About Me
December 2005. I was an accountant, on long service leave from my uninspiring government job in Melbourne (Australia), and doing community work in Calcutta. My future husband was a DJ, with a residency at one of Calcutta’s biggest nightclubs. Fate drew us together one night, and transformed my life into something unrecognizable.
Now, we live in Mumbai. I write and maintain About.com’s India Travel website. It’s the first job I’ve had that’s motivated me, and that I love. After an unfulfilling stint in the family business, he again works in the music industry full time.
My life lacks so many of the material things that I used to have, but I feel so much more fulfilled and free. I’ve learned to take chances, be courageous, adapt, and appreciate the little things in life that bring a smile to my face.
The path that my life has taken isn’t always easy. There are days that I feel so frustrated, uncomfortable, and homesick. But there are other days where I feel incredibly inspired as well.
There’s a saying, “I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I ended up where I needed to be”. And another saying, “Our most satisfying dreams are the ones we create — not the ones we cling to”.
That just about sums up my life at the moment.
And of course, if hadn’t have met my husband, this adventure would most likely never have happened! There is no doubt that being loved deeply by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
You can read more about my journey here:
How India Helped Me Find My Purpose in Life
Finding Myself in Kolkata
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hi Sharell
i’ve always wanted to know abt people of different cultures livin togther and marrying and stuff. it’s just that, i’ve bin brought up in a family which’s on the outside cool with inter-caste, -relgion marriages, but frm the inside i know they frown on it…. moreover, prejudices like man-woman inequality in relationships persists.
so, blogs such as urs, opens up my perspective…
and abt many indian men, educated etc…, wanting a dhood ki dhuli hui ( virgin and stuff, with no bfs) partners… i mean i can say abt them being d***heads, but will i be like them when the time arises, i’ve no idea abt it…
seems like hypocrisy is entwined in our socety….
Hi Shankar, I’m glad my blog can help you get some insights into the matters you talk about.
There seems to be quite a bit of pressure by Indian society to conform to conservative values (arranged marriage etc), so may find yourself giving in to it. Who knows how it will be when the time comes for you!
ha..ha…
well, i think emotional blackmails won’t work on me…. i’m logical, so will work my way out of it by reasoning….. anyways, lots of time for that to happen.. just need to find a girl…. lets see if that happens…
anyways, what sort of movies do u like??
That’s the way! Don’t let em get to you.
As for me, I like movies that are meaningful — dramas, and some comedies as well if the storyline is interesting enough.
hey, thanx…
Hey Sharell,
The picture of you and your husband is nice and happy. If your picture is real, then you are truly happy. Regarding family, whether it’s on your side or his, they will have an opinion, good or bad. Generations of
our upbringing discriminates our thinking. Closemindedness is really a big evil in this world. However, good people overlook differences and concentrate of the positives of other people and society. If you and
your husband are truly happy, overlook all the nonsense in this world. Enjoy life. Good luck to you.
I myself am trying hard to keep meddlesome family(parents, siblings) out of my life with my wife. I am Indian raised in America.
My wife is an Indian raised in Mumbai. Not to be overly simplistic, family needs to let the next generation grow and offer tremendous support and nurturing. In ending, I wish more of this world would have pure thinking and love.
Hi Sharell, my name is Jacinta and I’m going to India in January to be with my man… I was just was wondering about when you moved to India, did you get a tourist visa the first time you went?
Thanks and take care!
Hi Jacinta, I did get a tourist visa. It’s the only visa I was eligible for until after I was married. Best wishes for the move! Where in India will you be?
This is great sharell! I’m Indian but aussie raised…i love india and i love it that u’ve grown to love it too! Despite being indian and having a lot of contact with the country and it’s people, I’ve always felt as though i wouldnt be able to adapt to the way of life in india….so getting married and shifting to india was never an option…which is what makes your story so inspirational! Life in India compared to that here is aus is a complete 360…and for someone like you who hasnt experienced it before to the extent i have to settle over there is truly inspirational!! Best wishes in your married life
Hi Gauri, welcome to the blog! You’re not wrong about India and Australia being COMPLETELY different. Maybe I would’ve thought twice about living in India if I’d known what I was getting myself into!
