The Fight Against Fraindship

by Sharell शारेल on August 17, 2013

in Daily Life in India

Post image for The Fight Against Fraindship

The past decade has brought revolutionary changes to the consumer landscape in India, with western technology and retail concepts rapidly taking hold across the country. It began with the introduction of hypermarkets, such as the madness of the Big Bazaar and its Sabse Sasta Teen Din and Purana Do Naya Lo promotions. Now, it’s progressed to smartphones, the Internet… and Facebook.

With growing access to the Internet, the rise of Facebook and social media has enabled Indians to be better connected to each other than ever. Yet, it does have a downside. A downside that has been unleashed on women not just in India but all over the world. And, that is, the rise of the Indian Internet Romeo.

Young Indian men are using Facebook like they would Shaadi.com, clicking on womens’ profiles, and filling their inboxes with outpourings of longings for liaisons, which they commonly term “fraindship”. If there are any women who are reading this blog post and haven’t received a request for fraindship, I’m sorry you’ve missed out on the pleasure… now please tell me your secret for avoiding it! However, for those of you who have, you’ll know what I’m talking about. In its most innocuous form, it comes as a message like this:

“I am nasim from kolkata INDIA and i vist your profile through some of my friend list mutal & and like to make friend with you in online , & if u like then send me friend request to my Fb and i hope we will be best friend in near future. Pls reply me with yes or no and if u not like then i will not send any msg to u.”

(Yes, I am using real examples received by myself and my girlfriends here).

Others, like the one below, rely on flattery.

“i saw your profile and i gota say u really seem like a very interesting and fun loving person [:-)] …. and u have the most most beautiful eyes i have ever seen . if u don’t get offended can i be friends with u ? it will be my pleasure to be friends with u [:-)] … so what do u like to do in your free time ? how do u spend ur weekend?”

Some attempt to play it much cooler, but still end up sounding foolish.

“hey how r u? i hope all great..!!!well this is mohit.. shifted to mumbai recently…!! somehow came across u here.. i cudnt help myself bt msg u.. your smile distracted me. i wish we can know each other. I believe you r blessed with good looks, and must be cuming across many pick up lines or frd requests.. m not gonna do the same.. like hi.. ur beautiful.. ur sexy.. ur eyes r gorgeous n all.. nor wil i say like to b frds?? sometimes it amuses, sometimes it irritates big time i knw.. n u wonder from where out of blue someone is adding u n wanting to b frds..! bt i wud rather say… lets start off with a conversation… gradually we may knw each othr… n in the process we may end up being friends.. may be even ‘gud frds’.. may be not… So wat say dear??? will expect a reply even b it No..ciao..
Mohit.. (bbpin: xxxxxxxx add if u r there)PS: u have a wonderful smile by th way”.

(Note: this one was addressed to a friend of mine who, not only is not smiling in her profile picture, but her face is obscured so it’s impossible to tell if she’s good looking or not).

Unlike the matrimonial sites, age is definitely no bar when it comes to the Indian Internet Romeo’s pursuit of fraindship on Facebook. I have one very groovy American yoga teacher ex-hippie friend who will be turning 60 next year (although she doesn’t look it) and she receives frequent messages, particularly from but not restricted to, guys from Kerala. Here’s a selection that she was happy to share.

“I seek friends with Tourists Varkala , Kerala . I have visited the Varkala for friendship and Relaxation. Please accept my Friendship. Educated Male Indian aged 39 years. God Bless you”

“hello hw r u this is agesh im a photographer im from india,kerala:)”

“hi…are you been in india?? i am vipin ,an engineer from india,living in south of india ,kerala”

” my name is sarvesh and i m 20 year old and i live dharamshala in himachal pradesh india,,,,,,,, cn i talk to you !!!!”

Some charming Indian Internet Romeos, more adept at English, approach us women casually like we’re models.

“Hey Buddy, I want to do a photoshoot with you. What do you say?”

