful blond, have better bodies etc….An average European girl is better looking than most Indian women” They cannot make this (probably a very valid) comparison because European women dont want Indian men. Not the vast majority of them anyway.
It doesnt matter that an Indian woman doesnt measure up to Europena women in the aspects stated above because men in any part of the world are open to dating women of any race and origin. I have seen really average looking Indian girls who one could see marrying the average looking nerdy Indian guy back home, come abroad and easily date and have fun with tall, goodlooking British, German, Spanish and Middle Eastern men. Any Indian woman can be as sexually active and adventurous as she wants to be because she has so many opportunities. What does an average looking Indian man gets? How can he get the sexual experience that the liberal, intellectual and easy going desi women settled abroad claim to have?
Having lived both in India and Abroad, I do feel amazed at the opportunities that an average Indian girl can have if only she goes abroad. you know, the same average Indian girl who worries about being dark, and not measuring up to the sexy Bollywood girls…the girl who worries about the rejection in the local arrange-marriage marketplace. The same girl can easily have good looking men in any part of the world that most Indian men wont measure up to.
Indian men should be worried. The real dating and sexual world out there is not like your arrange-marriage marketplace – women have options, women have an upper hand, they are more selective/picky/shallow and will cut you down to size. They will compare your height, color, body and genitalia to men all over the world, they have options, opportunities and experience…. You?? you are nothing.
I am a white male who lives in the Lake District and I would love to date another Indian woman as my last experience was the best ever but unfortunately family pressure from her side ended that !!
As a white 40 something male who has been married to the love of his life since the age of 21, I find the above beliefs about white men comical.
Our relationship is about mutual trust and cooperation. This means I cook dinner sometime and sometimes my wife cooks dinner. I will clean the house if it needs doing…and other times she will. Once again it is about mutual respect. My wife has a career and so do I. My wife has very close friends who are male and she will often go and have dinner with them…. And that is fine because I trust her.
Our relationship is all about love, mutual trust and treating marriage as a partnership that we both have to work together on constantly. It is important to also give each other our own space as needed. We are not each others property…. We are best friends…. And equal…and that is how it should be.
Hi Andy, are you sure you’re not a hen pecked husband, doing household things such as cooking (like some males seem to believe)?
It really sounds like you and wife have a wonderful relationship. Congratulations, and thanks for sharing your experience.
I am a white man married to a beautiful Indian woman. We read the article and find it so funny. We have been married for 6 years. We got married right out of college. Her family were against it… we did it anyway. 6 years later they love me, I love them, we have a great married, and we are happy as can be. Now, before one of you jealous Indian guys say she must be fat and ugly; she is not. She is thin and beautiful. We live the American dream and have an amazing life. The day that Indian people look past their racial and cultural fears will be a great day! And I do NOT believe all Indian men are jealous and possessive. I know several who are not.
The fact that your in laws have accepted you after a while… shows they are not racist. Their anxiety of their little boy marrying from another culture was the reason for their anxiety. Once they realized that you are not different than what they perceive of people of their own culture…they accepted you.
Which is what many people don’t get.
I am Russian. I have a Goan heritage (not lineage) from my dad’s side, which gives me an “Indian” background as well.
I don’t think I can explain the similarities between Russian and Indian culture in a blog comment, it would be way too long and too irrelevant. Moreover it won’t be easy to explain unless you have a taste of both provincial Russia and traditional India.
When a man goes to a bar, he isn’t looking for serious relationships. Or at least, the more experienced type of men don’t. You’d be wasting your time there unless all you care about is a couple of drinks and an evening out.
In my personal opinion, online dating scene is beset with problems, mostly because of the scope of pretense the medium offers. People can be better looking and more interesting than they are in the real world. Moreover, online dating also removes one of the basic principles of attraction – that finding love is not like shopping for potatoes.
You are not in conscious control of your romantic chemistry and hence, you don’t know who you’d be attracted to and be compatible with till you happen to ‘click’ with the person. You get attracted to someone and all those handy list of “rules” and “preferences” you have for your “Mr. Right” goes right out of the window. Online dating unfortunately, removes that chemistry element out of dating, mainly for people who are honest with their intentions. Your best bet is to use your real world social networks.
@ priya:
Well spotted. My personal take on that would be that Indians have a desensitised sense of smell. Hence, they don’t realise it when they need a shower or need to change shirts/blouses. That would also explain why Indians prefer strong spicy flavours in their foods.
Actually Abdullah, its so untrue. Most Indians I know (in India) shower at least once, if not twice a day. I was in Delhi this past summer and was so insecure about my Canadian deodorant because the weather was so humid and I would sweat too much. I would reapply it to make sure I didn’t smell. I’m absolutely fine here with the same deodorant after a sweaty yoga class and I know I dont smell. I am very conscious about smell in general, I sniff everything lol. I think if you travel in a local train, you must look at the socio-economic level of most of the people who travel there too. They are probably too worried about feeding themselves than buy a good deodorant.
Spices are also to fight the hot and humid weather.