Living in India certainly is different to travelling around there. I still feel like there are so many things I’ll never fully adapt to, but at least now I’ve got to the stage where I can appreciate the differences between the two countries in a positive way! Thanks so much for your good wishes. 
Hi Sharell, Im in Dubai, and im maried also to an Indian nationality, that must lucky I am to my husband, In every girls dream to have a perfect man in there life. and now I am with the perpect man. Most of my friend here in UAE they are having Indian boyfriend & they are entirely different from my husband. As we all know that Indian they have there on culture, like arrange married & wife must be n the home only taking care of there children & husband, this are some culture difference from India to other countries. But unlike to my husband & his family they are totally different. Because you know what I never thought that his family will accept me because im not an Indian nationality.
Im so happy to see you & your husband picture that you look very happy.
this it show only that no matter what love conquer everything, he will not mine the culture differences.
Hi Mickey, I’m so glad to hear that you’ve married a wonderful Indian man too. And that he comes from an open minded family that’s accepted you as well. It makes all the difference! Wishing you a very happy and fulfilling life ahead!
hey dear, its really nice to read ur blog…..i am a regular reader of ur blogs….bt hav taken a brk of almost 2 months cz of marriage…earlier i use to enjoy ur writings but these days i relate to them….i will no say exactly bt yes in some ways i am also adapting the new ways of life…..i am a north indian, was living in delhi n after my marriage, me n my hubby came here in chennai coz of his job….
its only been a month in chennai but it seems that i am in some other country…as i cnt communicate easily with ppl around…even thr english is way much different n difficult to understand…..i cnt wear my skirts n other usual stuff, cz only my chooda (bangles north indians wear after marriage)is enough to make them stare…..though its not easy to live here but i am trying to adjust with the help of my husband (he is here frm past 3 yrs) n by n by enjoying it as well…..ppl r quite simple here…it seems i hav travelled atleast 10-15 yrs in past…..
n smtimes i think i can also write a blog about my experience from my journry from delhi to chennai;-)…i believe its gonna be fun n in this way i can remember all the ineteresting moments which i gonna spend here…..but i dnt knw hw to create a blog….will u plz help me with that so that i can also share my experiences with everybdy n may in that way i’ll be able to find smbdy who can in hindi or non accented(tamilian) english….:)
hope to see ur reply soon….tc n keep up the good job…..
Hi Sharell,
I was searching for ‘indians marrying foreigners’ and thanks to Google I stumbled on your website! Your style of writing is very simple and appealing. In around 3 hours, I read all your entries from day one! Actually I am around 28 yrs old. I was searching for love all through my teens and early twenties and though I had relationships with few Indian girls, it was mostly casual and I didn’t feel anything special. However I spent the last year in middle east and against all odds I met a girl and for the first time in life, I experienced what love was. Now it has been more than 8 months since we have been going around together. Whatever qualities I had in mind for the girl of my dreams(even though I dreamed her to be an Indian), I found all these qualities and much more though she’s not an India. She’s ready to settle down anywhere with me (either India or US or elsewhere). She’s ready to do all sacrifices for me(like for eg. me being a strict vegetarian, she’s ready to be a complete vegetarian). And compared to your case, I don’t have any family issues either(I am the only child, only mom is there and she’s relatively liberal though don’t know how she will take cross cultural).
After reading in few forums and blogs, I mainly got negative information that these marriages often don’t work out and all that. Though I am mature enough to take my own decision, often these things do influence a person and that’s why I was so relieved to read your blog!
If we end up together, she may not face as many cross cultural issues as you did because though she’s a catholic, she’s from middle eastern culture which is more similar to Indian culture than Australian is.