Now, imagine my bemusement when I discovered that a friend of mine and I BOTH received this exact message from the same guy. What do I say? Ankit Sharma, time to get a new strategy, mate!

Sometimes though, the Indian Internet Romeo will bypass fraindship and get strait to the the point. I received this via email:

“i want to makd free sex with housewife and collega girl”.

Oh yeah baby! I admit, I couldn’t resist. I expressed my interest in a “sexy good time” but only if he showed me his photo first. Another friend of mine sent him a similar email. We were extremely amused and our hopes were high. It must’ve scared him off though because, much to our disappointment, he didn’t revert to either of us.

The point that I’m trying to make here is, Internet Romeos don’t bother wasting your time trying to chat us up. Spare us from this “Mujhse Fraindship Karoge” crap. It is ridiculous and creepy, especially to us older married women. Why would we want to do fraindship with you? You’d have better luck attracting a women by doing some Bollywood dance moves around a tree. But if you really insist, well, thanks for the entertainment and pardon us for our laughter.

26 people like this post.
© Copyright 2013 Sharell शारेल, Diary of a White Indian Housewife 2008-2014. All Rights Reserved. Do not copy and reproduce text or images without permission.

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{ 55 comments… read them below or add one }

ASG August 17, 2013 at 8:56 pm

Hi Sharrel,

This “frandship” game is played by both the sexes. I know a few guys who got duped by this friendship game. Internet allows just everyone the anonymity to indulge in such mischief.

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Sharell शारेल August 17, 2013 at 9:11 pm

I can only hope it was females getting their revenge on them! ;-) Many of my male friends think it’s hilarious and are now demanding to have their inboxes filled with flattery and potential new frainds.

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ASG August 18, 2013 at 6:17 pm

With the advent of internet two things happened. One the young people realized that they can romance in complete secrecy, no need to hide behind the bushes in a park. It was dream come true for young Indians. Secondly, men realized that they perhaps they too have a chance of making hay while the sun shines. Internet and its anonymity makes an average man turn into a superman. Internet is additive and does have crazy affect on most people. With the number of girls and boys chatting vigorously on the facebook, it seems like a love revolution is going on in India. It is also part of the change that our society is going through.

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GOCAnandhan August 17, 2013 at 10:02 pm

It seems like comedy because of the clumsy language used. But even otherwise, the Indian romeos have quite a lot to catch up with the likes of Anthony Weiner aka Carlos Danger.

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Sharell शारेल August 17, 2013 at 10:26 pm

I’ve clearly missed out!

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Andrea August 18, 2013 at 8:25 pm

Oh, just another American political scandal. A politician named Anthony Weiner (seriously. I cannot make this stuff up.) has been in the news for texting pictures of his…equipment… to a younger woman he was not married to. His wife found this not amusing as did the media. Sigh, it isn’t like we have real issues to address or anything.

So no, you aren’t missing much, if anything.

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Sharell शारेल August 18, 2013 at 8:34 pm

Oh, well for once Australia can outdo the US! An Australian politician recently sent pictures of his penis in a glass of red wine!!!

http://nymag.com/thecut/2013/08/australias-anthony-weiner-put-penis-in-red-wine.html

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tina v August 18, 2013 at 1:58 am

I wrote a comment on a page site that other Indian uses. And this guy liked my comment, we were going back in forth on the bantering, but then he asked to be friends. I said sorry, don’t know you. Only people I know. He wouldn’t let up. Had to block him. He was a married guy from India. He had way too many girls as friends.

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Sharell शारेल August 18, 2013 at 2:32 pm

Yeah, it’s so irritating how persistent they are. I pity his wife.

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A.Madhavan August 18, 2013 at 2:57 am

HAHAHAHAHAAHA!!!!! Awesome post Sharell! IT is absolutely hilarious, I was cracking up at every word!

