For me, 2011 has been “The Year of the Book”.
With the exception of a pilgrimage to Haridwar in April, a couple of trips to Kolkata with my husband for his work, and an intimate family Diwali, the book has dominated my life. The first half of the year was taken up by editing with my publisher, and the second half with launches (both in Australia and India).
Having a book published has been far from an exciting experience for me. Perhaps, if it wasn’t a book about myself, it may have been. But then, one of my main goals in writing the book would never have existed and been achieved. That is, the aim of conquering my fear of judgement and what people may think of me.
I found the whole prospect of presenting my story to the world so daunting that I ended up consulting an intuitive healer and returning to meditation as the best way of dealing with it and retaining some sanity.
I’ve either forced myself, or been forced, into doing so many things that I would’ve much rather avoided. But of course the largest leaps in personal growth come from the hardest situations. No pain, no gain — as the saying goes! I can happily say that something has definitely changed in me as a result of my experiences. I’ve gained so much confidence and self acceptance. It’s like my irrational fear that people will think the worst of me, and indeed my compulsion to think the worst of myself, has simply been switched off. I’m finally permitting myself to like and appreciate me. It feels so darn good!
I also feel amazingly humbled that I’ve been able to contribute a bit of myself to the world, and that so many people have been touched and inspired by it. I feel grateful that I’ve been given so many opportunities and have been able to make a success of my life here in India. And I feel thankful that having the courage to write my book has also brought me closer to the people who love me, particularly my parents who understand me a lot better after reading it. As for my husband, he just thinks it’s a wonderful love story!
Now, I really need to take some time out from work, take a break and recollect myself. Although I feel very positive and inspired, my energies feel scattered. I have to gather them together again, to direct them towards what is to be achieved in 2012.
I’d like to thank all my treasured readers(friends) here, who’ve accompanied me and supported me along the journey of 2011. And, here’s hoping that 2012 will be a fulfilling year for all of you!
Photo credit: Feeb.