I would like to get your opinion on what is it that makes these cross cultural marriages tick? (Sorry for my lengthy post
Happy New Year to all, and I wish you all a wonderful 2010. Just like any year there will be ups and downs, its part of life, but take everything in positive spirits along with positive thinking. The clock might get stuck but we gotta move forward in time and enjoy life as it comes.
Hi There!
It’s interesting though so very rare to hear of a non-Indian spouse making a home in India. We’re usually used to seeing things the other way around, aren’t we?
Welcome to India!
oye.. hi…
happy new year to everyone…
btw, neetu.. u might find a lot of hindi-speaking people in chennai… lots of marwaris stay near broadway…. i speak pretty gd hindi…
Hi Sunu, welcome and thanks for taking such an interest in my blog!
That’s quite an achievement to read the whole thing in three hours. Congratulations on meeting what sounds like a wonderful girl. From what you’ve said, it seems like your relationship would have a great chance at being successful. I think that the biggest problems in cross cultural marriages come from 1) family opposition, and 2) unwillingness to understand the different cultures and make adjustments. Also, sometimes people find the different cultures exciting in the beginning (like with any new relationship) but after a few years they become irritated by the differences. Communication is really important because there can often be misunderstandings and differing expectations. So, if both of you keep and open mind, and always discuss with each other what is on your mind, that will go along way with making the relationship successful. Hope this helps!
Hi Neetu, welcome to the blog and congratulations on your marriage! It’s difficult when India can feel so foreign and different, just moving from one city to another. I’ve been to both south and north India and yes, they’re very different. I can well understand what you must be going through and feeling. Chennai is a relatively conservative city and would require some adjustment for sure! It doesn’t help that Hindi isn’t widely understood and spoken there. I have an Indian friend from MP who moved to Chennai for work, and she found it challenging in the office when she couldn’t understand the Tamil conversations. She said it really limited her ability to feel part of the work environment. (She’s since left Chennai and moved to Bangalore).
Definitely do create you blog. I think it’s a wonderful idea and will help you get in touch with people in similar situations. You won’t feel so alone then. My blog has helped me greatly in that regard. I’d certainly be very interested in reading what you have to say, and all your interesting moments.
There are a number of ways of creating a blog. The easiest is to use an already established platform such as http://www.blogger.com/ or http://www.wordpress.com/ You can sign up and follow the instructions. Good luck with it. Do let us know when it’s up and running!
Wow Sharell…great blog you have here…the posts nicely describe your transition from the initial cultural shock to your recent trip to australia when you actually felt like you were missing something…I guess thats what india does to you when you try to understand the country and the culture:)
Good luck and looking forward to more good work in the new year!
Hi Sameer, thanks so much for your positive feedback! It makes me happy to know that I’ve been able to capture and convey the transition, and all that it encompasses. Wishing you a very happy new year!
Pretty inspiring stuff. I’m a second generation Indian kid in the US and trust me, my family would not like it if I dated, god forbid, married a white girl or a girl of any other ethnicity except for an ethnically specific Indian.
Hope your time in India is going great, I know I get the culture shock being a kid outta New York so I can only imagine the culture shock you might have experienced.
Best wishes for the New Year!
WOW u look amazing together thats so nice! my best wishes to u both!
Hi Sharell, its really difficult for some one to adapt and to settle in India and i think you’ve done it quite handsomely.you’ve written in many of your posts that Indians were friendly and I am glad of it.I haven’t been to abroad any time so i don’t know about Australia or any other country.When I see the news that Indian’s are being killed helplessly in Oz it makes my blood boil.Why aren’t oz people behaving normally.If some visitors have the same fate in India how will western countries react.I know tourists have torrid times in Goa but not people who are settled here.