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Sharell शारेल August 18, 2013 at 2:31 pm

So glad it entertained you! :-D

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Caitlin August 18, 2013 at 3:26 am

God, I’m so glad you wrote about this! I deal with this so much and am glad I’m not the only one. It’s nice to have a good laugh about it. I tend to accept a lot of the less-creepy requests because I’ve made a few genuine friends through random requests, but that strategy often backfires because many of them turn creepy later and won’t stop bothering me. I’ve also gotten them on LinkedIn, if you can believe it!

I’ve never had any messages quite as bad as some of the ones you’ve posted, though…

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thinktank August 18, 2013 at 11:35 am

Funny how people use acronyms and short forms used by high school kids to communicate and it is perceived to be “cool” in Indian youth! We took the language but not the grammar and spellings! Keeping that aside, wonder why people becoming internet romeos. Creeps like this make it so hard for a decent good guy to initiate a conversation online or in person. Funny and a little sad.

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Rational Thinking August 27, 2013 at 1:40 pm

I recommend you to have a look at maslows pyramid. Some have sexual needs, some maybe emotional need to be loved and some old guys maybe are going though middle age crisis.

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Cathy August 18, 2013 at 12:33 pm

This has happened to me and I will be turning 60 next year . I received a friend request from a guy in Mumbai and I accepted because looking at his profile it seemed like he loved animals and worked with them in India the way that I do. WELL a day after accepting his friendship he wanted to video call so I said ok again thinking it was all very innocent and felt we had lots in common and maybe he could help me do more . Not to be the case I showed him around my living room with my husband lying on the couch and he proceeded to call me his baby asking for a kiss taking off his muscle shirt. I was shocked at his boldness and stupidity and quickly blocked him . I have had about 3 or 4 young males send friend requests as well in the past few months.

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Sharell शारेल August 18, 2013 at 2:07 pm

Oh Cathy, that is dreadful. :-(

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Sharell शारेल August 18, 2013 at 2:22 pm

Ha! And now my forum is being used by a dirty old Gujju man who wants to have a threesome with a white couple. Funny! I do hope this is someone’s idea of a joke rather than reality.

I am bold and liberal mature male from Gujarat State of India, willing to have friendship with bold and libereal mature couple preferably white, should be 50+.

Respond and reply to

sedusemywife@yahoo.com

first let us chat in yahoo messanger.

Then talk over phone

then come and have personal meeting

http://www.whiteindianhousewife.com/forum/introductions/friendship-with-bold-and-libereal-mature-couple-preferably-white-should-be-50/#p11778

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linda August 19, 2013 at 2:35 am

oh my goddess, what an IDIOT! freak! “bold and liberal”….that’s a new one! you see, Sharell? it’s not just the 20 somethings in India! I would tell him, “learn how to spell seduce first!” :D:D:D:D

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frequent visitor August 19, 2013 at 4:29 pm

oh my God!! i’m an Indian, living in India and i know how we work especially are so called shameless “men”. but the above link provided by you Sharell really goes way overboard…
sometimes i really wonder should i be proud or ashamed to be born an Indian?

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Raj August 19, 2013 at 5:23 pm

Don’t be so ashamed and apologetic about every little thing done by Indians. Shameless men are everywhere and infact in comparison to western(white) men, Indian men pale when it comes to sexual perversions/fantasies. If you don’t believe, spend an hour in bangkok or manila international airports or south america and many other tropical destinations around the world, you’ll understand what I am saying. 60+ year olds with 16 year old girls in company and many different age combinations can be found freely hanging around in compromising positions. These men travel to other countries to live their fantasies while the guy who posted his ad on this forum is trying his luck in India. That’s the difference.

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Sharell शारेल August 19, 2013 at 5:37 pm

Yes, that is true! And gosh, that Australian politician sending his mistress photos of his penis in a glass of red wine is pretty darn revolting too!!!

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nazia August 19, 2013 at 5:12 pm

hey i know that person servesh from d/shala himachal pardesh
he was 2 years junior in college, but i think that message was when someone tries make frnds because they have recently joined FB

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Jack Point August 19, 2013 at 9:07 pm

I’m fascinated by this, but do you think they would ever meet some kind of success – perhaps only in terms of being added as a fraind?