Or is it the other way round? Spicy food is the cause of foul smelling sweat. Its true that being a hot and humid country, we cant help but sweat. But a bit of personal hygiene will ensure that your co passengers too have a wonderful day ahead,especially when one is traveling in jam packed trains, the least one would wish for is a sweating soul beside him!
@Shivani
Why dont u confine yourself to selling cosmetics over net and stop participating in blogs like this? Waste of space..
@Shivani:
Spices are not to fight the hot weather. It just adds taste to your food. People in North India indulge in spicy food to keep themselves warm. That is the reason Kashmiris tend to have more spicy meat curry and saffron in their regular diet to keep themselves warm. (as reasoned by my Kashmiri friend)
Shivani,
According to Indian scriptures, Indians should take shower 3 times a day and eat once a day so that they stay healthy and don’t smell.
lol, love how these random indian men show up to insult the females on this blog! And these same men wonder why or get mad at people who “generalize” Indian men.
@Indian woman
How much ever I hate fingerpointing and personal attacks, I am not thrilled when someone refers me with the very same word I stood up against.
@Quote
Honestly, Coolblogger, I can defend myself. But when you say that Indian men and women smell bad, what does that make you? What kind of Indians do you hang out with anyways? A lot of your generalizations are retarded, I don’t need you to defend me. Some Indian guys are retarded, but there are retarded African, Asian and White guys. I know some pretty cool Indian guys too.
@Unquote
Unless you want the same , I would stay away.
http://meandmythinkingcap.blogspot.com/2010/12/chinas-own-peace-prize.html
I knoww this has turned into a BIG rant on how Indian women suck, nobody wants them, etc etc. If Indian guys hate Indian girls SOOO much then why are there 1 billion Indians?
You have to realize with the water shortages, it makes it difficult for them to shower as much as the better off people can. Actually spices help you cool off internally. Either way, I know where you are coming from and I agree that people would take better care of themselves. But when people generalize that Indians smell, lol what does that mean?
For all those people who believe Indians smell. I have a suggestion.
I have invested in Bvlgari Aqva. I believe I paid something like $59 for a 3.4 oz bottle.
They are all most welcome to come over to my place and lift my hand up and smell my armpit! Similar to the kissing lessons in that movie “Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging “.
http://www.thespicehouse.com/spices-by-category/hot-spices-and-spicy-blends
different spices do different things.
Priya,
Who told you that spices help you keep warm? Any facts, references against my ignorance?
If north Indians eat more spice to stay warm, what about people from south? Do they not eat spicy food eventhough they don’t need to stay warm?
@Manny:
Good for you, if you believe the $59 thing will work!
Good one Manny…..cannt figure why these ladies date cabbies and brick layers and then complain when those dudes hug them. Oh Well love is blind, they say!!!
@surya:
Dating is altogether a different story..Lets not even get started! And yes, if you think the working class people of Mumbai are cabbies and brick layers….puhleeez update urself!! I am talking about regular people, college students and so on…Forget us, even my male friends prefer to stand on the footboards of trains and risk their lives, because it stinks pretty bad!!!!
@Amit:
It doesnt necessarily mean that you have spicy food just to keep you warm! Let’s not forget the fact that they enhance the taste. If you want ot have a first hand experience , try experimenting with lots of black pepper or even saffron for that matter. Have you heard of nutmeg?? There are reasons why spices need to be eaten in limits.
Coming to north indians, i was talking in reference to the kashmiris as one of my kashmiri friends had told me, they eat spicy meat as its very cold out there. They even add spices to the green tea to protect themselves from ailments. Who told you south indians eat spicy food??? I am a south indian myself and except for the non vegetarian fare(which has to be spicy obviously), everything else is normal. Some parts of south india like the chettinad cuisine tends to be on the spicy as they prefer it that way, without worrying about the warmth factor. If you find dosa, idli spicier, please stick to theplas!!
Lack of knowledge about birth control options?
Because they love Indian “woman” not girls.
But I love both !
@Priya
I think you are getting confused between chilli flavor with spicy! The stinging taste of chilli is actually not a taste, its a different sensation of pain, and that why the pain lingers on any surface of the gut from tongue to anus.
Spicy food, no one can beat south indians in eating spicy food. They are closer to the spice bowl of the world that started the voyages in the middle ages.
If you are talking about “hot” food, then its a different story. On the contrary its the driest of places where people consume “Hot food”.
Try eating phulka with green chillies or red curries that desert people of Rajasthan will dish out for you. Or the dry places like Chettinad in tamilnadu, where you find hot flavors, more of pepper than chillies though.
The hot food makes one sweat, and its the best collant action that body can get. Thats why some of the driest hot places actually consume Hot food.
Talking about Chettinad, digressing here for a moment. There was once a port city called Pumphuhar on the chola kingdom. It was destroyed by one tsunami, and the surviving trading community were so scared of that experience that they looked out for the driest place to settle in. And even in that driest place, there houses were constructed to withstand floods on high platforms. That place is chettinad, which means “Country of chettiars”, Chettiars being the trading community.
Very true–wise words Abdullah K.
You were probably Hinduy before, your ancestors were forced to convert. Sad that.
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