Hi Vijay, it’s very sad and disgusting how some people are behaving in Australia. Unfortunately, Australia has a violence problem at the moment, which is also made worse by a growing drinking problem amongst young people. It’s gangs/groups of young guys who are the main offenders. It’s not just Indians who are being attacked either. The violence is very widespread, even in country towns and amongst “white” Australians, and the police really need to do something to get it under control.
“…If some visitors have the same fate in India how will western countries react…”
The western countries would mostly ignore it.
“…I know tourists have torrid times in Goa but not people who are settled here…”
The violence remains violence in any case, be it against locals or tourists.
“…which is also made worse by a growing drinking problem amongst young people…”
Um, is it due to the ‘relaxed drinking’ culture in Aussie?
Unfortunately, yes. Police are now trying to stop the sale of full strength alcohol on Australia Day because of all the problems it’s causing.
Hey!!! Usually i am not much in internet chatting, but my life is going to change soon. My name is Maria and I am Russian but will marry Indian man. This is so scary but very exciting at the same time. We been together almost 2 years now and I feel that he is the best man in the earth. I would like to ask you how was your husband’s family met you. It is going be my first visit and I little bit concern waht to say and waht to do.
Hi Maria, I understand how you must be feeling. My husband prepared his family well for meeting me, and they were open minded and ready to accept me. However, like you, I had no idea what to say or what to do. I was quite terrified. Back at home, I know what manners are required and how to act, but here in India I had no idea. The best thing to do is to be friendly but not too much. Dress conservatively (and in Indian clothes if possible). Try to make conversation by talking about things such as family, work, and cooking. Looking at photo albums is a great way to “break the ice”, so do ask to see them. His family will probably invite you in, ask you to sit down, serve you tea and food, and then ask questions. If they ask questions that are too personal (which is acceptable here in India) don’t feel that you have to answer them in detail, and also don’t be offended. It’s very common to behave like that. Hope this helps!
Ola Amiga….
HeavenS!!!!…your blog has been invigorating and gave me steadfast approach in life. I am moving out to Brazil in few couple of weeks to be with my long time Brazilian girlfriend. I had and still having a bit of fear and tension, but after reading few of your blogs, oh ma god…i just want to go to bed and wake up next to my girlfriend. The details about marriage act was informative.
Keep writing….uphold your mission….God is with you ….Bless you
~Poojari
Hi Poojari, thanks so much! I’m really happy to know the blog has been helpful to you. Wishing you all the best for your relationship — be brave and go for it! There’s often fear and tension in life, but don’t let it hold you back. You just gotta push through it…. and reap the rewards afterwards.
Maria, “…It is going be my first visit and I little bit concern waht to say and waht to do…”
It is really different on family to family, however, be prepared for anything and everything. In general, you will be judged by each and everything you do – from your overall behavior to the shape of your feet or nose – Indian family notices everything!! Regarding questions, be prepared to answer the worst questions in the world. For example, one of our neighbor (a woman) asked this question to her nephew’s white girlfriend, “how many men have you slept with before my nephew?”. And of course, I suggest you answer ‘none’ to such question!!!
@ Maria
I think the best person who could help you with this would be your man. India is a very diverse country, what works for one culture or family might not work for another. On the whole, you’d find a lot of similarities between your culture and the Indian culture. The Russian culture is in between the western and eastern cultures.
“For example, one of our neighbor (a woman) asked this question to her nephew’s white girlfriend, “how many men have you slept with before my nephew?”. And of course, I suggest you answer ‘none’ to such question!!!”
I suggest you answer, “none of your business!”
“…I suggest you answer, “none of your business!”…”
Of course, this can be a good answer as well. Yet, such answers may reinforce the stereotypes more about ‘white woman’ as ‘being slutty and rude’! Some Indian women ask such questions because they feel that these ‘good-looking white women’ will obviously have an upper hand (more control) and hence Indian women are going to loose control over ‘their own men’.
Some Indian women ask such questions because they feel that these ‘good-looking white women’ will obviously have an upper hand (more control) and hence Indian women are going to loose control over ‘their own men’.