If they were endlessly rebuffedm surely theu would give up at some point?
Or is it that hope springs, ever eternal?

Maybe its just that its a tiny fraction of the population that does it a few times, but since the population is so large it feels like a constant barrage all the time?

Just wondering.

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Prakash August 22, 2013 at 11:27 pm

Most of these guys don’t have opportunities nor social skills to interact with girls in person so they take the online route, it is also one of the main reasons for harassment & rapes in India.
It doesn’t matter if they didn’t succeed, it is just the thrill/hope of interacting with girls that drives them and since a lot of Indian guys see white women as ‘easy’ they become easy targets, even on social media.
Others maybe just trying to inflate their friends list on facebook, having girls as friends esp foreign girls as friends is something to show off.

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Mohit Gupta August 23, 2013 at 5:36 pm

I don’t agree with this because if a person is having a laptop and internet connect in India means that he is quite ‘connected’ and certainly have opportunity to talk to girls. Its not even lack of communication skills. Its just wanting MORE.

I am sure many of those guys already had girl friends and wives. And still they would do it. Its in male gene to desire multiple partner and it comes naturally to them.

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Jack Point August 26, 2013 at 9:15 pm

You are probably right which leads me to wonder if the best way to help women in India is to find some harmless channel for their emotions.

Legalised, regulated prostitution, maybe?

Does India have single sex schools? Maybe mixed schools may provide the necessary social interaction and skills that will obviate the need to harrass strangers?

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Ancy August 20, 2013 at 1:26 am

I used to get a lot of such perv requests from strangers back in the “orkut” days. Even on facebook in the beginning. But now I have changed the privacy settings of every little information of mine (including profile photo), so that it’s visible only to my friends (not even friends of friends, coz there could be a perv out there!). The number of requests have significantly come down (almost nil). I think the logic behind it is, they do a basic search maybe by name or location to find women, if they like the photo – they send a request. If there’s a blank photo, they might as well find another pretty face to harass online. And when I get an occasional such request, I don’t just ignore the request – Facebook asks if you know the person outside of facebook. Click ‘No’ ALWAYS! If a number of people do this to that person (i think 10 such declines would suffice), facebook automatically puts them in facebook ‘Jail’! – which means facebook will not allow that user to send friendship requests, nor post messages.
More info on facebook jail: https://www.facebook.com/help/community/question/?id=420230141389843

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Sankalp August 22, 2013 at 1:22 pm

Hilarious…..
Anyways, these people might have better luck now, with the advent of dating sites and their respective facebook apps. Also potentially meaning other people, esp ladies are off their radar.

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Mohit August 22, 2013 at 3:38 pm

“hey how r u? i hope all great..!!!well this is mohit.. shifted to mumbai recently…!! somehow came across u here.. i cudnt help myself bt msg u.. your smile distracted me. i wish we can know each other. I believe you r blessed with good looks, and must be cuming across many pick up lines or frd requests.. m not gonna do the same.. like hi.. ur beautiful.. ur sexy.. ur eyes r gorgeous n all.. nor wil i say like to b frds?? sometimes it amuses, sometimes it irritates big time i knw.. n u wonder from where out of blue someone is adding u n wanting to b frds..! bt i wud rather say… lets start off with a conversation… gradually we may knw each othr… n in the process we may end up being friends.. may be even ‘gud frds’.. may be not… So wat say dear??? will expect a reply even b it No..ciao..
Mohit.. (bbpin: xxxxxxxx add if u r there)PS: u have a wonderful smile by th way”.”

come on ! I never sent any message to you. And I never shifted to Mumbai. You are wrongly accusing me. Back off. ;)

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Sharell शारेल August 22, 2013 at 5:51 pm

Hahahaha, it was really this message that brought you out of hiding and back to my blog hey! :-P

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Mohit Gupta August 23, 2013 at 5:28 pm

lol… actually I was wandering around the world for work and now loving the company of my little princess..

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Sharell शारेल August 23, 2013 at 5:31 pm

It sounds like you’ve reproduced! :-)

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Mohit Gupta August 23, 2013 at 5:40 pm

The way you said it sound like I am from the SPECIES.

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Prakash August 22, 2013 at 10:50 pm

I have an idea for you ladies to mess with guys like these.
Create a fake facebook account as a buff(muscular) & masculine looking Indian guy and when some strange guy sends a friend request to you, you send a friend request from your fake account to the guy saying he looks very pretty and that you are interested in a romantic/sexual relationship with him; you may also mention that you are well hung, for added effect. You get the idea… That should scar these guys and their sexuality for some time.
It is important that your fake account guy be an Indian or Indian looking, otherwise these pervs will just mentally dismiss the fake guy as some weird foreigner and be unaffected. Make sure your fake account guy is topless in profile pic; a beard or at least a mustache will be a added bonus.

BTW, it goes without saying, the fake guy must not be a well known person, like a movie/TV or a sports star.

You are welcome :-)

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Sharell शारेल August 23, 2013 at 10:15 am

Hehehehehehehe! I LOVE it! :-D

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Gaurav August 23, 2013 at 4:48 pm

Sharell, do you want my frand”sheep”? I’ll give you a dozen in return for a kilo of gold, some oil and a bagful of wheat ;-)

NB: The above quanities are negotiable.

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Sharell शारेल August 23, 2013 at 5:10 pm

Well, that’s better than a buffalo or two! I might be tempted to say yes!!

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Anunoy Samanta August 26, 2013 at 12:42 am

:-)))

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Gunjan August 26, 2013 at 11:56 pm

Hi Sharell,
Came across your blog through IHM’s blog. From what little glimpse I got, It looks really interesting.

This ‘Fraindship’ post gave me some chuckles, as I recall how such requests keep popping in my inbox too. Worst are those where the guys put some shirtless B’wood guy’s pic as their profile pic. Absolutely nauseating!

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Rational Thinking August 27, 2013 at 1:15 pm

HI Sharell,

I would like to point out a few things, hope does not offend you.

This is a cultural revolution going accross India. And as an educated person I hope you recognize it for its possitive effects on a closed society trying to open up, bad English aside I do not think we should condem it. I helps to get sexes together and in this mingling process we might see some attitude change towards women. But then again should we also make fun of their English? most of them come from a disadvantage socio economic condition and are trying to graps the finer points of English.

For now for most women it might be seem nuisance, but its much better than a Taliban society would offer to women. We can try to stop those behavior like most of the village sarpanch are trying at the moment and put a blanket ban on cell phone and internet use for the teens.=) is that what would you prefer? Or yea we can try to limit their consumption of chomien =). Hmm I am waiting to listen to your remedy.

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Sharell शारेल August 27, 2013 at 2:00 pm

Your point is all well and good, if they restricted their fraindship requests to single girls. Myself and my female friends are married women. It’s simply not appropriate! I’m sure if they were married, they wouldn’t like their wives to become “gud frnds” with random guys. So, if they’re going to bother us with such nonsense, as far as I’m concerned it’s fair game to make fun of everything including their English. That’s my rational thinking. :-)

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S August 28, 2013 at 3:06 am

Oh my goodness Sharrell, what you stated is the truth and nothing but the truth. I am a Canadian citizen of Indian descent, and do have some Indian facebook friends who reside in India. I was flabbergasted when my caucasian female friends on facebook receive annoying inbox messagesa and friend requests from these so called Indian facebook friends. It became a daily affair, and now I’ve just deleted and blocked the offenders. Like, get a life man!

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sphinx August 31, 2013 at 3:30 am

It’s actually quite easy to avoid this by tinkering around with your fb privacy settings. Making sure your name does not show up in searches etc.
Sharell in your case your online presence in other places might still lead people to you but you can probably still block requests unless they are friends of friends etc.