…………………………..
Why would an aunt worry about “control” over a nephew, and one who is an adult at that????? And what would previous sexual history have to do with “control” of a man anyway?
“…Why would an aunt worry about control over a nephew..”
Only she can tell you!! I can only make assumptions on the basis of people’s psychology. My one assumption is ‘personal/family belief or protective nature of an aunt’ for her nephew and his future ‘life’ (which equally depends on his ‘wife’). I think you are forgetting many ‘facts’ about India. Most adults are controlled by their parents and/or elder relatives in India!!!
“…And what would previous sexual history have to do with “control” of a man anyway?…”
Did I make any connection with ’sexual history’ and ‘control’? The connection I made was with ‘good-looking white women’ and ‘control’ which threatens the ‘control’ of the ‘local women’!!! And this is why these ‘local women’ may want to raise certain issues, one issue could be ’sexual history’!!! The old factor of ‘jealousy’ can not be ignored as well !!
I think you guys are reading too much into it. The aunty could have been simply curious and asked what was (to her) a straight forward question.
Um, that’s another assumption !!! Aunties are generally curious, right Sharell?
Dear All,
Thank you very much for your support!!!
“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I ended up where I needed to be” – Sharell
)
(Guess you should publish this and charge royalty
Hey Sharell,
Its quite a quirky way of running in to someone’s blog, was doing a bit of Google for Suriti – The cultural shop in Hiranandani and your site popped up, there’s a mention of it somewhere.
Your snap in traditional rajasthani/guju attire made me think…yet another one with the urge to become one…and then the blog name struck me and did kindle some interest…went thru a couple of articles and was captivated by the simplicity of words and free flow of emotions…
The turmoil, submission, resurrection and then solace…the essence well captured…with a mirror reflecting the Indian culture…
Being in IT, have had the privilege of travelling to a few countries (not Australia yet) and experiencing diverse cultures first hand…always thought of penning my views but didn’t really have the inspiration…your articles I guess have worked the magic and might do that sometime soon(from an Indian perspective LOL)…
The Indian culture is a oxymoron within itself…it binds the mind and frees the soul…and most of the Indians are blissfully unaware of their conceited views as they are about their simplicity and bonding…true gods of small things…it really doesn’t take much to please us (like the rice craving malyali) and to awe us…all that we yearn for is some small nook in everyones heart…
I welcome (it’s a bit late, I know) you to incredible india…
Keep blogging…add me in your long list of admirers…
That’s it for now…
Ciao,
Swapnil
Hi Swapnil, thanks so much for your welcome and kind feedback. Gosh, I didn’t even know that the attire was Rajasthani/Gujurati. The photo was actually taken in Kolkata would you believe. For an advertising promotion I did. It was the first time I’d ever worn Indian dress. How funny. The way you write is also revealing and quite poetic. I think you really must write about your observations of different countries. It would be a fascinating read. I for one would love to read about it. Those kinds of experiences really must be recorded and shared. You’ll be surprised how many people will enjoy it and relate to it! And I think with your writing style, you’d have lots of appreciative readers.
hi sharell,
just saw your blog. i am an aussie girl just got engaged to an indian swami, and moved to mumbai. after 3 months of adjustments and compromise ( that’d be arguing mostly0 we are finally settling in to normality!
was just wondering if you knew of any groups or networks where foreign women with indian husbands connect up and chat,. i’m meeting my mother in law soon and you know what.. i need a bit of encouragment!!
Hi Prema, I’ll email you the details.
nice blog
I am a sophomore i in a college and I landed here from some other blog I was reading … I saw that she was following a blog “whiteindianhousiwife” and i thought what can this be …. I can say only this This blog is one of those cool things you find on the www that you feel like omg what a blog .. strange surprising and 
Hi Siddhartha, I’m delighted that you feel that way about my blog! Thanks for reading, and being inquisitive enough to check it out.
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