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Sharell शारेल August 31, 2013 at 9:57 am

I made my profile non searchable long ago. :-( I also use my married surname. I’ve also blocked friend requests apart from friends of friends. Part of the issue comes from the fact that I have a lot of Indian friends, and their friends will send me requests. Other people just find me randomly, say for example if I’ve been tagged in a photo somewhere, and send me messages. Oh well!

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Ravindran Nair August 31, 2013 at 11:18 am

Usually guys hate being friendzoned. Not in India apparently

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Ravindran Nair August 31, 2013 at 11:23 am

Some of those comments had me literally rolling on the floor laughing. I love how ‘bold and liberal’ have become euphemism for taking your clothes of right away

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Maeve September 4, 2013 at 11:22 am

Sharell this is TOO funny, as that same Mohit character wrote me almost the exact same message! (and he wrote it at a time when my profile pic was of me making a silly face and putting on sunscreen. Nothing beautiful n sexy about it!) He barely even changed the verbage.

He got one thing right, “sometimes it irritates” to be fraaands

Also of note- he demanded a reply!

hey maeve. how r u? i hope everything fine @ ur end..!!!well this is mohit from kolkata. shifted to mumbai sometimes back!! somehow came across u while searching fb for old pals.. i cudnt help myself bt msg u… i wish we can b in touch..
I believe you r blessed with good looks and ur smart, and must be cuming across many pick up lines or frd requests.. m not gonna do the same.. like hi.. ur beautiful.. ur sexy.. ur eyes r gorgeous n all.. nor wil i say like to b frds?? sometimes it amuses, sometimes it irritates big time i knw.. n u wonder from where out of blue someone is adding u n wanting to b frds..! bt i wud rather say… lets start off with a conversation… gradually we may knw each othr… n in the process we may end up being friends.. may be even ‘gud frds’.. may be not…
So wat say dear??? neways… hope u have a grt time.. ,…
I do expect a reply from ya even if its a no.. u may add me also if u ok with it..
ciao..
u hav bbm by ne chance?? add if ya xxxxxx
regards.. mohit..
PS: u have a wonderful smile by th way

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Sharell शारेल September 4, 2013 at 11:29 am

OMG!!!! That is too funny!!!! Can this get any crazier?!

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Maeve September 4, 2013 at 11:37 am

A lot of these guys i think must troll the expats pages and try whoever they find…so many of my friends and I have gotten nearly identical messages! i DO appreciate that so often they outline the entire trajectoy of our would-be-relationship: first we can b frnds, then close frnds, then maybe even “gud frands”

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Sharell शारेल September 4, 2013 at 11:45 am

It’s the “gud frnds” that really gets me…. I can’t help wondering what they think that would involve!

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Mith17 September 4, 2013 at 5:36 pm

Hello Sharell!

Its been a very long time since my last comment on your blog. Glad to be back! such hilarious post – love it, lots of fun! I never got such messages on FB for I restricted access to my profile to friends and acquaintances – search result with my name lead to nowhere! However, during my stint with Orkut, I wasn’t spared. Had lots of fun sometimes but other times it annoyed me. I would rarely upload my picture on my profile and if I did, I would make sure my face cannot be seen and still get messages similar to the ones your friend received.

Thanks for the laugh.

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Sharell शारेल September 4, 2013 at 6:49 pm

I’m so glad it entertained you! :-)

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Kartik September 6, 2013 at 6:51 pm

Indian society has two classes, one is well educated & mannered, other is dead opposite of that. The problem is that two classes are a mile apart, and the latter class never urges to join the other! :D
nIce blog, enjoyed reading it!

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Amit K October 14, 2013 at 10:45 am

All i Can say is LMFAO!!!!!!!!! It s hilarious. Now this is not dont my males only. In my FB I receive a lot of requests from girls with very pretty profile pics forcing me to accept that. But sad part ” when these so called pretty girls filling up walls with sexual contents’ forcing me to block them immediately.

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Anandaroop November 6, 2013 at 3:14 pm

this mohit basaria from kolkata, is a copied message. my wife who happens to be a foreigner received a same message from him.

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